middle school aged bedtime routines, etc.

[meanie]

DD is 11 and a night owl. Summer has been a free for all, she can swim and run around all day and still stay up until 11 if we let her. 

During the summer we let the kids stay up until 10:30 and read or watch tv with us if they aren't tired yet, I will sometimes go to bed before them. They usually just want to be around us too, but I feel less obligated at that point to interact so we might all be doing our own thing in the same space.

I know you said you are screen free at that point, so what about an audio book? 

[fancynewbeesly]

CloudBee,

I want to say my 13 year old and my 6 year old LOVE their yoto players. They love, love audio books and music.

[CloudBee]

Jul 23, 2024 14:27:44 GMT -5 meanie said:

DD is 11 and a night owl. Summer has been a free for all, she can swim and run around all day and still stay up until 11 if we let her. 

During the summer we let the kids stay up until 10:30 and read or watch tv with us if they aren't tired yet, I will sometimes go to bed before them. They usually just want to be around us too, but I feel less obligated at that point to interact so we might all be doing our own thing in the same space.

I know you said you are screen free at that point, so what about an audio book? 

Isn't it crazy? DS has been swimming for hours most days through the summer, so I the fact that he's not only staying up hours later than he used to, but not crashing, is mind blowing.

Yes! We ordered a Yoto player on Prime Day, and it should arrive later this week. We introduced him to podcasts earlier this week, and he's binged on a few during daytime hours. We told him he can listen to a few stories tonight, and start on an audio book once his player arrives. I hope that does the trick.

[CloudBee]

Jul 23, 2024 15:11:05 GMT -5 fancynewbeesly said:

CloudBee ,

I want to say my 13 year old and my 6 year old LOVE their yoto players. They love, love audio books and music.

I'm so happy to hear this. I was worried that it would be a too young for him, but I can't find any other hand-held device that will play audio for him that doesn't include a screen.  

Do you mostly make your own cards, or purchase? A lot of our homeschool books are on the public domain, so he's excited to tackle some of those via audio vs. reading. Yoto has a page dedicated to linking the public domain. 

I need to pull songs from my iTunes library so we can figure out how to make a music playlist for him on a MYO card.

[heygrey]

CloudBee, your family dynamic is exactly the same as hours - introvert parents, and only child extrovert, high energy boy. H is a little more borderline intro/extrovert and he shares similar interests with DS so he takes a lot of the social heat off me... when he's home. Until H changes jobs or schedules I do a lot of the parenting by myself.

We have very direct conversations with DS about our different personalities and how we can be be kind and respectful to each other so that we all feel like we are getting what we need. I hope it's teaching him how to be a good friend/partner so he can consider other people's needs.

[fancynewbeesly]

Jul 23, 2024 15:14:21 GMT -5 CloudBee said:

Jul 23, 2024 15:11:05 GMT -5 fancynewbeesly said:

CloudBee ,

I want to say my 13 year old and my 6 year old LOVE their yoto players. They love, love audio books and music.

I'm so happy to hear this. I was worried that it would be a too young for him, but I can't find any other hand-held device that will play audio for him that doesn't include a screen.  

Do you mostly make your own cards, or purchase? A lot of our homeschool books are on the public domain, so he's excited to tackle some of those via audio vs. reading. Yoto has a page dedicated to linking the public domain. 

I need to pull songs from my iTunes library so we can figure out how to make a music playlist for him on a MYO card.

So for my 6 year old I use their audiobooks. She loves Junie B Jones, Charlottes Web (it is a full cast recording). But for music I tend to make (with the exception of kids bop) my own from amazon MP3s. (Disney soundtracks, and others.

With my 13 year old she uses it as a Bluetooth speaker but we use a lot of outside books (Percy Jackson books, Harry Potter). She does love some of the music cards (Beatles and Queen). She likes the quizzes and activity cards as well.

[thebreakfastclub]

This is wild. I cannot fathom how not talking to a kid after 9pm will play out in the long run.

[CloudBee]

Jul 23, 2024 19:42:25 GMT -5 thebreakfastclub said:

This is wild. I cannot fathom how not talking to a kid after 9pm will play out in the long run.

I mean, I think your view on reading is wild.

But really, you think I’m going to cause long term problems with our relationship because I’m asking a 5th grader to wind down for the night around 9pm?

The same kid who has a stay at home mom that is with him nearly 24/7? Who walks 1-2 mile a day with him, one on on, having open discussion with zero distractions? Who rides in the car alone with me 9 times out of 10, screen free, with my undivided attention? Who eats his meals with us without the TV on? Chatting?

Why do you feel extroverts get to decide the rules? Should their needs trump introverts?

I think I’m teaching him boundaries, while tending to the mental health of any introvert he may encounter in the future.

Would it be ok if I went to bed at 9pm while he’s still awake? Or because I happen to still have my eyes open I’m supposed to discuss his itchy toe or have an answer as to why pine trees have needles? Or give an explanation as to why I’m watching a news story about sex trafficking on our living room tv during an hour when half the kids his age on this board are asleep and out of earshot? Then answer questions about why I chose an apple instead of an orange as my snack?

He is not ignored after 9pm. If he has a legitimate question, we are there for him. I surely know that parenting 13 or 16 hear old DS will present a different ballgame. Hopefully by that age he will have a better ability at reading the room and pick up on when an introvert may need a few minutes to themselves vs chatting about cheese sticks at 10pm. Our world revolves around his social needs.

[CloudBee]

A podcast in his room paired with a book on guided medieval drawings was key tonight. I popped my head in to check on him and he was excited to show me the suit of armor he had drawn. But this kid was wide awake until 11! Blows my mind how much his sleep needs have changed this summer.

Thanks for all of the advice. My toolbox is full of ideas to help all of us transition into this new season.

[thebreakfastclub]

Jul 23, 2024 23:20:55 GMT -5 CloudBee said:

Jul 23, 2024 19:42:25 GMT -5 thebreakfastclub said:

This is wild. I cannot fathom how not talking to a kid after 9pm will play out in the long run.

I mean, I think your view on reading is wild.

But really, you think I’m going to cause long term problems with our relationship because I’m asking a 5th grader to wind down for the night around 9pm?

The same kid who has a stay at home mom that is with him nearly 24/7? Who walks 1-2 mile a day with him, one on on, having open discussion with zero distractions? Who rides in the car alone with me 9 times out of 10, screen free, with my undivided attention? Who eats his meals with us without the TV on? Chatting?

Why do you feel extroverts get to decide the rules? Should their needs trump introverts?

I think I’m teaching him boundaries, while tending to the mental health of any introvert he may encounter in the future.

Would it be ok if I went to bed at 9pm while he’s still awake? Or because I happen to still have my eyes open I’m supposed to discuss his itchy toe or have an answer as to why pine trees have needles? Or give an explanation as to why I’m watching a news story about sex trafficking on our living room tv during an hour when half the kids his age on this board are asleep and out of earshot? Then answer questions about why I chose an apple instead of an orange as my snack?

He is not ignored after 9pm. If he has a legitimate question, we are there for him. I surely know that parenting 13 or 16 hear old DS will present a different ballgame. Hopefully by that age he will have a better ability at reading the room and pick up on when an introvert may need a few minutes to themselves vs chatting about cheese sticks at 10pm. Our world revolves around his social needs.

That's fine, I read plenty at my job. I don't look for advice here on how to spend my time, or for anything else.

You've designed the construct of your life exactly as you want it. The time investment and schedule is your choice.

I'm sure things will evolve over time as a child's world grows beyond what only the parent can provide.

[tacokick]

I wonder if he would like journaling at night? He seems to have a lot to say and it can be a wind down activity. It’s like talking, but to paper! lol

[aspentosh]

Haven't read any of the responses yet... sorry.

DD is 12.5 and going into 7th grade. This past summer (2023) we let her stay out of her room until 9pm-ish (same as you- I need time with H or time for myself) and that has basically stuck. Sometimes if we're watching a family movie or doing something it may be later, but in general 9:30 at the absolute latest. During school days, we really tried for 9 with "falling asleep" ideal before 10pm. She has to wake up at 7. For summer, it's similar with more fluidity I guess. I do not worry about what time she fells asleep and I think it's naturally 10:30 because she can sleep as late as she wants most days.

She does have a TV in her room, but does not use it at bedtime. She loves reading at night and often falls asleep while doing it. We've also let her read in bed with us (sometimes I go up to my room at 8:30 and just tuck in for the night because I am exhausted) and she loves that. Gives her some closeness but doesn't require anything from me. Other times it's a case of entertain yourself because I've been with you all day and it's my time.

All that being said, she is an only and has FOMO, so we still get the "let me show you this craft I just did" or "listen to this funny line in my book", so it's not foolproof.

[lo]

Yeah I’m feeling pretty confident my child will not suffer any long term damage because she’s banished to her room at 8:30/9 with pretty much every toy, craft supply, and book available. Yes she is bored sometimes, but I think that’s a good thing, honestly. Be alone with your thoughts and imagination for a bit.

[heygrey]

Jul 25, 2024 10:37:03 GMT -5 lo said:

Yeah I’m feeling pretty confident my child will not suffer any long term damage because she’s banished to her room at 8:30/9 with pretty much every toy, craft supply, and book available. Yes she is bored sometimes, but I think that’s a good thing, honestly. Be alone with your thoughts and imagination for a bit.

same. 

And this is not a new parenting strategy. My parents' work schedules either had them out of the house working late or in bed by 8:30/9 so they could be up for an early shift. Once I was at an age where I was awake later I was welcome to entertain myself quietly in my room, but there was no one around to chat with. I was safe at home, there was an adult available for emergencies. There are lots of things we can side eye about parenting in the 80s/90s, but this is not one of them. 

[wanderingback]

Well that escalated quickly!

I think it’s totally fine to make your child have "quiet hours" in their room after 9pm.

We live in a small apartment and likely always will. Of course I can escape to our bedroom but sometimes will need to do dishes or clean up and want to be able to freely do that in the living spaces without a child in my face all night.

Both me and my partner are night owls and our toddler seems to be one too (we’re on vacation and she was up until 10:30 last night), so if she follows on that path of course I can’t force her to sleep but she absolutely can’t be up in my face all night lol. No ma’am.

[wanderingback]

Also, OP is a stay at home mom who home schools. Come on now. To be honest if I were a stay at home mom who home schools I’d prob banish my kid to their room at 5pm (hence why I have a job outside the home, I know my limits!)

[fancynewbeesly]

Jul 25, 2024 11:08:28 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

Also, OP is a stay at home mom who home schools. Come on now. To be honest if I were a stay at home mom who home schools I’d prob banish my kid to their room at 5pm (hence why I have a job outside the home, I know my limits!)

My six year would be banished super early too if I was a SAHM. My 13 year old is super easy and can stay out. 🤣🤣

[imimahoney]

My 12 yr old has been going to bed later this summer. He is now asleep around 10 and it was 9.

He's in his room starting around 8ish. He reads, organizes his magic cards, and listens to the Alexa during that time.

[InBetweenDays]

Our kids are older now (15 and 18) so I have a hard time remembering, but I do know that in 6-8th grade they both had sports practices that would run until 8-10pm. So they haven't had a set bedtime or bedtime routine for awhile. But on average I'd say they were going to bed around 10:30pm.

Now (especially in the summer) I'm almost always in bed before they are and often times before they are home.

[expectantsteelerfan]

I think it might take some trial and error to figure out what works for most families. It's ok to try something, and then revisit and say 'this is working for x or y reason.'

My kids have traditionally had early bedtimes compared to others their ages. But when ds started high school, he asked for a later bedtime and we agreed it was time. But we also asked what he wanted to be doing with his extra time awake (especially during the summer), and he wanted to be able to play video games online with his friends since that is when everyone is online. We didn't want screens in his room after we were done supervising for the day, so we put his gaming computer in our main floor office that is a kid space for us. He would definitely rather have it in his room, but we were not ok with that. So he spends his evening time in the office playing, and when dh and I go to bed around 9, he sometimes stops playing and watches TV int he main living room.

Now that my 7th grade DD is staying up a bit later too, she often watches TV in the basement if dh and I are watching in the living room. She also likes to watch YouTube on her kindle in her room until it's time for her to put screens away (which is at 8:30 for her, 9:00 bedtime, but she's had issues with bedtime previously due to anxiety so this is what works for her unless she has a late activity).

I could see if there wasn't a lot of room in the house to spread out, later bedtimes being more of an issue. But my kids want that quiet time in the evening themselves, so they aren't looking to 'hang out' with us.