Food allergies - am I being unreasonable?

[traveltheworld]

A casual acquitance of ours invited us over to dinner over the holidays. We don't know them that we'll buy the hostess' brother and I went to law school together and he's in town visiting and proposed the meet up, so I said sure.

I told her DS is allergic to peanuts, all tree nuts and fish. She texted oh that's difficult as she was just going to order takeout from a local Italian restaurant. I said actually that's perfect, as we've eaten at that particular restaurant many times and there are tons of stuff DS can eat from there. She responded by asking me to bring a separate dinner for DS anyway as she's worried about cross-contamination.

I'm annoyed. I'd likely just order DS a pizza/pasta from that same restaurant so that he doesn't feel so out of place...but is that weird too?

[orval]

As a person that doesn't have anyone close with those allergies, I would probably be concerned that I would make your kid sick.

[waverly]

That’s annoying for sure. I don’t think anyone is being unreasonable. It just sounds like she has anxiety and isn’t “hearing you” when you say the restaurant food is fine. Probably thinking that even though the dish is fine what about the kitchen. I would bring whatever is easiest or a go to for your son. Or if you are that annoyed cancel. Cancelling is probably bad advice but I just don’t have patience for accommodating other people’s anxiety right now.

[mommyatty]

traveltheworld, I think it would be okay to indicate his allergy isn’t that severe. That you’ve eaten at that specific spot and it’ll be fine. Or it would be just as good to tell her you’ll go ahead and order whatever from that same restaurant and ask that it be delivered together. There are some allergy kids with incredibly sensitive allergies and some (like my DS) who has to consume whatever it is to have a reaction, but a lot of people don’t realize that. I’d rather the person be too safe than too cavalier, I guess.

[ECB]

I feel you!  It's great that she's being cautious, but you're the parent who lives with this daily - you know better than she does.  

Did you tell her WHAT he can have from the restaurant that's safe?  Maybe that's a part of it- she isn't sure what he can have.  

I'd either follow up with her and say "what do you plan to order? From that, I'll know if he can have it or not.  As I said, he's eaten from there plenty of times and we trust them."  Or, I think ordering a pizza from there to bring is perfectly fine too.  It's the same with us - DS wants to eat the same thing as other people as much as he can.  He feels weird having something totally different.