If anyone remembers my drama with BIL and SIL-I didn’t go down for Easter so still no contact on my part with them. They sent a text to me and H yesterday announcing a new pregnancy and H wrote back congratulations. I still haven’t responded. Is it bad if I don’t? Apparently they haven’t gotten the message over the last 5 months that I’m not talking to them if they included me on the news. Will I cause more problems if I just never reply? Maybe they just don’t care and I’m overthinking this. If you can’t tell my feelings are still really hurt and the fact that they either don’t know or care still bothers me.
Post by maudefindlay on May 10, 2024 7:44:01 GMT -5
I think it's fine to not respond, your DH's response can be viewed as from you both. I do think you are crazy, but not for this;) It's hard to forgive people who are not apologizing and asking for forgiveness.
Post by gerberdaisy on May 10, 2024 8:35:57 GMT -5
I am so tired this morning. Went for my second "run" (more of a walk/jog) last night, then gym this morning. Between that and it being a cold, rainy day I just want to sit on the couch and read all day.
My dad saved a Mother's Day article from our local paper from last year and asked my four sisters and I to recreate an article like that for our mom for this Mother's Day. We each picked a word that describes our mom and wrote a few paragraphs about how she was that word. My twin sister put our 5 different examples intermingled with pictures of the five of us growing up in newspaper form. It is so good and I'm excited to give it to our mom on Sunday!
My dad is always thinking of my mom and ways to take care of and celebrate her; not just on Mother's Day, but everyday. They've been married almost 53 years. <3
A car parked outside of a neighbor's house this morning had the license plate AL GORE, and it definitely wasn't the actual Al Gore getting out of the car. I don't have anything against the man, but I'm a little mystified that anyone felt strongly enough about him to put his name on their license plate.
It's supposed to be cool and rainy all weekend, perfect stay home and be cozy weather, but no, we've got stuff going on pretty much all weekend. Wah.
My H stopped and picked up donuts this morning for teacher appreciation week. He got an extra half dozen so our kids could each have one before school. That left 3 extra. All 3 were his favorite. It didn't even occur to him to get something for me. I asked if he even knew what my favorite donut is and he said no. Is this.... just normal? On the one hand, it's no big deal, I didn't really need a donut anyway, and I could eat one of his if I really wanted to. But on the other hand, it's just another small way for me to feel like he doesn't know me or think about me. Am I reading too much into a donut?
Post by Patsy Baloney on May 10, 2024 9:05:21 GMT -5
My daughter and her GS troop got their Bronze Award last night. It’s basically their age group’s Eagle Scout that I wish people cared about but sexism 🤷🏻♀️
Im really proud of them. My H made yard signs for each of them to take home. He’s a proud papa.
My daughter and her GS troop got their Bronze Award last night. It’s basically their age group’s Eagle Scout that I wish people cared about but sexism 🤷🏻♀️
Im really proud of them. My H made yard signs for each of them to take home. He’s a proud papa.
Congratulations to them!
And ❤️to your H making them yard signs. That is the best.
My H stopped and picked up donuts this morning for teacher appreciation week. He got an extra half dozen so our kids could each have one before school. That left 3 extra. All 3 were his favorite. It didn't even occur to him to get something for me. I asked if he even knew what my favorite donut is and he said no. Is this.... just normal? On the one hand, it's no big deal, I didn't really need a donut anyway, and I could eat one of his if I really wanted to. But on the other hand, it's just another small way for me to feel like he doesn't know me or think about me. Am I reading too much into a donut?
Honestly I don't think you're reading too much into a donut and it's RARE for me to fall on this side of the viewpoint! Of course I don't know the whole scenario and maybe it's one of many "doughnut" situations but even if it's a one off it's still shitty that he didn't get you a doughnut. My H may not know all my likes but he absolutely knows what kind of doughnut I prefer. Team You.
My daughter and her GS troop got their Bronze Award last night. It’s basically their age group’s Eagle Scout that I wish people cared about but sexism 🤷🏻♀️
Im really proud of them. My H made yard signs for each of them to take home. He’s a proud papa.
I care, congratulations to them (and you)!
DD got her bronze during the pandemic, but didn't get around to her silver award before she bridged I'm already bugging her about planning for her gold award, I want her to qualify for that scholarship $$!
Post by emilyinchile on May 10, 2024 9:15:39 GMT -5
We need to send mpc's H to learn from Patsy Baloney's H and @macmars45's dad. I'm sorry, I'd be a little hurt too! Like sure, it's just a donut, but it's weird that he wouldn't at least get 3 different ones for you to have 2 options if he wasn't sure which would be your choice.
A car parked outside of a neighbor's house this morning had the license plate AL GORE, and it definitely wasn't the actual Al Gore getting out of the car. I don't have anything against the man, but I'm a little mystified that anyone felt strongly enough about him to put his name on their license plate.
It's supposed to be cool and rainy all weekend, perfect stay home and be cozy weather, but no, we've got stuff going on pretty much all weekend. Wah.
mpc , I don't know if this applies to you, but I've found that my H, after 18 years, is still really bad about knowing what I want to eat and if I want to eat something, mostly because I rarely know that myself. Sometimes chocolate sounds good, sometimes vanilla, or I'll go two years without having a donut at all, and what he would buy would sit there until he or DS ate it because that's the day chocolate sounds gross. But then I might look for it the next day and be all - where is my donut? 😂 I know he finds that confusing because he 1) always wants a donut and 2) always knows exactly what he wants 3) is tired of guessing "wrong." But he has mostly learned to at least ask.
A car parked outside of a neighbor's house this morning had the license plate AL GORE, and it definitely wasn't the actual Al Gore getting out of the car. I don't have anything against the man, but I'm a little mystified that anyone felt strongly enough about him to put his name on their license plate.
It's supposed to be cool and rainy all weekend, perfect stay home and be cozy weather, but no, we've got stuff going on pretty much all weekend. Wah.
When I bought my first new car by myself in 2006/2007, the (white male) salesman had an OBAMA license plate.
Post by mcppalmbeach on May 10, 2024 9:23:32 GMT -5
I need a vent minute. I have two besties. Yesterday I asked them if they wanted to walk (we all are trying to get more active). They didn’t really respond, which is fine of course if they don’t want to. But then I called one of them a few hours later and they were together shopping. It really hurt my feelings that they didn’t bother to ask me after I had invited them to do something. And they don’t understand why I am upset. Their response was that they wanted to stop at a thrift store and they know I’m not into that, but I would gladly have gone on the way to other shopping.
My son did not do as well on an end of course exam as he had hoped and it is going to bring his quarter grade down to a B. He has been really proud and worked so freaking hard for all As. He was super upset and it breaks my heart for him. He’s never been a great tester and this counts for 30% of his overall grade. The kids all compare grades and he was embarrassed. He has had such a trying year, nothing has really worked out for him and he could have used a win.
My H stopped and picked up donuts this morning for teacher appreciation week. He got an extra half dozen so our kids could each have one before school. That left 3 extra. All 3 were his favorite. It didn't even occur to him to get something for me. I asked if he even knew what my favorite donut is and he said no. Is this.... just normal? On the one hand, it's no big deal, I didn't really need a donut anyway, and I could eat one of his if I really wanted to. But on the other hand, it's just another small way for me to feel like he doesn't know me or think about me. Am I reading too much into a donut?
I would assume my husband would both get me a doughnut and know what kind I like! It’s odd to get three doughnuts for yourself, some for the kids and then none for the other person living in your house. If I wasn’t sure what someone would like, I’d at least get a classic one so they’d have something.
My dad saved a Mother's Day article from our local paper from last year and asked my four sisters and I to recreate an article like that for our mom for this Mother's Day. We each picked a word that described our mom and wrote a few paragraphs about how she was that word and my twin sister put our 5 different examples intermingled with pictures of the five of us growing up in newspaper form. It is so good and I'm excited to give it to our mom on Sunday!
My dad is always thinking of my mom and ways to take care of and celebrate her; not just on Mother's Day, but everyday. They've been married almost 53 years. <3
A car parked outside of a neighbor's house this morning had the license plate AL GORE, and it definitely wasn't the actual Al Gore getting out of the car. I don't have anything against the man, but I'm a little mystified that anyone felt strongly enough about him to put his name on their license plate.
It's supposed to be cool and rainy all weekend, perfect stay home and be cozy weather, but no, we've got stuff going on pretty much all weekend. Wah.
I want this guy to actually be named Al Gore, but have *such* a chip on his shoulder that it’s a famous name.
In celebration of Friday, I have a good WWYD situation that comes from a friend:
Your daughter just turned 15 and is interested in her learner's permit. You have a very demanding job and travel often. Before you go on a business trip this week, you find out that your MIL - who you like - texted your DD (but not you or your H) to volunteer to teach her to drive. You talk to your H, a stay-at-home dad, and tell him that you think that's overstepping and that you'd really prefer to teach her yourself or have him teach her. Before you leave, you take her out for her first drive, but when you come back, you find out that MIL has taken her out, too. Your H says he didn't say anything to his mother because he didn't want to have a "conflict," - even though MIL is not the type to make a deal out of things, and he doesn't really want to teach her himself. Would you be mad at MIL? DH? Not care?
H and I are getting on a cruise today (it’s our anniversary)! We flew out yesterday and ran in to some acquaintances of ours at the airport gate. They are going to be on our cruise ship. Small world.
It is a cold dreary day for May! I hope it clears up so we can go to a plant sale on Saturday, we missed our favorite one last weekend because of dealing with my dad’s dog but we really need some new plants! We’ve gotten a lot of water pooling back there after we lost a tree and I think some bushes might help.
I’m nervous to make plans because we don’t know when my dad is going to be released to rehab for PT and I know that will involve us because he needs clothes etc. But I need to go do something else! The sale isn’t super far but it’s not local either.
Post by followyourarrow on May 10, 2024 9:34:39 GMT -5
mpc, to me it's about more than a donut. It's the deeper issue that he doesn't know what you like and doesn't care to know. ExH and I had been married about 8 years when I told him to plan a date night. He picked up a supreme pizza, which I will absolutely not eat, I hate mushrooms, olives, and don't like green peppers on my pizza. He also got some toddler kitten video from red box. I had a huge meltdown, left and got ice cream. FI is different, he goes out of his way to know what I like or provide options if he's not sure. If we're at a restaurant and I can't decide between two things, it's almost guaranteed that he'll get the other thing so I can try it. Granted we've only been together a year and a half, so that may change lol.
I don't know if H knows my favorite donut (don't know that I really have one, we hardly ever get them), BUT it's not about donuts. He does know what I generally like and if he was unsure, he would text me to ask what I want.
It is a cold dreary day for May! I hope it clears up so we can go to a plant sale on Saturday, we missed our favorite one last weekend because of dealing with my dad’s dog but we really need some new plants! We’ve gotten a lot of water pooling back there after we lost a tree and I think some bushes might help.
I’m nervous to make plans because we don’t know when my dad is going to be released to rehab for PT and I know that will involve us because he needs clothes etc. But I need to go do something else! The sale isn’t super far but it’s not local either.
mpc , I don't know if this applies to you, but I've found that my H, after 18 years, is still really bad about knowing what I want to eat and if I want to eat something, mostly because I rarely know that myself. Sometimes chocolate sounds good, sometimes vanilla, or I'll go two years without having a donut at all, and what he would buy would sit there until he or DS ate it because that's the day chocolate sounds gross. But then I might look for it the next day and be all - where is my donut? 😂 I know he finds that confusing because he 1) always wants a donut and 2) always knows exactly what he wants 3) is tired of guessing "wrong." But he has mostly learned to at least ask.
This is true for me too! But also my H basically never buys anything, which is a whole other issue. I would be the one picking up the donuts in this scenario.
I think in this particular situation it's not necessarily weird that he didn't know your favorite donut (unless you LOVE donuts and get them regularly together) but he should have gotten himself one favorite and then two others that he thought you might like. Unless his thought process was "these are two of the best options so I'm sure mpc will love one of them", I guess. But as written it sounds like he just didn't think about you at all, which IS valid to be upset about.
mpc , yeah, it's not about the donut- it's that he took consideration about what other people wanted, including himself- but did not think of you. Does that happen frequently? H and I night not know all our favorite everythings, but we care enough to ask.
I can see how for some, the donut is a bigger issue, and for some, it's just a donut. Like circa1978, my tastes and preferences change ALL. THE. TIME. Like, right now, H would be hesitant to get me a donut at all, because he knows I'm trying to eat better and not have a lot of junk around. He doesn't even like donuts, so I know he's not giving them much thought like, ever. Also, it's unlikely that I've ever actually vocalized my pastry preference to him. (The kids know, but that's because donuts are *very* serious business to DS, so it's come up more than once lol).
I guess I'd say it's more than a donut if you feel that this happens regularly - he does a "nice" thing, but in a totally generic way.