Support thread mid-July/August

[litskispeciality]

Do we want to bring this back? Seems like a lot of us are (still) having a rough time. Big hugs and good vibes ahead of time.

[simpsongal]

Today would have been my dad’s 72 bday. Next month marks 4 years since he passed, which is crazy. How has it been so long? He missed so much time with his grandkids. It sucks, he was robbed of some of the best years.

[wanderlustmom]

I'm sorry, simpsongal! Would love to hear about your dad. What was he like? What did he love?

Still missing my mom a lot, it will be three years this October. I am also sad she didn't get to have a good quality of life from 60-74 when she died. I'm trying to remember she lived a lot of good years. She also didn't go peacefully and that was hard too.

[simpsongal]

Jul 20, 2024 14:38:27 GMT -5 wanderlustmom said:

I'm sorry, simpsongal! Would love to hear about your dad. What was he like? What did he love?

Still missing my mom a lot, it will be three years this October. I am also sad she didn't get to have a good quality of life from 60-74 when she died. I'm trying to remember she lived a lot of good years. She also didn't go peacefully and that was hard too.

im so sorry for your loss too. I swear people in our age bracket dont know what to say about a parent dying.

My dad was a force to be reckoned with. Big guy, so funny, kind. Hardworking welder. Barely graduated high school but well read and clever. The type of guy that does kind acts for strangers and neighbors and never mentioned it to anyone else. He had his faults like a temper, but he improved in every way with age, which makes losing him early even more of a kick in the teeth.

How about your mom? What was she like?

[wanderlustmom]

Jul 20, 2024 16:49:46 GMT -5 simpsongal said:

Jul 20, 2024 14:38:27 GMT -5 wanderlustmom said:

I'm sorry, simpsongal ! Would love to hear about your dad. What was he like? What did he love?

Still missing my mom a lot, it will be three years this October. I am also sad she didn't get to have a good quality of life from 60-74 when she died. I'm trying to remember she lived a lot of good years. She also didn't go peacefully and that was hard too.

im so sorry for your loss too. I swear people in our age bracket dont know what to say about a parent dying.

My dad was a force to be reckoned with. Big guy, so funny, kind. Hardworking welder. Barely graduated high school but well read and clever. The type of guy that does kind acts for strangers and neighbors and never mentioned it to anyone else. He had his faults like a temper, but he improved in every way with age, which makes losing him early even more of a kick in the teeth.

How about your mom? What was she like?

Your dad sounds awesome!  A giant teddy bear. I love that he would do kind things for people and not need it to be noticed. 

Before my mom's long illness (14 years) she was so warm and kind. She loved to listen to people and loved all the mundane details of my life.  She had a beautiful smile and she would run out to get whatever food the friends of mine liked in high school when they would come over.  Never heard her gossip or say one mean word about anyone and she was anti diet and gave me a really healthy body image. She lived in the now and saw food as pleasure and didn't even weigh herself. She was type B, chill, relaxed.  She didn't need to be in charge, didn't like to work too much and she could sit and look at birds and be content. 

[vmars]

Is it ok if I join? Last week while on vacation, I got a call from my mom that my dad was in the ICU. He had gone boogie boarding with my brother and on his last wave got tossed head first into the sand. He was face down in the surf unable to move. My brother dragged him out and located help. My dad was put on a ventilator and the doctors didn’t give us much hope. He injured his c3 in his neck badly. He survived the night and by the weekend he was able to get off the ventilator. He does not have much feeling below his injury. Some movement and feeling in each arm and no feeling in his legs. He remembers his neck cracking and going numb. He was extremely active and outdoorsy so this a huge blow. He should be starting rehab next week after he gets a feeding tube. I was going almost every day to the hospital and then my youngest tested positive for Covid, so I am hoping I don’t get it and can go back soon to the hospital.

[bsp36]

Jul 27, 2024 11:38:56 GMT -5 vmars said:

Is it ok if I join? Last week while on vacation, I got a call from my mom that my dad was in the ICU. He had gone boogie boarding with my brother and on his last wave got tossed head first into the sand. He was face down in the surf unable to move. My brother dragged him out and located help. My dad was put on a ventilator and the doctors didn’t give us much hope. He injured his c3 in his neck badly. He survived the night and by the weekend he was able to get off the ventilator. He does not have much feeling below his injury. Some movement and feeling in each arm and no feeling in his legs. He remembers his neck cracking and going numb. He was extremely active and outdoorsy so this a huge blow. He should be starting rehab next week after he gets a feeding tube. I was going almost every day to the hospital and then my youngest tested positive for Covid, so I am hoping I don’t get it and can go back soon to the hospital.

Sending good vibes to everyone for healing!!!!!

[katfco]

vmars, that sounds so scary. Prayers for his recovery--and the stress it brings on everyone

[katfco]

DD is planning on going back to school full-time in August, repeating junior year and I'm really concerned about how it's going to go. I can't really share that with anyone at home, because DD is already worried and DH is already worried about it, too. I hate that she's missing out on so much of her high school experiences and there's no discernable end.

[SwimDeep]

I'm not doing great. I just need to put that somewhere, I guess.

Just trying to be grateful for what I have. But I am quick to anger and looking for a fight.

This is not who I want to be.

Any tips on cultivating inner peace?

I'm trying to meditate, but it seems like everything online focuses on visualization. And I don't see anything but dark in my head, so that's not working.

Sending love and light to all who are struggling. It might feel like you're alone - but you are not alone.

[MixedBerryJam]

On the 0.000001% chance someone on here knows me I cannot even vague post what I’m stressing about but I’m stressing. Other people are stressing too and they’re blaming me for the stress. I feel like even saying this much is too much but I’m as anxious over this as I’ve ever been over anything, and my husband died of … was killed by a clown but I’ve already said too much. I’m anxious, is what I’m saying.

[SwimDeep]

MixedBerryJam - (((((hugs)))))

No idea what's going on, but I know you can handle it. You will come through the other side.

[shortstax]

My mom is having rotator cuff surgery this week. For months I've been telling her that she needs to hire someone to come in and help her during recovery--I ask her multiple times a week. She hasn't. I live 2+ hours away, and a few weeks ago my whole family drove up to help her around the house--laundry, yardwork, cleaning, etc. As we left she was all "how can I ever thank you" and I said point blank "you can thank me by hiring someone to be here after your surgery to help your recovery."

Surgery is tomorrow. She did not in fact hire someone. I am soooo pissed, but she lives alone and is only mildly mobile in the best of scenarios. So i'm now going negative in vacation time to take off to help her with surgery then working from her home the rest of the week. It's going to be a nightmare, and I'm pissed. I will be hiring someone for her because I have to leave on sunday and I know it's going to be a shit show and my local-to-her brother is dodging my calls. I'm so angry and so sad that instead of having a family structure that supports me, they bleed my time and energy dry.*

*except my DH and kids. They're fucking rockstars and I'm so thankful for them.

[pinkdutchtulips]

I’m excited and terrified about moving w J. While I’m looking forward to finally (after 7y of dating) starting to build a life with him, I am absolutely terrified of what Miss R will do bc she is still lukewarm to this bringing a new unreasonable demand to the table - last week it was 2x week trips to Mtz so she can see her friends in addition to every weekend. It’s a 90 min trip fine for a weekend but during the week no, this week it’s she’s going to do what she wants and not care what consequences there might be bc she’ll just do what she wants regardless. She feels like she’s the one who controls the situation. She KNOWS her past behavior issues were one of the reasons we held off on this move. She thinks she can make it so awful that we break up. I feel like I’m powerless against her. My next options are out of state RTC or state run group home bc she’s too much of a danger to me AND the rest of the household. Pray for me …

[cinnamoncox0]

pinkdutchtulips I am so sorry you’re going through this with your dd. How old is she now? I was a difficult teenager and unfortunately put my mom through some stuff, but I eventually sorted myself out and we have been really close since. I hope things turn out similarly for you and your family 💜

[spindle92]

I knew things had been going well for far too long in my family.

My mom started having severe paranoia at the beginning of the week and then that turned into horrible hallucinations the last few days. Yesterday was so scary that I brought her to the ER. She was admitted and we will be here for several days while they try to figure out what the heck is going on.

I am my mom's safe person, so I am staying by her side while I hope and pray my sisters step up and help out my dad and brother.

[TR]

spindle92 - have they already ruled out a UTI? (((hugs)))

[spindle92]

TR, Thank you!

Yes they checked for a UTI right away along with a million other things. They have done blood and urine tests, a CT scan, an MRI of her brain, an ultrasound of her kidneys and bladder ......and everything is coming back ok.

The alarming part to everyone is how quickly this came on and how detailed her hallucinations are.

[lavenderblue]

I am so sorry for everyone that is struggling.

I am happy to report that two of my biggest stressors, exh#1 and exH#2 have all but disappeared from our lives. The downside of this is that my DS16 has developed anxiety and I believe that it is manifesting itself into stomach issues. We are going to see a GI just to rule out anything physical, but I think he'd do much better in therapy which he is highly resistant to right now.

DD17 has been doing pretty well with her ED recovery, but she is not there yet. Cutting off all communication with her father has helped with the binge eating and she hasn't done that in almost a month, which is huge but otherwise she is very much in the "eating enough, but not too much, exercising enough, but not too much" phase where she has herself on a very rigid and eating schedule. It's still disordered, but we are working on things one issue at a time. I was able to help her while we were on vacation for 10 days and she did mostly pretty good, but now she is 7hrs from home with her boyfriends family on vacation and she is struggling bad. So much so that I'm actually going to be picking her up tonight. There's also the issue that she's going to go back to in-person school this year, so that is having a toll on her nerves as well. I had no idea when she was Dx with an ED 4+ years ago that we would still be struggling, but I guess that is just the nature of the beast. I know that we will get there, but man is this road hard.

[litskispeciality]

I'm sorry to everyone struggling. spindle92, I saw your update in the Randoms. Huge hugs to you and your family.

My brother is starting radiation treatment this week. He says that he (thankfully) doesn't have cancer right now but he has tumor left on his brain that they need to remove before it grows anymore. My DH was going to take my brother on his first and second day of treatment, stay over night at my brother's place in case anything happens, but my DH is coming home sick from work because his colleague testing positive for COVID and DH isn't feeling well. Colleague claims their spouse didn't test positive for COVID despite feeling ill, and that this person just tested positive (which is why they called out sick today). On one hand I'm glad we found out a couple of days before needing to give my brother support and/or any exposure...but really!? I pray my DH doesn't have COVID and that I don't get sick as I was around him this weekend. Thankful we have enough space to isolate, minus the bathroom, however my DH isn't good about only using the bathroom and then going back in to isolation. It's going to be a long few days.

My dad's been in Memory Care for almost a month. On one hand things will hopefully get slightly easier for me, but also it's so hard. I visited my dad this weekend and it was really hard to see how much he needs MC. He's so lonely there as they aren't offering as many activities as they say they do. The staff is all so nice, but it was a really hard visit.

Finally, I feel like a bad daughter in-law. I knew my IL's health wasn't good, but I didn't realize they're both sick enough to have a visiting nurse. MIL has had a lot of unexplained on-going health issues for years, and now her husband/my FIL is worried it might be pancreatic cancer. They're doing some tests there, and in her throat. I'm so worried for her, but I feel like I just don't have anymore emotions to give. Trying to wait and cross that bridge if needed and hope it's an easier fix.

I said in another thread that 2024 is my 2020.

Thanks for the vent. I've started to tell some folks a lot of what's going on, but outside a couple of good friends a lot of folks just say they're sorry and hope things get better, so I've stopped talking about it.

[ProfessorArtNerd]

I got a message on fb that my dad’s remaining sister is in a bad state of decline. It was from a friend of hers, though I’m not sure if the friend is physically close to where she lives in Florida (I live in Philly). So to recap- their other sister died Jan. 2023, my dad in Dec. 2023, and now this aunt is doing poorly. She also had no children, so my sister and I are her only living kin. I don’t know how much we can help from so far away.

[spindle92]

My mom is a devoted catholic who goes attends Mass religiously (no pun intended).
I was raised in the catholic church but am not as strong of a believer as her.

Our church is on the way to the hospital and they have an daily Mass at 8AM, so I stopped in to say a quick prayer for my mom.
I didn't even make it thru the doors before I was crying.
The little church ladies all greeted me, hugged me, wiped away my tears and prayed for my mom with me.

I'm hoping this small gesture helps my mom.

[litskispeciality]

Oh spindle92, I just want to give you another huge hug. I'm glad you could find a little comfort. My dad is still very Catholic and has found peace with watching virtual mass, and/or receiving communion if someone can stop by and offer. I hope they're able to get your mom access to a mass if/when she's ready. Until then I will pray for your family. Here to PM if you need anything.

((( ProfessorArtNerd,))) I haven't been on here as much, but I hope that you're feeling a lot better. I really hope things can get better for you and your family. I'm glad you've heard of your aunt's health, but hope someone else can help as you're far away, and have a lot of other things on your plate.

[ProfessorArtNerd]

Aug 13, 2024 10:11:04 GMT -5 spindle92 said:

My mom is a devoted catholic who goes attends Mass religiously (no pun intended).
I was raised in the catholic church but am not as strong of a believer as her.

Our church is on the way to the hospital and they have an daily Mass at 8AM, so I stopped in to say a quick prayer for my mom.
I didn't even make it thru the doors before I was crying.
The little church ladies all greeted me, hugged me, wiped away my tears and prayed for my mom with me.

I'm hoping this small gesture helps my mom.

I’ll pray for her. Xoxo

[spindle92]

shortly after I posted yesterday AM things went south really fast.
The dr was in the room talking to me and all of a sudden my mom was unresponsive. She was breathing but she wouldn't;t move, open her eyes or even squeeze my hands.
They pushed the emergency button and what felt like 15 people came flying into the room and I was rushed out into the hallway.
I heard them say paddles and I lost it. I truly thought my mom was dying.

Long story short, after lots and lots of blood work, CT scan, chest x-ray and echocardiogram they only thing they could see was dehydration.

She was still basically out of it all day yesterday but would squeeze my hand whenever I asked her too, she just wouldn't open her eyes.

I came in this Morning to a very wide-awake and chatty mom, and I cried happy tears.

She I still not out of the water yet but I'm taking today as a win.

[ProfessorArtNerd]

I went back in my email and found when my aunt asked me to be her healthcare proxy.  I have the documents she wrote but I didn't sign anything.  I have no idea if she has a will or whatever.  She seems to have had a stroke, and will need to go to a skilled nursing facility.  I have no idea where to start to see if she has a will, what her condo is like, etc etc.  I'm so overwhelmed.   Everything is a million times harder bc she's in Florida, and I'm here in Phila. 

If anyone has an experience with being an aging relative's healthcare POA from far away, I'd love to hear from you.

[spindle92]

Today is day 12 in the hospital for my mom.
It's like 2 steps forward and 1 step back.

Last night, I had a dream about her and I woke up in the middle of the night and swore I heard her talking to my brother.
I could not fall back asleep and just tossed and turned.
I've been super emotional today and I know it has to do with fatigue.

[vmars]

My dad has been in rehab for his spinal cord injury for almost 3 weeks and this past week has been going badly. First, my dad was not able to get any help when he needed it. He has very little movement and has minimal success with his call button. They are supposed to check on him every 15-30 mins. He was crying out for help for at least an hour. His whole body was numb and had difficultly breathing. Then today they tried to transfer him without a hoyer lift and almost dropped him. My mom was there and they were both were so upset. My dad likes the OT/PT and most of his care has been ok, but the nursing care is extremely lacking. One of us is there almost every day with him to tend to him, but we worry about when we leave. They also want to release him on 9/5 which feels too soon, but at the same time I don’t want to leave him someplace he isn’t safe.

[TR]

spindle92 - and they still don’t know what is causing her altered mental state?

[spindle92]

Aug 21, 2024 9:26:37 GMT -5 TR said:

spindle92 - and they still don’t know what is causing her altered mental state?

Nope.
Today is day 15 in the hospital and the dr's are bewildered.
The neurologist team just left my mother's room and are going to go consult and come back after lunch to talk about the game plan.

Thank you for checking in. You are so kind.