At what age....

[clairebear]

Do kids stop routinely hitting each other? My daughters are almost 6 and 7.5. The older one is usually the instigator and it's always a one off hit or kick. So it's almost impossible to stop since I'm either not in the room or not close enough. We've talked endlessly about not hurting people, it's okay to hit the floor/pillow if you are mad etc. It's not every day, but enough to where I'm trying to figure out strategies because what I'm doing isn't working. But maybe it's just an impulse control issue and will be outgrown?

And at what age can your kid sit through dinner? Dinner is awful. Again, mainly the older one, but both have a hard time sitting still for dinner. They randomly get up, won't hold over their plate, generally make a mess because they are goofing off, super slow eating (like DD2 will take 45 mins to eat a banana), talk incessantly, etc. I've tried sticker charts, I've tried dance breaks every 10 minutes, I've tried bribes of a piece of candy. Nothing works.

For what it's worth, both kids are great at school, never any hitting, fighting or issues in the lunch room. It's just a home. I'm at my wits end and will take any commiseration or advice!

[waverly]

I did a lot of sticker charts at that age just like you mentioned. I was pretty strict about it because DS was hitting at aftercare. They do outgrow the impulse around 4th grade I found.

My kids still hit each other though sometimes more like play fighting and they know not to hurt each other and sometimes actual fighting. DD is younger and the instigator often and for a long time I got involved because her brother is bigger and stronger and to make sure he isn’t bullying her. But now, I give them a bit more freedom to work things out because she no longer cries or says he is bullying her. I think as she gets older she sees her part in it, and he is starting to outgrow some of it. They are 13 and 11, so yeah I know you wish I said younger ages.

I feel like the dinner thing has been way better for a few years so I’m going to say they were 9 and 11.

[AdaraMarie]

My 13 and almost 11 are still too physical- I tell them to keep their hands off each other all the time.

The dinner thing wasn't ever an issue that I remember.

[VillainV]

C started being able to sit through a meal at about age 8-9. Before that he was exactly as you described. He still makes a huge mess, but we’re working on that.

C’s an only so I have no idea about the hitting! It definitely freaks him out when his friends and their siblings hit each other.

[krystee]

They are almost 9 and 6, and I don’t see the hitting stopping anytime soon. Theirs is mostly play fighting done too rough, not anger hitting, but it usually ends up with someone getting mad and hitting back.

My 6YO can sit through dinner, but our dinners aren’t long. If it is taking one an hour to eat, I definitely wouldn’t expect the other one to sit there that long.

[pittpurple]

Mine are 11 and 7 and it's not stopped yet
My daughter was always much more able to sit at a table though - my son is still struggling at 7. We just cut it off at some point if he's messing around though - he's definitely not allowed to get up and wander around and his food would just go away if he was doing that. If there's no rush and you aren't on your way somewhere, etc. and they're happy just eating slowly I'd leave them to it but I never really have that happening as we are always super busy. so a few reminders to stop messing around and then dinner is over for now.

[dcn]

Mine are 11 and 8. Hitting is pretty rare these days.

The younger one has been sitting through dinner for a year or two I think. Though my 11 year old still will get up and pace around and I have to remind him to sit down. We do would you rather questions or a conversation prompt and that seems to help.

[abs]

At home DD isn’t expected to stay at the table after she is done eating. Sometimes she will sit and chat but usually she needs to get going on homework or she just wants to relax. I’d say usually she sits for 20 minutes or so? She loves eating out though and has zero problem making it through long meals at restaurants. She is more patient than me there. She’s been fine eating out for a very long time now. Since like 3? 4? She’s always loved it.

[mrsGreeko]

My kids still occasionally swipe at each other, mostly the 12 and 14 year old. Not often, but occasionally. It’s almost always the older one swiping at the younger because he turns the screws until she can’t take it any more. The 17 year old doesn’t, but she’s not around much these days any way.

Kids have all been able to sit through dinner from toddler age, it was just an expectation. The 12 year old still needs to be reminded about manners fairly regularly.

[noodleoo]

My girls are 5 and 8.5. I haven't noticed hitting to be an issue with them. They do it sometimes when they fight, but it is not excessive or inappropriate for their ages as far as I can tell. It is usually more DD2 hitting or kicking her sister, although sometimes DD1 does it too when they are fighting over a toy or something. We're lucky tho that they generally get along very well.

My 8.5 year old can sit nicely through dinner and has since she was maybe 6? She eats fast tho and she can leave the table when she's done. DD2 is still a pain in the ass at dinner, getting up, fooling around, not eating. She takes forever to eat and it is annoying. I think it will take longer for her to outgrow it than DD1 just because she's a second child and in general less chill than DD1 is. I'd say we get about 15 mins where everyone sits together and we eat and talk about our days before DD1 gets up and we have to focus on trying to get DD2 to eat.

[sdlaura]

I think if my 6-year-old and 3-year-old were not also in the mix, my 11-year-old and almost-10-year-old would be mostly done with hitting. But we still have the issue where say 6-year-old hits 3-year-old, then one of the older kids has to avenge 3-year-old by hitting 6-year-old, and it escalates from there. My kids have always been really physical though (DD is super into sports and then I have 3 boys).

[expectantsteelerfan]

Mine are 14 and 12, and I'm happy to say the hitting is really rare, but I can't remember when it stopped being a regular thing. I do remember it went on longer than I thought it would.

My dd, who is 12, still doesn't sit nicely and eat dinner some nights. 1st off she prefers to kneel for some reason, which drives my dh nuts. She eats super slow, and then wants to be done when ds is done (who literally takes 5 min. to eat), so she tends to leave her plate and come back and eat more later. Or she'll complain she has a stomach ache or reflux from something and 'need a break.' Or she'll just eat super slow. So honestly, after 30 min. I do let her be done and come back later as long as she eats what she's supposed to before eating any snacks.

[al dente]

Omg the not eating over a plate drives me absolutely nuts. My kids are younger (2 and 5) so I'm no help. I do go through phases of if they get up dinner is over and immediately get rid of their plate and that helps for a little bit before we start the cycle again. We do a casual dinner so once they're done eating they can get up, but the constant back and forth just makes a huge mess and I feel isn't safe esp for the younger one if she hasn't finished chewing.