Is he opposed to taking a class? I would just enroll him in a weekly class and take him there. I'd enroll your other younger kid as well so they are both forced to go together. That approach would still work for my 10 year old. Mild bribery would be involved like "you can't go to the pool (or lake) on our vacation/cruise/Girl Scout trip/friend's house etc. if you don't participate in these lessons." It helps that we live walking distance to the town pool. They don't allow kids or anyone to get in the pool with any type of floatation device. So DD has to work up the courage herself to get into the deep end if she doesn't want to hang out in the shallow end forever.
Both of my kids suck at swimming. I make my husband take them to their lessons so I haven't actually observed either one in the pool in over a year, but I don't have to observe them to know that I did not birth swimmers. I just need them to be comfortable in the water.
FWIW, neither of my parents can swim, at least not that I'm aware. They both came from a "swimming isn't a life skill" culture. They lived their entire adult lives avoiding leisure activities that involved water. We did visit the beach infrequently as kids; my mother would roll up her pants and dip her legs into the water about midway to her calves. My dad would take us a few feet into the water when we weren't quite old enough to go into the water by ourselves.
Following. I'm in the exact same situation with my kid, same age. It's so frustrating and I hate that I've just kind of thrown up my hands and given up.
'Making' my 11 year old do things mostly seems to involve asking, explaining why it is important, then explaining the consequences. Sometimes the natural consequences are enough (she was a SUPER resistant swimmer but when her friends started inviting her places she couldn't go it seemed to make my case for me), sometimes she just doesn't have her phone for a very long period of time. I have not found a super fabulous solution as I'm still prone to melting down and just yelling more often than I'd like, but she's insanely stubborn and like you say... you can't exactly pick them up and put them places anymore!
I really liked what the person said about making sure you are just as committed as they are. We don't have water around in our day to day life (and live in Scotland so no one has a pool or anything), but my anxiety and our vacation plans meant that I really need to know my kids won't immediately drown if they step off a dock, wade in an unexpectedly deep stream, etc. So it was non-negotiable and something we just have to prioritise. When we go on vacation, we prioritise finding a place with access to water of some sort and taking the kids almost every day. We take them swimming here (which I hate with a vengeance so don't do as often as we should, but we do take them), etc.
I never learned to ride a bike and it's only mattered once in a while (oddly more as an adult than any other time). Our neighbourhood isn't bike friendly at all (I live in a super hilly city with tiny roads) but the kids have learned and my husband prioritises taking them on bike rides once a month or so outside the city so they keep it up as he thinks it's an important life skill. So unfortunately in my experience there's no easy fix that isn't inconvenient.
I'd take him and a friend to a fun pool with slides etc and make sure he stays in the shallow end or wears swim aids and show him 'why' he wants to do this. No pressure, just experience. Nothing was as convincing for my 8 year old than this last week when we were away and the lifeguard made him wear armbands to go down the slides as he isn't a strong enough swimmer to get to the side himself. He was terribly embarrassed but now he is totally focussed on getting better and practiced loads while we were away.
Post by fancynewbeesly on Jul 11, 2024 8:43:20 GMT -5
We feel like having fewer "non negotiable" things help.
One of the non-negotiable things to US is swimming. It doesn't have to be swim lessons but they need to know how to swim. We live in a shore town. We have a pool. Neighbors have pools. My parents live on the river and have a pool. We go to the lakes frequently. We go to the beach frequently. Water is in our daily lives in the summer.
Luckily both of my girls learned to swim early--I think by age 4 or 5, they were confident swimmers with jumping off the diving boards and not needing assistance. However, if they weren't--then it would be non negotiable for them. We would do a combination of bribery, consequences (just not allowing them to go to water parks, lakes, beaches, friends houses) until they were confident swimmers.
Bike riding? I am meh about. My DD1 learned late--she was just 9 when she learned. However she had ZERO motivation to learn. There were no kids on our street. If you left our neighborhood, there was no where to bike too-so you literally were just riding around the block. She learned on her own time-and is grateful she did learn. We moved when she was 10 to a different town-and it was the complete opposite. You can bike places, tons of kids on bikes-I know she would have felt left out if she didn't know how to ride a bike. Likewise my DD2 learned when she was 5 because there was motivation there. She wanted to keep up with her friends across the street. She wanted to ride to 7-11 and Dunkin' Donuts with her sister. Both girls ride to the summer camp in the morning. But, bike riding to me wasn't as big a deal as swimming.