(is it already?) Wednesday Open Letters

[dglvrk2]

What do we have to say this week?

[dglvrk2]

Dear Weather, Just stay like this. All summer. The rain at night and warm but not hot days are my jam!
Love,
Dglvrk2

Dear Mom,
I'm looking forward to just us having dinner at a nice restaurant tonight. You're much more relaxed without the who family around and I will be happier if I'm not mitigating kids....
Love,
Black Sheep

Dear DD1,
You're 13 and still growing, although this is slowing down. Since you're not in an organized sport right now, you're not exercising regularly. You're gaining weight. This is understandable at your age. You don't want to gain weight yet you eat a lot of empty calories/sugars. I don't want weight or your energy (or lack there of) to hold you back, but I don't want to make you feel worse than you do, especially considering the social issues you've dealt with this year. I wish this wasn't another thing, but I think many girls your age grapple with it.
Love,
UR Mom

[waverly]

Dear Com Ed,

I'm sorry to hear that we weren't part of the 80% that had power restored. And now we have to wait until Friday at 6pm?

Signed,

Crying emoji

[mae0111]

Dear DH -

You're always encouraging me to take time to myself and go to the beach house. But ONLY if it's convenient for you. You told me to go this week. Well, I'm just coming off of vacation, I have a ton of work to do, I don't need to decompress further. So I told you that there's a week in August that would work well. Both kids are at the same camp from 9-2 with literally all of their friends, so someone would probably be able to get them home if you could get them there (and maybe pick up a friend here and there).

So WHY did you book a trip in the middle of that week? Honestly it's like you're trying to wreck this for me. And no, it doesn't work for me to go the weekend after. Because you need to be there the weekend after. I don't know how to work the tractor lawn mower and the lawn will be super overgrown by then since you'll be away the weekend before and refuse to hire someone. There is work that only you can do there, and you need to do it that weekend.

Signed -

You will not go back there by yourself until I've had my time since you've already had several weekends alone there.

[librarychica]

Dear work conference,

I’m glad to have a weekend to myself to do some exploring and I’ve never been to this part of the country, but Phoenix? In early September? Google tells me it could be 100 degrees!

Googling “things to do indoors in Phoenix”

Signed,
This would have been better in the winter

[mae0111]

Dear DD2 -

Camp ends at 12. Pick up is between 12 and 12:15. I arrived at 12:02. There was NO REASON for multiple calls and texts while I'm en route to pick you up. Have I ever left you anywhere? Have I ever not shown up?

I told you I had a super busy day today, and that you had an appointment mid-afternoon. I told you today was not a day for plans with friends - it would not work for me. So why, after I FINALLY get there to pick you up (according to you I was 25 mins late, when I was, in fact, NOT LATE AT ALL), are you begging me to bring you to your friend's house? We literally talked about it at dinner last night, at bedtime, and again this morning before camp.

You're killing me kid. Please try to think outside of yourself now and again.

Love,
Super late mom who arrived 13 mins before the pickup deadline


Dear Accounting Software -

You are full of lies. Nothing about this has been seamless. Nothing works. I literally have a stack of 25 checks, along with countless other electronic payments, that I cannot process because you don't f-ing work the way you promised. Even better is that our integration expert is like "ooh doesn't work sorry about that out of my hands!"

You EOL'd your old software. We did not want to switch. You made us. MAKE IT WORK.

Signed,
Super annoyed bookkeeper who does not have the experience to troubleshoot your mess and tell you how to fix it.

[vasc]

Dear Assisted Living:

You e-mailed me a little over two weeks ago now to say a studio unit would likely be coming available in the near future and Aunt is at the top of the waiting list. I've finally got Aunt convinced to take the leap and move and she is actively telling people she is moving "first of August." I need a firm lease with move-in date ASAP....this has to happen in August for my own sanity and work schedule. I e-mailed to follow up yesterday and called and left a voicemail this morning...no response. Please don't reply with a "false alarm! That unit won't be available after all..."

- Nervous wreck niece

[186momx]

mae0111, I feel your pain. I've been dealing with payroll software update issues all year and they get one thing fix and something else then doesn't work right. I actually told the company that this upgrade from 2.0 to 3.0 is worse than when we had to upgrade from DOS to Windows. Yes I know I aged myself there.
186momx

Dear DD
Can you please find some motivation to do something outside of the house or gymnastics. I'm tired of fighting with you to freaking leave the house. I know you are an introvert and happy to be home but in the same breathe you complain when everyone else is going here and there and I can't get you to go to Get Air or take our SUPs out.
Mom who wants to enjoy summer while it is here

dglvrk2, I hope your dinner with your mom goes well.

[erbear]

Dear High School,

I think it’s glorious (and funny) that you want to induct my basketball team into the Athletics Hall of Fame. However, we won that shit in 1994. Why did you wait 30 years, when I know for a fact that you inducted the first boys’ team that won it the year after the last one graduated?

Signed,
Tired of being the one who has to say it

[k3am]

Dear people reaching out with job positions,

I’m sorry for putting you off but.. every time LinkedIn lets me know that someone referred me to you because they thought I’d be a great fit, I kind of get the heebie jeebies. I’m getting a little bored, but the idea of jumping back into a full time role doing what I was doing sounds horrendous. I’m actually looking forward to being unemployed when DD starts middle school, because I am TERRIFIED. Even DH keeps saying not to rush back to work.

I wish there was a pause button.. like I’d like to explore something else, see if I could make it work, and then be able to fall back on these discussions/have them in the future.

Signed,
Temporary lady of leisure

[mommyatty]

Dear Work,

I’m tired. I’m taking tomorrow off and you guys better leave me the heck alone.

Signed,
Really Effing Tired

[dglvrk2]

mae0111, I feel your pain with the inpatient kids. I have two of them.....ugghhgggg

[macmars45]

Dear autistic adhd DS(8),

I am so tired of all the push back about how you don't want to do this, that or the other, yet you are bored. All my suggestions (puzzles, board/card games, reading and drawing) are met with distaste. You will do something other than watch tv/play video game for hours on end so help me! And cut out the fighting me on working with your tutor! It's your tutor or me toots. Not neither as you'd prefer. You struggle with math and reading. We are practicing those skills until school starts up again come hell or high water. You can fight me and your tutor and do the skill building or be pleasant and do the skill building; either way it's happening.

signed,
your mom who is looking forward to your half day camp next week because she needs a break

[waverly]

Jul 17, 2024 15:25:40 GMT -5 k3am said:

Dear people reaching out with job positions,

I’m sorry for putting you off but.. every time LinkedIn lets me know that someone referred me to you because they thought I’d be a great fit, I kind of get the heebie jeebies. I’m getting a little bored, but the idea of jumping back into a full time role doing what I was doing sounds horrendous. I’m actually looking forward to being unemployed when DD starts middle school, because I am TERRIFIED. Even DH keeps saying not to rush back to work.

I wish there was a pause button.. like I’d like to explore something else, see if I could make it work, and then be able to fall back on these discussions/have them in the future.

Signed,
Temporary lady of leisure

Terrified of middle school?  Or going back to work?  

[rere]

Jul 17, 2024 15:25:40 GMT -5 k3am said:

Dear people reaching out with job positions,

I’m sorry for putting you off but.. every time LinkedIn lets me know that someone referred me to you because they thought I’d be a great fit, I kind of get the heebie jeebies. I’m getting a little bored, but the idea of jumping back into a full time role doing what I was doing sounds horrendous. I’m actually looking forward to being unemployed when DD starts middle school, because I am TERRIFIED. Even DH keeps saying not to rush back to work.

I wish there was a pause button.. like I’d like to explore something else, see if I could make it work, and then be able to fall back on these discussions/have them in the future.

Signed,
Temporary lady of leisure

I don't know what your degree is in or technically what your job was, but I'm all for branching out and exploring. Sometimes degrees and skills are much more versatile than we thought. My degree is in secondary education, social studies. I was a teacher, and I HATED it. Thankfully, that degree was way more marketable than I thought, so I landed where I do some education, a little politics and advocacy, some drug prevention and social and community work, still work for kids and with schools, but have and office and lunch meetings and not as hands on, which suites me better.

[k3am]

Jul 18, 2024 9:01:20 GMT -5 waverly said:

Jul 17, 2024 15:25:40 GMT -5 k3am said:

Dear people reaching out with job positions,

I’m sorry for putting you off but.. every time LinkedIn lets me know that someone referred me to you because they thought I’d be a great fit, I kind of get the heebie jeebies. I’m getting a little bored, but the idea of jumping back into a full time role doing what I was doing sounds horrendous. I’m actually looking forward to being unemployed when DD starts middle school, because I am TERRIFIED. Even DH keeps saying not to rush back to work.

I wish there was a pause button.. like I’d like to explore something else, see if I could make it work, and then be able to fall back on these discussions/have them in the future.

Signed,
Temporary lady of leisure

Terrified of middle school?  Or going back to work?  

Middle school. I’m worried she’ll be overwhelmed with going back to school, 5 classes to keep up in academically when she struggled with elementary, and a whole new social set.

[k3am]

rere my degree is business admin with an emphasis on accounting, but aside from right out of college, never did any true accounting.

I’m annoyed at myself for hitting two weeks and feeling like I had to be doing something, so I’m trying to set something up. If it fails, not the end of the world. But right now it’s feeling more likely to head towards failure and back to the type of role I never enjoyed.

Existential crisis are fun. 🤭

But I have really enjoyed being able to spend more time at home and with the kids, not constantly feeling like I should be doing something more productive, etc. I don’t want to have to give that up.

[waverly]

Jul 18, 2024 10:09:40 GMT -5 k3am said:

Jul 18, 2024 9:01:20 GMT -5 waverly said:

Terrified of middle school?  Or going back to work?  

Middle school. I’m worried she’ll be overwhelmed with going back to school, 5 classes to keep up in academically when she struggled with elementary, and a whole new social set.

If this is helpful (if not disregard)......  Once I figured out how his day went then we role played getting all of his supplies together to take to all of the classes.  We labelled all folders and notebooks ahead of time, and for classes that needed colored pencils I added a thin pencil bag to his folder. 

But the best thing we did was get him a weekly tutor that comes to our house helps him stay organized and stay on top of missing assignments.  There wasn't a ton of academic stuff, but she did greatly help with math and writing papers.  Math because he is in advanced math and frankly it just goes very quickly.  And writing was more to just stay with it and write more.  It is a teacher in the school district.   

I pushed in for locker clean up which was essential, but I hated it and he hated it, and I dropped that in 7th grade.  

[librarychica]

k3am, if you want validation, H and I always thought that middle school would be the most key time to be a SAHP and had planned to pursue that with maybe some side work when DD1 started. I ended up taking a WFH role that has me “around” instead of at an office 50+ hours a week so that didn’t become necessary, but it’s such a fraught time both academically and socially and at the same time so much support (camp, after school programs) seem to just vanish.

[waverly]

librarychica, such a great way to put it. The kids get advisory class and they do a significant of executive functioning in that class, except that DS ignored all of it and played on You Tube instead.

Also his advisory teacher was mean to the point that she is "known" in the community for this. Its not enough that people go to the admin about it, but it is enough that kids and parents whisper among themselves.

[dglvrk2]

Jul 18, 2024 11:36:44 GMT -5 librarychica said:

k3am, if you want validation, H and I always thought that middle school would be the most key time to be a SAHP and had planned to pursue that with maybe some side work when DD1 started. I ended up taking a WFH role that has me “around” instead of at an office 50+ hours a week so that didn’t become necessary, but it’s such a fraught time both academically and socially and at the same time so much support (camp, after school programs) seem to just vanish.

THIS 100%!!

I started a new job when DD1 entered middle school. While I didn't know this going into the role, it ended up being more flexible than previous jobs. I can WFH or remotely on occasion and flex time more than in previous jobs. I would like some more challenges, but am greatful for the flexibility. It came along at the right time. Yes my girls, now 10 and 13, can stay home alone, cook themselves a meal and get themselves on the school bus in the morning. All things they couldn't do a few years ago. However, their emotional needs have evolved and I'm glad I can be as available as I am now. (Although some days I wish I didn't have to be!!)

ETA: I agree that it's very frustrating how programs and and other organizations become more limited, not less when kids get to middle school.

[k3am]

I have a call at the end of next week for a role that would be 100% remote… I think. One of my prior managers (that I love) made a vague intro. All the details I got from the linked in message were that old manager suggested we talk. His LinkedIn profile is vague - he’s an EVP for nationwide company, HQ is in LA, and he has no location listed. Old manager says it’s a remote role. (Old manager is also in the midst of chemo and radiation AND recovering from a heart attack - I have been trying to not overwhelm him with questions.)

[mae0111]

Jul 18, 2024 11:36:44 GMT -5 librarychica said:

k3am, if you want validation, H and I always thought that middle school would be the most key time to be a SAHP and had planned to pursue that with maybe some side work when DD1 started. I ended up taking a WFH role that has me “around” instead of at an office 50+ hours a week so that didn’t become necessary, but it’s such a fraught time both academically and socially and at the same time so much support (camp, after school programs) seem to just vanish.

I agree 1000% as well. If I hadn’t taken a step back, things would have been really difficult to manage. Most families in our town either have a SAHP, a WAHP, a parent that is a teacher in the town, or they work shifts to accommodate. A good friend of DD2 is the only family I know where both parents work FT outside the home. Mom is a floor nurse so she works 3 12’s during the week (no weekends). We all help out where we can and she drives when she’s home. They have 3 kids so her DH is usually with other kids when she’s home.

Consulting has been a lot of fun and amazing for my schedule. I set my hours, and if you are good with boundaries, it can be a great way to work, challenge yourself, and have the flexibility that I feel that middle school demands. Even the first couple years of HS, when the kids can’t drive yet, can be tough. Sports games for MS and HS teams are often during the week, so it’s nice to be able to go when I can. And I’m typically not too exhausted when the homework meltdowns start.

[k3am]

Dear universe,

Why is packing so hard when it’s just for me and just for fun? Work trip? No issues. Whole family? Got it. Just me visiting my sister, going to a wine festival, and finally taking care of dad’s ashes (nothing fancy)? No idea what to pack. I’ll end up taking way too much or forget something major.

Signed,
I need an assistant

[mommyatty]

k3am, the transition to middle school was a shit show for DD and frankly everyone in her grade. Their school does it in 5th grade, and developmentally that’s just not appropriate. Plus they have a rotating AB schedule so they had to know whether it was an A or B day, which books to have for those classes, keep up with homework that was assigned at least 2 days before since they only had each class every other day. Then add in hormones, an influx of new kids who were awful, using lockers with locks for the first time… it was just terrible.

[dglvrk2]

Dear DD2,
You like to binge watch shows one at a time, until you go through all the episodes. The last show was Young Sheldon and it was great! I watched a few with you. The show had great messages and it - I'm being way more serious than sarcastic here- gave you some insights to my extended family.

Now you're watching Free Rein. Holy s#$@. It's cheesey. It's also completely unrealistic. I hope we don't need to have multiple talks about why you cannot have a horse and how no kids are really like these characters.

Sigh,
UR Mom

[erbear]

Jul 19, 2024 8:54:03 GMT -5 mommyatty said:

k3am , the transition to middle school was a shit show for DD and frankly everyone in her grade. Their school does it in 5th grade, and developmentally that’s just not appropriate. Plus they have a rotating AB schedule so they had to know whether it was an A or B day, which books to have for those classes, keep up with homework that was assigned at least 2 days before since they only had each class every other day. Then add in hormones, an influx of new kids who were awful, using lockers with locks for the first time… it was just terrible.

We have 5th grade in middle school and it's great. However, my school is really intentional about the transition (and this is part of why I think it works) -- 5th grade switches classes, but they only really have 4 teachers (one teaches math and social studies, one teaches English and social studies, then they have a science teacher and a Spanish teacher). They move as a unit (2 sections, but they are with the same group in all their classes). They spend a lot of time adjusting to middle school, teaching EF skills, etc. 

Also no locks on lockers at my school, which takes out a significant stressor

What I love about it is that it makes the rest of the kids a little kinder. The 5th graders are small and enthusiastic. The older kids see them and soften when they are in the spaces.

[mae0111]

Jul 19, 2024 10:39:06 GMT -5 erbear said:

Jul 19, 2024 8:54:03 GMT -5 mommyatty said:

k3am , the transition to middle school was a shit show for DD and frankly everyone in her grade. Their school does it in 5th grade, and developmentally that’s just not appropriate. Plus they have a rotating AB schedule so they had to know whether it was an A or B day, which books to have for those classes, keep up with homework that was assigned at least 2 days before since they only had each class every other day. Then add in hormones, an influx of new kids who were awful, using lockers with locks for the first time… it was just terrible.

We have 5th grade in middle school and it's great. However, my school is really intentional about the transition (and this is part of why I think it works) -- 5th grade switches classes, but they only really have 4 teachers (one teaches math and social studies, one teaches English and social studies, then they have a science teacher and a Spanish teacher). They move as a unit (2 sections, but they are with the same group in all their classes). They spend a lot of time adjusting to middle school, teaching EF skills, etc. 

Also no locks on lockers at my school, which takes out a significant stressor

What I love about it is that it makes the rest of the kids a little kinder. The 5th graders are small and enthusiastic. The older kids see them and soften when they are in the spaces.

This is how DDs school does it.  5th grade is technically middle school, but they have a core class where they have ELA, Social Studies, Homeroom/advisory, community time.  The school does level math, but DD2 didn't switch - she was in the middle group, and her HR teacher taught that class.  So they moved for science, Latin, art, and gym.  Next year, in 6th, they switch to a different model.  Homeroom/advisory, then they travel for every class.  They have lockers, but no one uses locks.  It was a nice way to ease them into things.

Even DD1 felt the challenge a bit as a new 8th grader.  She was at a much smaller school in 7th with only 10 kids in the whole grade, so they just moved together.  She didn't really have to understand her schedule and it was easy to pop out and grab a book if she forgot something.  In 8th at a bigger school, she did struggle at the beginning - knowing which day it was in the rotation, which books were needed, where she had to go... but she figured it out!  

Having several copies of schedules really helped.  Each kid had a laminated copy hanging in their locker, one in the front of each binder, one glued to their planner, one on their wall in their bedrooms.  It was helpful to put the information everywhere so they weren't worried about finding their schedule on top of everything else.

[mommyatty]

Jul 19, 2024 10:39:06 GMT -5 erbear said:

Jul 19, 2024 8:54:03 GMT -5 mommyatty said:

k3am , the transition to middle school was a shit show for DD and frankly everyone in her grade. Their school does it in 5th grade, and developmentally that’s just not appropriate. Plus they have a rotating AB schedule so they had to know whether it was an A or B day, which books to have for those classes, keep up with homework that was assigned at least 2 days before since they only had each class every other day. Then add in hormones, an influx of new kids who were awful, using lockers with locks for the first time… it was just terrible.

We have 5th grade in middle school and it's great. However, my school is really intentional about the transition (and this is part of why I think it works) -- 5th grade switches classes, but they only really have 4 teachers (one teaches math and social studies, one teaches English and social studies, then they have a science teacher and a Spanish teacher). They move as a unit (2 sections, but they are with the same group in all their classes). They spend a lot of time adjusting to middle school, teaching EF skills, etc. 

Also no locks on lockers at my school, which takes out a significant stressor

What I love about it is that it makes the rest of the kids a little kinder. The 5th graders are small and enthusiastic. The older kids see them and soften when they are in the spaces.

DD’s school does this in 3rd and 4th, with 3 instead of 4 classes/teachers. But they’re still in lower (elementary) school. It’s just absolutely not appropriate, how early they’re doing all this stuff. They aren’t ready for it. Their brains aren’t ready for it.

[erbear]

Jul 19, 2024 12:43:09 GMT -5 mommyatty said:

Jul 19, 2024 10:39:06 GMT -5 erbear said:

We have 5th grade in middle school and it's great. However, my school is really intentional about the transition (and this is part of why I think it works) -- 5th grade switches classes, but they only really have 4 teachers (one teaches math and social studies, one teaches English and social studies, then they have a science teacher and a Spanish teacher). They move as a unit (2 sections, but they are with the same group in all their classes). They spend a lot of time adjusting to middle school, teaching EF skills, etc. 

Also no locks on lockers at my school, which takes out a significant stressor

What I love about it is that it makes the rest of the kids a little kinder. The 5th graders are small and enthusiastic. The older kids see them and soften when they are in the spaces.

DD’s school does this in 3rd and 4th, with 3 instead of 4 classes/teachers. But they’re still in lower (elementary) school. It’s just absolutely not appropriate, how early they’re doing all this stuff. They aren’t ready for it. Their brains aren’t ready for it.

My school kind of does this in the lower grades. But they are in a homeroom classroom for most of the day. Sometimes the two teachers combine then split the groups for math and reading. There is a science teacher, but science is a special so they see her twice a week (along with art and music and maybe library?). But they are with their class and their teacher the most. 

5th is the transition to middle school. By 6th, they are in an advisory but switch classes and teachers for every period, but there's a grade team so the same group of teachers teaches them all and is also the advisors (this si true through 8th). It's a small school though, which is part of why it works.