Open Letter Wednesday

[dglvrk2]

Letters, WPs?

[rere]

Dear dd,

You have been with your roommates since August. It's amazing you guys are just now having growing pains. No, 4 girls are not going to be as neat as your house, but the chore chart idea may work. Just hang in there for a couple more months, and this summer you'll be missing them all again.

Signed, aren't you appreciative of my neatness now and sorry you all griped about me always nagging to put your crap away.

Dear new Mattress,

You are lovely. You are probably my favorite thing right now including DH. Why didn't I do this sooner.

Signed, rested.

[186momx]

Dear Doggy
I know you are almost 15 which is old for a lab and you are allowed bad days. But can you work on telling mom when you need to go out. I was sitting right here and you didn't even bother to say anything just beelined it to the gate.
Dog mom who stepped in the poop you hid under the rug

Dear DH
I'm sorry you are unhappy that I'm not crock potting meals this week and you have to cook for yourself. I got annoyed cooking for your and DD and not eating but cleaning up after you.
Be an adult and do adult crap like feeding yourself. DD can cook and clean up after herself and she is only 12.
Wife who is trying to balance everything and is failing at it.
Me

[mommyatty]

Dear World,

Where are twice exceptional kids supposed to fit? DS’s old school doesn’t think they can accommodate him. The school we pulled him out of in January was not a good fit because while he has learning differences, he does not struggle with school. A lot of the independent schools require the ISEE and I’m not sure how well he will do on that because of his ADHD and the fact that he’s never really had to take standardized tests.

Soooo… wtf are we supposed to do? Public school where here in Texas we have a shooting every freaking week? That doesn’t seem like a good option.

Signed,
Scared and Sad and Worried Mom

Dear Old School,

I KNOW you are seriously accommodating kids who are significantly worse off than DS. So what the actual fuck. I give you a lot of money. Just take my kid and work with us.

Signed,
Frustrated and Really Angry With You

[waverly]

mommyatty, I would try the public school for a while. You can always put him back in private for high school if that is more of a safety concern.

I was debating starting a special needs post, so I think I will....

[mae0111]

mommyatty - maybe tons of practice for the ISEE? And you could have him tested privately with accommodations if you can get someone to write that up and submit to the board.

I had my DDs (both ADHD) take the ISEE at home in my quiet office. But if that wasn’t an option, there is a guy that administers the test from his office, either the kid alone with a proctor, or 2-3 kids with a proctor.

[sdlaura]

mommyatty , here it seems like public school really is the best option for getting services/having resources for ND kids. Is safety your main concern, or is the quality of the public schools where you are not good?

[abs]

mommyatty we are in Texas in a public school. DD has honestly had a good experience and we are very pleased with the safety measures. Feel free to message me with any questions.

[rere]

mommyatty I was having this discussion today. We LOVED our private school. But it wasn't a good fit for kids that need extra help, attention, or generally just don't fit the traditional learning mode. Usually due to lack of staff and resources, not because they wouldn't love to have all the kids. Where we live, public schools are the best option, but we also have have the good fortune to have some good public schools.

[erbear]

Feb 21, 2024 16:51:38 GMT -5 sdlaura said:

mommyatty , here it seems like public school really is the best option for getting services/having resources for ND kids. Is safety your main concern, or is the quality of the public schools where you are not good?

I agree with this. I know you want him in the same school as DD, but private schools stink at accommodating kids (I know this...I do learning support in one...). I actually think you're lucky they told you this now -- most take kids we know we can't really accommodate because $$$, then parents get annoyed and kids get left behind. 

There are (at least here) schools for 2E kids. 

Such a suck situation though. I'm sorry

[186momx]

WPs
One of the local small CPA offices outsource payroll. The payroll lady passed away over the weekend. I took on one of these clients today on a referral from one of my own clients. CPA called and asked if I could take on 12 more clients all who pay bi-weekly and have under 15 employees. WPs I physically can't take on that much now during tax season and I told the CPA that. I also told him he could give our company info out and we could meet and see if any of them were a good fit, but I couldn't just say yes, I will do all of them.
My week just got a little crazier.
stressed tax lady

mommyatty, my tax lady friend son is 2E. She found a very small private school that has worked that is run out of a church. Her sons 6-8 grade room only has 12 kids and 2 staff members. They still have struggles but it is so much better than the larger public/private schools.
Have you thought of trying online accredited school for the rest of this school year to help him not fall back any more than he has. I know this would mean your DH would have to help him do school.

[k3am]

Dear software people,

For the sake of my sanity... why can't you do stuff in an orderly fashion? You've started at step C, without taking into consideration how we do steps A and B.

For example, you bragged that you built out a form that can auto-populate half of the form by records in the system. But if you'd asked me about that form and how it's used, I'd have told you that I send the blank form out, the client fills it out, and I use that information to actually add the information to the system.

Today, you told me that we'd use the new software to do everything we use another software for - but you don't know what the other software is, how it works, or why we use it.

I keep asking you what information you want me to spend hours populating will be used for. "So that it's in the system" is not a good answer.

You can't effectively change processes without understanding the processes.

Signed,
Annoyed.

[mommyatty]

So my biggest concern for DS is the social aspect. He was badly bullied in second grade, as many neurodivergent kids are. At his old school, he already has a friend group. We know exactly zero people who go to public school, so he would be starting with nothing. In a big public school with five fourth grade classes. And he’s awkward. So I am very scared we will be spiraling into big time depression and suicidal ideation like we did last time he was bullied but without the knowledge of the community to be able to point him toward nice kids to hang out with. It just sucks. All around.

But the diagnostician from the public school called me back and she was really friendly and helpful. So we may go that route.

[waverly]

mommyatty, It can kind of go either way. Sometimes when there is a larger peer group with more different kids that can be a place where he finds his people and kids are more tolerant. But, sometimes there can be bullying and so maybe it depends more on how the school handles it.

Obviously major differences from here versus there, but we've only had 1 issue with DS's hearing loss and the school was on top of it immediately. Calling the parents and talking to the students and punishments were handed out and it wasn't an issue again. My neighbor has had more issues at high school with the football players but has learned how to phrase that the bullying is causing an issue with access to education (insert law here) and have found more recourse with that language.

If you have a social worker at your school she may be helpful in pointing out nice kids to hang with as well as social skills classes/ groups if wanted.

[sdlaura]

mommyatty, my fourth grader is my most sensitive/unique kid. I think he may be on the autism spectrum if I were to get him tested, though we haven't. And he has found his people at our public school on our street. There is such an enormous focus on social/emotional stuff at our school. But that may just be a SoCal thing? I don't know. I think having the right teacher makes a big difference for my son. I hope the school is able to find the right class for your son!

[traveltheworld]

Chiming in to say that my DS found "his people" on our large public school. When there are 100+ kids per grade, it's easier to find one or two kids who are different enough to be friends with DS. So that's one advantage of a big public school.

[sandandsea]

Dear body,
I’m ready to feel better. I’ve been sickish every other week all year. I feel like my body is giving up in 2024 and the 40s are hitting hard.
Tired of not feeling like me,
Me

[mustardseed2007]

mommyatty, why is your school saying they can't meet his needs if he is doing ok academically? Is he hyper? Is he getting into altercations?

Our school has some ND kids and in generally just some sensitive kids/nerdy kids/awkward kids because it's small and the administration and teachers are therefore pretty accessible. I mean not everyone is kind and nice of course, but a lot of kid are because they are part of that demographic and the school has an opportunity to be responsive. Kids don't do well if part of their issue is impulse control or anything like that which leads to big disruptions or altercations. But even then the school works with kids to an extent before using that as a reason to ask kids to move on.

If you were to look for a private school, maybe one that is super small like ours would be a good fit? It's not a school people would seek out as being overly academically challenging. It IS challenging but it's not, in my opinion, more challenging than a really competitive public school. It manages to be about AS challenging as a good public school without the competitiveness and without the cool kid class system.

But I do agree that public school large class size CAN sometimes be good because you have a more diverse set of personalities provided there isn't bullying and your kid isn't one to just clam up. Additionally it is definitely a good place to be, even in Texas, if your kids has learning disabilities.

[mommyatty]

mustardseed2007- I think what concerned them was that he has depression and anxiety (though he’s medicated for that) and that he argued with the teachers about whether he should be doing the work they were doing that day. But when he was arguing, he thought he was advocating for his learning plan (the shitty school’s version of an IEP) to be followed. Which at the shitty school was a big thing, teaching kids who were going back to public schools to dig in and advocate for themselves. But mainly I think their issue is they don’t know what to do with depression and anxiety. Which is hilarious because a huge portion of the school has depression and/or anxiety.

He’s not hyper. He has inattentive ADHD. And the only altercations he had at school (the old shitty one) was when he told them he was in crisis, was ignored, tried to hurt himself (which we weren’t notified of!) and was given an ice pack and sent back to class, where he tried to start a fight. So he gives PLENTY of notice that he needs help calming himself down. He’s literally never had a meltdown/outburst before the shitty school. Hence, he’s not there anymore.

ETA- And he does clam up. He doesn’t know how to approach other kids. It’s probably where his ASD shows up the most. He doesn’t know how to make new friends if he isn’t approached, and sometimes he’s awkward and a little weird.

[waverly]

I am struggling with the entire situation: the drama, the choice of them to go to South America at a high altitude, the fact that they are undervaccinated so they are getting Covid annually, the fact that my sister always has to be in charge and I am always having to be supportive even when I don't agree, BILs general personality.

I just kind of feel like it would have been a better trip if they avoided mountains and stayed in the U.S. We've had 3 major medical issues with parents abroad including DH's dad, and I guess I feel like they need to be more on top of their health and choosing better locations. While this location was at least a city with a hospital (the other two weren't), the altitude is too much for elderly. Anyway, they are back home and safe, but the amount of stress just so they can go on vacation has been a lot. I really think they need to rethink their strategy. This isn't the first time that I felt my sister lacked judgement with trips because one time they left their kids home (17 and 15) they lost power and the kids got Covid. And, I disagreed with my sister's dramatic approach with my aunt.  We are just very different people in the way that we make decisions.  

So it really has just been a lot in the last 3 weeks.  I really need a boring life. 

[mustardseed2007]

mommyatty, I know you'll figure it out but I also know it's so stressful to get that kind of feedback from a school. Especially at this time of year when a lot of schools have had enrollment already. I think public school can be great. We elected not to go that route for a lot of reasons, partially b/c we found the school we did, but it can be great. So can a small school that focuses on kindness if you can really find it :/

[twinmomma]

mommyatty, I think public school can be a good fit for some of the reasons listed by others. I also found that at our public elementary school, the girls had so many kids with varying disabilities and neurodiversity in their mainstream classroom that it was just the norm and they never really questioned it and those kids were never really othered. They just grew up knowing that everyone is different and it wasn't really "a thing" that was called out, if that makes sense.

[waverly]

I feel bad I reached out to a friend and instead of answering the question she drew attention to the distance in our friendship. Distance that I am pretty sure she caused, and then I distanced myself as a result.

This is the one that ditched me when the pandemic was over with and honestly I was fine letting her do her thing even if it hurt because that meant that the world opened up and we could see relatives and friends and all of that stuff, so I didn't want to be the one to say hey now that the world has opened up you don't want to talk to me anymore because that is kind of selfish. Like give them space to do their thing and see their relatives and friends. I just didn't realize that it meant she would go back to her old best friends, and we wouldn't talk much because they were her preferred peers and I wasn't.

So anyway, now I just feel bad. Its been a great week for me /sarcasm.   I should really not talk to anyone anymore.  

[mommyatty]

waverly- I am all for saying “I hate the distance too, but I felt like I was following your lead and trying not to be clingy or annoying. If you’d like to be more in contact and get together more often, I would love that!”

[waverly]

mommyatty , I am avoidant of friend conflict because in my past a roomate called me names and spread rumors about me. So my toxic trait aparently is never bringing anything up because I am afraid of the above outcome even though no one else has ever done that.  I am realizing that roomate was a narcissist, and other people aren't.