9 year old emotions (OLD POST TO TAG SOMEONE)

[jennistarr1]

I guess I'm asking others to share with me anything that might stand out about their 9 year old daughters. I'm trying desperately to figure out mine

She WAS super laid back and chill and go with the flow

Win/losses in sports used to not bother her, now they do and there's various things that happen in the course of a game or even free play at school that are "So unfair"

She's dramatic...and somatic..."My ankle gave out on me again"

I can't explain this pattern she does with my husband and I but we will do something minorly "wrong" (example, she wanted to show me a picture and told me to close my eyes, after like a minute she hadn't shown me so I opened my eyes to see what the heck was going on) and now I've ruined "everything", "I was going to show you the picture and say Happy Mother's day and now I don't even want to celebrate mother's day". In trying to resolve that I apologized by saying I didn't mean to upset her but can we let it go and have a good night, she wanted me to come back in and do it a second time, then she wanted me to try again by coming closer to her bed, then she was insisting my husband and I both come to her. All just VERY fixated, emotional, can't move past it...we try tough love, giving in, rationalizing, explaining, big talks, ignoring. Honestly we don't know what we're doing. It's so exhausting and I just don't get it. It's a big change for her. When you try and talk with her it's a dramatic "noone likes me, I hate myself, I'm a bad person"



Also, I'm worried about her socially, observing her at school events and field trips, she's having brief interactions with kids but seems to be pulling away from really hanging out with her, I see her not getting invited to things, not being asked to be in pictures or join in things. Like noone is mean but she doesn't seem very connected. Her teacher doesn't see that and reflected that she is "friend's with everyone" and some of the problems I'm noticing (like correcting others when they make a mistake) all kids do



I work in mental health so I'm thinking of all the things but nothing I've considered so far fits (OCD, ADHD, ASD, even anxiety in general)



I can say A LOT of positive stuff about her...she's usually pretty joyful, likes to joke, very talkative and social, very kind to others, involved in a ton of activities and sports, not a complainer generally, no complaints from teachers/coaches, dutiful with homework

[trytobearunner34]

(((Hugs))) my 7 year old has been as you describe her whole life.

She began play therapy at the beginning of April. Her counselor recently shared with us her play demonstrates the child is feeling like they do not have enough control in life and are seeking it. I believe my child’s need for autonomy has always been extremely high, but with the more sudden onset in your daughter maybe something occurred that has caused her to feel she has less voice and choice in her world.

We are also thinking our daughter has anxiety in general as there are family members on both sides who live with it.

Wish I had more to offer as I know this makes for home life that is often exhausting!

[expectantsteelerfan]

My daughter has anxiety. We didn't seek treatment until there was a clear issue that pointed to anxiety (OCD actually), but looking back, earlier on she displayed some signs that we wrote off as her being a 'sensitive, emotional' kid. It wasn't new for my DD (even from a baby, I told people she had 2 modes, the happiest kid in the world or the saddest kid in the world), but it ramped up as she was around that age, or at least became more noticeable as she couldn't handle what I thought were regular life things at times. For her, it wasn't always the same stuff that would set her off, it was when she was exhausted from worrying and holding it together that something would be one thing too far and she couldn't handle it.

We've come a long way (she's been in therapy for 2 years and is on Zoloft), but she still had a meltdown last night as we were supposed to leave for a party because she couldn't find something she wanted to take (that wasn't necessary), and nothing I did, including offering her my own 'thing' that was basically the same for her to take, would fix it. Total meltdown. Again, I don't think it was about her really needing to find this thing, but more about her overall emotions being out of whack and this being the thing that set her off.

[Deleted]

My 10-year old is like this to a lesser degree. He’s an only child, and I attribute some of it to a lack of social development and conflict resolution during the COVID years.

He does the eye closing thing ALL THE TIME and it drives me bonkers. The only thing that works for me is setting boundaries. “I don’t like closing my eyes for surprises. Maybe I can turn around, and when you count to three I’ll turn and look?” Or “Is the surprise ready? If not, come and get me when it is and I’d love to see it.” Or “I’m super-busy with a few other thing right now. Can we do the surprise in 20 minutes? That will give us both time to get ready.” These make it clear that I’m eager to see what he wants to show me, but that I’m not going to drop every to do it his way, especially if it’s in a way that makes me uncomfortable (I HATE closing my eyes and I HATE things being shoved in my face, so those are two firm boundaries for me).

[imimahoney]

Sounds like my daughter. She has an adhd diagnosis but her psychiatrist believes it's anxiety instead. We have a neuro psych eval scheduled and she has started talk therapy.

We will likely start anxiety meds soon.

[secretagent]

This sounds a lot like my oldest at that age, especially the social piece.  Long story, but she has ADHD and anxiety, and the anxiety has gotten worse with age (it's quite bad at this point and we are on a bit of a medication rollercoaster).  I never in a million years would have thought ADHD but if I knew know what I didn't know then and all. 

[jeaniebueller]

I have an almost 10 year old and starting around 6 months ago, I have noticed a change--everything making her cry, lots of drama, etc. and I honestly think its just hormonal/growth spurt/age related changes. I think its just a phase. My advice: keep supporting her, trying to keep things positive and just monitor it. What you are describing sounds sort of typical for the age.

[shaynaatl]

DD1 recently turned 10, and we see these common mood swings now also. She is also very forgetful and very slow about everything (especially eating). We are trying to be patient and try to support her. But it can be tough at times!

[bookqueen15]

My 10 year old DD sounds very similar and was diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety after a full neuro-psych eval last August. She has been in therapy since the fall and it has been marginally helpful at this point. Not sure if we haven't found the right therapist for her or it's too infrequent (every other week). No medication yet because my DH is not in agreement about trying medication. These behaviors and reactions with my DD increased significantly between the ages of 7 to 9 I noticed.

I am honestly not sure if her diagnosis is completely correct or if there might be more or something else at play. But getting an evaluation for your DD might be a helpful first step or therapy if you feel it might be anxiety.

[jennistarr1]

dancingirl21

This was helpful for me to reread, it was even more recent than I thought and I while I still see some of it, things have definitely moved on. I'm wondering if they stress of the end of school was weighing on her and the summer was a nice reset

[jeaniebueller]

jennistarr1, my 10 year old has improved since I responded in that post too! I definitely think its a phase.