Weird Sort-of Monday?

[mae0111]

How was your weekend? What's happening this week?

[twinmomma]

Last week was a whirlwind. Arrived home from CA on Monday morning, then had to be in the office every day for events. Our weekend was equally busy with multiple events happening and lots of homework for me. This morning I finally feel like we can settle back into our normal routine. Except we leave for spring break vacation on Friday, so I actually have to spend the week getting ahead on homework, doing laundry, and packing for our trip. I'm choosing to ease into the day by getting caught up on emails in my bathrobe drinking coffee rather than immediately showering and getting ready for work. I don't have a video call until later, so I have some time before anyone will see me.

I'm feeling kind of annoyed with MIL in regards to our spring break trip. We're going to DC with my family - my parents and siblings and us rented an AirBNB and we planned a whole trip together. I know my parents are especially looking forward to the one on one grandkid time doing something fun. When MIL found out that we're going to DC, she immediately said that we need to make plans to meet the man that FIL did all of his medical research with when he was alive because he lives there. I realize that this man is very special and important to my husband's family. But the man is 95 years old and house bound and we have a full itinerary of stuff already with my family. But, MIL will now be flying down to meet up with us so that one evening we can go meet this guy while we're there. We don't have a rental car, so we will have to take an uber to get to this man's house a half hour away from where we are staying. This change in plans is requiring us to adjust other plans we already have and now I have to tell my parents that we'll be breaking off from the group for this random excursion that MIL inserted herself into. I know DH doesn't feel right saying no to his mom about this, and I can understand why so I'm not going to push it. But I'm just kind of silently stewing and annoyed about the whole thing. I generally love my MIL, but I swear she has no boundaries or common sense when it comes to this stuff. She just shoots from the hip and everyone else is along for the ride.

[mae0111]

It's a state holiday here, so my kids have the day off. Public school is also on spring break. But Dh and I are both working. So a boring day for the kids.

Weekend was fine. DD2 had her first game with her town travel soccer team and... they're not good. They have a couple of good players, but they haven't figured out how to work together yet. The coach is nice but terribly disorganized. She is laser focused on making her kid a star, and her DD is very vocal about her disdain for soccer. So her kid starts, her kid plays center forward (she's the slowest one on the team and can't dribble, so there's not a lot of scoring opportunities there). Oh well. DD2 has a bunch of friends on the team so she is perfectly happy with it.

Saturday DH and DD1 went to the beach house to get some work done, and DD2 and I ran errands after her game and then she had a friend over. I did a little work work and house work while they ran around all afternoon. Sunday was just errands, more stuff around the house, and I tried to get some food prep done for the week.

Dh and DD1 came back Sunday evening, and DD1 promptly launched into a meltdown because I explained that the plans that she was trying to make for today would not work out. Both kids have therapy today, then I have a meeting immediately after, then DD1 has softball practice in late afternoon. The whole day is broken up by different appointments/meeting/activities every couple of hours. Which is clearly my fault. I told her to make plans for next weekend and I would take her wherever she wanted, or she could have a friend over but they'd have to go to DD2's soccer game late in the afternoon (they could walk to a fun coffee shop near the field). That made things worse. So it might be a long day today.

BUT! The weather is awesome, and I'm going to try to get out for a walk with the dog at some point.

The schedule is all off this week, as expected since it's a public school vacation week. DD2's club practice was canceled today and moved later this week. I don't know if she'll have practice for her other team. DD1 has softball tonight, therapy is today instead of tomorrow. All fine, just kind of waiting to see if anything else gets moved of canceled.

[librarychica]

The good: DD1 had a fabulous time spending the weekend with her friend who recently moved to a rural area 1.5 hours away. It was a giant party, bonfire, camping on the back acreage. Then the DDs and I had a nice time at a state park on our way home from the friend’s house Sunday.

The bad: the trek to/from friend’s was made longer by highway closures, H and I were 40 minutes late to our plans Saturday, the girls stood on my last nerve yesterday evening and this morning. DD1 was so happy and I’m sure she didn’t mean anything by it but everything is better at friend’s house — the grandmas were fun and indulgent and not strict like my mom (DD barely speaks any Spanish and was a guest, how she expected them to “be strict” idk?), friend’s dad throws such good parties much more fun than any I have thrown (man runs an event company), friend’s mom made amazing food, they said she could stay again next weekend, maybe she could just stay Friday and they could drop her at school Monday … I felt very rejected. She outright said that our family was boring and she liked theirs or H’s family better (lots of similarities between the two.) Then she gave me crap because I cooked and attempted to make her eat a healthy breakfast this morning (bc if she doesn’t she is sick by the time school lunch comes at 1:30 pm) and finally I just retreated. I think I was making things worse. H handled it.

I know she is 12 and loves me but it definitely hits a sensitive part of me. You know that thing about how you either marry your parents or their opposite? H did the opposite. His family is large and loving and LOUD. It’s all drama and passion and every emotion is felt x100. He never quite liked it, as much as he loves them. So he went off and found a studious, reserved, kind of plain young woman and married her and we have a very stable and predictable marriage and each enjoy our routines and raise our children in a quiet, routine-driven house. DD1 loves her million cousins and the noise and chaos and enjoys her friends and their loud families and chaos and their mothers, who are beautiful and know about makeup, and I know no 12yo is ever going to be like “man I love how my mother makes sure we always have laundry soap and a predictable bedtime” but damnit I’d kind of hoped she wouldn’t outright want to swap families.

Anyway I am in my feels and also my colleagues are annoying me this morning.

[livinitup]

twinmomma What? Your MIL is flying in for one evening? How does that even work? She booked a hotel and car for herself or does she think she’s staying with your family and you are arranging for her transportation to do this thing? Or is she such good friends with the scientist that she’s staying there?

I have so many questions.

Have you even confirmed with the 95 year old person that he knows and wants this evening visit ?? I mean, confirm-confirm with HIM.

[waverly]

twinmomma , can you send DH with his mom and you opt out?
librarychica , Hi from a fellow quiet introvert. Loud chaos sounds like hell, so I am sure things are better at your house! Also pretty sure you are stunning and not kind of plain!

I had a busy weekend and was dreading work today. I am in charge of fliers for our Bronze award, so the committee came over Friday night to do them on Canva. Then Saturday I was supposed to drop off my bake sale and centerpiece but I thought she meant Sunday. The event is Sunday, so I still had time, but I did feel like an idiot. It all went well, crisis averted, and my volunteering is 95% over with.  I still have to edit the fliers and have the girls post them, but otherwise I am done with Girl Scout volunteering forever (this is her last year).  

Then DD wanted to play with the new frisbee that I bought DS. I bought one with a hole that is soft, and DS got it stuck in 3 trees. So I had to go to the park, where 2 grown men were using tools to get it out of tree #2. We were able to use a ball to get it out of trees #1 and #3, so then I felt like an idiot for getting a frisbee with a hole in it, but also DS has zero aim. DD is in her feelings a lot, and DH took away the iPad, but she wants to chat with her friends on it, so I think we need a middle ground there.  She doesn't want to play with the neighbors and saw soccer friends twice this weekend plus Girl Scouts, but when she plays with her brother 99% of the time they fight.  

Last weekend was neighbor girls birthday.  She started cutting DD out of her birthday parties for no reason, and it's been 3 years now but still stings.  They were a bestie neighborhood group for 2 years during the pandemic, and as soon as the pandemic was over mom and daughter were like, "whelp, onto our better friends that will see us now".  I'm used to it now and accepting it that we won't all be besties with our neighbors blah blah blah but still sucks.  We've also cut her out of birthday parties to be fair because we have accepted that they are "friends of neighborhood convenience and not true friends" or whatever you would call it/ Friends of convenience only?  These were also the people where I did 99% of the hosting at the park and my yard, and I know I wasn't supposed to "host" at the park but I had to check on them because they were younger ages.  And I carpool her more than the mom does DD, so it just sucks overall because of all the caregiving I had provided.  

ETA- the mom is a bit of a user, but she did take the girls sledding and they watched my kid one night at the GS camp out.  So I'm probably exaggerating my martyr role a bit, but that's the point of being a martyr right LOL?  

I'm really into percentages today!  

[twinmomma]

livinitup, Basically, yes. She's rich and retired so random travel like that is not out of character at all. She has other friends that she'll visit with and turn it into a whole trip for herself. She has supposedly confirmed the visit and plans with the 95 year old man. And waverly we're kind of stuck going and taking the kids because she asked DS if he wanted to me this guy and of course DS said yes. He never met his grandfather and this guy is a huge part of his grandfather's legacy. But obviously DS didn't know or understand what that entails and a ten year old saying yes to a hypothetical "do you want to meet this guy" is not a reason to plan this whole thing.

[livinitup]

twinmomma If your MIL is that rich and travel savvy, then she can book your family a town car to drive to/from this guy’s place in DC.

Or better yet, come get your 10 year old and deal with all of it herself.

Also, I don’t believe this guy confirmed at all.

[librarychica]

Apr 15, 2024 10:00:37 GMT -5 livinitup said:

twinmomma If your MIL is that rich and travel savvy, then she can book your family a town car to drive to/from this guy’s place in DC.

Or better yet, come get your 10 year old and deal with all of it herself.

Also, I don’t believe this guy confirmed at all.

This. Or shut it down altogether. She can take DS herself rather than horn in on your family vacation.
ETA: by “you” I mean “H” since she’s his mother.

[rere]

Good weekend. We got all of our landscaping done. Unfortunately I came down sick. Trying to fight off a cold, which turned into a sinus infection. So I called off today and have already went to the doctor and picked up my steroids and antibiotics.

I hope I feel up to puttering around a bit today to finish up some things to get ready for Ds, his girlfriend, and Dd coming home. I need to clean his bathroom and bedding. Plus, now we decided to have a cookout Friday so I need to straighten up the basement in case I have his friends wanting to play pool.

But at the moment, I'm laying on the couch waiting to eat an early lunch to take my meds.

[mommyatty]

twinmomma , I get it. I have a very lovely MIL who is so generous to us. So it’s hard to set boundaries. And even harder when her son won’t. So you will go and smile with gritted teeth and swear next time you’ll figure out a better way to handle it. But in the end, unless your DH handles it, it will never get handled. Speaking as someone whose widowed MIL comes on all our family vacations to “help with the kids” and then jokes that she’s like having another kid. And I always want to say “no, you’re like having another toddler who can’t walk anywhere (even though at home you walk three miles a day) and has to pee every 30 minutes and doesn’t listen and wanders off if not watched like a hawk.”

[mae0111]

twinmomma, that is super frustrating. My ILs were part of our family vacation every year for the first 10 years of our marriage. Any time off from work/school was spent with DH's family. He guilted me into it for years, and I finally put my foot down and had a tantrum about how important it was for our nuclear family to spend time together. It wasn't easy, but he finally got it... I thought... he tried to invite them again this year and I disagreed with him VERY LOUDLY... they are not coming...

librarychica, I completely understand where you're coming from. DD1 does that a lot and it does start to cut away at me. DD2 will also occasionally say stuff like that too, but I don't think she understands how it can be hurtful. It's hard when you feel like you do SO MUCH for kids and they don't appreciate it. DD2 is typically very appreciative, so the random comments are even more hurtful when they come from her.

[k3am]

We're back into the real world after spring break. (Womp womp.) Our rat tally is up to 6 now. They're still getting in, so our attempt at blocking off access points was clearly unsuccessful. I'm still waiting for other rodent proofers to get back to me. The garage is cleaner than it's ever been, food is sealed up in airtight boxes (that they'll likely eat through as well), they don't care about the peppermint oil I've sprayed everywhere, but at least it smells good in there? Le sigh.

DH has admitted that he doesn't think I'm cut out for a traditional job. I'm not sure how I feel about his phrasing. I'm ready to buy a laundromat, but not ready to do the research and work to make sure it's viable. And I'm now getting 28374 text messages from franchise companies that I mistakenly clicked on after Saturday evening wine.

[186momx]

I don't want to be an accountant or tax lady anymore. Everyone who has come in so far are rude and nasty. I get it taxes aren't fun and owing sucks but your procrastination isn't my problem. Your money management isn't my problem. I want to go back to the clients that come in early in the season who are nice and even if they owe they are okay with it. I'm tired, cranky, and out of patience; also If I have to tell someone the date multiple times again I may scream!

librarychica, I bought a new black sundress. DD asked my why I bought a funeral dress. I will admit on the hanger it looks like crap but it looks okay on me. I have it paired with a bright blue cardigan today. She still asked me if I was going to a funeral after work. Hurt my feelings when I'm already feeling crappy.

[sdlaura]

twinmomma that is super annoying form a travel perspective. Do you think there’s a bigger reason she wants to take you all to meet this guy? Forgive me for remembering more about your life than I probably should as an internet stranger, but could it be that this guy helped FIL make his $, and now MIL wants to show that his life/work has benefited future generations like her adorable grandchildren? I could be totally off base - and the travel stuff is still annoying

We had a really nice weekend, despite a few snafus (like the puppy rolling in something gross on his walk, necessitating an immediate bath and washing of our bedspreads she immediately got dirty when returning from the walk). I had fun at drinks with friends Friday and one of my friends contacted me right after to set up a brunch for the two of us in a couple weeks, so I have something else to look forward to. Kids had fun at all their sports.

We had a nice time with softball friends who invited us to dinner Saturday night (though it was VERY hard to get the boys to leave and there were tears and a struggle then DD stayed for a sleepover with the host and another friend and ended up spending most of Sunday with those girls and other softball friends. She had a great time getting to be a big kid and roam around the neighborhood with her friends, then they came to swim at our house yesterday afternoon. I also convinced DD to start jogging with me and she seems to be ok with it - and maybe even enjoying herself. DS1 came with us last night too. I’m excited for a new shared activity that’s good for us.

This week I’m gone everyday. Today was just a short day trip so the kids won’t notice I’m gone. Tomorrow I head to a conference and then to my girls trip late Wednesday. I’m trying to organize everything so it’s not super terrible for DH.

[rere]

Update, dd scored high enough on her Nutrition exam she is exempt from the final!!! She will be picking her brother up at the airport Thursday and he has already negotiated a stop time Raising Cains. So I will be home cleaning like a maniac until they roll in at 1am.

[supertrooper1]

twinmomma, I would push to let your H and SS go and you stay with the girls and your family.

The weekend was ok. Somehow Friday night I slept through firefighters putting out a fire in my landlord's shop at 11pm about 100 yards from my bedroom window. You can't tell there was a fire from the outside except for broken windows but everything in the shop is a loss, including his equipment and supplies for his electrical company and the cars that his employee kept in there and was working on. They had a really nice 60's Mustang that makes me sad was lost.

Beau's grandson spent the weekend with us and I'm exhausted. He's such a high energy kid that never stops talking, so it wears my introverted self out. Beau thinks he does a great job cleaning up toys and things when he leaves, but I still have to pick up cars or other toys that get scattered around the house. I had been fighting ants already this spring and he left a pack of half eaten crackers on the floor that attracted more ants. Beau and I had a discussion last night about the messes after his DIL even brought up how bad Beau was for leaving wrappers and things lying around when he still lived at his house. Saturday we went to the park, out to eat, and ran some errands. Sunday was dinner at my parents' house. I felt bad receiving emails from my accountant last night at 8pm to finish my taxes despite dropping them off weeks ago. But at least they're done. I had to pay $3K this year partly because it wasn't my year to claim DS. But at least I didn't complain to my accountant like 186momx's clients. It's not the accountant's fault!

[186momx]

The last person has come and gone! Now to file extensions and maybe get home early enough to eat dinner!

DD after school phone call "mom school has a massive headlice outbreak including multiple staff members. They are asking all families to check and treat before coming to school tomorrow. Can I diffuse tea tree oil?" Me no tea tree oil is toxic to the dog, take a shower with the lice away shampoo before I get home and I will look, UGH.

[mommyatty]

186momx, congratulations! You made it!

[dglvrk2]

twinmomma, Like sdlaura I wonder what your MIL's true motives are here.
My mom has urged me to make similar contacts when I'm on vacation etc. It's SO annoying and weird from my perspective. I wonder if it's a generational thing too....H and I have been obligated to contact family friends -from his family - we've never met on a couple of trips.

Our weekend was really nice. DD1 was in good spirits despite the friend drama. Knock on wood....she seems ready to move on.

The D's and I chilled most of the day Saturday. DD1 skied with some friends on Sunday and DD2 and I skied together in the morning. I think I did about 10 loads of laundry. Not sure how the clothes just pile up like this....

This week is pretty happening DD1 starts softball, So she has one sports practice or another almost every day of the week. We are visiting my sister (recovering from cancer surgery) Wednesday night. This morning H informed me he will be out of town Thursday through Saturday for work. I think this was the last minute trip put on him, but rearranging my schedule can be a little bit of a headache.

[waverly]

When we were on the train in Europe I heard a Dutch or German family discussing their nanny and work trips. They were having a debate not quite a heated argument but definitely some emotion there about her work trip. I witnessed a few others dealing with unruly toddlers and thought wow these childcare, 2 jobs making it work European families are just like us. I guess the kids were old enough that they were done with parental leave. DH has a trip coming up and I have no idea how I’ll do it but it will get done.

[twinmomma]

I think it's partially a cultural thing - she definitely wants to show off her children and grandchildren. It's also cultural that DH has to do what his mom says LOL But in this case, this man is a huge part of their entire family. FIL actually has a disease named after him that he discovered and this old man was his partner in that research. FIL passed away over ten years ago, so it's a connection to him that everyone still has. I get why she'd want us to meet him, but she's just totally unrealistic in making it happen. Thankfully yesterday DH told me not to worry about it, he'd handle his mom, and we are proceeding as planned with everything. We will duck out for a very short visit with this guy and then be back in time for dinner with my family. It will not be an all day thing at all, despite what his mom thinks might happen.

[sdlaura]

186momx you jinxed me I think - we have lice in our house. DS3 and DD had had itchy heads on and off recently and I checked and couldn’t find anything (I know what I’m looking for from a couple times the kids brought it home from preschool pre covid). Then last night DS2 was itchy and I used the lice comb and discovered the teeniest tiniest couple of lice.

So I was up all night worrying about it ended up rescheduling my work flight today and getting us all in with a lice salon at 9:30 this morning. I’ll take the kids to school after and then wash and bag stuff at home. I’ll just miss networking for my conference tonight but will still be there for my speaking role tomorrow morning.

I briefly considered ignoring the issue till after my travel but wouldn’t have been able to relax! DS2 is also saying his ear hurts so I’ll take him for an ear infection check before I go.

[twinmomma]

Oof. In further trip updates... DH is pissed. He talked to his mom to nail things down and apparently she does not want the girls and I attending this meet up after all. She only wants DH and DS to attend. DH didn't come out and say it, but based on his attitude and what he said, I think it's basically that they are the real blood family and we are not, so she doesn't want us there. Like this is special for DS because it's "his grandfather" and we never even knew him because of when he passed away. On the one hand, I'm relieved to get out of this debacle. But on the other, I know my girls will be disappointed because they've learned all about grandpa's disease and research too, right alongside DS, so I think they'll feel kind of excluded. But, we'll cross that bridge next week and not let it ruin our day.

[186momx]

sdlaura, I'm sorry. No lice at my house and no lice salons around so I would have to deal with it all on my own which is so time consuming.

DH got me take out last night and DD brushed and braided my hair after my shower and then gave me a face mask after I checked her head saying I needed to relax. I still slept like crap last night and woke up feeling like I've fallen down a rocky cliff. Everything aches.

twinmomma, I'm sorry that has to be frustrating on so many different levels.

[mae0111]

twinmomma, wow. So she has horned in on YOUR vacation with YOUR family, and then makes this crappy comment about how you're not invited because you're not "blood". I would feel the same way as you - relieved that you're out of the obligation, but hurt at the same time.

I'm exhausted today. DD1 had a significant meltdown last night that went from 8pm until about 130am. DH finally sent me to bed because he handles her a lot better than I do. It started because we would buy her something (She asks us to buy her different things literally every day, never insignificant things - lululemon clothes, Nike airmax shoes, etc). We explained why we would not be buying the thing, and she exploded and wandered through a long list of grievances. Most of the grievances were nonsensical. If we were able to explain one issue, she would launch into another issue, searching for ways that she is treated unfairly or how we clearly don't love her. It's exhausting, it's heartbreaking, and nothing seems to be helping. She had 2 great weeks, then last week was awful and this week doesn't seem to be going well either.

[mommyatty]

twinmomma- Trying to look at this in the most charitable way possible, it would be a LOT for a 95 year old to have three kids in his house. One who is biologically related where he can say “oh you have his chin and his eyebrows” or whatever. But three really is a lot. It’s still kind of a sucker punch though. I totally get that, and it would hurt my feelings. Frame it as a chance for your girls to get some alone time with their grandparents and release it into the universe.

[k3am]

I'm waiting for the estimate from pest proofing company number two. This one wants to sell me on a subscription service and says we need to cut back our big, beautiful tree. In all honesty, we probably need to pull the tree out - it never should have been planted where it is. But *all* of our mature trees have had to come out in the last few years and I don't think my heart can take it. So adding the arborist bill on top of the rodent proofing bill... I hate this kind of house expense. I much prefer spending money on design and style and function vs. routine upkeep.

ETA: Kill count is now up to 7. 

[sdlaura]

186momx glad for no lice in your house!

I spent 9-12 getting everyone treatment at the lice salon for an exorbitant amount of money. Then 12-3:30 furiously washing and cleaning. Then I hit traffic heading to the airport for my new work flight, so I was going to miss it, and I cancelled it and booked one for an hour later, which is now delayed.

Also today:
-I hit my head on my car trunk and broke the skin on my forehead
-I forgot both a suit jacket and my wedding and engagement rings
-I sent DH to the wrong field for DS2’s baseball game this evening
-despite me emphasizing to the kids that we wouldn’t be telling people about the lice, when I dropped the kids off at school DS1 walked up to DD’s classmates and told them she had lice, which of course is socially awful for a 6th grade girl

I’m sure there’s a ton of other crazy stuff that happened today. It was quite a day. I’m sure much of the bad stuff that happened was due to my lack of sleep after stressing all night. I will be stopping at target after I land at my destination to buy a jacket. Hopefully I can get it together to speak at this conference tomorrow morning. I’m normally pretty chill about our crazy four kid/two full time job lifestyle, but between COVID and lice the past few weeks, I’m feeling ready to lose it!

[twinmomma]

mommyatty, That is exactly how I'm trying to look at it! Just release it, especially knowing that DH is equally if not more upset than me. At least I know we're on the same team.

sdlaura, That is a crazy bunch of stuff all at once! Good luck today, I'm sure your presentation will be great! Hopefully after that's done you can catch your breath a little.