presenting the idea of therapy to a kid

[beerlover]

Hi! Some of you I'm sure remember my posts about my son (turning 8 in August) struggling with being quick to anger and getting easily frustrated, having a hard time letting things go, being quick to blame others for innocent mistakes, and so forth. I've just been concerned that if he doesn't find strategies to deal with this, that he'll eventually struggle socially because kids won't want to be around him. After a particularly bad weekend in June, I put him on a waitlist for a local therapy practice. They got back to me last week saying they have an opening. Of course, I feel like things have been a little better lately but that's probably just because it's summer and he doesn't also have the stress of school/sports. So, we're going to go for it. It certainly can't hurt. Anyway, for those of you that have had your young children in therapy, how did you present it to them? I don't want to make it sound super serious or anything. Like, just someone to talk to about your feelings and give you ideas for what to do when you get mad? I would love any input on this. Thank you.

[twinmomma]

When my daughter started therapy, we called it the "strategies doctor." It was like any other doctor who was there to help with something and this one helped with strategies for helping her with her anxious feelings and OCD behaviors. She knew she had "habits" that made life hard, so having a doctor who helped with strategies for that made sense to her. She was around 8 when we started that. It was never a positive or a negative thing, just a matter of fact appointment like a dentist or a check up.

[mccallister84]

We had been talking to DD about her anxiety “bug” since she was super little. We have also talked about how H is in therapy and takes medication for mental health reasons. Really just trying to normalize mental health treatment.

When she started therapy we talked about how the therapist would help with strategies for her anxiety bug and also was just another safe person for her to talk to. We told her she could share anything with the therapist, even stuff like “I really don’t like my sister” or “I’m mad at mom and dad”. This got her very excited to go.

She also will bring a game to play with the therapist.

[eb777888]

I think it's a good time to start when things are calm. It'll give him a chance to get comfortable with the therapist and the sessions before school ramps up. We put David in therapy for anxiety in 2nd grade. We kept it short and sweet and was very matter of fact about it. David was very open to it and didn't push back, so it really wasn't a big deal. If you think you'll have an issue, can you do something fun after therapy? Like go out for ice cream or something? David is huge with positive incentives so this is what I'd try with him.

[beerlover]

Jul 22, 2024 9:40:57 GMT -5 eb777888 said:

I think it's a good time to start when things are calm. It'll give him a chance to get comfortable with the therapist and the sessions before school ramps up. We put David in therapy for anxiety in 2nd grade. We kept it short and sweet and was very matter of fact about it. David was very open to it and didn't push back, so it really wasn't a big deal. If you think you'll have an issue, can you do something fun after therapy? Like go out for ice cream or something? David is huge with positive incentives so this is what I'd try with him.

I can certainly do that. I don't think he's going to give us huge push back, I think he may just be anxious about going and need some incentive. Bribery is not above me lol.

I do agree it's probably good to get in a session or two before school starts, while things are calm.

[Saudade]

I told middle DS that he was going to therapy and it was going to BE SO MUCH FUN!!! Because they get to play and talk about their feelings. He was a little nervous at first but quickly got over it because he did have a lot of fun playing. Now he gets excited for his weekly sessions and sad when he has to miss for whatever reason

[namasteak]

My oldest started therapy at 7 to deal with the loss of my mom. We explained that he has teachers at school for reading/math/etc and that this was a special teacher to learn about feelings because feelings can be tricky. He accepted that and did really well !

[cville]

I talked about my own therapy--that I went to an expert to help me talk about my feelings and how to manage them in a way that's good for me.

I also talked up the idea of expertise. That we love them and are always willing to talk to them about anything, BUT we're not therapists. We're lawyers. So we're not necessarily the best people to help with the kind of problem solving that would be the most helpful.

[dglvrk2]

My daughter who is in therapy is older, just turned 13, and has been seeing a therapist weekly for anxiety and overall middle school challenges for about four months.

She was really reluctant to go to therapy when I first presented the idea, nearly two years ago. I've been seeing a therapist for about 18 months and have talked about my sessions in a chill, matter of fact way. I also saw a therapist in college and one right out of college and have, likewise, shared these experiences with her.

She eventually asked me if she could see a therapist. (Jackpot!!!) We've always talked about her therapist as her "thinking partner." She knows - with the exception of harm etc- what she says to the therapist is confidential and anything goes.

I attribute most of the therapy success to the therapist's relationship with DD. That being said, I recommend having the first few sessions be an assessment of whether or not the therapist is a good fit with your kid.

[dglvrk2]

Jul 22, 2024 15:02:35 GMT -5 dglvrk2 said:

My daughter who is in therapy is older, just turned 13, and has been seeing a therapist weekly for anxiety and overall middle school challenges for about four months.

She was really reluctant to go to therapy when I first presented the idea, nearly two years ago. I've been seeing a therapist for about 18 months and have talked about my sessions in a chill, matter of fact way (I also saw therapists in college and right out of college and likewise shared these experiences with her)

She eventually asked me if she could see a therapist. (Jackpot!!!) We've always talked about her therapist as her "thinking partner." She knows - with the exception of harm etc- what she says to the therapist is confidential and anything goes.

I attribute most of the therapy success to the therapist's relationship with DD. That being said, I recommend having the first few sessions be an assessment of whether or not the therapist is a good fit with your kid.

[eddy]

I normalized it by saying I also go to see a therapist. I just go to talk through things and gain strategies. That was similar to what I thought my oldest would benefit from. He was very receptive to the idea and has clicked with his counselor. I didn't suggest it because of a diagnosis or anything, but I just knew he was struggling and would benefit.

Also I played up the fact that the are neutral and do not have expectations of him. So he doesn't have to worry about filtering himself and can have frank conversations about things he is struggling with. My son is a pleaser so I knew that would sound appealing to him. 

[zaneyzoo]

I think make it as normal as going to a doctor for a check up. It's nothing "weird" or anything to be ashamed of. I would also let them know that the therapist is not trying to fix anything or fix them, but help with strategies and is someone they can trust.

I would also temperature check with your kid before and after sessions. When DH meets with clients, he will do a quick briefing prior to and after with the parents (not always, but most of the time).

I commend you for trying to help your kiddo!

[SusanBAnthony]

A different take from a kid who resisted: My daughter was SUPER resistant to it. Like she was going to just refuse to go. She insisted that she couldn't trust a therapist to talk bout personal things and she just wanted to talk to me instead.

I calmly told her that it wasn't a choice, just like going to an orthopedist wasn't a choice if she broke her arm. She didn't get to just decide not to get medical care for medical issues, and she didn't get to decide that her mother provides medical care she isn't qualified to provide.

She wasn't happy but I wasn't negotiating on it. And knowing my kid, I knew the resistance was really just her anxiety talking. Once she started it was fine. 2 years later she still insists she can't tell her therapist private things, and I'm just like "ok babe" lol.

[isabel]

DS2 is newly 7 and started therapy a few months before his birthday.

It helps that both DH and I are in therapy, but I essentially presented it to him like this:

“So, Daddy and I both go and talk to someone about our feelings and what we can do to feel better. It seems like you’re frustrated and mad a lot and that must be really hard, so we’re going to take you to see someone who you can talk to about your feelings and she’s going to help you come up with ways to make yourself feel better so that you don’t feel so angry all the time.”

DS2 is a naturally outgoing kid and loves everyone. He’s also pretty in tune with his feelings and highly verbal. He accepted that right away. Asked a few questions, but was basically on board from day one. He does play-based therapy and loves it. He’s always happy to go and easily shares what’s going on.

We’re about to start a few sessions with his therapist, just me and H, to try to figure out a roadmap for how we should be engaging and responding to him now that she’s had a few months to really understand the themes of his emotions and outbursts.

[magma]

You mentioned your kid plays sports - I’ve heard it presented as a “Coach for your feelings.” Kids are definitely familiar with what a coach is; just like we need coaches to play sports better it’s also really helpful to have a coach to help us get better at dealing with big emotions, feelings, and tricky situations.

[beerlover]

Thanks so much, everyone! I have a lot of great talking points for this conversation now. I also have my own therapy session today so I will get her thoughts on it too.

Now, to fill out all this intake paperwork...

[googled]

My son started about that age - I was pretty transparent about it. “This is a doctor that’s going to help you process your feelings and emotions around what happened to daddy.”

I feel like that same explanation would work for you (minus the “around what happened to daddy” part). We also talked about how important it is to work on your mental health. Bad feelings are like a fart - hold it in and it can make you feel sick! This doctor helps you avoid that type of sickness.

[osulori]

My son started earlier this year when he was around 10.5. We framed it as having a neutral adult to talk about his feelings and worries with, that can help him with strategies to help process those feelings and worries in healthy ways. He had also been recently diagnosed with ADHD so we told him that she would be able to help him understand what that means for him and how his brain is wired differently, along with helping him recognize when his impulsivity is preventing certain things and how he can manage those times better.

It also helped him to hear that kids go to therapy for different things. He knew that one of his good friends sees a therapist because the friend told him, so I told him that he could talk about it with his friend if he wanted. It took some time but he did eventually tell his buddy that he was going to therapy too so they've had a few conversations about it (from what he's told me).

Currently he goes about every 3-4 weeks and really likes his therapist. He's been using some of the anxiety reducing strategies she's taught him when he has trouble falling asleep and is super excited to tell her about that later this week

[tiki]

My daughter saw a therapist for anxiety just before she turned 6. She was really not enjoying the nightmares she was having, so while it took her a while to warm up to the therapist, she was very positive on the concept of a professional adult who could give her ideas for how to feel better.