House / Life WWYD

[sdlaura]

We bought our house 13 years ago and it would now sell for triple what we paid for it. But in our case we have an amazing location for us - 12 houses from the elementary school where we will still have a kid for another 9 years since our youngest is only 3. We’ve considered larger/more updated houses nearby and have never pulled the trigger because moving even a few blocks away would make our day-to-day lives much less convenient.

We’ve considered a vacation place, but don’t want to be tied into going to one location often on vacations. Plus our kids play a lot of sports and we both work full-time, partially in person, so we can’t get away often.

My parents sold the house I grew up when they retired and bought a place a couple miles from my sister (which is still relatively close to where I grew up, so they can easily see old friends) and a place two miles from my house (other side of the country). It has been so amazing for us and for them. They come stay at their condo for a month at a time, 3x a year, and are super involved in our kids’ lives when they’re there.

I hope to do something similar - hopefully at least a couple of my four kids will want me around! - so personally I would hold off until you know where your kids will settle. And make improvements to your current house if you want in the meantime. While I would love an additional bedroom or 3-car garage, we don’t have space for that, so we’ve updated the kitchen, bathrooms, added an outdoor living room, an ADU to be DH’s office, and completely redid the front yard with a giant patio. We also have a pool that we use a ton - my sister recently added a pool instead of moving and has been loving it.

[wanderingback]

I Personally have no desire to live in a bigger place, I’m happy in a 2 bedroom apartment and feel overwhelmed when we go to our 4 story row home. I’m a high earner and our rent is expensive ($5300) but $8000 seems like a lot especially if it’s not getting you everything that you want. I personally would stay put. But if you and your family feel like you’d regret staying put and can afford it, then go for it. Yolo.

[k3am]

I'm just impressed that you have an extra $8k a month in your budget that you can tap into.

[ssmjlm]

It sounds more like decision paralysis than actual house problems. One, moving may just create more problems/decisions and increase your budget by several times over for a new mortgage.

I would honestly look into an interior designer who can look at the bones of your house and offer up solutions. I would 100% take that $8k (or less) on a designer than a new house.

[wildrice]

I think this is a personal decision. For me the thought of spending 8k more a month to live somewhere different sounds absolutely insane, but if you are even considering it you must be in a vastly different financial situation than I am so maybe it's not as big of a deal to you.

Personally my priorities are not upgrading our house. I don't even think I'd pay $800 more per month to live somewhere nicer. Our house isn't nice but it's fine and I'd rather spend money on other things, including retiring ASAP. For you, that might be the most important thing and that's ok too.

[mrsmayhem]

Mar 25, 2024 11:09:57 GMT -5 k3am said:

I'm just impressed that you have an extra $8k a month in your budget that you can tap into.

We have been saving about this month per month toward extra retirement savings, so we'd mostly just re-route the funds toward housing. We wouldn't "feel" it in our budget but it would have an impact long term. 

Part of the reason we've been able to save this much is because our current mortgage payment is so low. 

[SusanBAnthony]

I would definitely not move and pay that much more to still not get exactly what you want.

I would for sure hire an interior designer, architect, design build firm, or something to get ideas on refreshing what you currently have. Hell, if you feel claustrophobic, cut a bunch of huge windows and patio doors into your house, add a big outdoor patio for entertaining, etc. Put a shed in the yard and make a kids hang out space or a quiet space for you. Yes it may "overimprove" the house but if you are staying for another 10 years, who cares!

A yard project won't be too disruptive and adding windows/doors, painting, backslash work etc can probably be done while you are on vacation or staying at a local airbnb for a couple weeks if you don't want to live in the mess.

[livinitup]

The tough thing about owning a second home when you have school aged children is all of the activities they want to do on the weekends - including seeing friends. It becomes a real downer to not use it.

Finding a place you can use as a regular rental might give you a sense of having the room you want at a fraction of the cost. It’s not a perfect solution but it’s not another mortgage/taxes/maintenance either.

[expectantsteelerfan]

I really feel for you. Back in 2021, we moved from a $250,000 starter home that we hated, that I especially hated, to a house that cost about 4x that. I am also a SAHM (mostly), but our move was precipitated by a major salary increase for dh when he finished residency/fellowship and began working as an attending a few years previously. So although our mortgage payments increased by about $4,000 a month, we still have money in our budget to save and spend on vacations and other things. Also, we bought when interest rates were low. And our increase in price allowed us to get everything we wanted in a house except for the exact specific location we wanted (it's in the school district we wanted and in a great neighborhood, but about 10 min. away from the PERFECT neighborhood would have loved to get into. I've watched the market since then, and only 2 houses have come on the market in the past 3 years since in that neighborhood).

My happiness has increased incredibly since we've moved. It sounds a bit insane to say, but just daily peace and contentedness of being happy in my surroundings is something I have now, instead of a feeling of dread and blah. We are able to host so much easier. BUT there are drawbacks. The bigger house is so much more (and harder) to keep clean, so having people over means I have to clean a lot more (I have 2 dogs which is a big part of this, but the kids too). And the upkeep of the house is more expensive for sure.

So as happy as I am in our house and as unhappy as I was in our old house, I honestly can't imagine paying that much more for a house and STILL not being happy with it. So I think you might need to do some more soul-searching and decide what it is that will really bring you the most happiness; more space, stopping working, or a vacation home, because it really is a personal decision, and then put your money towards that as much as you can.

[Roc A Bee]

Post pics of the house and maybe we have Reno advice!

[vmars]

Well we downsized from our starter house to get into our ideal neighborhood sooo lol. Our new house isn’t significantly smaller but we lost our 2 car garage and finished basement, etc. We bought a house that needed some renovations. We redid the upstairs bathroom and all the flooring, paint, some electric etc. Making things to your taste can vastly improve your feelings for your current house. Even though our house is small we have a very large dining space and really nice outdoor space with large paver patio and koi pond to entertain. You are never going to get a perfect house, but I will always choose the neighborhood over the bigger house.

[CloudBee]

I'm retired, and DH is about to retire. We've chosen to live in a house that's quite a bit more modest than we ever imagined, and it's taken such a weight off of our shoulders.

I say continue to live beneath your means and either stay put, push yourself outside of your comfort zone with a small renovation to upgrade finishings and/or expanded your main living area slightly to make hosting a bit more comfortable.

I would NOT push out your retirement age. Even with a high income, I couldn't imagine taking on such significant debt at my age. (I'm 40 and DH is 52.)

Consider moving to a lower cost of living area at some point. But... does that change your need for an entertainment space if you are needing to find a new group of friends?

The vacation home - has that ever been a plan? It's something we entertained as we're also sitting on money we've saved forever. In the end we decided debt-free living and early retirement outweigh a vacation home. Maybe it will be in the cards one day, but right now we enjoy vacationing all over vs. in one spot.

[jobae1234]

I guess this is an unpopular opinion. And I really value the SAHM contribution to the family. But I’m the only earner in my house right now which has given me new appreciation for some things. And- I don’t think it’s right to ask your husband to work 5-8 more years because you don’t want to put in the creative and logistical effort to renovate. There are a lot of solutions which can make a house feel larger. With your budget you could put in bigger windows, make an addition, put a small guest house in your yard for additional space… you have options which bridge the gap. If you were both working and it would be a joint plan to work 5-8 more years, then ok. Or if your husband were the one who really disliked the house and he wanted to move (which may be true but you didn’t phrase it that way), ok. But I don’t think it’s right to put that on him without doing your part to make it work first. Honestly I’d be really hurt if my husband asked me to work 8 more years so he could have a home worth a million more. Again I know you’re a team but his is the life which would change for the worse. I don’t think it’s a small ask.

[mrsmayhem]

Apr 20, 2024 9:34:33 GMT -5 jobae1234 said:

I guess this is an unpopular opinion. And I really value the SAHM contribution to the family. But I’m the only earner in my house right now which has given me new appreciation for some things. And- I don’t think it’s right to ask your husband to work 5-8 more years because you don’t want to put in the creative and logistical effort to renovate. There are a lot of solutions which can make a house feel larger. With your budget you could put in bigger windows, make an addition, put a small guest house in your yard for additional space… you have options which bridge the gap. If you were both working and it would be a joint plan to work 5-8 more years, then ok. Or if your husband were the one who really disliked the house and he wanted to move (which may be true but you didn’t phrase it that way), ok. But I don’t think it’s right to put that on him without doing your part to make it work first. Honestly I’d be really hurt if my husband asked me to work 8 more years so he could have a home worth a million more. Again I know you’re a team but his is the life which would change for the worse. I don’t think it’s a small ask.

I would never push him to work longer if he wasn't on board. We are very much on the same page about all of this, but thanks for the concern.

[Pom]

Mar 22, 2024 9:25:02 GMT -5 neeps said:

My H recently retired at 52 and it is all sorts of awesome. Also there was a vast difference in my H's enthusaisum for his job from 40 to 50 and it really tanked between 50 and 52. If he had had to work 8 years longer it would have really affected his and our quality of life. So I guess I'm team make this house work if possible.

Same and same. We got our dream house and completed 90% of the renos on that 5 minutes before he retired, also at 52.