Most likely they can't go in and say goodbye to him because he is a. sleeping and b. doesn't want to be woken up. Also, I don't think he works night shift where he couldn't get up becuase of work schedule, I think he is choosing not to get up.
There is something to be said about promoting independence, but if that were the case then the girls would feel good about it and empowered. Instead they feel sad. If this were the case then he could be promoting it in a different light of look at this cool alarm clock, look what fun easy stuff I got your for breakfast, wow you are so independent and doing so great. But instead he is coming off as "I don't care about their feelings".
twinmomma- encourage them to be just as loud and rowdy as they can in the mornings. That’s just really shitty “I care about myself far more than I care about you” behavior. F him and his sleep. CAN they? Obviously yes. Should they have to leave without so much as a “have a good day?” Absolutely not.
You are making me feel better about my response to this behavior. I wasn't sure if I was over-reacting or making this into a thing that it's not. If the girls didn't tell me explicitly how they feel about it, I wouldn't have stuck my nose in. I try really hard to keep his house/my house separate whenever possible so I don't go insane.
mommyatty, that is essentially the reaction that DH and I have. ExH works from home, FFS. Roll out of bed five minutes before they walk out the door and acknowledge their existence.
You are making me feel better about my response to this behavior. I wasn't sure if I was over-reacting or making this into a thing that it's not. If the girls didn't tell me explicitly how they feel about it, I wouldn't have stuck my nose in. I try really hard to keep his house/my house separate whenever possible so I don't go insane.
mommyatty, that is essentially the reaction that DH and I have. ExH works from home, FFS. Roll out of bed five minutes before they walk out the door and acknowledge their existence.
Yeah he should be doing more for sure. At least acknowledge them and wish them a good day!
I need some outside perspective on a parenting situation.
Does it seem standard/reasonable that at 10/11 years old, children would be expected to get themselves up, completely ready for school, leave the house, and walk about a quarter mile to a bus stop at 6:45 AM without a parent ever waking up or acknowledging that they've left?
Can my DS do this. Absolutely. He gets himself up and ready every single day and goes to the bus stop without any oversight. However I want the oversight. I want to see him in the morning. Acknowledge him and know he has left. It is not solely his responsibility or solely mine. It's our responsibility . I also set my own alarm ten minutes after him just to make sure he got up and is moving. While my son has never overslept and the only time we have missed the bus it was entirely my fault I am still there as a safety net. Until he can drive himself to school it is my responsibility that he gets there. If we both overslept and missed the bus I wouldn't be upset with him.
My 5 year old also gets up, gets dressed and ready for school by herself except for the hair. She still needs help there, but again just because she can doesn't mean she should.
Last night I unearthed some more root causes of the girls being so upset about their mornings at ExH's house. Apparently they're being bullied at the bus stop by an older kid. He's swearing at them, calling them awful names, throwing ice and snow, and threatening them. I've reached out the school and am ready to burn it down with them and with ExH because he still won't walk to the bus stop with them, even after finding out about all of this.
twinmomma- I would threaten him with a temporary order to not allow them at his house on school days until he gets his royal princely ass in gear and provides appropriate oversight of the situation. Not sure you could get it but the threat may be enough to motivate him to do the right thing.
mommyatty, I told him that if wasn't going to walk them to the bus stop or drive them to school until this is resolved, then DH and I would be picking them up from his house to take them because he wasn't being a responsible parent. He agreed to walk them to the bus stop. Actions speak louder than words, and I'll believe that when I see it. But he at least said the right things.
The school has already called me, two different people, to confirm that the situation is being handled. The kid is getting suspended from the bus, but we're not sure for how long. At least a week, could be longer. And the vice principal met with the girls and talked to them about the situation and reassured them that it's not acceptable behavior and they don't have to put up with that.