Another viewing/funeral question (TW)

[noodleoo]

TW

My friends father passed away and services are this weekend.  The viewing is scheduled at 10 AM, the funeral is at 11 AM.  I'm not familiar with how these work.  I would like to go to the viewing, but I've never been to one before.  I can't stay for the funeral.  Is it bad manners to leave before the funeral starts?  I really just want to show support and give my friend a hug.  But we have plans I can't change so I can't stay long.  Any advice appreciated!

Also, should I wear black?  I'm kind of nervous to go but I know it means a lot to have people show up.

[momin2013]

In your shoes, I would arrive at the viewing shortly after 10, pay my respects to your friend, sit for 10 minutes or so then head out. IME, people don't typically stay for the entire viewing, it's more come-and-go.

I've gone to quite a few viewings/funerals, and IME people don't typically wear black (I generally just wear something semi-dressy in muted colours). The only time I've seen people wearing black was at a funeral for someone who was an older member of a very traditional European family (they were Orthodox) - I know that can vary quite a bit, though.

[rachers]

I think it’s totally fine to just go to the first part.

Maybe regional (I’m in the South) but you don’t have to wear black. I wouldn’t wear hot pink or yellow but any neutral color like navy, tan, grey, black will be fine. At my late MIL’s it was mainly the family that wore black if I remember correctly.

I’m sorry for your friends loss.

[starburst604]

Typically there is a line at the viewing and the family is lined up side by side to greet visitors as you approach the casket (or urn). You'll stop to offer your condolences to the family and the next stop is the deceased where people kneel and say a prayer or just stand and bow their head for a moment in honor of the deceased. Then you'll walk by the seating and can exit. If I'm not going to the burial and don't know anyone else there that I'd stop and chat with, I just leave right then. No need to just sit there awkwardly by yourself. 

No need to wear all black. I usually just wear something I'd wear to the office that isn't all fun and bright.

[fernweh]

I agree with others, it’s fine to stop by for the viewing for 10 or 15 minutes and not stay for the funeral. Black isn’t necessary but I would wear muted/neutral colors. Nothing too bright/flashy.

[mrsslocombe]

At my MIL's funeral we had the viewing an hour before the funeral at the church. Many neighbors and more casual acquaintances came at 10, spoke to the family, mingled a bit with other people they knew, and then left after 15ish minutes. I honestly have no idea what anyone wore. I usually wear something grey or black but really don't care what other people wear.

[acr]

When my father died, we certainly had friends who came at various points (to the visitation or to the funeral). I was touched they made the effort at all. I think it's fine to not be in black.

[circa1978]

You are really lucky to have never been to a viewing! I'm from an Italian Catholic family and I feel like I was dragged to one at least once a month growing up. Anyway, black is definitely not required. Stop by for a few minutes, find your friend (you may need to wait if there is a receiving line) and pay your respects. Then you are good to go.

[stemmie]

noodleoo, I suppose this is regional to some degree.

You can absolutely just pay your respects and hug your friend and leave after. Since it's just before the funeral, work attire would be fine. Evening visitation here tends to be looser as it's expected folks are coming after work. When my grandfather died, a number of my cousin's friends came straight from work or on the way to activities. A number of his friends work in the trades and were dressed in their work clothes and one was on his way to coach a CYO football game in a track suit. The attitude seemed to be it matter more that they were there than what they wore.

[rubytue]

Aug 29, 2024 13:59:05 GMT -5 rachers said:

I think it’s totally fine to just go to the first part.

Maybe regional (I’m in the South) but you don’t have to wear black. I wouldn’t wear hot pink or yellow but any neutral color like navy, tan, grey, black will be fine. At my late MIL’s it was mainly the family that wore black if I remember correctly.

I’m sorry for your friends loss.

This is definitely regional. I’m from the south, and tend to dress subdued, but not black. I went to my uncles funeral in NY and I was the only one not in black. I was in a gray sweater dress and tights, and felt VERY out of place. 

That said, for a viewing/wake I wouldn’t be quite as worried about black. Versus the funeral itself. Then again, see above. I wore not back to a funeral at West Point. With regrets. 

[scout8]

Wearing black is definitely regional. In Chicago, everyone wears black. Do you have anyone you can ask about proper attire in your area?

[stmonica2]

When my father unexpectedly passed I was so stunned I didn't tell my friends. When my bestie showed up she had just come back into town from a beach vacation and was still dressed from it (she came back just to be there for me). I didn't care what she wore I was just happy she appeared. I have no clue if she stayed or left. It was ten years ago today and I'm still touched that she showed up.

[noodleoo]

Thanks all! I went, gave her my sympathies and a hug and left quickly. It was awkward but I’m really glad I went.