6yr old behavior?

[al dente]

I'm trying to gauge if this is a phase and normal or something more? And if so what do I do?
Lately my 6yr old loses it over seemingly everything when it doesn't go her way. Things like leaving a fun activity, or her asking to do something obviously dangerous and I tell her no. It's then met with scream crying (like overly dramatic "ahhh!" cries vs tearful crying), saying it's the worst day ever, why do we all hate her, we never do anything she wants and only care about her little sister, etc.

We give warnings before leaving, she has a positive behavior chart, I acknowledge the disappointment once but then tell her I'm not discussing it and don't want to hear any complaints after the fun time we just had. Maybe 30% of the time she eventually snaps out of it and has a good time, but majority of the time she's in a mood for a significant part of the day after that.

I am at my wits end because it's summer, I'm a SAHM so everyday I plan something to do and almost every time it ends in so much complaining and crying. It doesn't matter how big or small it is the second it's not going exactly her way the drama starts.

I will take any book or podcast recommendations as well.

[waverly]

If it affecting life on a daily basis it might be a smidge above normal. It's hard to say. I would say some of it is normal. How do the days look if you don't plan anything?

I was wondering if you might want to the start with the pediatrician.

[trytobearunner34]

My 7 year old has been a deeply feeling kid since birth so tears for things like you are describing have been a way of life for us for years (no formal diagnosis though we do believe she may have some anxiety-her dad has it as well).

That said the hyperbolic-"this is the worst day ever!", "nobody loves me", etc.-definitely saw an uptick over the last year. I think it may be related to spending more time with peers and picking up on language/phrases to which she had not been previously exposed and latched onto.

We continue to work on self-regulating with her and I am helping her to acknowledge her feelings but also trying to reflect on them through the lens of "are there facts to back this up?".

Don't know if any of this is helpful, but wanted you to know you are not alone!

[shauni27]

this sounds like my kid when he was freshly 6. He has mostly grown out of it now (almost 7) but yeah, same things that you outlined.

The other day we left the circus early due to extreme heat, could not tube the river like we thought due to flooding and he hurt himself doing a belly flop into our pool. "IT IS THE WORST DAY EVER!!!!" was uttered a few times, and he had a little freak out, but it only lasted a moment and he really was just so disappointed.

5 months ago if you asked him to empty his part of the dishwasher he would have a meltdown. Now he whines a bit while he does it but it gets done.

I say normal phase, just keep doing what you are doing.

[grover]

My 7 year old became like this right before turning 6. She was diagnosed with anxiety and we started anxiety meds in January this year and it is sooooo much better. Like, our first losing it tantrum in a long time happened yesterday when I picked her up from camp, and she had forgotten to take her med before camp (I noticed and brought it with me for pick up but was slightly too late lol)

[dcn]

My kids both had phases like that at that age. Lots is changing (school out for summer maybe?, different schedule etc) and they feel out of control and don’t have the emotional regulation skills.

My 8 year is still working on this to an extent (he ramped up big time when school ended and some friends moved away).

[al dente]

Jul 11, 2024 9:25:40 GMT -5 waverly said:

How do the days look if you don't plan anything?

Thats a good question. TBH she does it at home too, but it's over more "typical" stuff like telling her to clean her room so I guess it doesn't bother me as much? And I can leave her in her room with her theatrics. Vs being out and needing to keep her with me and hear it the whole entire time.

[Poppy]

Well, my 6yo definitely does some of this. "This is the worst day ever!" is a frequent refrain, which drives me mad. She also can lose her mind over stupid things. But it seems like maybe not quite to the degree you mention. Most of all, we try to be consistent so she knows what to expect. I also really try to make sure she is rested and fed because if she's hungry or tired then her emotions run much hotter, and transitions are much more likely to set her off.

I have the Good Inside book on hold at the library. I've read the sample on Google Books and I think it will be helpful for us to help her regulate her emotions. My husband and I have also discussed whether we should try therapy or talk to her pediatrician about it, but haven't quite gotten to that point yet. I sympathize, though, because it's hard to know what is normal.

[niq]

It all sounds within the range of normal . The "worst day ever" stuff is often followed by the "best day ever", sometimes in the same day! I try *very* hard to work on positive framing (not "Positive Discipline", just using words other than "no", "don't" and "stop", saying please myself, saying thank you for following directions, etc etc), state consequences for misbehavior when issuing commands, ask her to try again politely.

Do you have time in your day to carve out 5-10 minutes for a shared activity that she enjoys? Coloring, watch her put on a mini-theater performance, whatever.

[clairebear]

My 6 year old DD does this. It's been going on for a couple of months and seems to be declining thankfully. I just try my best not to feed into it. I acknowledge the disappointment, sadness etc, and then try to move on in a positive manner. At home she has a calm down corner to go to to collect herself, and if we are out and about, I try to give her some space by herself to calm down ( a separate chair at the pool, let her play by herself at the playground without interacting with her, etc). Something like, hey, I see you are having a hard time right how and are disappointed/sad/whatever. Do you want to go to your calm down corner until you ready to use nice words and have a fun time?  Usually if she gets some alone time she snaps out of it and is fine for the rest of the day. I am staying home with my girls this summer and I typically plan a fun outing every day so I get it. It's hard to put that much effort in creating fun experiences to have it ruined. Tuesday I took my kids to a playground that had an event with snow cones and bounce houses, then out to pizza and then to a splash pad. But my 6 year old said I was the worst for not letting her do the claw machine for prizes at the pizza place.  

I do like the Good Inside book and her website has some additional resources that might be helpful. 

[al dente]

Jul 12, 2024 21:28:43 GMT -5 clairebear said:

I took my kids to a playground that had an event with snow cones and bounce houses, then out to pizza and then to a splash pad. But my 6 year old said I was the worst for not letting her do the claw machine for prizes at the pizza place.

lol the fucking claw machine! That was def one meltdown at an outing this summer, and I was like "you never win! It's just to get money you never get anything from it!" I'm just out here crushing childhood dreams lol.

But thank you everyone! It has made me feel a lot better. And today we went out and with only minor complaints but quickly snapping out of it. The comment about them hearing things at school made a lot of sense because that was a big thing I was like where is she getting this from? Esp all the "you hate me" since that's not really something we ever say.

Also upon some self reflection I think I also get more irritated then needed when she starts going in on something. Like she obviously doesn't understand the money and energy it takes, and I shouldn't expect her to be thankful at 6 because I spent some time thinking lol.

I did read Good Inside when it first came out but I could probably go back and reread.