I Messed Up-Help!

[trytobearunner34]

TL;DR: I accidentally left two little girls out from my daughter’s class at her birthday party today. Any suggestions as to how I can make it right?

Longer version: My daughter turned 7 today and we held her birthday party at The Little Gym. I tried inviting all the girls from her class. There is a school directory but turns out it wasn’t much help (parents have to input their own information), previous Evite that had been sent, and my daughter’s assistance to make sure I hade included everyone. Not surprisingly my very flawed system didn’t work and I left two girls out:(.

I will also mention I am a public school educator working at a school with significant staffing shortage and separated (amicably) from my husband in January so to say I am a bit scattered in this season is probably an understatement 🤣.

I was trying not to bother the teacher for a list of names, and thought I had gotten everyone. I discovered just today I had left two little girls out:(. I feel AWFUL. Has anyone been in this situation before (on either side)? Any suggestions for how to do anything about it now?

[expectantsteelerfan]

While I understand the guilt and the desire to try to make it right, I don't really thing there is anything that could or should be done at this point. It was an honest mistake. It's not like you're going to re-throw the birthday party and include the 2 girls, and while seeking the parents out to apologize MIGHT make you feel better, it won't really change anything and won't help the girls feel better at that age (if they even know they were left out). So I would just try to keep telling yourself that you didn't mean to, and that kids get over things quickly at that age anyway, and try your best to let it go. These things happen.

[waverly]

I agree there isn’t much you can do. Do they even know they were left out? If not, then bringing it up could be more painful.

If you knew them better I might suggest a play date but that’s awkward if they are just classmates who aren’t close/ friends.

I think this is just something you have to resolve within yourself.

[wanderingback]

Since you left them out I assume you don’t know them/your daughter isn’t friends with them? I would not do anything if that is the case. Mistakes happen and this isn’t a huge deal! I would let it go from your memory

[momof2]

You didn’t mess up. Let it go. Don’t worry about it. You did the best you could. If the parents cared that much about little Susie going to all the birthday parties, they would have put their info into the contact list.

[lilac05]

I agree that parents who choose not to put their information in the school directory should understand that it will mean that their kids will occasionally miss out on things like this.

Have you mentioned it to your daughter yet? How did you find out that two kids were left off? That might determine how I would handle it.

If these are girls that your daughter enjoys playing with at school, *and* you have the bandwidth to do it, you could email the parents. "Dear X, I realized after we had daughter's party today that your daughter was mistakenly left off of the invite. I apologize if she felt this was intentional. Daughter loves to play with your girl at school and would love to have her over for a playdate soon!"

[daisyduck]

IME, inviting every kid in the class ended in daycare and we haven't invited the entire class or even an entire gender of a class since then. My daughter has known of a few parties of classmates she wasn't invited to and didn't really seem to care all that much (these were obviously not her closer friends). I assume there have been other parties she wasn't even aware of.

If your daughter didn't remember the girls when she was helping make the list, they obviously aren't that close of friends. I would not give this another thought. I hope everything else about the party was amazing!

[Poppy]

You also left out all the boys, right?

I wouldn't worry about it.

[trytobearunner34]

Thank you all! You have provided great advice-I appreciate you!!!

[felicity]

I agree, don't worry about it. They probably won't know they were the only two girls not invited, if they even find out about the party at all. By age 7 a lot of people are only inviting friends to parties anyway.

I'm sure this is kid dependent, but there have been times around this age where DS heard about parties he wasn't invited to for kids he wasn't really friends with, and he didn't care at all.

[VillainV]

I also vote no big deal. Parents who opt out of the directory should know that their kids may be left out. You don’t say if there’s any kind of policy of inviting the whole class, but I think those policies usually only apply if invitations are handed out at school (which you didn’t do), and they usually end in kindergarten.