NICU Moms - How to Help a Friend

[kath16]

A friends newborn just hit two weeks old and he has been in the NICU since birth with breathing struggles. They were originally told they'd be home by now a few different times, but now they aren't sure of the timing and how close he may or may not be to going home. 

Baby is in excellent care at a great hospital, but it's about 45 mins from home. so far our friend group has been pooling cash to help with gas money and food on the go. do you think this is the most helpful thing to be doing? we are checking in on them and their other young child, encouraging them, etc. but as far as physical help, i feel like we are missing something. 

i'm open to literally any ideas on this. we have a good/fairly large network of friends and they have a set of grandparents nearby that are helping with childcare. 

[Susie]

It's summer, do they have a lawn that needs mowing or other outdoor maintenance that you can cover for them?

That one is both helpful to them and easy for others to do for them because they don't need to be home/you don't need to go in their house to do it.

[IndiaInk]

That's really thoughtful. When I had a baby in the NICU about 45 mins from home, what I remember appreciating most was when a local friend picked up all our laundry and returned it washed and folded (you know how you're leaking fluids from everywhere during the early postpartum days...it was such a relief to have clean clothes readily available).
Along those lines, having friends make runs to our house to bring more clothes or get other things we needed for a longer-than-expected hospital stay.
And bringing meals or snacks to the hospital for us was really welcome, so we didn't have to leave. (I was admitted too, so we were staying at the hospital with the baby).

Other things: do they have family members who've come into town to support them, who could use a place to stay? One family friend brought their camping trailer to the hospital for my mom to stay in so she could be nearby. The hospital allowed rv/trailers to set up in a designated area of the parking lot for that purpose.
Love the lawn mowing idea. Recommend just asking them what they need in a practical sense, and throw out several of these as examples to show them what you're willing to do.

[kath16]

Aug 8, 2024 10:56:06 GMT -5 IndiaInk said:

That's really thoughtful. When I had a baby in the NICU about 45 mins from home, what I remember appreciating most was when a local friend picked up all our laundry and returned it washed and folded (you know how you're leaking fluids from everywhere during the early postpartum days...it was such a relief to have clean clothes readily available).
Along those lines, having friends make runs to our house to bring more clothes or get other things we needed for a longer-than-expected hospital stay.
And bringing meals or snacks to the hospital for us was really welcome, so we didn't have to leave. (I was admitted too, so we were staying at the hospital with the baby).

Other things: do they have family members who've come into town to support them, who could use a place to stay? One family friend brought their camping trailer to the hospital for my mom to stay in so she could be nearby. The hospital allowed rv/trailers to set up in a designated area of the parking lot for that purpose.
Love the lawn mowing idea. Recommend just asking them what they need in a practical sense, and throw out several of these as examples to show them what you're willing to do.

i absolutely will do this, thank you -- i'd love to be able to offer ideas as i've found it's easier for people to accept a specific offer instead of "let us know what we can do for you" ya know? 

thanks so much for these ideas! mom is not staying in the hospical with baby so just lots and lots of back and forth

[heygrey]

I didn't have a nicu baby, but I really struggled with recovery and H's work was insane. The house was falling apart because neither of us could do the basics and take care of a newborn. One of my friends came and just cleaned. Washed the dishes, loads of laundry, wiped down the bathroom, picked up clutter. Unless the grandparents nearby are able to help with that while doing childcare, a couple friends showing up for a few hours might be transformative for their house.

[Jalapeñomel]

NICU mom as well and food, gas, groceries, housekeeping are all great things. This is very kind of you.

[rachers]

NICU mom here too and I just posted this on ML. But maybe think of dropping off breakfast/lunch supplies. Or snacks like trail mix and other items. I think the go to is usually dinner and I remember being overwhelmed because our freezer filled up quick, but we didn't have easy things for breakfast or lunch.

Sending good thoughts to the baby and family - hopefully they are home soon and settled!