Party/Get togethers

[186momx]

Question for WPs...

Do middle schoolers/high schoolers have to create party invites to have friends over? 

DD asked 3 of her friends from school to come home with her afterschool on her birthday 6/11 to hang out for a couple hours and I offered to take everyone home about 4 (school is out at 2:15).  I was going to make them pizza for snack, and they could get into DD's cake.  All 3 of these girls can't do weekends due to sports and custody arrangements.  All 3 have told DD that they can't come over.  Do I need to buy birthday invites and turn it into a party vs just hanging out after school?  

DD got an actual paper birthday party invite for one of these girls for a Memorial Day birthday BBQ party.  

[waverly]

186momx , for a birthday party I have sent out an evite or texted the parents. Especially with the rides home (assume they are walking from school) you may want to loop the parents in.

For a kid who is just coming over, they have discussed it in a group chat and the parents drove them and dropped him off in my driveway since the kids were outside. The other kids were neighbors and didn't need rides or much coordination with parents.

[dglvrk2]

I usually get all the parents on a text chain. DD1 is in middle school and makes arrangements with friends, but since parents need to coordinate rides pretty much anywhere in our community, I like to connect with them too.

DD2 still gets the larger bday party evites, but as she gets older, the invites become less formal.

[livinitup]

We did paper invites until jr. high unless it was a small group like yours - then it was text message to a parent.

I noticed that when parents had a custody arrangement, I usually texted/chatted with one parent and scheduled during their time only. I didn’t have both parent’s numbers.

[waverly]

Do they arrange their own parties in High School?

I did try that this year for DS to have people come over to watch a game. Once they were there, they decided they wanted to stay the night, so I did text the parents and say hey it's OK for them to stay the night etc., but then they had to run home and grab their stuff and one parent dropped off their stuff. I probably would have been better off texting the parents first and deciding it would be a sleepover, but a sleepover just didn't cross my mind until they asked for it because it was a Sunday night (but they had Monday off of school).  

[186momx]

Well crap I don't have any parent numbers as I haven't meet any of the parents. I've meet the girls at school functions but they were always without adults. The one girl has to go to her dad's every weekend 3 hours away and the other does travel soccer and softball so is never free on the weekends. I have the girl's numbers in my phone as DD texts them off and on from my phone since she doesn't have one.

I guess when my brother and I were 8-18 we went to friends' houses after school all the time. We would get off the bus and say hi dad I'm heading to Jessica's house or my brother would go dad Josh and Ryan are riding over once they get home to play ball. I guess that is what I thought we were trying to do.

[sandandsea]

I would say if it’s a birthday party or I need a headcount then I sent an evite. If it’s a random Friday night hang out I do nothing and ds texts his friends or I text the parents of the friend doesn’t have a phone yet.

[waverly]

May 22, 2024 15:10:32 GMT -5 186momx said:

Well crap I don't have any parent numbers as I haven't meet any of the parents. I've meet the girls at school functions but they were always without adults. The one girl has to go to her dad's every weekend 3 hours away and the other does travel soccer and softball so is never free on the weekends. I have the girl's numbers in my phone as DD texts them off and on from my phone since she doesn't have one.

I guess when my brother and I were 8-18 we went to friends' houses after school all the time. We would get off the bus and say hi dad I'm heading to Jessica's house or my brother would go dad Josh and Ryan are riding over once they get home to play ball. I guess that is what I thought we were trying to do.

If they were neighbors hanging out, then this is what my kids do.  If it's an actual party, serving food and having it inside as opposed to playing outside warrants more information for the parents.  

I would send a paper invite to school then, and give the parents your number, so that they can contact the person driving their kid home.  

I'm more biased I think towards that because the neighborhood friends have been very adament of play outside only and don't go in their house unless more formally invited.  Growing up we were less formal, but I was the younger sister and my mom already knew all the parents pretty well in the neighborhood plus it was rural, so we weren't running around outside because there were no sidewalks.  We just went to their house.  It's pretty different from how I grew up, and I don't know if that is just more a suburban versus rural thing, times are changing thing, or just our particular neighbors.   

[erbear]

I'm not sure I understand. Why do you think invites will change their minds if they aren't available? I think I'm missing something...

Anyway, I haven't done invitations to a party in 4-5 years (kids are 13 and 15). I used to just text parents; now they organize it themselves.

[waverly]

May 23, 2024 13:34:13 GMT -5 erbear said:

I'm not sure I understand. Why do you think invites will change their minds if they aren't available? I think I'm missing something...

Anyway, I haven't done invitations to a party in 4-5 years (kids are 13 and 15). I used to just text parents; now they organize it themselves.

I took it as 186momx, didn't know if they weren't available or that the parents wouldn't let them because it was too vague.

Although, she may now want to try a different date.

[livinitup]

May 22, 2024 15:10:32 GMT -5 186momx said:

.

I guess when my brother and I were 8-18 we went to friends' houses after school all the time. We would get off the bus and say hi dad I'm heading to Jessica's house or my brother would go dad Josh and Ryan are riding over once they get home to play ball. I guess that is what I thought we were trying to do.

You may be comparing apples & oranges. Sure, kids then and maybe now may hop off the bus, ride bikes and just meet up at another kid’s house casually. No parents needed. But you are adding in a birthday celebration. You are striving for all of the casualness of a neighborhood get-together with all of the priority/re-arranging people do for a birthday celebration. On a Tuesday, when people don’t expect it, especially birthday cake.

It’s a wonderful plan if it works out. As a parent, I know I’d move things around if I knew about it.

[twinmomma]

This year I had the girls send a text invite to their few friends and told them to track down the parents' phone numbers too (for the ones I didn't already have) so I could follow up and let them know this is a real, parent-sanctioned party. For a random Tuesday, I'd probably tell my kids no, you're not hanging out after school, we have enough to juggle during the week and I wouldn't want to add another thing. But if I knew it was for a little birthday get together, I'd figure it out and make it work so they could celebrate their friend.

[186momx]

Well DD has scrapped the whole thing. She is mad I tried to turn it into a party instead of a hang out. I got "mom remember the last birthday party you tried to do and no one showed up other than adults I don't ever want another party". Her birthday is the 11th. High school, 8th grade, and college graduation falls this year between June 1st and June 12th (the college does 4 days of graduation with the big one on Tuesday). She has her own sports banquet the weekend before her birthday and a grad party to go to. Father's Day is the following weekend and the last day of school is the 14th and everyone seems to take off right afterwards.

No idea what the plan is now. We can't even find a time to do family dinner (my family: 2 sibs & parents) when everyone is available. Right now, it looks like just cake on a Friday night after work/sports are done as both my sibs have a number of party and events to go to each weekend of June.

[mae0111]

186momx, it stinks when birthdays fall on busy weekends. It seems to happen to us every year. DD1 is right around Columbus/Indigenous People's day, and it's a huge tournament weekend for DD2. Similarly, DD2's birthday is right around basketball playoff season, so she was always spending her birthday in the stands of many basketball games. Maybe she could choose one friend and do something super fun after all of the grad parties?

[186momx]

mae0111, we've done that in the past. One of her gym friends goes to Japan for 90% of the summer to visit relatives. They have had to quarantine after school gets out, so we do a get together sleepover in August when she gets home.

One of her gym sisters has the same b-day but she is a year older. They were ranting to each other on Friday about how much stuff is around their b-days. They are planning on spoiling each other at practice that day.

[sdlaura]

One of DD's softball friends turned 12 in April but is having her party in June because of other events. We're big fans of having a friend party sometime convenient, and then celebrating with just our family and cake on the day of.

[k3am]

As a Thanksgiving baby who is sister to a Christmas baby, I feel her pain. Please let her know that the only thing worse than being born in a busy season or holiday season is having a sibling whose birthday is actually on Christmas. It's the worst pain of all - not so much for the Christmas baby - but for those of us who've spent our entire lives having to listen to the griping.

[186momx]

Funny side note I was in labor while my sister was graduating high school. Sister's worse fear was that my water would break while she was walking across the stage. Didn't happen but I had early labor pains all night and had to pee like crazy and the closest bathroom was on the opposite side of the football field from our assigned seats.