Would this bring you relief or discomfort

[campermom]

PDQ this is embarrassing

I can expand on the circumstances if needed, but if a somewhat extended retired family member (a cousin) helped you out with with unexpected emergency childcare, all the while treating your kids like absolute gold and doing amazing surprise things for your family like making dinner for you and even buying flowers and taking the kids to a craft store and beauty supply store and just treating them to 1.5 awesome days bc they felt bad for you all in a shitty situation

So all that I am beyond grateful!

But without any warning they went into your bedroom and folded 2 baskets of clean laundry and then went into your dirty clothes hamper and took out 2 loads of your dirty laundry including your clothes from like a 10 mile run on a hot day, and brought them all to their house, laundered them, then came back to your house and folded/put them away in your walk in closet where a vibrator was definitely on the top shelf in full view

Should I be grateful and stop thinking about this?

[DotAndBuzz]

edit - it would FOR SURE be uncomfortable, and I don't think I'd ever feel relief if a relative found something like that in my room, but.....let it go.

Embarrassing? For sure, BUT, humans are humans. If they go into a private space, somewhat uninvited (for that specific space), they can't clutch pearls at what they see. As an adult, I'm sure they've seen it before.

My cleaning lady found my vibrator waaaaaaayy in the back cabinet under my sink (where I deliberately hide it, very well, to keep my kids from stumbling upon it). I asked her to do a deep clean of my house, and well? She did. Organized those cabinets and it was standing up at attention when she was done.

I'd maybe make a joke of it the next time I saw them and consider it closed.

[annieh22]

I wouldn’t love that either, but definitely let it go. Thank them, tell them that was above and beyond and you’re so grateful. Then let it be done.

[cmeon]

This person clearly cares a lot about you and there's no way they're judging you for having smelly workout clothes or a "personal massager" on a shelf in your private bedroom. Laugh, it's good for you! <3

[sofamonkey]

They chose to just do things to help you, your children, and show love by providing fun and relief from nonsense. Sure, it’s embarrassing. However, I hear almost everyone has dirty underwear. And some people that like caregiving don’t mind dealing with that. So, feel both sides of this, which is ok. But don’t let the embarrassment overshadow how much this person truly cares about you and your kids.

I think part of this is maybe you don’t feel like it’s ok to have people go way out of their way to be nice, kind, thoughtful, and generous without an agenda. You absolutely do deserve it. But it’s always embarrassing when someone sees and deals with your underwear. ❤️

[emilyinchile]

You should be grateful and stop thinking about it, and also it's totally understandable that you're still thinking about the vibrator part. Would also be understandable if you just died of embarrassment. I wouldn't give an extra thought to the sweaty clothes.

Your relative sounds so wonderful, I'm glad you got that support!

[katfco]

I'm glad you have someone that caring to take care of you. I would initially be embarrassed on multiple levels, but look past it to appreciate the gesture.

[wildrice]

That was so nice of them! I would not be embarrassed about any of it other than the vibrator, and I would probably just tell myself that they didn't notice it. And then put it somewhere a little less obvious for the future, lol.

[campermom]

Aug 31, 2024 21:34:23 GMT -5 sofamonkey said:

I think part of this is maybe you don’t ❤️

DAMN sofa
This….

I feel like the time someone on these boards used the word gaslighting maybe like around…2015ish? for the first time and I ran to my coworker friend after work who has 20 years of clinical experience and told her I think I have a name for what’s happening to me

And then another time someone these boards told me it sounded like fawning when something else happened and I went and researched that.

Thanks for being kind in your delivery. I appreciate that.

[rosiebear]

They sound awesome and someone who takes that much care and is that empathetic towards your situation is not going to blink a single eyelash at your vibrator. It’s like the “everybody poops” book : facts are facts!

[livinitup]

It wasn’t a vibrator, it was a neck massager. For a medical condition.

[mrsukyankee]

I'd be embarrassed and I'd be grateful. And grateful would win.

[maudefindlay]

I think most people understand bedroom drawers and shelves will hold private things and that this awesome relative chose to help you with that understanding. I don't think they were scandalized by this at all. I do not believe they think differently of you.

[ssmjlm]

I feel like everyone I know has a vibrator/toy these days.

I’m more particular about my laundry thank anything.

Enjoy the kind gesture. As someone with a small family, I’ve always wanted my kid to have someone like an aunt cousin to hang with them.

[CurlyQ284]

My husband's cousin was in our bedroom once looking for something (with permission) and I realized later she definitely saw mine. I just pretended like it never happened, never spoke about it or anything and eventually I stopped sweating and panicking around her.

So I would be mortified but eventually it'll go away. Also if I was helping out a relative and found theirs I literally wouldn't care or give it another thought. That was so nice of them to help out ❤️

[snapoutofit]

Both. But I’d be so relieved that I’d try to just put the discomfort aside. It’s nice to have someone in your life to just do something nice/helpful for you just because. If the item wasn’t moved (even if I plain sight) I’d just convince myself they didn’t see it and move along. I wish for everyone to have a person in their life who would step in and help like that.

[underwaterrhymes]

First, let me remind you that it’s okay to feel what you feel regardless of what someone else might feel in that moment.

In this case, I would feel incredibly grateful. This is someone who loves you and your kids a lot. Since I’m the friend who makes vibrator recommendations to my friends, that part wouldn’t faze me one bit. Masturbating feels good and there is no shame in knowing your own body. 💙

[campermom]

PDQ this is a horrible story but when I was engaged and living w ex, he didn’t like that I had one and when he found out I had been using it, he took it outside in the middle of the night, placed it on the front porch of the busy townhouse community, and turned it on. The next morning the next door neighbors sprinkler was like, raining on it. I knew people had already been walking their dogs.

Yes-I have a good therapist. Still healing.

Again PDQ that was one of the worst

[HRH Queen Dick I]

I'd be violently angry if someone went into my bedroom without my permission and Touched My Things.

I can't believe you guys think this is ok, the vibrator is the least of it.

[sonrisa]

Sept 1, 2024 9:23:03 GMT -5 campermom said:

PDQ that was one of the worst

He is such an asshole.

[Bad Dingo]

Sept 1, 2024 10:00:55 GMT -5 HRH Queen Dick I said:

I'd be violently angry if someone went into my bedroom without my permission and Touched My Things.

I can't believe you guys think this is ok, the vibrator is the least of it.

I'm here. I'm sure this person meant well but unless you've given permission for them to go in your bedroom and do your laundry etc. in the past, I'd consider this an intrusion on my personal space. I don't care about the vibrator, it's the going into my personal space that would annoy me.

[sandandsea]

I would be thrilled. They know laundry is smelly and gross and people have private things and wanted to help you out. They aren’t judging you for any of it and sounds like they genuinely just wanted to help.

Eta. I’d probably be embarrassed too but would tell myself it’s silly to be embarrassed and try to ignore it and pretend that part never happened.

[felicity]

Sept 1, 2024 10:26:41 GMT -5 Bad Dingo said:

Sept 1, 2024 10:00:55 GMT -5 HRH Queen Dick I said:

I'd be violently angry if someone went into my bedroom without my permission and Touched My Things.

I can't believe you guys think this is ok, the vibrator is the least of it.

I'm here. I'm sure this person meant well but unless you've given permission for them to go in your bedroom and do your laundry etc. in the past, I'd consider this an intrusion on my personal space. I don't care about the vibrator, it's the going into my personal space that would annoy me.

I'm here too. I'd be grateful for the help with the kids but pretty mad about going through my bedroom, regardless of the intention. 

[mala]

Super uncomfortable.

When my mother in law was in the hospital our apartment went to shit. Didn't clean, laundry, whatever. Got the call it was the end and dropped everything to get there. Had friends a few buildings over take care of the cats. Made one comment about sorry the place is a mess. Came home almost a week later to a clean apartment. I don't like people in my space to begin with so I felt SO UNCOMFORTABLE about it (thanks trauma). It was 100% because they didn't want us to have to worry about it when we got home. It took me awhile but I eventually got to a place of being maybe not grateful but not so disturbed by it.

[7costanza]

I would try very hard to feel grateful but would be very uncomfortable with someone going into my personal space, regardless of vibrator status. A cousin knowing I have a vibrator doesn’t really bother me in itself, I pretty much assume everyone at least owns one.

[sent]

I would love it if someone did this for me at a low point in my life. I would be happy to do something like this for someone else as well. Maybe it's a love language thing, like my love language is "taming chaos for other people who have too much on their plate at the moment." And that would include doing the laundry if I was home alone and saw it overflowing and basically begging to be done.

As far as the contents of your closet, I'm willing to be that your distant cousin doesn't hold the same pearl-clutching, Victorian-era, Boomer values like my mother and MIL do and so he/she doesn't really care what you store in your closet.

[ellipses84]

I would feel so uncomfortable about it. I don’t even like friends in my house unless it’s spotless. I’d feel better if it was a cousin my age. However, I’d ultimately be grateful for the help and not say anything about embarrassing objects.

I’ll share a story that might make you feel a little better. Our house flooded due to a flash flood when I was 9 months pregnant and nearly everything we owned was destroyed. I couldn’t go in the house to try to salvage anything and risk toxic exposure to sewage, mold, gasoline, etc. My coworkers were awesome and a big group of them volunteered to come help empty / salvage the house contents. I sat outside to help give instructions. At one point my 2 bosses came out and asked if I wanted to salvage anything from my drawers, holding up a drawer full of sexy lingerie and thong underwear to me. I told them to toss that, but my bosses also took some baskets of laundry that could be salvaged, did my laundry at their homes and brought it back to me. Luckily I had DH go in prior and throw out the toys in our bedside table, but I’m sure there were other gross or embarrassing things people found.

I hated accepting help but I knew I had no choice. It was a huge lesson in being vulnerable. Also huge shout out to GBCNers who helped me during that time. When our 2nd house flooded in Hurricane Harvey, church people I didn’t know very well came and helped us, including taking laundry home. The funny thing is, I wouldn’t think twice about doing this for someone else.

I was staying with my Sis and BIL as a teen and found a bag of a ton of sex toys (probably from her bachelorette party) and didn’t think twice about it, even as someone who’d never seen them in person before. Every adult has these or knows many people have them. My BFF and I say if we die, will throw away those items for the other one so our parents or kids won’t find them. FWIW I keep my vibrators in a zipper pouch in my drawer so my kids don’t find them so easily, but it is a PITA when I have to leave them out somewhere to charge.

[dontlook]

Knowing this came from a place of love I’d be grateful. If it was someone just “helping” but actually judging I’d be pissed. They overstepped but were probably trying to show the best way they knew how. I’m a doer and a cleaner. When things are stressful I clean. I could see myself doing this very thing and not caring at all about you taking care of yourself.

[flygirl]

It would make me uncomfortable but honestly at this point in my life, I would try not to care anymore because I’d be so happy for the help.

[Gato]

Personally I would be really thankful she did that. I don’t care who sees my underwear and the possibility she might have seen my vibrator would make me blush, but just for a second. Maybe it’s because I’m especially lazy, but my relief that she took care of my kids and house would outweigh any embarrassment.