Would this bring you relief or discomfort

[heyyounotyouyou]

This isn’t some random person that came into your house and entered your bedroom. This is someone that is trying to make your life easier and stepped up (sounds like big time) during what seems like a very hectic time. Being angry is certainly a choice but how about just having a normal conversation with them if you aren’t comfortable with this?

[campermom]

heyyounotyouyou
I’m surprised that “anger” was your takeaway from this. I used the words beyond grateful, discomfort, embarrassing, and still thinking about it. I didn’t think I was putting out an angry vibe.

[underwaterrhymes]

For a laugh - here is a story about my yiayia.

She had to be in her mid 70s when this happened. She was home alone because my papou, who worked until his late 70s, was on a business trip. Late in the evening, as she was getting ready for bed in the bathroom, she heard a loud buzzing noise coming from their bedroom. She was frightened and - too alarmed to figure out what the noise was - called the community security.

They came to the house and checked everything out. Pretty quickly after they arrived, the noise stopped and the security officers came out of her bedroom, stifling laughs. Turns out her vibrator had turned on in her drawer and was rattling around in there.

My Yiayia was very sex positive and while embarrassed, got a really good laugh out of it and shared the story with all of us when we visited for Christmas that year. I really miss her.

[sofamonkey]

Sept 1, 2024 14:58:03 GMT -5 campermom said:

heyyounotyouyou
I’m surprised that “anger” was your takeaway from this. I used the words beyond grateful, discomfort, embarrassing, and still thinking about it. I didn’t think I was putting out an angry vibe.

I think it might be in response to dick saying they’d be pissed.

[sadlebred]

I think you can be grateful for the the help and still be uncomfortable at the same time. I'm sure most adults know what underwear and toys are.

I wouldn't say or do anything other than "thank you."

[heyyounotyouyou]

Sept 1, 2024 14:58:03 GMT -5 campermom said:

heyyounotyouyou
I’m surprised that “anger” was your takeaway from this. I used the words beyond grateful, discomfort, embarrassing, and still thinking about it. I didn’t think I was putting out an angry vibe.

Sorry I wasn’t clear. It was not you at all, it’s the posters saying they’d be angry. 

[campermom]

Sept 1, 2024 19:31:39 GMT -5 heyyounotyouyou said:

Sept 1, 2024 14:58:03 GMT -5 campermom said:

heyyounotyouyou
I’m surprised that “anger” was your takeaway from this. I used the words beyond grateful, discomfort, embarrassing, and still thinking about it. I didn’t think I was putting out an angry vibe.

Sorry I wasn’t clear. It was not you at all, it’s the posters saying they’d be angry. 

That makes more sense! Not shockingly I put too much into what others think of me. Even internet strangers!

[hermione]

I always try to look at these things from the other side. If you were the cousin in this situation, what would you think? I would think absolutely nothing of it so I vote forget about it.

[basilosaurus]

My dad's wife is absolutely the type who will happily spend days doing laundry to help someone out with no judgment (unless it's about me). Like it actually brings her joy to have such a tangible task.

Don't think twice about it.

I wouldn't even be embarrassed about the vibrator. Yep, I enjoy orgasms. :shrug: I wouldn't have even minded if my gramma or dad saw it.

[HRH Queen Dick I]

Sept 1, 2024 14:33:01 GMT -5 heyyounotyouyou said:

This isn’t some random person that came into your house and entered your bedroom. This is someone that is trying to make your life easier and stepped up (sounds like big time) during what seems like a very hectic time. Being angry is certainly a choice but how about just having a normal conversation with them if you aren’t comfortable with this?

A "cousin" who is an "extended" family member most definitely sounds like a random person to me, but that's actually irrelevant. I don't want anyone (even a family member) in my personal space without permission, period.

I don't see the need to have a "normal conversation" because I would just immediately not associate with them any further, forever. Walla.

[glw]

Yeah, I personally would feel totally violated by having anyone in my personal space, touching my stuff, unless I had specifically asked them to. It wouldn't matter to me if it was clean or dirty laundry, vibrator, books, whatever.

That said, I would fake a smile and pretend to be gracious while internally freaking out.

[glw]

Sept 1, 2024 22:25:11 GMT -5 hermione said:

I always try to look at these things from the other side. If you were the cousin in this situation, what would you think? 

I would never in a million years consider going though another person's stuff unless they had explicitly told me to (and even then I would feel weird about it).

[hermione]

Sept 4, 2024 10:21:44 GMT -5 glw said:

Sept 1, 2024 22:25:11 GMT -5 hermione said:

I always try to look at these things from the other side. If you were the cousin in this situation, what would you think? 

I would never in a million years consider going though another person's stuff unless they had explicitly told me to (and even then I would feel weird about it).

That's not the point though. That ship has sailed. 

[eddy]

I am incredibly private so having someone in my space like that would be very hard for me.

But everything you are saying is that this person genuinely cares about you. I would just, you know, relive the moment she found my vibrator for the rest of my life, but also let it go lol. 

[sparkythelawyer]

When my husband died, one of the hardest things I learned was that I had to stop keeping things in the dark, that I had to let the bullshit be exposed to sunlight to be addressed.  

Help, sent with an attempt to be helpful, is never a waste. Sounds like they were legit trying to help.  Just say thanks.

-

[sparkythelawyer]

Oh, and I SWORE that I'd found all the, ahem, marital aids hidden under the bed before the delivery guys came to drop off my new mattress a month after he died (I could not keep sleeping on a bed I'd performed CPR on).

Guess what?

I was wrong.

So, so wrong.

Oops.

[AAM2012]

This sounds like something my mom would have done. I would have been slightly annoyed because I’m particular about the way I fold clothes but would have accepted it and moved on.

Also, she probably wouldn’t have even noticed the toy.

Team - Leave it be, not worth your energy and brain capacity to even be thinking about it.

[definitelyO]

I would feel a little weird b/c of the personal items but grateful.

My MIL did this when I had DS - she did our laundry, hung up my clothes - took some clothes out and ironed them. honestly - I appreciated all her support.

[noodleoo]

For me I think it depends on the relationship I have with that person. My sister, I'd be embarrassed but fine with it. My MIL (who I do not have a great relationship with), it would absolutely be boundary crossing and I would be unhappy.

In this situation, it sounds like the person was genuinely trying to help, so I'd try to let it go. But whatever you feel is valid, you can't control feelings! If it was boundary crossing, I might suggest they ask first next time, but I'd be nice about it and it would be after many thank yous.

[sju]

Both gratitude and discomfort. I don’t like people going through my stuff.

20+ years ago, a female coworker asked some of the guys in the office to help her move. She failed to hide her vibrator. So, a family member seeing one would not be THAT big of a deal IMO

[JayhawkGirl]

It sounds like your cousin knows you could use unconditional support and family love in action.

Pretend the vibrator part never happened. Taking that part away, i bet if the roles were flipped and you were the one helping in a jam, you’d do things to help too.

(I deep cleaned my sister’s room and bathroom, kitchen and living room when she had major surgery. They needed a relaxing return home after *years* of mystery pain and parenting young kids through it. And pragmatically, I wanted to give her a clean place to heal and minimize risk of post op infection. Fridge was clean and stocked, laundry done (I just fold and leave in baskets though). It’s just what you do for family and friends if you can.)