Tuesday Question

[waverly]

I mentioned that DS had a sleepover with 3 boys.  They set up downstairs, and I went down there to let them know there was water and gatorade in the refrigerator after about 20 minutes into the party.  We also bought them pizza and pizza rolls. 

The next day, DH and I had to work.  DH worked from home.  We had breakfast stuff (cereal, bagels, and eggs).  But DS didn't let his friends know.  As far as I know they may or may not have had leftover pizza and leftover bacon from when DH made some earlier in the day.  So basically they didn't really eat breakfast.  DS is 13, and I feel is old enough to figure out how to feed his friends. He does know how to cook eggs. 

He is pretty oblivious and needs direct instruction.  This is only the second time we had a sleep over.  How might you teach "hosting" for young teens?  I did have that conversation of DS- why didn't you tell them about X?  But really he also didn't tell them about the water, gatorade or anything else except maybe the bathroom. 

DH and I set up air mattresses.  

[186momx]

Maybe next time just do an announcement a couple times like before you head to bed let the boys know the DS dad is working from home tomorrow and is free to help you before X time. Otherwise DS knows where the cereal is. I would also add in a reminder to pick up after themselves.

The very few sleepovers DD has hosted or gone to the girls have not been afraid to ask for snacks/food. If anything when we've hosted I've been the mean mom and cut the food off at X time. We haven't done a sleepover in a couple years though because who knows.

[mommyatty]

I think boys by and large are oblivious but as far as teaching them how to host, tell them to remember every couple of hours ask if anyone wants or needs anything like food or a drink, as well as during any transitions.

Also I leave lots of notes when DD has friends stay the night. So a note on the kitchen counter saying “Good morning! Help yourselves to cereal, bagels, juice, etc! DS knows where everything is! If you guys need anything, DH is in his office (down the hall, 2nd door).”

[campermom]

My 14 year old has sleepovers a lot and I do have to facilitate like “meal” food-mostly bc I need to wake them up around 9:30. But I’m usually right there bc it’s a weekend. They would totally skip breakfast and go home and honestly they would be fine w that, but I make them. But I stock snacks and I guess they graze thru the night, I’m asleep.

I will say this-and this is true of every sleepover whether our house or theirs-boys bring NOTHING except a charger and a phone. No clothes, toothbrush, pillow/blankets are long gone. I tried the battle of a toothbrush and just didn’t win it. He brushes when he gets home.

It’s the same 5 boys since they were little, well one was added in 6th grade.

DS knows where to get sleeping stuff blankets pillows etc and I make him put it all away. I guess. If they even get it. These boys are used to it here though so they’d probably feel comfortable telling him to get them stuff.

[mae0111]

campermom, my DD1 looks like she's moving in to whatever house she's sleeping at. Air mattress, pillows, phone/ipad, 5 changes of clothes... it's insane.

And waverly, there is no way I could rely on either of my kids to tell their friends that there was breakfast food available. I have to have it there laid out on the counter and actively offer it. If they are hungry they would seek out food, but they wouldn't always think to offer it to others.

[sdlaura]

I saw a meme that resonated with me that said something like ‘when you think something is common sense, tell your teenager anyway.’ I feel like that applies here. I forget how much I need to spell out to my kids - especially the boys - sometimes. I also always have to tell DS1 that no one can read his mind - he needs to tell people what he wants them to know. He could use some help self-advocating - where DD is VERY good at that. You will never not know what she wants.

DD went to a play date at a friend’s divorced dad’s house. She had a great time but the dad didn’t feed the girls lunch. He took them to Starbucks for fun, but they hadn’t eaten any real food. They came to my house at like 2 and I realized they hadn’t eaten and cooked them pizzas. So the obliviousness seems not to end for some adult men either.

[rere]

I would probably have a conversation and remind him, pretty much every time, on how to be a good host. Ds had boys spend the night in our basement and the next morning they were telling me about the lack of blankets and pillows. They used what was on the couch. We had a closet full of blankets, pillows, and a mattress in the next room. He's much better now.

[waverly]

Jan 9, 2024 22:26:44 GMT -5 sdlaura said:

I saw a meme that resonated with me that said something like ‘when you think something is common sense, tell your teenager anyway.’ I feel like that applies here. I forget how much I need to spell out to my kids - especially the boys - sometimes. I also always have to tell DS1 that no one can read his mind - he needs to tell people what he wants them to know. He could use some help self-advocating - where DD is VERY good at that. You will never not know what she wants.

DD went to a play date at a friend’s divorced dad’s house. She had a great time but the dad didn’t feed the girls lunch. He took them to Starbucks for fun, but they hadn’t eaten any real food. They came to my house at like 2 and I realized they hadn’t eaten and cooked them pizzas. So the obliviousness seems not to end for some adult men either.

Yes to that quote!  I think it is obvious because I had a lot more sleepovers and we were facilitating breakfast for each other since probably age 10 or 11.  I remember making cookies (they turned out terrible because we mixed up baking soda with baking powder) and cooking pancakes and eggs as a high schooler for friends.  But yes, I guess I need to make an announcement the night before or leave a gigantic note for them in the morning.

Luckily they were picked up at 10 and 11am, so they didn't go too long without food.  

[dglvrk2]

Jan 9, 2024 22:26:44 GMT -5 sdlaura said:

I saw a meme that resonated with me that said something like ‘when you think something is common sense, tell your teenager anyway.’ I feel like that applies here. I forget how much I need to spell out to my kids - especially the boys - sometimes. I also always have to tell DS1 that no one can read his mind - he needs to tell people what he wants them to know. He could use some help self-advocating - where DD is VERY good at that. You will never not know what she wants.

DD went to a play date at a friend’s divorced dad’s house. She had a great time but the dad didn’t feed the girls lunch. He took them to Starbucks for fun, but they hadn’t eaten any real food. They came to my house at like 2 and I realized they hadn’t eaten and cooked them pizzas. So the obliviousness seems not to end for some adult men either.

Agreed!  It's common sense to us with our adult, as psychologists say, fully developed brains. I remember some of the things I did/didn't di as a teen....signs that I was completely oblivious to common sense sometimes, despite being a rather self-sufficient, responsible young person.

DD1 (12) will come up with some crazy meal scheme when she's hosting friends, but DD2 (almost 10)?  She'd feed her friends cookies and chips for every meal.  

I'm pretty attentive to meals as both my girls and I get hangry if we don't have three normal meals at normal times. Both girls have a friends whose parents (great people) are not as attentive to meals, so I do check in with the kids after get togethers to see what they've eaten etc.  

If I'm not home during mealtimes when girls are hosting friends, I tell H to remind them to eat and set out some options and leave notes on the refrigerator.