Another August Monday

[mommyatty]

DD starts school this Wednesday and cannot wait. DS starts his first full week back. It’s still crazy pants with Meet the Teacher nights and all that back to school jazz.

Work is pretty calm this week, which is great since I feel like I’m coming down with something.

[twinmomma]

It's a dreary Monday here so I'm glad to be working from home. I dropped the girls off with my parents yesterday for a few days of what they call "Grammy Camp." They love getting some one on one time with my mom and dad. Last summer one of the highlights was "game show time" at night before bed. They'd watch Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune, and other game shows all together.

I just scheduled myself a doctor's appointment for later today. I've been having breast pain all weekend and it's not going away. There's not so much a "lump" as my entire boob is just hard and uncomfortable. I seriously feel like when I got mastitis while breastfeeding, but that makes zero sense. Even just brushing my arm up against it hurts, so I'm hoping they can figure out some answers to make it feel better.

[mae0111]

twinmomma, good luck - I hope you feel better!
mommyatty, I hope your DS is settling in well.

We had a semi-quiet weekend. DD1 had a total meltdown on Friday night because DH and I were watching TV and she decided that SHE wanted to watch something different, and it could ONLY be viewed on the TV that we were using. That turned into 90 mins of her screaming. I've been following a therapist that gives pointers for dealing with these meltdowns, and I think I handled it much better than usual. But these meltdowns always leads to me being unable to sleep, so I fell asleep around 2 and woke up around 6. The rest of the weekend was quiet - DD2 went off with friends Sat and to a birthday party on Sun, and DD1 caught the cold that the rest of us had last week so she just kind of laid low. DH and I hung by the pool for a bit, grabbed some dinner, and then just a ton of stuff around the house on Sunday.

We have a lot of little things to do this week. Orthodontist appointments, Macbook pickups at school, 2 hr family therapy session. We will all head to the beach house midweek, staggering times to accommodate the different appointments. The kids have just under 2.5 weeks left of summer, neither has finished their summer reading, and I can't believe we're almost back to school... and that I'm going to have a high schooler! Yikes!

[rere]

Busy weekend. We moved Dds stuff to school and came back Friday. When we get back, Ds has his truck motor taken apart with all of the usual issues and aggravation of working on a motor.

Saturday we bought all the things for Dds apartment at school and then we all went to a barbecue fundraiser. Ds got to see a lot of people in one space before he goes back.

Sunday, the kids wanted to see Deadpool. Not my favorite, but I'm usually just there for popcorn. Then home to cook burgers.

This week is so busy. The kids are trying to fit in visiting grandparents. I have training 2 days for a new program. They want to go out to eat one night and cook chili Wednesday because the high is below 80. Dd leaves Thursday and Ds leaves Friday or Saturday, he hasn't decided.

[waverly]

I found out on Thursday that DD was sitting with bully girl on the bus assigned seats. So I emailed the transportation director to ask if she can switch seats. They have no classes together, so this is the only time they would really be interacting. So hopefully the seat change helps things. They just need to not be around each other.

Also found out that mom's manipulated the Washington DC rooms because the boys that DS were going to room with came in and told him well apparently our moms have a group chat, so you are out and this other boy is in the room because of the moms. Super eyerolly, but he found another group and seems fine, so I am not saying anything to DS about it anymore. These parents have been manipulating this kind of stuff (sports, cub scouts, boy scouts, fundraisers) for years, and honestly it is on my last nerve.  What will they do when they can't snowplow things for their kids anymore?  

Also, I wondered if I was a hypocrite because I literally emailed the school about my DD while complaining about moms manipulating, but I think bullying rises to the level of getting involved especially because it was literally all last year.  I have no more patience for it.  They had a summer apart- time to grow up. 

Otherwise our weekend was great. DH and I went on a day date on Saturday and DD had a tournament game on Sunday where they did awesome.

[macmars45]

It's trainings and such this week so back to work for me today after 9 long weeks! Only two days this week but I'm beyond ready! Yay work.

#elementaryschoolemployee

[mommyatty]

rere, the high is below 80?? I am so jealous. Right now our lows aren’t even hitting 80. By August of every year, I’m asking myself why the F I still live in Texas. It is such a beating.

[librarychica]

waverly, those moms are bitches.

We had a meh weekend. On paper it was great, in reality I am tired. H and I have been having some rather contentious conversations. It is so frustrating because we are both really trying but it’s like we are speaking completely different languages.

I’m also really mad at my brother for something he said to H yesterday and then to DD2 about weight. I don’t actually think he meant anything by it, but I made it clear that I don’t want to hear any comment related to the weight of anyone in my household. There is no reason to bring it up, keep your mouth shut.

To top it off, DD1 has caught her annual back-to-school cold and is pretty sure she is dying. She also got into it with her earth space science teacher about school supplies. Which is a silly thing to argue about. She’s never gotten into an argument with a teacher or had any behavior issues before and it’s a high school level course (she’s in 7th) so it will affect her HS gpa before she even gets there. I have concerns based on some of what she said that this could be an ongoing issue. The guidance counselor sent out schedule change forms and I offered to ask her to be moved — she could just take advanced science, we could use the line that her parents hadn’t realized it was a HS course when it was added to her schedule. That would be true! I had no idea anyone would stick my 7th grader into a high school science course? But she insisted she wants to be in that course no matter the teacher’s idiosyncrasies so I was like, well, keep your head down and work twice as hard so she has nothing to call you out on I guess?

[sdlaura]

It was a pretty good weekend with not too much scheduled stuff.

DS2 got invited last minute to a friend's house for dinner and swimming Friday night, and it was soooo nice to have a quieter house. He is my 1st grader who is super sweet but also super social and just cannot entertain himself. Saturday my kids wanted to go to the local pool that has high dives, so we did that and they had fun. Then Saturday night DD went to her friend's 13th bday party backyard camping sleepover, and they invited all the parents to stay and eat and drink after drop-off. I got a babysitter for the boys and DH and I went and enjoyed ourselves for a few hours.

Yesterday DH took DS1 to the driving range in the morning (DH just got him so clubs on eBay since he took golf lessons last spring and has showed some interest). Then I took my kids and the friend that DD had stayed overnight with to lunch and to Dave & Busters (kids' request), then when we got back, friends were meeting at our community pool, so we went there too. Then I cleaned my house up last night - I really wanted to just sit on the couch, but I'm happy to be a little organized going into the week.

My kids fight with each other constantly, especially my two middle boys, and it's become a real issue this summer. I just got the book Siblings Without Rivalry. I'm considering finding a therapist for DS1, too - he is usually the aggressor. I think part of it is jealousy that DD and DS2 get along with other people more easily and have more friends. I've tried explaining to DS1 that other parents aren't going to invite us to things or invite him on play dates or sleepovers if they see him constantly being mean to his little brother, but it's like he can't help himself.

[waverly]

sdlaura , DD needs therapy. I'm trying to convince DH, but I think I may just be at the point of scheduling it and DH can deal with it. He has #reasons for being reluctant, but our experience is not the same as his experience, so I don't know that his reasons about his childhood should really factor in.  I tried to schedule it already, but it was a man, and I want a woman if they will be alone together.  

[erbear]

We just got back from a great week with friends at the beach. The friends are the only family we all have a friend -- parents are great, DD2 (13) and their daughter are besties and DD1 (15.5) and their son are good friends. I'm wondering at what point we need to stop letting them sleep in the same room, but I really think they are just best buds.

Just doing chores and errands and laundry today. DD1 starts preseason for soccer tonight, which is a pain since school is 20 minutes away and it's a 3 hour practice so not really enough time to go back and forth but also I don't really want to be at school for 3 hours. I do have some work to do in my classroom, so I'll do that a couple of days but blah. 

I have to schedule a meeting with my boss and I'm so annoyed with him. You know when you KNOW you're being a jerk and you can't help it? That's me right now.

[supertrooper1]

I was dreading the weekend but it turned out ok. I changed my expectations about going to the county fair and ended up having fun. Beau's son and DIL pushed DS out of his comfort zone and convinced him to go on some bigger rides. He had a blast and I'm glad he graduated from some of the kiddie rides. Sunday Beau went riding with his son and brother so DS and I went school clothes shopping by ourselves. We got some clothes and shoes, but DS started getting grumpy so it was cut short. I'll probably buy more online in a couple months as the weather changes.

DS is at robotics camp this week. Beau is off today and tomorrow and volunteered to drop off and pick up for the first two days. After that, I'll have to drive in early to Beau's work, work a couple hours and then drop DS off and pick him up with my lunch break time since camp is 45 minutes round trip from my house.

[186momx]

Weekend was weird
Friday DD was in so much pain mouth wise I called the allergy office hoping to find out if there was anything I could give her. She has testing tomorrow and the doc said no meds, supplements, Tylenol, ibuprofen a week before. The office is closed on Fridays so I had to call the ask a nurse line who then had to call me back with the on call doc. Finally here back and he was why did they tell you that she can't take cold meds or allergy meds but Tylenol, vitamins, melatonin are all good. She skipped practice as we were trying to get the pain under control and on top of all that her period started Friday so that was making her be just extra.

Saturday she was in a much better place and I got DH to take her to Get Air, which turned into a nightmare because the had to update her waiver which he couldn't do so the lady had to call the manager to ask if DD could fill it out as dad was having issues. Then we had to biggest t-storm Saturday afternoon which caused the dog to flip so we spent the afternoon evening having a movies with loud beats going to distract the dog.
Sunday we went over to the coast and had a great day even if DH got crankier as the day went on. He wouldn't even speak with DD or I by the time we got home because I gasp stopped at my sisters house to pick up the back-to-school clothes she got for DD.

[sdlaura]

Aug 19, 2024 12:57:28 GMT -5 waverly said:

sdlaura , DD needs therapy. I'm trying to convince DH, but I think I may just be at the point of scheduling it and DH can deal with it. He has #reasons for being reluctant, but our experience is not the same as his experience, so I don't know that his reasons about his childhood should really factor in.  I tried to schedule it already, but it was a man, and I want a woman if they will be alone together.  

waverly, my DH is a bit resistant as well. He has had therapy in the past, while I have not. I got two recommendations from friends in our area, one of whom is a mental health professional. I just need to have a talk with DS1 and DH. DS1 doesn't fit the criteria for most stuff on autism or ADHD lists, but I just think I can help make life better for him (and us as his parents, and for his siblings) if I can get him some help with emotional regulation and social interaction.

[mae0111]

sdlaura, oh, my friend, I hear you on this. My kids have been fighting a ton for the past couple of years, but it really peaked this summer with a full on, minor-league-hockey caliber brawl. Like, haymakers, kicking, punching... total insanity. Their therapist has been out of town for a few weeks on her honeymoon, so she hasn't been able to opine on the latest...

For us, it's DD1's complete inability to be flexible. This is an ADHD thing, an NVLD thing, and also just her personality, I think. If you combine her hyperfixations, hormones, and her view that the world is totally unfair... it's just tough. DD2 went with the flow for YEARS, just kind of letting her sister take the lead and accepting whatever crumb of attention she's throw her way. DD2 is much more popular and has an easier time making and keeping friends despite her shyness and anxiety, and I do think there's some jealousy there. Like today - DD2 went out with a friend, but no one is around for DD1 because she really only has a few people that she can call... I do feel badly for her, but some of this is of her own making... for example... she wanted to have 2 friends down to our beach house for an overnight. One of the friends didn't feel comfortable coming - she has anxiety and doesn't like to sleep over at other people's houses. DD1 won't speak to her anymore. Well... so now you've made the choice to cut that friend off... one less friend.

It's hard to watch, and even harder to manage it. Therapy has helped a LOT, and in DD1's case, medication has also been extremely helpful to manage some of this. She's a much easier person when she's not in her ADHD hyperfocused state.

[marie]

DD 1 starts high school soccer tryouts today… very stressful! She made JV last year as a freshman and got called up to sit with Varsity in the playoffs, so I am cautiously optimistic? She will care A LOT if she doesn’t make varsity, but also put in exactly zero effort this summer getting ready for it. She would get annoyed when I asked if she wanted to practice/run, so she will have to own the outcome.

I hope she makes it of course, but hopefully she also learns to prepare if it something that is really important to her.

[sdlaura]

mae0111 we have near daily kicks and punches....part of that I think is pretty normal with a bunch of little boys. One of my friends pointed out that it's not really fair to compare DS1's social skills to my DD and my DS2, since they are both especially social kids. And I think that was a good point. But I do feel like we're at the point of people not wanting to spend time with DS1 and with our family due to his behavior, and DS1 clearly craves more socialization (he asks if his two best friends can join us for everything we do), so I want to try to help him.

[mae0111]

sdlaura, I hear you. DD1 wants to be busy and with friends every second of every day. This is why sleepaway camp is so great for her - she is surrounded by her peers and scheduled/busy for literally every second of her day. I just could never keep up with her, as I'm an introvert and I don't want to be busy/surrounded by people all the time. At your DS's age, we had a lot of friends over 1-2 times, and then they wouldn't come back. We also had a lot of trouble with DD1 taking over DD2's play dates - pulling her friends away from an activity to do something else. DD2 was fine with DD1 joining them, but she would intervene, end the game/activity/whatever, and literally lead her friend away to do something else, excluding DD2 completely. I finally had to keep them separated when friends were here.

And DD2 is no longer the innocent in this. She picks a ton of fights. But she has the ability to kind of ramp down after a while... DD1 just keeps going.

It's really hard. DD1 is not open to coaching from me, which is why a therapist has been helpful. When she hears it from others, it seems to stick a bit better. Maybe that would be the case for your DS1 too? We've found that it's been helpful for a lot of issues.

But we've stopped doing a lot as a family. We will go to the beach together once in a while, and I literally just walk away from them when the fighting starts. With both kids having ADHD, the fighting is a dopamine source. If they're not fighting with each other, they're fighting with me. It's really tough. I'm getting better at just leaving or tuning them out when it happens at home. I've finally told them that we can't go anywhere as a family because I will no longer be embarrassed in public by their inability to behave appropriately in public.

[erbear]

Aug 19, 2024 13:34:40 GMT -5 marie said:

DD 1 starts high school soccer tryouts today… very stressful! She made JV last year as a freshman and got called up to sit with Varsity in the playoffs, so I am cautiously optimistic? She will care A LOT if she doesn’t make varsity, but also put in exactly zero effort this summer getting ready for it. She would get annoyed when I asked if she wanted to practice/run, so she will have to own the outcome.

I hope she makes it of course, but hopefully she also learns to prepare if it something that is really important to her.

This is my kid to a T 😂

[186momx]

sdlaura, my girlfriend has 4 kids your kids age and she says they fight like crazy. I asked if she could leave the oldest and one of the other kids home to help make errand running easier and she said no way the oldest is the worst at pushing everyone's buttons. She was so surprised her 3 big kids weren't fighting and said it must be because of my DD. She said it was all out war after we went home and they went back to her grandma's house.

[sdlaura]

186momx I am lucky that as long as it's not my middle two together, we can leave some kids home. We do a lot of dividing and conquering. It's really just that anytime DS1 (10) is around DS2 (7), DS1 is trying to push his buttons and they end up fighting. Then sometimes DD ends up getting involved to try to avenge whatever brother she thinks has been wronged. Usually the 4-year-old is not involved unless it's for fun (it's pretty cute when he says "it wrestle time" and wants to wrestle for fun with his brothers).

So we often leave DD home with any of her brothers, as long as it's not DS1 and DS2 together, and we can leave DS1 with DS3 - he is sweet to his littlest brother. DS2, the 7-year-old, is the most energetic and the most annoying to have home since he'd rather be out, so I often take him with me wherever I'm going (often to a game or event for DD), just to split everyone up.

mae0111 I do remember when I read "123 Magic" that the author recommended just not going places/doing things as a whole family if the kids are always fighting. Especially since relationships change over time. But my DS1's behavior has gone on long enough that I need some help.

[campermom]

It’s back to work for me next week. This is the rush week of supplies and clothes. Kids go to dads this weekend, except older DS bc he wanted to go to his best friends bday at a lake and sleepover and ExH didn’t want to drive him bc it’s not convenient. I’m taking him to another friends house Friday night, she’s getting him to the party while I go to boyfriends/spend the night there/run a race in his town on my weekend off.

Son tells dad he will just not go anymore. Dad tells him if he refuses; then he’s “allowed to not take him places he wants to go” in different weekends that he does go.

I now have a DSS caseworker assigned to us and we are playing phone tag about the kids missing child support.

[campermom]

mae0111 just hugs.

[mommyatty]

mae0111 , I’m glad you’re able to take that mental step back and separate you and your well-being from their behavior. A ton of stuff about pathological demand avoidance pops up on my Reels feed in Facebook, probably because it’s common with ADHD and autism, and it makes me think of your DD1 whenever I see it.

[mae0111]

mommyatty, It's interesting, I had been seeing a lot of stuff about PDA as well. I tried to kind of pay attention and maybe follow some of the cues and recommendations, and I felt like I was creating a monster.

Then I started following ADHD Dude and he has a very different take on PDA. He said that he's had a lot of people come to his practice that kind of followed the PDA instructions, and things got a LOT worse in their houses. His counsel is more around being in charge (vs partnering with your child about decisions since ADHD is really an executive functioning disorder and decisions are really difficult), and really disengaging from the fighting (because fighting is a source of dopamine). It makes a TON of sense to me with regard to both kids, but mostly DD1. It's incredibly difficult to disengage from the fighting when there is sooooo much emotional manipulation at play... kids can be downright mean when they want something... But I'm slowly training myself to ask "Is what they're saying true? No? Then let it go and walk away."

So I'm trying to disengage from the fighting (as you said) and really just stop asking for opinions on things. It stinks as I want to start building autonomy for DD1, but she has proven repeatedly that she's not ready for that.

[186momx]

Allergy skin testing came back inconclusive today for DD. They sent her to the lab for blood work tests. She has tiny veins and the nurse couldn't get her vein to open. She had to call another tech to do a baby IV style draw that took a lot longer. It was her 1st blood draw and kind of a disaster. Allergy doc is still saying it's food dependent exercise induced and for DD to avoid dairy and wheat 6 hours before exercise. We got a note about the EPI pen and I have a phone call into the school asking to meet the admin to discuss schedule and EPI pen stuff. Just a restful Tuesday.