School Night Flow and Organization- Setting Up for Success

[ny96]

We have always struggled with organizing our evenings so that everything gets done that needs to get done. DS1 is entering middle school this year and I woke up the other morning with the recognition that we don’t have time on school nights for screens (I think that is a lot of what is holding us back from staying on top of things). With that said, how do you organize your evenings so that everything gets done, but also that everyone has a bit of downtime so we don’t burn out. We will be getting home at around 6pm 3 nights a week and 7:30pm the other 2 weeknights. We eat as a family at 7:300pm when my H gets home from work and the kids go to bed around 9pm and then can have reading time until 9:30. I’m thinking I’ll put together a pouch of supplies for each of them so we can have an easy transition to homework time and when I prep dinner I’ll pack lunch boxes too. What other tips and tricks work for you.

Also, my kids are constantly involved with each other, for lack of better wording. We have a hard time getting them to read, do homework, practice music, etc without them disrupting each other. We’ve tried asking one of them to leave the room or do something else so that the other can concentrate, but their focus still seems to be on reaching their brother to tell a joke, show them something, whatever else they can think of. It’s exhausting to police. Does anyone else have this problem?

[waverly]

We don't do aftercare anymore so the kids get off the bus by 3 pm. This gives them a whole lot more time for them to do homework and watch TV. It took a long time to get there, but the expectation is that homework is done by the time I get home which is 4:30pm. DD does homework on the couch in the living room and DS does it on the dining room table. We had to be very strict with DS about homework both in checking his homework document and implementing everything, and he also had a tutor for a long time. Otherwise he wouldn't even look at the homework document and would tell us everything is done which it definitely was not done.

Getting home so early is definitely helpful for them to get everything done. When I got home at 4:30, I would review all the homework. Sports happened later in the evening 6:30-7:30 for DD, for example.

Do you have a big enough kitchen where one sits and does homework in the kitchen while you prep dinner? And then the other one can be in another room?

We did have the problem of the kids being on top of each other, but they actually seem better when we aren't there or aren't around. DH would call up DS to the home office when he was working from home so that DS did his homework. DS must have really hated it because he got way better at completing his homework downstairs after that.

[ny96]

Aug 9, 2024 14:26:14 GMT -5 waverly said:

We don't do aftercare anymore so the kids get off the bus by 3 pm. This gives them a whole lot more time for them to do homework and watch TV. It took a long time to get there, but the expectation is that homework is done by the time I get home which is 4:30pm. DD does homework on the couch in the living room and DS does it on the dining room table. We had to be very strict with DS about homework both in checking his homework document and implementing everything, and he also had a tutor for a long time. Otherwise he wouldn't even look at the homework document and would tell us everything is done which it definitely was not done.

Getting home so early is definitely helpful for them to get everything done. When I got home at 4:30, I would review all the homework. Sports happened later in the evening 6:30-7:30 for DD, for example.

Do you have a big enough kitchen where one sits and does homework in the kitchen while you prep dinner? And then the other one can be in another room?

We did have the problem of the kids being on top of each other, but they actually seem better when we aren't there or aren't around. DH would call up DS to the home office when he was working from home so that DS did his homework. DS must have really hated it because he got way better at completing his homework downstairs after that.

It would be so nice if we got home earlier, but we don’t . I think you are right about separate zones. I think we just have to get them into the habit of having those spaces. DS2 will be in 2nd grade and gets his homework done at the afterschool program (DS1 gets to distracted at afterschool). So maybe I can start setting up DS2 downstairs and he can draw while DS1 does homework.

[maudefindlay]

Would noise canceling headphones help your DS1 to do homework at aftercare?

[ny96]

Aug 9, 2024 20:38:48 GMT -5 maudefindlay said:

Would noise canceling headphones help your DS1 to do homework at aftercare?

That’s a good idea. We tried them last year and he was too focused on the music he was listening to and what song he was going to listen to next (even when just the noise canceling part was on), but he has muffling headphones we got him for when he’s practicing drums. We could try those. Everything is worth a try at this point.

Part of the problem too is that he’ll think of something he wants to say to us and get hyper focused on that and then can’t focus on anything else until he gets that out and then it happens again and again. Medication helps a bit, but it’s exhausting.

[cricketwife]

This is a little challenging to answer without knowing exactly what you are trying to fit into this time and without knowing how much homework your middle schooler has.

It sounds like you are trying everything but if there is any way to get him to do his homework in the aftercare, that is going to be the most helpful. If he is unable to do homework there, I would try to frame it as “aftercare is your free time. Since you aren’t doing homework there, you won’t have any/much free time at home on weeknights.” You can word this better depending on whether he is making a choice not to do it or whether he truly can’t do it there.

6-7 homework
7-7:30 dinner
7:30-8:15 Make lunches . Remaining homework (DS1).
Music practice DS2 7:30-8.
8-8:15 shower for DS2
8:15-8:30 shower for DS1
8:30-9 music or free time or reading if this isn’t included in the homework??

eta- music practice time added to original schedule.

We also do not allow screens during the schoolweek. It’s always a big adjustment after the screen marathon that is summer. 🤪

I’m sorry that I don’t recall the details, obviously if your children are neurodivergent in a way that would not allow this, please ignore, but I would have them making lunches. We prefer doing them in the morning because I feel like sandwiches and fruit stay fresher that way, (we humans are fresher in the morning too, lol!) but if it’s part of the evening routine, I’d make it part of their routine, not yours.

[CloudBee]

How long are they in the car the nights they get home around 6pm? Can you make use of the car to check one item off of your list?

I like the pouch or caddy idea. It's an easy way to quickly define a workstation at home, and minimize the need for getting up to find pencils, etc.

[ny96]

Thanks cricketwife. This year might be different, but in the past DS did not want to do any homework at afterschool and afterschool said they couldn’t make him. He’s a smart, very capable kid whose main issue is focus, both getting distracted easily and hyper focused on things that he shouldn’t be focusing on on at the moment.

[ny96]

Aug 10, 2024 12:20:04 GMT -5 CloudBee said:

How long are they in the car the nights they get home around 6pm? Can you make use of the car to check one item off of your list?

I like the pouch or caddy idea. It's an easy way to quickly define a workstation at home, and minimize the need for getting up to find pencils, etc.

It will be about 15 min in the car for just DS1 and then once we pick up DS2 another 10 min. I don’t think they’ll get anything done in the car, and we may be transporting other kids too.

[whattheheck]

Aug 10, 2024 13:02:11 GMT -5 ny96 said:

Thanks cricketwife. This year might be different, but in the past DS did not want to do any homework at afterschool and afterschool said they couldn’t make him. He’s a smart, very capable kid whose main issue is focus, both getting distracted easily and hyper focused on things that he shouldn’t be focusing on on at the moment.

Is bribery - um, er, I mean a reward or incentive - an option for encouraging homework?

[heygrey]

Aug 10, 2024 14:25:59 GMT -5 whattheheck said:

Aug 10, 2024 13:02:11 GMT -5 ny96 said:

Thanks cricketwife . This year might be different, but in the past DS did not want to do any homework at afterschool and afterschool said they couldn’t make him. He’s a smart, very capable kid whose main issue is focus, both getting distracted easily and hyper focused on things that he shouldn’t be focusing on on at the moment.

Is bribery - um, er, I mean a reward or incentive - an option for encouraging homework?

This was going to be my suggestion as well. 

At middle school age I would present it as options - the homework has to be complete. Would he like to do it at aftercare with free time at home or free time at aftercare and homework at home? My preference is that he complete it at aftercare and I'm willing to offer an incentive to get it done there. (Whatever would incentivize him - more screen time on the weekend? something else that doesn't cost you and doesn't complicate your schedule?)

[ny96]

Aug 10, 2024 14:25:59 GMT -5 whattheheck said:

Aug 10, 2024 13:02:11 GMT -5 ny96 said:

Thanks cricketwife. This year might be different, but in the past DS did not want to do any homework at afterschool and afterschool said they couldn’t make him. He’s a smart, very capable kid whose main issue is focus, both getting distracted easily and hyper focused on things that he shouldn’t be focusing on on at the moment.

Is bribery - um, er, I mean a reward or incentive - an option for encouraging homework?

I wish. He likes rewards, but they are not enough of an incentive to follow through with anything.

[sdlaura]

I can’t imagine having enough time for everything if we all weren’t home till 6 pm - that’s tough. Things vary day to day for us a ton, so we really can’t get into a flow. My kids are signed up for multiple sports teams and there’s no way to know what days and times the practices will be until the seasons get going. I don’t really police screen time at all unless we end up with an issue. They do only use screens downstairs and put them away around 8 for bedtime routines/family time.

DD is entering middle school (7th grade here) and gets out at 2:45 pm. If she makes the flag football team, she’ll have practice and games 3-4 pm 3 days a week at school, with games sometimes being a little later. She’s also trying out for softball teams right now and that schedule is TBD.

DS1 and DS2 both are in elementary school on our street. Aftercare is open until 6 pm but usually we have them come home around 5. We can text aftercare and they’ll send them down the street, which is so nice. Both will have 1-2 soccer practices a week this fall.

DS3’s preschool is open 7:30-5:30 so we can usually get older kids to their after school practices before having to pick him up.

Luckily we don’t really have much homework here. It typically gets done during the school day, and I’m told that should mostly continue to be the case in middle for DD.

DH is usually in his office Tuesday and Wednesday and WFH the other days. In usually in my office Monday and Wednesday, but I also travel for work and I’m on the road 1-2 days a week, often with flights but luckily mostly day trips. DH works stock market hours on the west coast so that helps that he’s done early most days.

So, as you can tell, there is no way we’re going to get into any kind of family schedule, so I don’t even try 🤷‍♀️Usually we can keep it together for a couple months, then my parents come stay at their condo here for a month (one out of every three months) and having four adults for a bit keeps us from losing our minds Everyday is a puzzle/logistical challenge.