I haven't read all the responses yet, but I just want to say I can relate except now my son is in 8th. We had the same issues in 7th. It's gotten better this year with experience and he's taking a class that is designed to help teach Organization skills which he desperately needs.
It's hard for an overachiever like myself to see him struggle with simple things like turning in assignments. I do have some tools for monitoring his assignments online and I try to keep up with those. But in the end it's up to him to apply himself. Otherwise natural consequences. The only reason why I care that much is that he has expressed interest in going to the local magnet school which is one of the best in the country. I want him to have the best shot at doing that so I try to remind him of that goal when pushing him to stay on top of his school week. I don't care if he goes to the Magnet school but if he wants to try for it I will support him.
It's tough, but middle school grades really don't matter that much in the long run. They'll hopefully find their way before high school.
There are people with jobs like "organizational coach" to help stressed out parents feel like they're doing something. If you google your city and "organizational coach" you'll probably get a bunch of results for "executive coach" that mostly work with business people (my college roommate who is in finance has worked with one for years and swears by it), but if you call one they can probably refer you to someone who works with teenagers.
Large employers sometimes have some free "parent coaching" as a fringe benefit and you can get some advice that way.
If you live in a big metro, there are probably health care providers that work only with ADHD clients (and I say "client" and not "patient" intentionally). They'll take your money. You can ask your pediatrician for a referral. The lowest hanging fruit here is all motherhood and apple pie -- "pack your bag the night before", "do all your chores as soon as you get back from school", "pick a time on the weekend and go over the weekly schedule" etc etc. -- it's mostly about finding a set of routines everyone can stick with consistently.
IMO a certain amount of this is about finding Trusted Adults, and whether or not parents can serve this role for organizational skills depends a lot on parent and child personality. If he won't listen to Mom, my personal anecdotes are that boy scouts and theater back stage are pretty good ways to develop some of these skills, but it really depends on the kid.
You might consider smoking weed. Or maybe low-THC edibles. Just like once a week to take the edge off or something.
You've already gotten a ton of great advice. Just wanted to chime in - DSs school (which is a MS and a HS) stresses that MS is about learning how to be a good student and learning to advocate for themselves. And the school does a lot on their end to help with this. But they stress to the parents to not worry about grades.
So - take a lot of the advice given - use this time to work with him to help him find strategies that work for him. If that means getting help from outside the home, then do it! But at a minimum, I'd start sitting with him each day after school and look over what HW he has, what is coming up, etc. Talk to him about how this is an important habit to get into and you're going to help him get started.
And as others said - his grades are good! maybe not straight A, but they are good!
At that age I would keep a printout of quizzes, tests, and projects on a calendar on the fridge. 7th grade is still SO YOUNG. I would do a family meeting, of sorts, where you sit down together and look at his students portal (I assume test dates are listed there?), and write down when he has due dates, tests, AND his extracurricular activities.
You don't see him studying, but in 7th grade I think he likely needs help being prompted to study. That's a learned skill that takes the teen years to refine.
Getting a low grade in "foods"? Sounds like the PERFECT "natural consequences" scenario. Better to get a zero and feel the sting in a class like that, than math.
Post by notsopicky on Jan 20, 2024 19:39:40 GMT -5
Late to the thread, but wanted to add my experience. I am a parent of a 7th grader, and I have also taught at the middle school level for almost 30 years.
I make it a point to talk to my son and my students (like my mentee and my club members, I'm a specialist now w/o assigned students) about the lessons that can be learned from everything OTHER than actual scores/grades: missing assignments, turning things in late, feedback from teachers, forgotten parts of assignments, not studying (or not knowing how to study), botched preparation, etc. We talk a lot about the impact of all of these things--their effect on grades, of course, but also how they affect their view of themselves as students, the opportunities that can be gained or lost because of all of the things behind grades, and their goals for themselves, both academically and personally.
Example: my son rushed through a Theatre assignment last week. He got some less than rosy feedback from his teacher that he was very upset about (the grade was fine). Even though the feedback was honest and true, it hurt his feelings. We talked a lot about what the feedback means, what did he think the teacher was looking for, what obstacles, if any, were in the way, what he could do next time, not just in this class, but in other classes (that's really what I was trying to get at--the application of this experience to what he could experience in the future), what to do if he feels like there's a misunderstanding with a teacher, how to advocate for himself, etc. My experience as a teacher and a mom tells me that those things are the enduring lessons and insights, not the grades themselves.
nicolewi I came back to this to share about the tutoring my son started. He's doing it once a week online, he picked a day that he thought would be most helpful for his Algebra class. I mentioned to him that it looks like things were turning around in the other classes - he had been missing an assignment, or not doing as well as the beginning of the year. He said he thinks the algebra tutoring is actually helping with everything. He said he was worried/stressed over that class and it was bleeding into the other classes. Time will tell if that's the case but I feel like this has been a good learning experience - what stress feels like, that it's normal and that everyone needs help and it's okay to ask for it.
Thanks! I really think in our case, we just have to do a little more handholding right now until he builds habits on his own. I got an assignment notebook, and we’ve been checking in on his assignments with him more regularly. It’s already helped, and he doesn’t seem to mind at all. He was able to bring his foods grade up, lol. I’m not sure what happened in algebra, as we don’t have grades for his final exam yet, but we tried hard to make sure he studied for his final exam. Although he did still manage to leave his study guide at school on the day before the test. It’s still a work in progress!
We also realized he’s been regularly using his short study hall to complete assignments that are due that same day, instead of doing them the night before, and using that time to work on new homework. I don’t think that’s the greatest habit either, so we talked about that.
In our case, I truly don’t think we were stressing him out, or putting pressure on him. I think the opposite… We just totally assumed he had it, but he doesn’t have the organizational and time management skills yet to be fully successful on his own. So we’re trying to teach some of those skills.