DD1 turns 9 next month and has asked for a sleepover party. She's never been invited to one, so this would be the first for her and her friends. I'm considering doing it but limiting to 2-3 kids because I'm worried about the craziness and them not sleeping! Any advice? Is 9 too young for sleepovers? Are they going to keep me up all night?
Tentative plan is to have them come over at 5 PM. Play for a bit, then pizza for dinner at 6 PM. Start a movie at 6:30 PM. Pause for dessert/cake at 7:30 PM. Finish the movie and then bedtime around 9 PM (which is when my kids go to bed). I think my kids go to be later than most, but I'm guessing for a sleepover they'll stay up late anyway. Do I need other activities for them? What time can I expect parents to pick them up the next day? What's a good kid breakfast? I was thinking pancakes but that might take a long time to make (small griddle). Can I just do sugar cereal or will the other parents hate me LOL?
Part of me thinks this is a horrible idea but DD is really excited so any advice to make it run smoothly is appreciated!
C had his first sleepovers at age 9. I would recommend starting with one friend instead of multiple friends the first time. I’d talk through with your daughter where you think the kids would want to sleep, what activities they might want to do (ie: watch movies, play video games, etc), and what kind of ground rules you might have (quiet after a certain hour, no iPads, etc).
With C most of his sleepovers have been fairly ad-hoc without really any planning other than “can so-and-so sleep over tonight?” We typically do pizza or some kind of takeout. With boys I haven’t been planning any activities, because there’s plenty for them to choose from between games, video games, outdoor stuff, movies, etc. We do enforce a “lights out/quiet time” and we don’t allow the kids to keep devices upstairs in the bedroom. All devices charge in the kitchen, and of course they may come downstairs and use their device at any time if they need to call their parents or whatever.
Edited to add: most families have activities in the morning, so I’d recommend a pickup time no later than 9-9:30. Pancakes and fruit is fine, you can always do frozen pancakes if you don’t want to make them from scratch. I personally would not care about sugar cereal. Our family rarely eats breakfast because we’re just not hungry in the morning, so there’s a good chance you would offer my kid something and he would turn it down no matter what it was.
I don't think 9 is too young at all. It sounds like you have plenty of activities planned. I highly doubt they will go to bed at 9. At my daughter's last sleepover, they stayed up nearly all night. I had donuts for breakfast for them, so if sugar is bad, I guess the other parents hated me. Kids have a way of finding things to do, so I wouldn't worry too much about entertaining them formally. They'll have fun no matter what.
I don't think 9 is too young at all. It sounds like you have plenty of activities planned. I highly doubt they will go to bed at 9. At my daughter's last sleepover, they stayed up nearly all night. I had donuts for breakfast for them, so if sugar is bad, I guess the other parents hated me. Kids have a way of finding things to do, so I wouldn't worry too much about entertaining them formally. They'll have fun no matter what.
ooh donuts is a great idea! I'm pretty loose with sugar with my kids, especially for special occasions (everything in moderation!) but I feel like the minority amongst her friends. They were shocked I let DD1 have soda!
Post by expectantsteelerfan on Apr 10, 2024 10:57:03 GMT -5
I *think* 9 was around when we started sleepovers, but it's hard to remember. How it goes is also really kid dependent. I would also give the option (or be prepared for parents to ask) for some of the invitees to come to the party but be picked up in the evening before bed if they aren't ready to sleep over or if they have an activity early the next morning, and have a time ready for that (we've done 10 and 11 PM, but my kids are older, so I'd go with your 'bedtime' probably).
My kids did keep me up pretty much all night until they got older and better at sleepovers.
I would have at least 1 other activity planned in case they don't want to watch the movie, even if it's something simple like baking and decorating cookies/cupcakes or some sort of art activity, or if you have karaoke, that usually works well with a dance party.
For breakfast I like to pick up something my dd likes that I don't need to make but is still a treat, usually donuts or muffins. But my kids also request a ton of snacks and tend to eat a ton at night, so in the morning sometimes they don't even eat. And I tend to have the pickup time early, like 9/10 AM because I am ready for kids to be gone in the morning, but I am not a fan of sleepovers in general lol.
And finally, I would include the info. of what you expect them to bring on the invite...pillow and sleeping bag or whatever, or if you have extras and they don't need to.
9 is fine. At that age plan that you’ll have to be a bit more involved than you think though and they definitely will not go to bed at 9. DD had her first sleepover at that age. She was still going to sleep at 7:45/8 but they didn’t even lay down until 10:30. They were just too excited. Also plan on someone getting scared and wanting to go home. As they get older it’s much easier but the little kid excitement of 9 is hard to beat!
Also make sure you’ve thought through where they will sleep/food allergy concerns/etc.
9 is fine. At that age plan that you’ll have to be a bit more involved than you think though and they definitely will not go to bed at 9. DD had her first sleepover at that age. She was still going to sleep at 7:45/8 but they didn’t even lay down until 10:30. They were just too excited. Also plan on someone getting scared and wanting to go home. As they get older it’s much easier but the little kid excitement of 9 is hard to beat!
Also make sure you’ve thought through where they will sleep/food allergy concerns/etc.
Good point! I was thinking they'd sleep in DD1's room which has a lot of floor space. The downside it is shares a wall with her little sister and is across from us, although we go to bed so late I really hope they are asleep before we go to bed. The other option is the basement where we have the TV and pullout couch (which is where they'd watch the movie or play video games). But it is also H's office so there are a lot of electronics down there which worries me a little. Also DD1 has never slept down there so I worry about her being scared.
I will definitely ask about food allergies/restrictions! DD2 has a nut allergy so we are very familiar. At least one friend keeps Kosher so I know I need to ask about that.
I'm just thinking since they probably will not go to bed at 9 that maybe you'd want to push the timing back an hour or so? Less time with kids in your house, lol. That's just me, I'd probably want to start this all around 6.
Nine is fine. Definitely plan a bunch of possible activities and have a non-scary movie pre-selected that they can lie down and watch at the end of the night. And have more snacks and you think you need! I just wanna point out I’m also a big fan of the almost sleep over at that point. The girls come over, do a whole bunch of nighttime activities, get their pajamas on and watch a movie, and then they go home. So you don’t have any nighttime issues and you don’t have to deal with them all in the morning. But I realize that might not work if your daughter has her heart set on an actual sleepover.
Incidentally, my oldest had lots of sleepovers around nine, pre-Covid. But my current nine and 11 year olds have hardly had any sleepovers. My nine-year-old has never been to one at a friend’s house yet. I think something switched with Covid, but I’m not sure if this is typical across-the-board. Just pointing out, you may have several kids who have never had a sleepover.
Post by gerberdaisy on Apr 10, 2024 11:43:34 GMT -5
We started sleepovers at DD's 8th birthday. She invited 4 friends and it worked great. I think I posted about it on ML.
Haven't read all the replies, but I think that's too early to start a movie. For us that was the wind down activity after they got a lot of energy out.
Our itinerary: 5 - free play while everyone gets there 5:30-6 - pizza came, ate and talked After eating - activity/craft, we decorated locker mirrors one year, decorated sleep masks another year. Cake/Presents More playing/dance party/do eachothers nails. Started the movie around 8. We had a popcorn bar during the movie for snacks After movie they asked for one show to wind down (nailed it), then I stayed in the other room and listened till they quieted down and I went to be around 10:30.
Lots of snacks and drinks. I forget that some kids don't like seltzer, so I needed more options. Before the movie we put on PJs/brushed teeth. Some brushed again after popcorn, some didn't.
Post by pittpurple on Apr 10, 2024 15:16:58 GMT -5
They definitely won't be going to bed at 9 :-) My daughter had 1:1 sleepovers from around 8 and had a sleepover party for her 10th and 11th birthdays. Had too many kids at the first one and it was awful but for the second one she invited 4 children (and one ended up bailing on the sleeping over part) and it was perfect. I put out a buffet of snacks and candy and gave them each a container to fill up with their favs and put the rest away (learned that the hard way after having limitless snacks the first time and having one kid who had no idea how to self regulate!).
My daughter is artsy so she had an art project both times they did as kids arrived. Break for pizza, then giggling around and dancing, spending forever setting up their sleeping bags, break for cupcakes, run around screaming outside until I called them in at 10 to stop my neighbours from hating me, put on a movie for them to ignore and then lights out at midnight. Plus a few reminders to be quiet so I could get some sleep (we have a small house!). I always make pancakes in the morning when we have guests so that's easy for me but you could definitely do whatever is easiest for you. And pickup before 10am.
Sleepover parties are in the living room which is right under my bedroom. I'd LOVE a basement so I'd consider trying to make that an option. Otherwise could they camp out in the living room just to avoid keeping your wee one awake?
Maybe a quirk of the kids friend group, but I found that kids have sleepover parties moreso than 1 on 1 sleepovers. So we started with the parties first since that seemed more "acceptible". We limited it to a pretty small number. DS has 2 friends and DD had 3 friends when they had their parties.
They did it in the basement. They were very loud and giggly. Since then they have gone on to have 1 on 1 sleepovers (DD) and gone to other sleepover parties. I was fine for DS's (11) but for DD's (9 at the time) I was worried they would need me and couldn't sleep. They didn't need me it was just me getting in my own way. For DD's party I think they slept around midnight- definitely not sleeping at 9.
Age 9 is fine. A group of girls is likely to have some relational drama, if possible keep it to an even number of girls as that seems to help. The absolute worst number of girls to have is 3 total including your own kid. That is a recipe for a 2 against one situation. Trust me, it doesn’t go well.
IME they won’t want to watch a movie straight away, they will probably want to play and such first then start watching a movie around 9. I would not anticipate them going to bed any time near 9pm honestly. I don’t think you need activities, kids are darn good at entertaining themselves when given the opportunity to do so.
I would also make sure you have a reliable way to get a hold of parents in the middle of the night (which parent keeps phone on, if there’s a landline to call, etc) in case any one needs to go home at 1am (it happens, especially at first sleepover attempts).
I think sugary cereal for breakfast is fine. It’s your house, if parents want their kids to only eat certain things they get to make those rules at their house. Most people aren’t that intense.
My kids always sleep in our basement for sleepovers. Less annoying for everyone else in the house.
Pick up is almost always 10/10:30 in my circle at that age.
Your kid will probably be tired and cranky the next day, don’t make any plans. You will probably be tired too. It’s just part of the whole thing. Worth it though, I think it’s good for kids to do.
My son has sleepovers...they go to the basement after dinner, and then I see them in the morning.
I’m definitely wondering if this is a boys vs. girls thing. The times that C has had friends over, they go upstairs (where his room is, and we have a loft with games/TV/PS5), and we barely see them except to feed them. Sometimes they build forts, or have nerf wars, or build legos. I really haven’t ever had to provide any activities.
For sure, 9 is a fine time. I'd push back the time to 6PM, do dinner, cake and a movie, then bed. They will not go to sleep at 9 or 10 and will probably keep you up but it's one night. I don't plan activities and pretty much just dump them in the basement and close the door
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
DD was 7 for her first sleepover, but it was just 1 friend and we knew the parents well (it was at the friend's house). She's now 8 and has since been on and hosted a few more sleepovers. Again just a single friend. She'll be going to a birthday party sleepover soon and there will be maybe 6 girls? It sounds super fun. DD goes to bed at around 9:30-10pm which is so much later than a lot of kids her age, so her biggest problem at sleepovers is trying to go to sleep after everyone has been told lights out lol.
My son has sleepovers...they go to the basement after dinner, and then I see them in the morning.
I’m definitely wondering if this is a boys vs. girls thing. The times that C has had friends over, they go upstairs (where his room is, and we have a loft with games/TV/PS5), and we barely see them except to feed them. Sometimes they build forts, or have nerf wars, or build legos. I really haven’t ever had to provide any activities.
I think it depends on the kids.
My parenting rule of thumb is it can't be MORE work for me. With that being said-my 12 year old starting having her best friend sleep over around age 5.
However--the family and us were pretty similar in regards to bedtime/wake up time. My DD went to bed pretty early and woke up around 6--so I would not allow a friend to sleep over if the "normal" routine was 11pm bedtime and 10am wake up--because I didn't want to entertain a six year old while mine was asleep OR having mine be quiet in the morning because the friend was sleeping.
I was also big on no drama kids sleeping over-so they had to be able to entertain themselves without fighting/arguing. So most of the time (even at age 5), I never planned anything--maybe a trip to the ice cream store or fun snacks--but they would go into DD's bedroom or the basement and come out for food. And maybe to be the person that picked the movie name out of the hat so it was fair. DD1 has a ton of friends but only 2-3 sleepover regularly because it is WAY easier for me to have them here then for DD to be just by herself.
My son has sleepovers...they go to the basement after dinner, and then I see them in the morning.
Yes!
OP, please don’t take offense, but you really don’t need to make a schedule for a sleep over. Sure, plan out what foods to have, but otherwise the point of a sleep over is to have fun. As parents we don’t need to schedule everything out for them.
Post by gretchenindisguise on Apr 10, 2024 20:32:59 GMT -5
For breakfast you can also do the frozen mini pancakes. They heat up quickly in the microwave and kids gobble them up after sleepovers.
Have ideas if you need them, but I'd otherwise let kids use their imaginations. One of my favorite memories is when they did a fashion show of all sorts of different clothes they can find.
Set up a pick up time. 30 minutes prior - make them pack and clean up.
Agree with stay away from groups of 3 as much as possible.
Plan for how you're going to handle screens if kids bring them. This came as a surprise to me because I just figured we would tell our kids no to using their ipads, but I found it a lot harder to manage when it was screens the other kids brought with them.
Post by luckystar2 on Apr 10, 2024 21:14:18 GMT -5
Dd started sleepovers a lot younger than that with some really close friends. 9 is definitely a good age.
For a birthday sleepover I did plan some activities. I think that’s fine at that age. For my DD’s 9th, it was at a trampoline park and then some girls came over to sleep over afterwards. My dd was obsessed with shopkins at the time so I got some shopkins bracelet making kits and they did that as an activity. Then it was mostly just do whatever they wanted. In other years I usually have some kind of art/craft type activity they can do. For her 8th birthday I took pics of the girls and had them decorate frames for them.
A couple things to watch out for. I totally agree about the odd # being a bad thing especially 3! But my dd often struggled with multiple kids (but she’s an only). So I just try to have convos with her about it.
Have a game plan if it’s anybody else’s first sleepover. At DD’s 9th bday it was one of the girls’s first sleepovers. Her dad let us know and said he could come get her. Ok fine. She seemed to be fine when we went up to bed. At 1am my dd comes into our room to say her friend had called her dad to pick her up. Yikes!! I guess she got scared by a movie they watched (totally not a scary movie at all!). I felt so bad her dad got a call at 1am. I’m glad dd at least let us know or I would have been scared awake by doorbell at 1am.
Another sleepover was a first time for a friend. The mom and I discussed a lot ahead of time. The girl did want to go home at one point but talked with me first. I talked with her a little and her friends convinced her to stay and it all ended up ok.
My dd was a sleepover pro by age 9, but definitely some kids are not so it’s best to have a plan ahead of time.
Sleeping arrangements-have them far from you. Definitely go with downstairs. My kid and her friends definitely stayed up late and were noisy. If she had just 1 friend over I didn’t mind her being near us when she was younger. But a party-they stayed in living room downstairs or our finished basement.
Breakfast - whatever you want. I 100% expect junk food to happen at a sleepover. We generally do pancakes but we find them easy to do.
Pick up time - I know everyone usually says to kick them out early but I don’t. It’s more of a pain to me to have to wake kids up early, try to get them to eat something so they can leave. I usually say 11 or 12. Generally my kids sleepovers - they stay up late and the girls sleep in (except mine). So I’d rather just let them sleep. Some people may need picked up early which is fine but I usually don’t make people pick up early.
Plan for how you're going to handle screens if kids bring them. This came as a surprise to me because I just figured we would tell our kids no to using their ipads, but I found it a lot harder to manage when it was screens the other kids brought with them.
Yes!!! This was hard. I kept telling the girls to get off of them, but they were obsessed.
My son has sleepovers...they go to the basement after dinner, and then I see them in the morning.
Yes!
OP, please don’t take offense, but you really don’t need to make a schedule for a sleep over. Sure, plan out what foods to have, but otherwise the point of a sleep over is to have fun. As parents we don’t need to schedule everything out for them.
I think this can be a difference in parenting style in general, and also a difference between a birthday party sleepover and a general sleepover. So I will admit that my anxiety means that I plan things more than some parents might because it gives me some sense of 'control' in a situation with a lot of unknowns to help quell my anxiety about that. But I would also plan a LOT more for a birthday party (esp. a 1st time having a sleepover party) to make it feel more special than I would for a regular sleepover. There are certainly times now that both my kids have friends we are familiar with sleep over on random weekend or summer nights where we don't plan a thing and don't see or hear from the kids except if they want food they can't get for themselves, and like a pp mentioned, we are more likely to say yes to those types of sleepovers because they create less work for us than having our kids around wanting our attention instead of more work for us. But celebrating a birthday is something I still WANT to put some effort into, especially for a 9 year old!
OP, please don’t take offense, but you really don’t need to make a schedule for a sleep over. Sure, plan out what foods to have, but otherwise the point of a sleep over is to have fun. As parents we don’t need to schedule everything out for them.
I think this can be a difference in parenting style in general, and also a difference between a birthday party sleepover and a general sleepover. So I will admit that my anxiety means that I plan things more than some parents might because it gives me some sense of 'control' in a situation with a lot of unknowns to help quell my anxiety about that. But I would also plan a LOT more for a birthday party (esp. a 1st time having a sleepover party) to make it feel more special than I would for a regular sleepover. There are certainly times now that both my kids have friends we are familiar with sleep over on random weekend or summer nights where we don't plan a thing and don't see or hear from the kids except if they want food they can't get for themselves, and like a pp mentioned, we are more likely to say yes to those types of sleepovers because they create less work for us than having our kids around wanting our attention instead of more work for us. But celebrating a birthday is something I still WANT to put some effort into, especially for a 9 year old!
Yes I understand that. But OP had pause for cake at 7:30 for example. What if the kids wanted to keep watching the movie and have cake after? Or what if they didn’t want to watch a movie or it started later, etc?
I think it’s totally fine to have special food and a cake and set out activities for a birthday party sleep over, I was just saying the hourly schedule seems unnecessary.
But I understand people have anxiety and if that helps them then that is ok but I do think it’s good for kids to also have unscheduled time or time when they figure out what they want to do instead of parents scheduling things for them hourly.
Post by CrazyLucky on Apr 11, 2024 11:04:49 GMT -5
DD has had a few sleepover birthday parties. I generally limit it to 5 guests because that's about all I can handle, but she has been to sleepovers with more than 10 girls! One thing that was a big hit with her friends was doing a tie dye T-shirt. They can do it when they first get there and you can either give it to them the next morning to deal with or do the rinsing/washing yourself. The movie and pizza plan is good. If those girls go to sleep at 9pm, I will be asking for your secrets! For us, it's always at least midnight. Pancakes are great! Get a stack ready before you get them into the dining room. If you have to warm them up, just microwave them, the girls won't care. We usually do something like sausage too. Another option is to do a breakfast casserole. Have them picked up before lunch so you can have the rest of the day to recoup!
DD had her first sleepover at that age. I would definitely keep it to just a few kids, expect them not to sleep much. DD usually stays up until 11ish at a sleepover with parental persuasion but would happily stay up later if she could.
At 9 they just want to hang out and talk and be silly, what you have planned sounds perfect!
You can just do donuts/muffins with fruit for breakfast, make it as easy as possible. Set a time for pickup or you risk ending up with a straggler the next day - maybe pickup by 10ish?