Keeping kids on track with school--7th grade

[nicolewi]

DS is a really smart kid. There's zero academic reason he can't be getting straight A's; maybe I could see a B in advanced math. 

DH and I are frustrated b/c he's getting worse grades (they are okay but should be better) than we feel he should be b/c he seems to be disorganized and forget stuff, and perhaps also be learning the hard lesson that you actually have to put work into school even if you didn't before. We've already talked about it a lot. He's getting literally 100% in his science class, and an Aplus in social studies, but barely a B in FOODS b/c he forgot to turn in an assignment and didn't do great on some others. In the past, his worst grade was GYM b/c he blew off some stupid ed puzzles and didn't take 5 minutes to study for his gym quiz. 

He is legit struggling a bit in advanced math, but also, I NEVER see him study. He just came home dejected yesterday b/c they had a test and he said he thinks he did poorly...but the entire night before he said he had no homework (technically had nothing to TURN IN) and was at ski club all night, and we didn't hear a thing about the test until it was over. I also think he might just turn in homework and be like, "okay, I guess I just don't understand this concept" and not pursue working on it with his teacher/peers to figure it out.

How can we help him with this? 

I keep thinking of doing a paper assignment notebook and checking it? Or checking Google classroom with him every day? Does Google tell me what is upcoming? We obviously need to help him with staying on top of what is COMING UP and making sure he has done his best work on assignments and isn't just phoning it in.

Any thoughts? TIA. 

[quesyrah]

The only grade you mention is barely a B. Are there worse grades than that? If not, maybe lay off a bit.

[mrsGreeko]

My suggestion would be to read “How to Raise An Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success.”

His grades sound fine. Not every one needs or wants to get an A+ in every subject. A B will not ruin his chances for life success or whatever. Does he want your help in figuring out how to be organized or start a planner or is it your own anxiety about his future that is making you want to do those things? Because I’ve been there I would hazard a guess it’s your own anxieties. It’s hard to let go of worrying constantly about the minutiae of your kids grades, I know this, but you don’t have to micromanage it, they need to learn it. If they ask you for help that’s one thing. Just the two cents from a parent with older kids, including one who has the ability to get all A’s if she wanted, but I micromanaged it until she failed. She just graduated high school a few weeks ago. She still graduated a semester early with 17 college credits even though she got mostly C’s and D’s and an F up until the last year.


www.julielythcotthaims.com/how-to-raise-an-adult

[wanderingback]

What’s the worse grade?
Based on what you said it sounds like he’s doing ok, but maybe you didn’t explain what he’s failing. If not, sounds like he’s doing well!
Also, Why do they have tests in gym?!

[imimahoney]

Does he have a history of executive function struggles? If he has adhd he might not have the tools to manage multiple assignments over different classes.

Yes, google classroom will list upcoming due dates but only if the teacher has it listed as such.

How does he record his assignments?

This sounds a lot like my son who has a adhd diagnosis and a 504 accommodation plan to handle him manage his executive function deficits.

[imimahoney]

Jan 7, 2024 0:12:36 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

What’s the worse grade?
Based on what you said it sounds like he’s doing ok, but maybe you didn’t explain what he’s failing. If not, sounds like he’s doing well!
Also, Why do they have tests in gym?!

Because everything must be academic in school. *insert eye roll here*

[VillainV]

He sounds like a smart kid! I’d probably initiate a conversation completely separate from when grades come out, and talk about how he feels school is going, what areas you might be able to help in, how he thinks he can plan his study time better to be prepared for tests. If he comes up with the ideas (or at least collaborates with you on some of them), he’s way more likely to follow through.

It could be the math test was a one-off. Maybe they did a review in class and he thought he was adequately prepared for it. Maybe he knew he didn’t quite understand the concept and was being avoidant.

I know my initial reaction would be to emphasize how important good grades are for his future/goals, but I think there’s so much pressure on kids these days to be perfect at everything, so I would try very hard NOT to do that!!! Instead it may be better to emphasize that now is the time to learn as much as he can so he can figure out what he might want to do as an adult and have options to follow his dreams, and that you care more that he’s learning all of this stuff than you do about the grades. But part of the learning by process is being able to manage his tasks and schedule, especially when it comes to subjects he finds easy or boring (like gym).

[momof2]

I’m with everyone else that with the grades you describe, he is fine.

That said, I am pretty involved with my inattentive ADHD 6th grader’s school work. The school typically makes it fairly easy. They give the kids a planner and I ask to look at that a couple of days a week. There is a weekly newsletter from the teacher that isn’t perfect but often gives me an idea of when tests and quizzes are happening. I would definitely be looking at google classroom in your scenario. Some teachers will be better than others about putting stuff in to point you in the right direction.

In my case, my kid asks me to help her. This is the first year she is learning what studying really means. She has just learned this year what flash cards are and I help her make them sometimes. She is highly motivated by making them “pretty” so it is all about what color markers to use, what pictures to add, etc. It drives me insane, but I try to be really patient since I know she is learning from creating them. For math, we put her in mathnasium. I can google and find extra problems that she takes there for test prep in addition to them helping her with regular homework.

That said, there are also days when she is like “I don’t need you, go away, I’m doing this myself.” And I’m mostly like “ok, sounds good. I’m sure you can do it.” Over time, I’m sure she will basically tell me to butt out even more. Unless something is going deeply wrong, then I will be fine with that.

[abs]

DD is also in 7th and it’s a tough year. We are having the opposite problem and she is putting pressure on herself to make 100s and considers anything less than that a failure. So our conversations about school revolve around what does she like, what does she not like, and where can we fit in more fun. I’ve also told her many times that the most important thing is not the result but if she’s proud of the work she put in. Same thing applies here. Honestly junior high grades don’t matter. Literally no one cares as an adult about your 7th grade report card. This IS the time to learn about what subjects you enjoy and how to stay organized so I would make sure your conversations revolve around that. I would not pressure him about grades. It’s a great way to make school really stressful really fast.

[waverly]

How did you micromanage until the child failed mrsGreeko?

[waverly]

DS was flagged in 5th grade for executive function by his teacher. We’ve added executive function supports to his IEP.

It got to the point that it was driving me crazy, so I wrote down a list of actions from the least intervention to more intervention. Least being a tutor and most being an ADHD evaluation. He has not been tested for ADHD but has SPD and executive function can be part of that.

We’ve had the tutor about a year. She helped with organization, writing more on papers, advanced math topics. Advanced math is pretty advanced and moves very quickly.

Due to the number of missing assignments we review homework together daily which takes about 10 minutes and sometimes I sit there as he does some of the work.

I am on pace to drop something every year or every 6 months. For example, due to missing library books, assignments and a lost coat, we would go to school together and try to find stuff in his locker. I cut that out this year.

He is in OT, and is needing help with drawing and coloring for specific assignments so I asked OT to intervene and I will be stepping back from assisting in that area.

I ultimately I would like my involvement to be minimal/ pretty much nothing and keep the tutor for a bit longer.

[mrsGreeko]

Jan 7, 2024 9:34:23 GMT -5 waverly said:

How did you micromanage until the child failed mrsGreeko?

In MS she was getting As and Bs. I put tons of pressure on her and micromanaged her assignments. So she’d be missing something and I’d harp on her to turn it in, punish her for it being missing before she even had a chance to rectify it herself. I knew her grades before she did most of the time thanks to all the constant alerts from infinite campus telling me every time she “messed up.” And then I was all over her “helping” her manage it. But, I never gave her the opportunity to manage it herself and the weight of all of that pressure was too much. Ultimately she didn’t learn how to manage those things in MS because I was right there micromanaging it all. Let’s look at your missing assignments, let’s make a list of all these things you need to do, let’s do this, let’s do that. That was giving her the message that she couldn’t handle it. Ultimately it breeds a ton of resentment and the pressure can be crushing. It ultimately sent her into a mental health crises (where she identified the pressure to be perfect as a main cause) and damaged our relationship. That all lead to a cascade of things that ultimately lead to failing a class.

I have two younger kids that I’m opting to go on a different route. I have told them they are empowered to take care of their grades and school stuff and I will not be checking their grades. I expect them to come to me if they need help or are having problems and I expect them to take care of things like missing assignments. I realized I was doing the same thing to my middle DD one day when I got notifications that she had a few missing assignments in history. She’d forgotten to turn them in, but I was on her before she even realized they were missing and she was mad at me that I hadn’t given her a chance to deal with it on her own. It was eye opening. Then I read that book and I realized what I was doing wasn’t helping my kids at all. And a friend sent me this article which was also interesting: www.linkedin.com/pulse/todays-leaders-led-way-parent-theyd-get-fired-robert-glazer-zr3vf?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_ios&utm_campaign=share_via

[steph2008]

Jan 6, 2024 23:29:21 GMT -5 mrsGreeko said:

My suggestion would be to read “How to Raise An Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success.”

His grades sound fine. Not every one needs or wants to get an A+ in every subject. A B will not ruin his chances for life success or whatever. Does he want your help in figuring out how to be organized or start a planner or is it your own anxiety about his future that is making you want to do those things? Because I’ve been there I would hazard a guess it’s your own anxieties. It’s hard to let go of worrying constantly about the minutiae of your kids grades, I know this, but you don’t have to micromanage it, they need to learn it. If they ask you for help that’s one thing. Just the two cents from a parent with older kids, including one who has the ability to get all A’s if she wanted, but I micromanaged it until she failed. She just graduated high school a few weeks ago. She still graduated a semester early with 17 college credits even though she got mostly C’s and D’s and an F up until the last year.


www.julielythcotthaims.com/how-to-raise-an-adult

Thank you for this- I just added this book to my library holds. 

I teach middle school in a HIGHLY competitive town. Kids are crying about Bs all day, and there's so much pressure and stress. My son is in middle school (in a different town) and he is VERY laid back about his grades. I make myself insane worrying about his grades. I'm excited to read this.

[mrsGreeko]

My main point is that even if your kid really really messed up they can still be successful in life. Also, a B isn’t messing up. A few missing assignments isn’t messing up. Very few paths to success in life are linear and oftentimes the twists and turns in paths are where you learn the most.

[waverly]

mrsGreeko, What you are describing is why we got a tutor. I was getting frustrated, and it wasn’t helping our relationship. Our tutor doesn’t have any emotion about it and is more like a coach. He doesn’t really need an academic tutor except for advanced math. It is more for the executive function delays that were flagged including OT.

[thebreakfastclub]

I think it's fair to make a house rule that we don't go to ski club the night before a test. Ski club generally gets home kind of late so I'm sure he was tired on test day.

I wouldn't expect a 7th grader to pass up ski club on their own, so you should put that guard rail in place to set the kids up for success. The rest of it, you've gotten great advice already.

[nicolewi]

I finally came back to this. I appreciate all the comments. I think the angle of my post came off wrong. I did talk about grades, but it’s not actually the grades exactly that are bothering me. It’s the pattern of missing things that should be really easy, and not seeming to know how to manage and schedule tasks that are not immediate. I feel like he needs to learn, before high school, how to be independent, and stay on top of his assignments, and how to figure out studying, etc. and also, how to speak up and advocate for himself with teachers.

The school doesn’t seem to be teaching him any of this management stuff. I would say it’s definitely executive function issues… there’s nothing diagnosed, but yeah, I think we definitely have some of that!! I don’t really think Adhd. But He needs a little more guidance and help so he can learn skills he needs to be as successful as he can be in school.

I always tell him that if he doesn’t get a great grade but he’s working hard and doing his best and turning in his homework and studying, that’s totally OK. But I get upset when he just forgets to turn things in. And I know he doesn’t love that either. So we’re trying to figure out the best way to help him. I asked him what would help, but so far he doesn’t seem to be able to figure that out or articulate an answer.

[steph2008]

Jan 7, 2024 10:15:32 GMT -5 nicolewi said:

I finally came back to this. I appreciate all the comments. I think the angle of my post came off wrong. I did talk about grades, but it’s not actually the grades exactly that are bothering me. It’s the pattern of missing things that should be really easy, and not seeming to know how to manage and schedule tasks that are not immediate. I feel like he needs to learn, before high school, how to be independent, and stay on top of his assignments, and how to figure out studying, etc. and also, how to speak up and advocate for himself with teachers.

The school doesn’t seem to be teaching him any of this management stuff. I would say it’s definitely executive function issues… there’s nothing diagnosed, but yeah, I think we definitely have some of that!! I don’t really think Adhd. But He needs a little more guidance and help so he can learn skills he needs to be as successful as he can be in school.

I always tell him that if he doesn’t get a great grade but he’s working hard and doing his best and turning in his homework and studying, that’s totally OK. But I get upset when he just forgets to turn things in. And I know he doesn’t love that either. So we’re trying to figure out the best way to help him. I asked him what would help, but so far he doesn’t seem to be able to figure that out or articulate an answer.

I can completely relate. I think one of the posts above really nailed it for*ME*- I do too much and help my son too much. I check his grades all the time, I check his classroom to see if he has tests coming up. I KNOW I need to let him fail because then he will learn- but I struggle to do that.

My son is very capable and handles his homework with no problem. But long term things (like studying) he puts off or forgets and then he doesn't do great. Then, when he doesn't do well, his attitude is crappy. I'm excited to read that book above bc I know I need that. I also started seeing a counselor and one of the topics has been me releasing this control.

For me the struggle is I see his ability and I want him to work to it, but I need HIM to want to work to is. I teach 7th and 8th graders, I see the variety of personalities and work ethics that exist. It's hard to balance it all.

I am glad you posted this because I appreciate everyone's replies.

[waverly]

nicolewi, DS will even literally do the assignment and then forget to hit the submit button in Google classroom. He did it- I just want him to get credit for it.

But I also think that I need to pull way back for high school or maybe even 8th grade. I don’t want to pull all his executive function support but also he needs to implement the skills that he has learned this last year without someone standing over his shoulder telling him to.

He lost part of 3rd grade and almost all of 4th to Covid so I was giving extra grace but I think by 8th he’s caught up.

[imimahoney]

Jan 7, 2024 10:15:32 GMT -5 nicolewi said:

I finally came back to this. I appreciate all the comments. I think the angle of my post came off wrong. I did talk about grades, but it’s not actually the grades exactly that are bothering me. It’s the pattern of missing things that should be really easy, and not seeming to know how to manage and schedule tasks that are not immediate. I feel like he needs to learn, before high school, how to be independent, and stay on top of his assignments, and how to figure out studying, etc. and also, how to speak up and advocate for himself with teachers.

The school doesn’t seem to be teaching him any of this management stuff. I would say it’s definitely executive function issues… there’s nothing diagnosed, but yeah, I think we definitely have some of that!! I don’t really think Adhd. But He needs a little more guidance and help so he can learn skills he needs to be as successful as he can be in school.

I always tell him that if he doesn’t get a great grade but he’s working hard and doing his best and turning in his homework and studying, that’s totally OK. But I get upset when he just forgets to turn things in. And I know he doesn’t love that either. So we’re trying to figure out the best way to help him. I asked him what would help, but so far he doesn’t seem to be able to figure that out or articulate an answer.

For some kiddos, executive function deficits is their only adhd symptom. I remember when I filled out the evaluation paperwork for my son being shocked at home many aspects of adhd related to him.

You might be able to find a executive function coach or therapist in your area. Kiddos who struggle with this area need a ton of coaching outside of what they will get in a typical school day.

[luckystar2]

Does your school have any online system for grades/assignments? That started for us in middle school. Every class assignment is in there with grade that both kid and parent can see. It’s a great way for my kid to see what is going on in each class and if an assignment is missing like the one you described. Our school is pretty lenient about late assignments so in the instance of the missing one - he would see it’s missing and turn it in late. My dd has adhd and at the start of middle school started meds. She definitely had a few times early on where she thought she turned an assignment in but didn’t and noticed on there and had to contact the teacher. Generally the teachers would still give full credit but even partial credit is better than nothing.

As for tests/studying, maybe have a weekly check in where you discuss what he has upcoming. I don’t do this formally but I generally talk with my dd a few times a week and she tells me which tests she has coming up. When she was younger I would talk to her a little bit of how to manage time and when to study. But honestly my kid didn’t start studying much until high school. A lot of her classes like math do study packets where they do problems and then that’s all she really did. That usually wasn’t done the night before. Also they would study some at school. I did have conversations with her though when she wasn’t happy with a grade and I didn’t see her study much - that you may need to actually study if you aren’t happy with the grade. The instance with his math test, if you had a check in and knew he had it that day you could have brought up ski club. And talk about when he would fit in some time to study.

It is a fine line as some other posters have discussed micro managing too much. The first year of MS I would do check ins with her and I was looking at the online system a lot. But I gradually decreased that. Now she’s in 10th grade and I hardly look at that and don’t need to be on her about anything. But she is a little too hard on herself and that can be another issue. Encouraging studying and making sure assignments are in on time is important but my dd can be a huge perfectionist and so now we have the opposite problem of her caring too much at times.

[nicolewi]

Yeah, my oldest is more on the side of caring too much and having to be told it’s OK not to get an AA. I haven’t been micromanaging him at all…in my case, I think that’s a problem. At this point in time, I don’t think he’s capable of keeping up totally on his own, and I need to be a little more engaged with checking the online system for missing assignments and talking about what’s coming up, like what @ luckystar2 said.

I wish we had some kind of executive function coaching. Maybe I can look for something, although I have never heard of that around here. I do think that is an issue with a lot of us, including me, to some extent! His room is a total disaster, but more than that, if he has a big project it’s like he just has no idea where to start. He’s great at doing it along with someone, but he just can’t seem to do it on his own.

[expectantsteelerfan]

Jan 7, 2024 8:55:15 GMT -5 abs said:

DD is also in 7th and it’s a tough year. We are having the opposite problem and she is putting pressure on herself to make 100s and considers anything less than that a failure. So our conversations about school revolve around what does she like, what does she not like, and where can we fit in more fun. I’ve also told her many times that the most important thing is not the result but if she’s proud of the work she put in. Same thing applies here. Honestly junior high grades don’t matter. Literally no one cares as an adult about your 7th grade report card. This IS the time to learn about what subjects you enjoy and how to stay organized so I would make sure your conversations revolve around that. I would not pressure him about grades. It’s a great way to make school really stressful really fast.

You might find this book helpful, abs:
www.amazon.com/Under-Pressure-Confronting-Epidemic-Anxiety/dp/0399180052

nicolewi, I agree with pp that stressing too much about every grade can backfire and make him less inclined to try in some instances.  I get the frustration of seeing your kid not motivated to do well in school.  But I think we as a society allow our kids' academic performances reflect too much on us as parents, and I also think middle school is the perfect time to let a kid 'fail' a little bit to see how it feels and decide what is meaningful to them.  I'm not talking fail an entire class, but fail an assignment, fail a project, get a grade less than perfect.  It doesn't sound like your kid is at a place where interventions are needed to keep him from failing entirely, so I wouldn't step in and force things unless they deteriorated a lot more.  But I would do like some other pp's said and ask how he thinks it's going, ask if he wants assistance, and involve him in the process if you do put in some help.  

My 9th grade ds with ADHD does need interventions, and honestly, monitoring his schoolwork and trying to keep him on track is the bane of my existence, even with a 504 plan and help from the school.  I've posted before about how hard it is to find a balance between encouraging him to do his best and managing what are truly ADHD challenges with organization, and allowing him to find autonomy in his schoolwork and stepping back when we need to, even it it means he has to deal with the consequences.  Right now he has a C in geometry, and it's been borderline B/C all semester, and it looks like he's going to end up with a C for the semester, mostly due for not turning in homework completed/on time/showing work.  It's disappointing because we also KNOW he could be doing better if he made it a priority, but it's what it is.  

[abs]

expectantsteelerfan I actually just ordered that book! Her other books are fantastic so I’m sure this one will be, too. We are always starting therapy though because the perfectionism is leading to depression. Parenting teens is a wild ride.

[jinkies]

Jan 7, 2024 10:15:32 GMT -5 nicolewi said:

I always tell him that if he doesn’t get a great grade but he’s working hard and doing his best and turning in his homework and studying, that’s totally OK. But I get upset when he just forgets to turn things in. And I know he doesn’t love that either. So we’re trying to figure out the best way to help him.

Oh man if I had a nickel for every time I told my kid "it's not about the grade, it's that you are making things a lot harder for yourself because you are missing easy points" I'd be rich.

I really tried to walk the line between pointing things out to him and letting him handle himself.

For us, middle school was 7 periods/day and high school is 4, max, but actually only 2 classes/day for DS because he spends half the day at tech school.

So the problem was basically solved by leaving middle school because he can easily keep up with 2 classes vs 7.

DS once got a B in gym because he didn't turn in a single, 5 point, homework assignment that counted as 10% of his grade, and it dropped him a full letter grade. I was beyond frustrated, but at the end of the day, I tried to keep the perspective that no one will ever care about a B in one semester of 9th grade gym. It's not the end of the world, and if that's the worst problem we have with a teenage boy, then we are super lucky.

It's good to check in with your kid regularly, but at some point I realized that I can't care more than he does, and I had to step back. He will get a system, or he won't. For us, I tried to keep in mind that he is a good student but not on track for Harvard. Getting consistent As and occasional Bs (even if the Bs are for stupid reasons) will get him into pretty much any college that he is likely to want to attend.

[thegan]

As a teacher, I think it’s great that you are acknowledging and looking for ways to help your child with ways to be more self-sufficient and organized. This will greatly help him in the future.

My school provides and requires us to all use a paper planner for our students. The way I utilize that in my classroom is to have the students write down our agenda for the day. As they complete the assignment, the should check it off in their planner. If they don’t fully complete something, there should be no check mark showing that is what to focus on for homework. This allows them to see everything we did, what they accomplished, and what they need to accomplish. They also make notes of important upcoming dates like tests, end of quarter dates, etc. this way they know when they need to study. Even though it sounds like his school doesn’t do this, this seems like something he could easily do on his own with some practice. Creating this habit now could help him so much in the future!

I would also recommend teaching him how to advocate for himself. If he misses an assignment or let’s say the test he feels he didn’t do well on, coach him on how to properly email his teacher to ask about submitting a late assignment or the possibility of a retake. So many students don’t know how to send a proper email or that they can ask for things and their teachers WANT to help if they ask!

[dochas]

Jan 7, 2024 10:15:32 GMT -5 nicolewi said:

I finally came back to this. I appreciate all the comments. I think the angle of my post came off wrong. I did talk about grades, but it’s not actually the grades exactly that are bothering me. It’s the pattern of missing things that should be really easy, and not seeming to know how to manage and schedule tasks that are not immediate. I feel like he needs to learn, before high school, how to be independent, and stay on top of his assignments, and how to figure out studying, etc. and also, how to speak up and advocate for himself with teachers.

The school doesn’t seem to be teaching him any of this management stuff. I would say it’s definitely executive function issues… there’s nothing diagnosed, but yeah, I think we definitely have some of that!! I don’t really think Adhd. But He needs a little more guidance and help so he can learn skills he needs to be as successful as he can be in school.

I always tell him that if he doesn’t get a great grade but he’s working hard and doing his best and turning in his homework and studying, that’s totally OK. But I get upset when he just forgets to turn things in. And I know he doesn’t love that either. So we’re trying to figure out the best way to help him. I asked him what would help, but so far he doesn’t seem to be able to figure that out or articulate an answer.

I think this came across clearly in your post and was confused by these "just let him get whatever he gets" answers. My son is really good at managing his assignments, but it seems like when a holiday or something is coming off he gets off track. I'm noticing that things are slipping so for a while I'm going to ask him what has to be turned in, what due dates are coming up. It seems to get him back into looking on Schoology and keeping track of things that are due. I think it is our job as parents to help teach them organizational skills, time management skills, etc. 

My son is also in 7th grade advanced math. Last year he kept a high A all year. This year he does not seem to be struggling a little. He had an A first trimester, but he's dropping now. is a B fine? Of course. But if he's confused about concepts or he's not quite getting something that's going to be a problem that builds. I mentioned a tutor a few weeks ago and he didn't want that and I told him to let me know if he thought it would be helpful. His teacher offers extra help, but he has a different teacher than last year and i don't think he picks things up as easily as he did with the other one, so more help from him doesn't always work. He asked me to look for a tutor and I actually found one on Outschool. He's had 2 sessions and they went over the concepts that were tripping him up and he feels like it's been extremely helpful. He's going to have a weekly session for a while and see how it goes. 

[waverly]

dochas, I’ve heard the “let them fail” approach many times. I think it’s my job to help teach organization and study skills. On the other hand, I won’t be there in college so they need to do it in their own. I’m hoping sometime in high school they will take over, but what if they don’t? I don’t have any answers for this.

What I read was to list everything that you are doing and then keep taking away those things slowly until they are doing it in their own. So I am trying this approach until there is just the tutor and then theoretically the tutor would give input into how they graduate from tutoring.

[jobae1234]

I would sit your kid down. Ask what’s going wrong. Ask him how he feels about his grades, and how he feels when everyone else is turning in an assignment and he’s not (or they’re discussing an assignment he didn’t do). Ask what he thinks needs to change in order for him to be happier with how things are going. Ask how you can support. Stay neutral and curious, and try to avoid preaching. Offer suggestions if there are obvious options he misses.

Teach the reflection skills and critical thinking skills and problem solving skills.

Also I think a lot of people are trying to say he may be in the process of learning how to manage this stuff, which will mean a period of failures. It doesn’t mean he isn’t learning.

[jobae1234]

Jan 7, 2024 18:01:38 GMT -5 waverly said:

dochas, I’ve heard the “let them fail” approach many times. I think it’s my job to help teach organization and study skills. On the other hand, I won’t be there in college so they need to do it in their own. I’m hoping sometime in high school they will take over, but what if they don’t? I don’t have any answers for this.

What I read was to list everything that you are doing and then keep taking away those things slowly until they are doing it in their own. So I am trying this approach until there is just the tutor and then theoretically the tutor would give input into how they graduate from tutoring.

If they don’t learn it, they have to live a life which is within the parameters of their limitations, just like everyone else.