Stories that Sound Bad (some@)

[livinitup]

The post about going on the work trip made me think about the time that I got on a plane after I dropped DH at the ER. That sounds really bad.

I was going to a funeral. It was a bit tragic, the person who died was only 38 and had a sudden and previously undiagnosed cardiac event. He was close in age to me and H. H and I just had dinner together and I was leaving for the airport and he said he had chest pains. No symptoms, nada. We both know that he has a little bit of hypochondria, so we decided to have him checked at the ER, call his brother to meet him, and call me if the EKG was worrisome. I would go through security but wait at the gate for news. He was fine, I flew out.

I also left him with the baby.

[blondemoment123]

STBXH had a medical event that required him to be brought to the hospital via ambulance. Instead of going with him, I stayed with DS while my dad met him at the hospital.

[EvieEthelGarland]

When my MIL was in hospice care, DH practically moved down to her place and I stayed at home with DS. One night my bestie ordered pizza for the kids and took me to our neighborhood bistro for early dinner at happy hour. That's when MIL passed. I missed the call. My friend finally noticed my sister had called her twice. DH was really glad I had gotten out, but my dad was like "you were at a bar?!?!"

[ewall]

To stay on theme:

It was end of quarter, I had a deadline project so I was out of town. DD had Covid so home from summer camp, DH took the sick days. Then the power went out so they are home in 90+ degrees with no AC. DH neglected to tell me he felt poorly and had a fever. After I returned home, he eventually went to the ER and apparently met the criteria for sepsis. Well. During his overnight ER adventure, I was home with the kids sleeping, drinking bottle of white wine that project client had given me. I don't like white wine, but it was a weird time.

As a follow up sounds bad, he had a reoccurrence later in the year. Again, ER but admitted pending surgery under general anesthesia. When he finally got on the schedule, I think the OR staff was a little WTF about me not being there the day of. We live 5 mins from the hospital, there was nothing I could do for him, DH just wanted it over with. I did drive him home afterwards! We went back later to pick up his car.

[mommyatty]

DH’s dad died on DD’s 3rd birthday. When he died, DH and MIL were with him, and he died at home with hospice care. I was in the middle of a birthday party for my 3 year old, with my BFF and her family over. But DH and MIL both said they didn’t want to disappoint DD and they didn’t want the 1 and 3 year olds there, so I had to be home with them anyway.

[wanderingback]

I’m pretty sure our whole relationship has stories that sound bad lol. But that’s why we’re perfect for each other. We’re both independent but supportive and know what works for us!

[W.T.Faulkner]

My father-in-law died last Tuesday night after a long, long illness and about six weeks in the hospital. I was down the shore with our kids and my parents, while my husband was at home by himself (he’d had to work). His sister called and told me that FIL had passed because she couldn’t reach H (he was working). I ended up being the one to tell him, over the phone, a hundred miles away from him.

My husband had wanted us to go to the shore without him, and told me not to come home until we’d planned to do so.

My late father-in-law missed the live streaming of his late sister’s funeral service (he was in PA; she in SC, and as mentioned, he was severely disabled) because he was binge-watching Billions and completely forgot. That IS as bad as it sounds. lol

[ssmjlm]

I was away for work training when DH took E ice skating and she broke her leg. I still had another 1.5 days of class and asked him if I needed to drop everything and get home. He said no, he could manage it.

[midwestmama]

We were at an out-of-state baseball tournament for DS a few years ago. Three days into our time there, DH got a VM from his grandpa saying that MIL got into a car accident and was in the hospital. DH's grandpa (who can sometimes be a grumpy old man) told DH that he "needed to come to the hospital right now and help with everything." DH called his grandpa back to find out what condition his mom was in. When he found out she was fine except for being a bit banged up, he told his grandpa he was not coming home. He told him he/we were going to stay for the baseball tournament, as it was our family trip and family time together and he didn't want to miss it.

[lillaguma]

DH had a medical event and had to be hospitalized. They decided they were going to have to do surgery on him the next day, but would just be fitting him in at some point during the day - so emergency, but not like...we have to do it right now emergency. I had just started freelance work with a client, it was on a commercial photoshoot and there was no one to take my place if I wasn't there, and it was a big production thing. DH and I decided together that I would still go work the next day, he was fine and didn't want me to burn the bridge with the client. One of my mentors had told me about a time he did cancel a shoot for a medical event for his wife, and that the client was understanding but never hired him again. It ended up being fine, I got to the hospital the next day before he had woken up from his surgery. Client continued to hire me until we moved from that area and it was a great connection for me.

But I know MIL thought I was absolutely crazy and a horrible wife. She announced she was going to come stay with me at our little place the night before the surgery day and I had to awkwardly tell her no (she had showed up to the hospital with her bag already packed). I think she wanted to do that to comfort me, but we had a tiny place with no space for her to sleep and either she was planning to sleep in bed with me or on our little couch. MIL and I had a rough relationship at that point already, luckily things are much better now.

[pixy0stix]

My H had to have ankle surgery after a really bad break. The only orthopedist that had availability and worked with the workman's comp insurance (he did it at work during the holidays), was 40 miles away. It was late enough in the day that he had to spend the night at the hospital. So I do all the wifely things, drive him down there, wait through the surgery, see him post op... and then I jet. The nurses had offered to make up the horrible hospital chair so I could stay the night. I think I really surprised them when I said, "No thanks, he's going to start puking soon and I'm tired. I'm heading home." H does really incredibly badly with anesthesia and I'd told multiple people this to warn them. So I headed home, got a good nights sleep, and didn't have to deal with the puke. I picked him up the next day at the appointed time and everything was fine.

[waverly]

I feel like DH has a few stories like this where I could definitely burn him in regards to appointments for me or the kids that he missed.

But I don't think I have missed anything. I guess luckily when people passed I had advanced notice to see them or not. My family didn't want me to see my grandpa because I had a medical condition at the time, and he was contagious, and with my grandma I had seen her somewhat recently before she passed. I saw my uncle before he passed sort of the late hour really, but I did make it.

Luckily, no major surgeries or health issues for DH.

We have set up some boundaries regarding DH's family and health stuff because MIL told us FIL was dying, and DH had to drive 5 hours to get there. 30 minutes later, FIL was stable and no one told DH or his sister who flew in from a whole other region. They both arrive around the same time. SIL literally hopped on a plane- it was so fast. Then SIL was super mean to DH for no reason (stress), so yeah he isn't doing that again.  SIL has a very combative personality, and honestly she just isn't worth dealing with, so we avoid as much as possible. 

[purplepenguin7]

I'll share something my H did that was no big deal to us but might be to other people @ @ @ related just in case

My H went home for all 3 nights when I was in the hospital giving birth, one night when I was in labor (no sign of the baby coming) he went back home to walk the dog and then came back. And then after she was born he spent the whole day with us in the hospital but went home to sleep and then came back in the morning. It was mostly to care for our pets but I'm sure he also didn't mind the comfy bed compared to the hospital pull couch thing.

[mel]

We were at a baseball tournament with DS2, in a very close game for the championship, when DS1 broke his ankle and wrist and needed an ambulance ride to the hospital (he also had a concussion, he was playing a pick-up game of basketball at a park). He called DH and I at least 10 times and we were so engrossed in DS2's game that we didn't see the calls. DS1 was over 18 at the time, so he was able to consent to all medical questions and procedures, but we still felt like shit that he was trying to reach us and couldn't because we were too involved in his little brother's game. We did make it to the hospital before he went into surgery, so there's a small silver lining. Now, my phone never leaves my side, no matter what I'm doing.

[mel]

Aug 20, 2024 13:19:51 GMT -5 purplepenguin7 said:

I'll share something my H did that was no big deal to us but might be to other people @ @ @ related just in case

My H went home for all 3 nights when I was in the hospital giving birth, one night when I was in labor (no sign of the baby coming) he went back home to walk the dog and then came back. And then after she was born he spent the whole day with us in the hospital but went home to sleep and then came back in the morning. It was mostly to care for our pets but I'm sure he also didn't mind the comfy bed compared to the hospital pull couch thing.

My DH did this as well. He's an awful sleeper to begin with, so the hospital was no place for him to try. He absolutely took control of the kid's care when he was there during the day so I could nap/shower/etc, but he went home every night.

[notsopicky]

purplepenguin7, mel, so did mine and that was fine by me.

[raleighnc]

Another one who sent H home from the hospital after baby was born. 🤣 He is impossible to wake up, so there was no point to have him there.

When I had to have emergency surgery for an ovarian torsion in 2020, DH drove me to the ER and then went home because we had two kids and a bunch of dogs to care for and I didn't need him getting Covid in the ER.

[sunnysally]

I never want anyone with me while waiting for surgery. I've had many and am comfortable in medical seetings. When I was a kid people judged my mom hard-core for not staying with me and they now judge my husband. I want to relax and focus on me, not spend time soothing others' anxiety.

[katb]

Aug 21, 2024 11:28:20 GMT -5 sunnysally said:

I never want anyone with me while waiting for surgery. I've had many and am comfortable in medical seetings. When I was a kid people judged my mom hard-core for not staying with me and they now judge my husband. I want to relax and focus on me, not spend time soothing others' anxiety.

Agreed. I haven't had any major surgeries as an adult, except C- Sections but I hate having visitors in the hospital or when I am not feeling well.  Just leave me be please.

[sdlaura]

I'm also someone who generally prefers to recover on my own and I sent DH home after birthing kids 2, 3, and 4 - he was more needed at home.

When DS1 was a baby, DS1 woke up sick one morning when I had a work trip. DH had already gone downtown to work and I had a flight that morning to go to an important meeting (the plan was that I would drop the kids at daycare and then head to the airport). DH's office is downtown, not far from the airport. So I put sick DS1 in the car, dropped DD at daycare, drove DS1 35 minutes downtown, and dropped him with DH on the side of the road outside DH's office building and rushed to the airport. Also, DS1 was born with a heart defect and was only a few months out from open heart surgery.

If that meeting was happening today, 10 years later, I would have just participated in the important meeting virtually - it's so nice to have that option now. DH just drove DS1 back home after that and they recuperated, so it was fine, but it sounds bad. We have four kids and no local family, so that kind of situation wasn't all that unusual for us!