MOOKS - highschool and drinking

[ECB]

I need to know that I'm not crazy.

My son is going into 10th, so we obviously just went through 9th. 

If your child is around this age, what was your perception/experience/understanding of what other 9th graders were doing as far as alcohol and parties go? 

I know that kids will sneak and try alcohol to some degree- I'm not blind.  But I mean PARTIES. Before or after dances, perhaps, or even just a general weekend.  Was there a lot of drinking and a lot of parties?  Especially parties where parents were there and knowingly let alcohol come into the house? 

[frlcb]

My son is a junior and I was surprised his freshman year at the parents who knowingly and willingly either had or let their kids go to parties with alcohol. One mom told me that they kept the groups 'small' so they could keep an eye on them.

[gretchenindisguise]

It’s really variable depending on friend group.

I know of some kids drinking often, stealing liquor from parents for parties.

I know of other kids actively getting drunk before school or activities.

I know of other kids who don’t drink at all and aren’t really around it.

Eta - 9th and 10th graders from the experience above.

[cjcouple]

My oldest just graduated and he never had a drink until after graduation/recently.
He had a few opportunities but he always said no. Drinking really wasn't that prevalent in his class/grade to be honest.

He was very honest with me about the kids who drank and smoked. Not many drank tbh.

Vaping weed was everywhere however and started in middle school. Often in the school bathrooms but schools have a really hard time catching them.

My youngest is also a sophomore this year and he hasn't been exposed to drinking yet. I heard a girl in his class say her friends drink (and I saw one girl vaping last week) but that's definitely not a social circle of my sons.

IME majority of kids are not interested in drinking or smoking.

Unfortunately, we had a couple losses over the last couple years. The kids were drinking and driving in one case. I'm not looking to victim blame at all but one particular car full (2 died) were out at 3am and don't exactly have curfews or particularly involved parents. One kid had even dropped out as a sophomore and just smokes weed all day in his room. (before accident)

Sadly the driver that survived has been charged with their deaths. (as he should be). One was his girlfriend. Another passenger I think is still in a coma a year later. All of their lives were changed forever before they even hit 18yo.

Personally, I still strongly encouraged my kids to say no BUT I'm extremely clear that if they were ever to be in a bad situation, never ever ever get in a car with someone high or drinking.

I've told them to call me or their older cousins anytime. DS1 will he 18 next month and leaving for college and I said even if he needs to call an Uber, I'd cover it.

Neither have ever been at a party where the parents knowingly allowed alcohol.

[InBetweenDays]

We have a rising sophomore and there were a few parties where the parents knowingly allowed alcohol. One where the parents actually got a hotel downtown for the night so their kids could have the party without the parents there.

DS went to the party for a bit and said it was crazy. People were stealing things and one girl had to go to the hospital to get her stomach pumped. I cannot fathom letting my kids have a party like that or allowing others' kids to have alcohol in our house.

[cjcouple]

To add: I definitely think this is location specific. I'd ask parents in your area with older kids.

[waverly]

Most likely friend group, location specific.

Mine is only in 8th so no experience for 9th/ 10th grade yet. But our neighbors across the street used to have high school age parties, supply the alcohol and let the kids drive drunk. We called the cops on them at least 3-4 times. Luckily it died down when the kids went away to college. They were also “known quantities” to the police as in been involved in other minor issues.

[bittybomb]

My rising junior is a home body and doesn’t go out but I know for sure his classmates have been drinking since as early as 8th grade. We are close friends with parents of one of his classmates (our daughters, rising freshmen) are close but our boys kind of can’t stand each other. They turned a blind eye at their son’s 15th birthday party end of freshmen year to the booze that was being brought in. One of the dads when he found out told them he hopes they didn’t take it away because his son worked hard for the money to buy it. I was agog. And it has definitely impacted how much time we will allow our daughter to spend there. Because we are not down with that.

They also party in the woods here. It is the worst kept secret in town and very few parents seem to care. I’m not sure how we will handle it because we haven’t had to yet, but I cannot see us just pretending to play dumb.

[gummybear]

Freshman year I know there were some larger parties where there was alcohol. I don't think we've had an instance where parents have allowed it, but it's happened - imo it was a lot of testing the waters and finding friend groups etc. There have also been field and woods parties, as pp mentioned. Drinking def. does not seems as prevalent as it as in the 90s when I was in high school, but vaping/pot is def more common and not relegated to the "stoners". But overall, the drinking/party thing was a lot less of an issue than I expected - esp. since out older one is the wild child of the family who likes to test limits.

[1confused1]

I have a senior and a sophomore.

My senior is not interested in drinking. There definitely is alcohol at parties but he doesn’t indulge. Some of his friends drink but they are smart about it.

My sophomore is a homebody and hasn’t started going to parties yet.

That being said, I drank in high school and am open with my kids about it. I told them I just want them to be safe. We live in a small town and they know they can call anyone for a ride if they need one.

[JayhawkGirl]

We live in a small subdivision so my view right now is from that… I feel like 8 to 10 years ago. We would see pretty big team parties at some of the houses. Have not had that at all the last few years. We have quite a few High school around us. Our oldest is a freshman and I have predictions on which houses might be the more complacent parents.

We have always allowed finger tastes (dip your finger in), and as expected, the kids have never liked it.

[maudefindlay]

Aug 18, 2024 12:14:58 GMT -5 ECB said:

I need to know that I'm not crazy.

My son is going into 10th, so we obviously just went through 9th. 

If your child is around this age, what was your perception/experience/understanding of what other 9th graders were doing as far as alcohol and parties go? 

I know that kids will sneak and try alcohol to some degree- I'm not blind.  But I mean PARTIES. Before or after dances, perhaps, or even just a general weekend.  Was there a lot of drinking and a lot of parties?  Especially parties where parents were there and knowingly let alcohol come into the house? 


I agree variable on friend group.  DS1 is  a new sophomore and so far any parties/hangouts parents are home and no alcohol.  They are all runners and would be cut if caught drinking or smoking/vaping.  

[abs]

Going to be friend group/location dependent I think.

It’s definitely happening here. One of my good friends has twins going into 10th. She said they lost all their friends over the summer because the twins weren’t comfortable drinking and that’s pretty much all that was happening in the friend group. Parties and alcohol. A lot of it is parent provided under the guise of experimenting somewhere safe. Another friend with a high school senior says the same.

These are good popular kids that make great grades and are active in sports.

DD is only in 8th and hasn’t reported that happening yet. She is definitely not part of the sporty popular group where it seems more prevalent though. We do have frequent conversations about staying true to yourself but also calling home for help is always ok and won’t lead to punishment. I don’t know. The real teen years are just starting. Seems impossible to navigate.

ETA: unlike other locations drinking seems like more of a thing than vaping. I know that happens, too, though.

[SusanBAnthony]

My going into 11th grader isnt into it and is also oblivious so he goesnt report it to me but who knows. Im sure some kids must.

My going into 9th grader is in a super nerdy and rule following friend group and i havent seen it at all. She is socially aware and definitely reports things like this so im sure I'll hear from her in the next year or so.


Definitely vaping seems to be the bigger issue.

[penguingrrl]

I think it really happens everywhere, but some friend groups are more prone than others. My oldest is starting senior year. They’ve been invited to parties where drinking was involved but had no interest in going because they mostly didn’t like the kids going. I have no idea of parents we’re supplying alcohol, but would judge that really hard.

But vaping weed during school is huge in our school. It’s so bad that my kid won’t use the school bathrooms because they always reek of weed.

[leahcar]

Definitely depends on your kid’s social circle. Weed is far more prevalent in my older kids’ circles than drinking. My 18 and 19 yo both got busted (by me) with weed in their senior years of HS. Where they got weed, in the age of fentanyl, was a far bigger issue for me than the act itself.

Bonus baby didn’t drink at all until after high school. My 18 yo, with our blessing, drank a handful of times (2) at the very end of senior year (grad get togethers with very small groups of friends).

My 16 yo is on the spectrum so her social circle is small by choice. It also hasn’t involved substances of any kind.

[katfco]

DD has a very small friend group and due to her health hasn't been invited to parties, but she and I have talked about alcohol. Because of her meds, it would be incredibly dangerous for her to drink at all.

Like others have said, vaping weed is a much bigger issue. In my high school, it's a huge problem with kids vaping in the restrooms.

[eb777888]

We don't allow David to drink, but we've had the talk many times that if he's out and needs a ride, we promise to get him home safely and he won't be in trouble. I also told him that we won't go scorched earth if we find out he's had alcohol. Anything's possible, but I'd be shocked if the parents in his friend circle supplied him with alcohol. And I think if David's tried it, it's probably from mine and H's stash, not his friends sneaking it, lol. But, maybe? David did tell me that his friend told him that he snuck alcohol, so his friends are definitely sneaking and I think it's only matter of time before David does. My main concern is drinking and driving.

[mcppalmbeach]

I have a new sophomore and it hasn’t been a thing. His friend group doesn’t have any drivers yet so there isn’t really access to big parties where there might be drinking. They hang out at each others houses and I’m very confident no parentally authorized drinking has gone on. This also held true for my friend’s daughter…junior year there has been more exposure.

Weed vaping definitely seems bigger here than alcohol until like senior year. My son told me last year that his female friend’s older sister definitely let one of their mutual girl friends try her weed vape when she was driving them somewhere. My son definitely seems curious about all this, I’m not going to stick my head in the sand and pretend he’s not going to experiment, but I am keeping the lines of communication open to remind him that we will come pick him or his friends anytime anywhere.

[mcppalmbeach]

My son went to his friend’s sister’s grad party last year and one of her gifts was apparently a gigantic brick of weed and the mom also told me that she had definitely been drinking a lot this summer and lots of parent approved partying.

[scm1011]

I'm....surprised at how many are saying their older HS kids aren't interested in drinking.

My sister has kids who are 17, 19, and 22 and was the mom who was okay with kids drinking at her house ("better here than somewhere else!"). I'm not sure I'll be that chill, but I'm also not naive enough to think my kids aren't going to drink in HS. I started drinking fairly regularly around 10th grade and was smoking weed before that. I'd say the kids who weren't drinking were in the minority.

[lostrn]

My DS is a junior this year and going to parties and drinking has not been his thing so far. He doesn't tell me about his friends drinking although he does tell me how he hates to go the school bathrooms because there's frequently drug dealing going on. Lovely.
I think part of why parties have not been a thing for him, and us, is because we live 30-45 minutes from his school depending on traffic. He's just too far away to be included in lots of the plans unless it's well planned out (the drama kids tend to plan things far enough ahead of time that we can arrange transportation for him) and so far everything he's gone to has been public, restaurants, bowling alley, arcade style places.

His old friends from middle school that live nearby are so far a little too nerdy? Geeky? To be into partying like that. Usually they get together at one girl's house and are supervised by her grandmother the whole time lol.

We have let him have tastes of various drinks with us or other family, so far he isn't impressed and doesn't seem interested. I'll take it for now! Much different than me as a teenager, that's for sure.

[heygrey]

Aug 18, 2024 17:44:58 GMT -5 scm1011 said:

I'm....surprised at how many are saying their older HS kids aren't interested in drinking.

My sister has kids who are 17, 19, and 22 and was the mom who was okay with kids drinking at her house ("better here than somewhere else!"). I'm not sure I'll be that chill, but I'm also not naive enough to think my kids aren't going to drink in HS. I started drinking fairly regularly around 10th grade and was smoking weed before that. I'd say the kids who weren't drinking were in the minority.

I was this kid so they are out there. I was not interested in the party scene and never had any desire to see what I was missing. I had my first drink at 22 and hated it. I did find alcohol that I liked and drank eventually.

That said, I know there were several kids in my friend group whose parents would have said their kids weren't interested in drinking and yet they were at a party every weekend, lying about their whereabouts to their parents.

[arehopsveggies]

We aren’t there yet but it seems like for the teenagers we know, weed is more prevalent than drinking.

[cmeon]

Alcohol use/abuse during 8th-12th grades has been dropping since a high in the 1990's (with an unsurprising blip in 2020)- it is definitely NOT the norm in current highschoolers. It still happens, and there are some odd parents that support it- but it's come up zero times for my senior. He's in a very academic circle (like they all meet to study at a local university library and... actually study), and doesn't have a lot of crossover with the groups still drinking.

Vaping is definitely the bigger issue. All our schools (even elementary) have particle detectors (ETA in the bathrooms), but vapes are so tiny and inconspicuous that these kids don't need to vape in bathrooms or run off campus- they can vape walking down the hall without adults noticing. We've had some very public HS overdoses related to vaping during my son's years at the school, it had a dampening effect for awhile- but it seems to be back to prior levels this year.

[InBetweenDays]

Aug 18, 2024 18:42:08 GMT -5 cmeon said:

Alcohol use/abuse during 8th-12th grades has been dropping since a high in the 1990's (with an unsurprising blip in 2020)- it is definitely NOT the norm in current highschoolers. It still happens, and there are some odd parents that support it- but it's come up zero times for my senior. He's in a very academic circle (like they all meet to study at a local university library and... actually study), and doesn't have a lot of crossover with the groups still drinking.

Vaping is definitely the bigger issue. All our schools (even elementary) have particle detectors (ETA in the bathrooms), but vapes are so tiny and inconspicuous that these kids don't need to vape in bathrooms or run off campus- they can vape walking down the hall without adults noticing. We've had some very public HS overdoses related to vaping during my son's years at the school, it had a dampening effect for awhile- but it seems to be back to prior levels this year.

Drinking is still the norm in the high schools around here. There are still lots of parties with alcohol, spodies on the beach, etc. There is vaping as well, but drinking is still very common.

[cmeon]

Aug 18, 2024 20:10:37 GMT -5 InBetweenDays said:

Aug 18, 2024 18:42:08 GMT -5 cmeon said:

Alcohol use/abuse during 8th-12th grades has been dropping since a high in the 1990's (with an unsurprising blip in 2020)- it is definitely NOT the norm in current highschoolers. It still happens, and there are some odd parents that support it- but it's come up zero times for my senior. He's in a very academic circle (like they all meet to study at a local university library and... actually study), and doesn't have a lot of crossover with the groups still drinking.

Vaping is definitely the bigger issue. All our schools (even elementary) have particle detectors (ETA in the bathrooms), but vapes are so tiny and inconspicuous that these kids don't need to vape in bathrooms or run off campus- they can vape walking down the hall without adults noticing. We've had some very public HS overdoses related to vaping during my son's years at the school, it had a dampening effect for awhile- but it seems to be back to prior levels this year.

Drinking is still the norm in the high schools around here. There are still lots of parties with alcohol, spodies on the beach, etc. There is vaping as well, but drinking is still very common.

www.niaaa.nih.gov/alcohols-effects-health/alcohol-topics/alcohol-facts-and-statistics/underage-drinking-united-states-ages-12-20

www.niaaa.nih.gov/alcohols-effects-health/alcohol-topics/alcohol-facts-and-statistics/alcohol-use-united-states-age-groups-and-demographic-characteristics (see the 12-17 groups, as 18 is included with all the older ages in these stats).

www.responsibility.org/alcohol-statistics/underage-drinking-statistics (lots and lots of charts).

I believe you- but overall, drinking in this age group is down- way down.

[erbear]

This did not happen for my 9th grader last year. She went to some parties with kids in her class and older (she has teammates on the soccer team who she's friends with who are juniors and seniors). I gave her the "if kids are drinking, you need to call me and I'll come get you" speech and she was all "Mom. Why would we be drinking?" and I believe her for now...she's a crap liar.

I teach 8th grade. The kids don't drink much anymore -- not like we did in high school -- they vape a ton and smoke weed but they don't drink.

[eb777888]

I recently read that young Millenials and Gen Z are drinking much less compared to their Gen X parents who are apparently the heaviest drinkers. I can see that. My only thoughts about Gen Z is that they are still young, and my anecdote is that I only drank once as a teen and never again until my early 20's, then drank heaviest in my 30's. Gen Z is still young so Idk, but David also doesn't really express interest to drink but.. he's 15. Things can change.

[akayf]

Both DH and I were total nerds in high school and didn’t have friends who drank. My first time drinking was as a college freshman. Not sure for DH. Our kids are the same.

My oldest is a junior and is 16. Only parties he has been to are school ones(official school cast party for the play, end of the year banquet for marching band, etc). He’s never been invited to any other parties as far as I know. His group of actual friends, not just classmates he’a friendly with, is small and like him are all social awkward. He’s also very immature for his age.

My younger one is 13 and in 8th and isn’t as awkward but his friends also aren’t into parties.

Both complain about the vaping in the bathrooms. They think vaping and smoking is gross.