Support Thread - September/October

[HRH Queen Dick I]

[SwimDeep]

Just putting this out to the universe 🤷‍♀️

I wish I had money for therapy. And meds. I'm in a deep spiral, and I'm trying my hardest to use my CBT tools but it feels like I need a refresher. And meds.

I have a family wedding to go to in a couple of weeks. When I RSVPd yes, I was in a good-ish place. I am no longer in that place and kind of hope I get covid the day before so I don't have to go.

Restated: I want to get a potentially deadly disease and potentially spread it to my H so that I have a "legit" reason not to attend. WTF is wrong with me?!

I've already decided we're just staying for the ceremony, but I got an email today that pics start early and the bride wants her siblings in the pics. Browsing FB, it doesn't seem like the recent family pics have been bothered by my absence so...

But then there's obligation and guilt and this just sucks so much 😪

Anyway... just getting it out.

[jinkies]

SwimDeep, I'm so sorry you are struggling. Thinking about events like this is usually worse for me than actually attending-- I hope that you are able to work through the feelings that this wedding is bringing out for you. Sending you lots of love.

(Sorry for the late reply, I don't always notice when there are new posts here)

[SwimDeep]

Oct 8, 2024 16:36:38 GMT -5 jinkies said:

SwimDeep, I'm so sorry you are struggling. Thinking about events like this is usually worse for me than actually attending-- I hope that you are able to work through the feelings that this wedding is bringing out for you. Sending you lots of love.

(Sorry for the late reply, I don't always notice when there are new posts here)

No worries - and you are right. I'm building this event up in my head to be THE THING to end ALL THINGS. And it's not. Not a single person there is going to care about my presence because the bride is going to be the focus and rightly so (thank goodness lol)! I keep repeating, "This is not about me," and it seems to be helping. I plan to be the penguin in Madagascar lol. "Just smile and wave, boys. Just smile and wave."

I'm just scared. I'll be okay. Very much looking forward to it being over... I'm annoyed at how much I've already spent to dress myself for this (dress, bra, Spanx, belt... still need shoes and I guess a clutch since the dress doesn't have pockets), and I still need to give a gift.

I really would be okay if they (my family) just completely forgot about me. Seems they only reach out on occasions like this.

[SwimDeep]

Went to the wedding yesterday and was really happy with how I felt/looked. Flats were definitely the best option because the venue was not hilly. Even in chunky heels I would have been stumbling all over the place. One of my sisters wore a nice cocktail dress with tevas! All that angst I felt about my dress and shoes and she wore tevas 😅🤣

Anyway. It was fine. People were happy to see us. And it was actually nice to see some siblings that I haven't seen in years (they moved out of state). In conclusion, my anxiety/paranoia blew this way out of proportion. It was fine 🙂 🤷‍♀️