It's Monday...

[twinmomma]

Are we all ready?  

[twinmomma]

DH and I had a solid weekend. The holiday party was a ton of fun and the new venue we used this year was really well received. Saturday we lounged around all day recovering from a late night and drinks and I got some homework done. Sunday we went to MIL's property in NH to do some outdoor clean up from the snow. It was cold, but really beautiful out. And we grabbed lunch on our way home from a favorite spot, so that was nice!

It's DS's 10th birthday this week. His mom bought him an iPhone 15, even though DH said that he didn't want him to have a phone like that yet when she raised the idea a month ago. She did it anyway without telling DH until after the fact. It feels very much like a "buy DS's love" kind of present, since she then went on to inform us that she would not be around for DS's actual birthday or his party this weekend because she was flying out to be with her husband instead since it's not her weekend with DS. DH was heartbroken over that and told her off for it. He knew how upset DS would be over it and just couldn't let it be, understandably. She's now been guilted into changing her plans to at least be back here for his party but will not be around on his actual birthday. She never ceases to amaze me. Just when we think we've seen it all from her...

[dglvrk2]

twinmomma I'm so sorry. Sounds like your H handled it as thoughtfully as he could have. Co-parenting with her can't be easy for anyone.

Our weekend was really nice. DD's birthday party and day were fun. I am anticipating her being a bit tired and cranky the next few days because she's still recovering from all of the activity.

Early last week, my mom, who does all of the travel planning for her and my dad, announced they were visiting us the last week of February. She didn't ask about our schedules or plans. If she was easier to host, this wouldn't matter, but she's not easy to host.(My dad is easy; it's our dynamic that's stressful.) Yesterday, I told her we could not host them overnight at our house during this visit. They've stayed in a nearby timeshare during other visits. I suggested this. No objections, so I'm not loosing this?

[rere]

Great weekend. We went to a bar and grill in a small town across the county to hear a band. Most of the members were from our town, so a heard of us invaded this poor place. They were a bit overwhelmed. They ran out of some drinks, some food. It was really fun and something different to do on a cold weekend.

We booked our Cancun trip!!! We are going in May and I can't wait.

Busy week. I have meetings all week and I have to present at the board meeting tomorrow night. I booked myself fir a facial tomorrow, so I guess I'm going to redo my makeup after.

[mae0111]

It was a quiet weekend. Friday I went to DD1’s basketball game to do the book for the coach, even though DD1 couldn’t play. Then we just went home and hung out. DH was away and didn’t get home until close to 1am.

Saturday was quiet. Kids’ friends weren’t around so DD2 and I went to visit my parents after her basketball game.

Sunday was busy. Both kids went to friends’ houses. DH rearranged his office while I did a million loads of laundry and cooked for most of the week. We watched a little football and hung out.

This week is the same as most. Busy couple of days off the bat, then it gets a little quieter. Kids have another long weekend coming up this weekend so hopefully we can do something fun.

[librarychica]

We had a productive and enjoyable weekend with amazing weather. I got so much gardening done, H did some repairs around the house, the girls each ended up seeing a friend, H and I had a great double date.

I did end up working some Sunday because of a cluster at work that I am still working on mitigating this morning. The kind of cluster that has you mentally composing angry emails to vendors at 4AM. I am displeased.

It’s going to be a busy day. I have a lot to get done, then a doctor appointment and an event for PTA that I run tomorrow, and then after that a pretty standard workweek.

[supertrooper1]

I'm suffering from the winter blues. The weather was crappy this weekend so we didn't go anywhere. We've overspent the last couple of months so I didn't want to spend money doing anything or going out to eat. Beau spent the weekend playing a new video game online with his son and it felt like all I did was cook, clean, and watch TikTok. But you'd never know I cleaned with all of the dishes still in the sink. I did spend some good quality time with DS. But I still feel like I should have accomplished more than I did. I need a new hobby I can do at home.

Now I'm starting the week off cranky because Beau's son started texting him at 5am and our alarm was set for 7. I never fell back asleep and I'm thinking about skipping the gym tonight because I'm in a bad mood, even though I know the gym will probably help.

[k3am]

We had a pretty nice weekend despite the not great weather. DS and I both had playdates (we lucked out - she has a son born not long after DS and the boys get along really well), the 49ers won, and yesterday I found time to stone a practice costume for DD.

Along the way I discovered that colored stones look cute from far away, but don't really add any value from a distance (you can see them, but you can't really tell that they're another color), and the learning curve was somewhat steep - I figured out how to do it MUCH faster, of course when I was about 90% done. I am ambiguous about trying something more extensive. It definitely doesn't look great since it's a cheap/plain black ballet dress (too long, wrong material) that didn't lend itself to any kind of pattern, but it certainly dressed it up. So the lesson is that I totally can do something... if I have the time and motivation. All in all, based on my hourly work rate and materials, about $300 for a very simple task. So more expensive than what SIL paid for the one she has now. But I had nothing planned yesterday anyways, so I wasn't doing it at the expense of something else.

[waverly]

Our weekend was OK. We had 3 games on Saturday and a game on Sunday. DS lost one of his hearing aids, so we cleaned the house and looked for it on Sunday and did not find it. I give him about a 10% chance of finding it at school. DD has a girl scout painting thing. DH and I went out for drinks on Saturday night. There isn't a lot of plans that we can make when our weekends are all games. And it is freezing rain today- womp womp. I just want January to be over with.

[soccermama]

I am also sick of January!! I definitely feel like I have a touch (or more) of the winter/post-holiday blues. Work has been super quiet & kinda boring so that is not helping. I am have a real hard time staying motivated....

We did have a nice weekend. DS was gone for a bday party for most of Saturday. Then, both kids were invited to a sleepover at our friends' house (our kids are best friends w/ their kids) so DH and I had date night at our fave restaurant! After dinner we watched a Netflix movie and enjoyed some alone time together! DH had to work yesterday, so I enjoyed a rare morning alone, picked up the kids & did chores and ran some errands.

This coming weekend DD has an all-weekend tournament so that should be interesting!

[sdlaura]

twinmomma the like is for the fun holiday party. That's annoying about her making a unilateral decision on a phone. I do think that if my kids were switching houses, I would probably get them phones sooner than I would otherwise, so I can contact them easily without involving the ex.

After DD's softball practice Friday night, she and I and the puppy went to a brewery with some of the families. It was fun and a good way to get to know some of the new team families better. The puppy was so good and just napped in my lap at the loud brewery.

Saturday DS1 got in his golf lesson right before the rain. DD and DH drove 45 minutes to her softball tournament to just play half an inning. Our friends who were in town from Austin came to our house to hang out, and the kids went in the hot tub in the rain, and then we had a nice dinner out without the kids. Our house was destroyed when we got home, but since the babysitter was watching six kids, I get it.

Sunday was mostly dry but softball was still cancelled because of wet fields. The two older kids both had basketball games, I took the littles to the trampoline park, and DD I went and shopped for birthday gift for DS1. She had a detailed list DS1's 10th birthday is tomorrow.

dglvrk2 and twinmomma, it's funny that we all have kids celebrating their 10th birthdays so close together!

I'm supposed to go to a client meeting in Orange County this afternoon (a little over an hour North of where I am), but we are getting a ton of rain right now and now have a flash flood warning, so I might be able to dial in - that would be nice!

[k3am]

twinmomma, I'm going to go out on a limb and assume mom set up exactly zero parental controls on the phone?

[186momx]

I'm back in my office and have played catch up from last week and now getting back to W2s and 4th quarter reports. There is a nice steady chainsaw buzz going on around the neighborhood as home owners, property management companies, and landscape crews deal with trees. My girlfriend who lives a mile from my office still is without power and they told her ETA of the 26th. She is staying at her boyfriend's place. The ETA will put her out of power for 14 days. School is still cancelled in my office town due to multiple schools without power.

The governor called a state of emergency, and the senators are asking for federal help but so far, no federal emergency. It is 55 and raining and I couldn't be happier to walk the dog in the warm rain.

[erbear]

The dog had surgery last Monday. It was a little red on Wednesday so the vet put her on an antibiotic and that seemed to be clearing it up, though she’s a pain in the ass about taking it. I just looked at it today and it’s super red . Got a call into the vet

[twinmomma]

sdlaura, DH told his ex that if their son were allowed to actually participate in activities and go to friend's houses, then it would make sense for him to have a phone. But at this point, he is dropped off and picked up from school and goes home to be with whichever parent. He's not involved in anything where a parent isn't there already, so it seems really unnecessary. And he has an ipad that he facetimes and texts both parents on already at each house.

And k3am, of course there are no parental controls. She literally said "He's just such a good kid, we don't have to worry about any of that like other parents do." Ok, lady...

[twinmomma]

I need some outside perspective on a parenting situation.

Does it seem standard/reasonable that at 10/11 years old, children would be expected to get themselves up, completely ready for school, leave the house, and walk about a quarter mile to a bus stop at 6:45 AM without a parent ever waking up or acknowledging that they've left?

[mae0111]

twinmomma, I think that 100% depends on the kid. My kids? There is absolutely no way they could manage themselves on a regular basis. They have ZERO time management skills, and no internal perception of time.

[rere]

Jan 23, 2024 8:33:07 GMT -5 twinmomma said:

I need some outside perspective on a parenting situation.

Does it seem standard/reasonable that at 10/11 years old, children would be expected to get themselves up, completely ready for school, leave the house, and walk about a quarter mile to a bus stop at 6:45 AM without a parent ever waking up or acknowledging that they've left?

Dd could have possibly. Ds absolutely not. He could maybe do some of those things, but to put it all together in a morning and be somewhere at a specific time without me checking or reminding him of the time, nope.

[mommyatty]

Jan 23, 2024 8:33:07 GMT -5 twinmomma said:

I need some outside perspective on a parenting situation.

Does it seem standard/reasonable that at 10/11 years old, children would be expected to get themselves up, completely ready for school, leave the house, and walk about a quarter mile to a bus stop at 6:45 AM without a parent ever waking up or acknowledging that they've left?

My parents had already left for work before I ever woke up, so I did this except my bus stop was more like 2 blocks away. But yeah, I did this by 5th grade for sure and I think by 4th grade. DD could totally do this. DS? Bwahahaha!!! Nope.

[waverly]

Jan 23, 2024 8:33:07 GMT -5 twinmomma said:

I need some outside perspective on a parenting situation.

Does it seem standard/reasonable that at 10/11 years old, children would be expected to get themselves up, completely ready for school, leave the house, and walk about a quarter mile to a bus stop at 6:45 AM without a parent ever waking up or acknowledging that they've left?

Reasonable if the parent was working and the kid is responsible enough (mine aren’t).

Not reasonable if the only reason is the parent is too lazy to wake up and be an actual parent. DH used to handle middle school mornings, but I still woke up to say goodbye. Now DH works out in the morning, so I wake up for the earlier middle school schedule, so 6:15.

[twinmomma]

Ok, thank you for the perspectives! I feel like the act of getting themselves ready isn't the issue. It just seems weird that a parent who is home wouldn't acknowledge the kids at all before sending them off for the day.

At exH's house, he just refuses to wake up early enough to see the girls off to school. He has given them multiple big speeches about how he did his time waking up early when he was in school and now he doesn't want to/need to. I'll give the girls credit - they pull it off and get themselves ready and out the door over there with zero guidance from him.

But the girls have told me multiple times that they just feel kind of sad and lonely that he doesn't even say goodbye to them before they leave each day. It's less about needing his help and more just feeling like it's a bad way to start the day alone. I told them to tell their dad how they feel and he dismissed it. I emailed him to let him know that it's upsetting them and he wrote back a whole long diatribe about how it's teaching them responsibility and grit and they'll be fine. *eyeroll*

[mae0111]

twinmomma, that's really shitty. I'm sure they do feel lonely knowing he's there and just... not saying goodbye to them.

I can't envision a time before, like, college where I wouldn't see my kids off in the morning if I was able. Things happen, meetings and work and life, but if I'm home and not on my deathbed, I'm sending them off for the day.

[sandandsea]

Jan 23, 2024 8:33:07 GMT -5 twinmomma said:

I need some outside perspective on a parenting situation.

Does it seem standard/reasonable that at 10/11 years old, children would be expected to get themselves up, completely ready for school, leave the house, and walk about a quarter mile to a bus stop at 6:45 AM without a parent ever waking up or acknowledging that they've left?

No way, not the average. Mine can’t/couldn’t but I did as a kid.


Also I wouldn’t read too many feelings into this. I did it as a kid and didn’t care at all the my dad was off at work and my mom was still sleeping. I enjoyed the independence and it prepped me well for college/real world where it’s on you to get yourself up and ready in time.

[mae0111]

sandandsea, I think that, if the kids thought it was great, then I'd leave it alone. But they're vocalizing that they don't think it's great, that it makes them sad that they don't see their dad when he's in the next room and probably getting up shortly to work anyway.

[erbear]

Jan 23, 2024 8:33:07 GMT -5 twinmomma said:

I need some outside perspective on a parenting situation.

Does it seem standard/reasonable that at 10/11 years old, children would be expected to get themselves up, completely ready for school, leave the house, and walk about a quarter mile to a bus stop at 6:45 AM without a parent ever waking up or acknowledging that they've left?

My (ADHD) 15 year old doesn't do that. It's a problem...

My NT 12 year old could.

[supertrooper1]

Jan 23, 2024 8:33:07 GMT -5 twinmomma said:

I need some outside perspective on a parenting situation.

Does it seem standard/reasonable that at 10/11 years old, children would be expected to get themselves up, completely ready for school, leave the house, and walk about a quarter mile to a bus stop at 6:45 AM without a parent ever waking up or acknowledging that they've left?

My 10 year old DS gets up and ready all by himself.  He wakes up early without an alarm 90% of the time, and the other 10% I end up waking him up.  But if he had to get up by himself he would set an alarm.  I sometimes have to remind him when it's time to get dressed and I still make his lunch.  But I still get up with him and say goodbye.  I would feel weird not saying goodbye in the morning.  

[mustardseed2007]

It absolutely can be a reasonable expectation for kids to be fully responsible for readying themselves in the morning. My kids do all this minus the walk on their own. I drive them to school and that is valuable time to me. I can imagine a world where I work nights or I work early mornings and I need my kids to be that self reliant. That would be tough but kids that age CAN do it.

I guess whether I say something would depend a lot on what it would likely accomplish based on my past experience of pointing out what the kids are saying to me about things that go on in his house.

[rere]

twinmomma I wonder if it is mom vs dad thing? Or different parenting perspective from different personalities. Me, I got up to see the kids off through high school, even if I was off or could sleep in, just because I liked to see them off, say love you bye, to start the day. Would Dh say, you're on your own and good luck, if he thought they'd make it to school on their own? Absolutely.

[186momx]

DD can easily get herself up and out the door. If I'm not home and away at tax school, she still calls me in the morning to say she is up and is leaving the house. twinmomma, I'm sorry your XH can't take your girls feelings into count. Maybe it is time to revamp the custody schedule.

[sandandsea]

Jan 23, 2024 11:06:06 GMT -5 mae0111 said:

sandandsea, I think that, if the kids thought it was great, then I'd leave it alone. But they're vocalizing that they don't think it's great, that it makes them sad that they don't see their dad when he's in the next room and probably getting up shortly to work anyway.

Agree I just read the follow up. If they feel bad about it, why don’t the girls go in and say bye to him. He doesn’t have to get up but can acknowledge them and say have a good day or something.