Question for the teachers, esp. upper grades

[expectantsteelerfan]

If you are a teacher, can I ask, do you care whether a student has a parent that attends open house/curriculum nights?  Do you even notice?

My kids are in 7th and 10th grades.  My 7th grader is self-sufficient and also tells me about what she's doing in school, and I have no questions about the curriculum.  My 10th grader, I still monitor that he does his work because he has ADHD, but I am trying to get him to be as self-sufficient with school as possible and I've cut way back on any involvement beyond checking to see if he has his stuff completed.  

Our open houses, the kids do NOT attend, it's just for parents, you don't meet the teachers one on one, you just basically walk their schedule and each teacher gives a little schpiel about their policies/the curriculum, and then you move on.  We have a 'celebration of learning' in the spring where the kids go and show you their work, and I will still go to that if my kids want to (ds hasn't wanted to the past few years). 

I told dh that I'm done going to open houses because I don't find them helpful.  He agreed that we didn't need to hear about stuff, but he was like, their teachers will notice if you aren't there and think you don't care.  And I was like, but I don't care (I.e. my kids can handle their own stuff and I don't need to know more than I already do), and he could go if it really mattered to him (but his schedule doesn't really allow for him to).   

Also, I am a former HS English teacher, and I HATED doing open houses (I have no problem talking in front of a class of students, but parents make me anxious) and I don't think I noticed whose parents came or not.  I had times when I'd have classes that no parents would show up for that period and it was a relief.  But I admit I could be off on my thinking here...teachers might feel like if they have to be there, the least parents can do is show up and show an interest in what their kids are learning.

[Roc A Bee]

My DH is a high school Spanish teacher. He doesn’t care if parents come or not. This sounds like our Back to School night, and it is usually held 2 weeks in, so he’s still learning names.

He also doesn’t give extra credit for attendance as it is bullshit for working parents or parents who cannot attend.

We also haven’t gone to our kids Back to School since elementary school. In the age of email and Canvas, we know how to get ahold of instructors and counselors as needed.

[mccallister84]

I 100% get it that it’s not always feasible for parents to attend, but it sucks to be the teachers and have only one or two parents show up per class. Honestly I found that way more awkward than having half a class show up.

I wouldn’t even necessarily know which parents went with which children and I don’t think any teacher would hold it against a student but I see it as a simple way to show your support.

[dontlook]

I go even if it’s not very helpful. I just want the teachers to know I support them and my kid’s education and this is a part of that. I go, get the handout, shake hands, say hello, and leave. It doesn’t take very long.

[shauni27]

I think it is weird to have nights like this for HS and I sure hope my kid does not have that by the time he starts HS in many years, lol.

[coltsfan85]

As a HS teacher, for back to school nights I didn’t notice who was there. Same with conferences honestly. Most of the time I was meeting with parents who I didn’t need to meet with.

My only important thing I shared at back to school night was that while I entered grades in the grade book all week, I only uploaded on Fridays. This was mainly to decrease the number of emails I got from helicopter parents about the 0 placeholder grade their kid got on an assignment when they were absent.

[Jalapeñomel]

HS chem teacher here:

No, open house really isn’t a big deal to me, especially since I don’t actually get to have conversations about students. I’d rather just have parents respond when I email with issues and concerns throughout the year.

Coincidentally, mine is tonight, and I know parents are gonna be all put out about my grading. Sigh.

[mcppalmbeach]

Not a teacher…so grain of salt and all that.

I do go even though I say every year it’s not really helpful. I wasn’t going to go for my 10th grader this year, but for some reason he wanted me to so I went.

There is just enough new information that it does keep me coming back.my sophomore is literally drowning in homework. One class in particular is so much. When I went to that class, the teacher explained that he was doing a flipped learning model where the kids are expected to learn the material independently at home and then come to class prepared to discuss the material and do activities related to it. I’m sure this had probably been explained to them on the first day, but it did not get relayed to me besides “omg the homework”

[Jalapeñomel]

Sept 12, 2024 14:53:34 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

HS chem teacher here:

No, open house really isn’t a big deal to me, especially since I don’t actually get to have conversations about students. I’d rather just have parents respond when I email with issues and concerns throughout the year.

Coincidentally, mine is tonight, and I know parents are gonna be all put out about my grading. Sigh.

You can also send an email to the teacher just saying hi and contact with any concerns.

[UMaineTeach]

We have to track who doesn’t come and the overall school numbers get included in the principal’s monthly school board report and the teachers are supposed to try to reach out to the ones who don’t come.

The teachers like to put a face to the names, but if you don’t want to go, it will be fine.

[wanderingback]

Unless a parent tells a teacher "I’m not attending because I don’t care about my kid" there are a million reasons why a parent can’t/doesn’t attend. Commonly having to work, childcare needs for other kids and illness. It seems weird that your husband would think the teacher always has 100% of parents show up and if they don’t they automatically jump to it being because they’re shitty parents. It’s totally fine if you don’t want to go.

[cinnamoncox0]

When my oldest (25) was in school I went every year. By junior year the teachers start thanking you for still coming and there are barely any still coming by that grade and on.

My younger two (14) have open house tonight but I’m not going since I work there and already know anything I’d learn there tonight. I told my husband it to go either since a) we have twins and how does he decide who’s schedule to follow, and b) they rarely know who’s parents are who’s unless they’ve had an older sibling in class before.
You can email the teachers anytime you have concerns and also guidance, so I’d say it’s fine to skip it.

[mrshandy]

I guess I'm in the minority but I found DS' high school and middle school open house helpful for understanding the expectations from the teacher, the structure of the class, and just a face to a name. DD's in 6th grade and I found hers less helpful since it was generic to 6th grade and not her class.

[devonpow]

I might be weird but I love high school back to school night lol. It gives me such a great idea of what DS’s schedule/day is like, and I enjoy hearing about what they are covering in class, what books they focus on etc. Maybe because I have a 17 year old boy who barely will speak to me about what he does all day? Lol.

I don’t think most of the teachers know me/ whose parent I am. In a few of the sessions we get to say a brief hello and who our kid is and I love hearing the teacher’s reaction to who they are etc. I feel like high school can be a black hole for me where I don’t have much insight into my kid’s daily life so I love getting a glimpse of it and having a better understanding of what he is going through. It’s important to me, but I certainly don’t think it’s held against people who don’t want to or can’t make it

[waverly]

I love when H's say hey you should do something, but then they are no where to be found when they should do it.

That aside, I think it is helpful just to see what the teacher looks like to visualize it in my mind, and to see what they are doing. Maybe because I only have an 8th grader. Maybe by 11th grade I would not really care anymore, IDK on that.

I think teachers only really notice the parents if they have more of a conversation during the event. For example, we have "lunch" in our schedule so that is free time to chat with whatever teacher. They probably remember that more than who sat through a presentation with no interaction.

[erbear]

I’d never even know. It’s chaotic, they’re in my room for 8 minutes, and no one wears nametags.

[W.T.Faulkner]

I like when parents are there and don’t give it a second thought if they’re not. If they come and want to have a full conference about their kid whom I met 30 seconds ago, or they roll in with 5 minutes to go and try to keep me late,I’d prefer they didn’t come at all. lol

[charlatti]

HS English teacher here: unless parents introduce themselves, I have no idea whose parents they are. Our night moves so quickly I only actually meet one or two parents. It does not bother me at all if parents don’t come. I don’t go to it at my own kid’s school, though my H does go.

[circa1978]

This is timely because my middle school son's is tonight. I can't go - I have a work event. DH is going. We've already been to two events at the school in the past month, and there are more scheduled after this. I don't have an interest in being at any middle/high school close to weekly, and if that makes me a bad parent, so be it. We tag team and miss somethings.

[jordancatalano4ever]

Honestly I think they are a waste of time. If I have 150 students and 75 families show up that’s a ton of meet and greet in a short amount of time. Further the best you’ll get is “hi nice to meet you. Here’s my brochure” which I could have emailed. Then if I parent tried to share something meaningful I will inevitably forget because I’m going to meet another 74 parents. It’s really an exercise in: here look at the teacher. See they “look” sane. My kid will probably be fine.

Honestly as a teacher I’m looking for support if I have to email you over your kid acting like an asshole. I’m looking for parents to monitor their kids grades. I’m looking for parents who don’t email the last week with “what can Johnny do to not fail”. We can tell who the involved parents are by their students attitudes and behaviors. Open house is meaningless compared to true support. It’s just theatre to ease parental fears.

[imimahoney]

I teach high school.

I don't really care if parents come but it's nice if they do. I need be there for 3 hrs & I would rather do my spiel in front of a class of 20 parents than 2. When it's too small it is very awkward.

[RoxMonster]

I no longer teach but taught HS for 14 years. I honestly never knew whose parents were there unless they stayed after to introduce themselves. It was so quick and kind of hectic. It didn’t bother me at all that many parents didn’t come and I know there are a million reasons people aren’t able to come. I’d never think the parents didn’t care.

[fancynewbeesly]

I did go--I enjoyed it as a parent. I introduced myself to all of her teachers-except for one (because I ran out of time). DD1 has a 504, and I did e-mail ALL the teachers when the school year started about it so I wanted to them to put a face to a name.

I really enjoyed her teachers--they seemed very animated and fun and reasonable in expectations. I am exhausted today but I am glad I went to hers last night.

[pizzaandtulips]

I teach middle school. I have no idea whose parents showed up this year and whose parents did not. It doesn't bother me at all.

I will also say that for a big majority of my students, I also don't care if they come to parent teacher conferences. Your kid is amazing and participates and does work and has all As? Great! I'm happy to talk to you and tell you that your kid is awesome. But if you don't want to come, I don't think any less of you or think that you don't care. I just assume you know how great your kid is and i hope you are spending the evening or the day off from school doing something more fun.

[sonrisa]

I just came back from back to School for my 8th grader and I found it really helpful - more so even than last week's 5th grade back-to-school. In 5th grade you are more in touch with the teacher and if you miss that day there are other opportunities to check in. With 7 different teachers, I'd never get a sense of all their classes otherwise. You learn so much about each teacher's personality and tone during those short sessions. Not all parents can make it, but we get a pretty good turn out. I'd say half the kids had two parents there and most had at least one. (Same as at the grade school level).

Our middle principal is really big on parents staying engaged through these years and regularly says so. More than the elementary principals, who all stressed the importance of independent kids. (I think both are countering the parent inclinations to first hover, then let them find their own way).

[sandandsea]

My middle schooler has a 504 and doesn’t talk about school a lot so I go to get the vibe of each class and teacher and so I can better understand how he can succeed in each of the classrooms as every teacher has different rules and expectations. I also see them at the annual 504 meeting so feel it’s important to attend. Only one teacher asked each parent who their student was during our BTSN and then was able to give each student a compliment about that child in her class. I was super impressed.

[stemmie]

BTSN is a huge deal where I live-- freakishly so. I wouldn't judge a parent who didn't go, but my kid wasn't a great communicator, so it was useful for me. DH typically went as well.

Nineth grade, for instance, DS "lucked out" and had 4-long term subs (all 1st year teachers brought in primarily to coach a fall sport) while covering social studies, science, PE and LA. Three of the teachers were back by Thanksgiving and the last one over winter break, but it made for a rocky start.

[dale]

My son is in 11th and we had his last night. All of his classes were about 1/3 to 1/2 full. When he was in 9th the classes were packed.

[candreco]

I'm planning to go for DD's next week, she's a sophomore. Her HS does it open house style so parents just walk their kids' schedules, say hello to the teacher and maybe have a quick casual conversation and get any handouts, and move along. I think last year two had some sort of form for anything we wanted them to know about our kid?

I don't know, I figure if the teacher is going to be there for two hours after already doing a full day of school, DH and/or I can go for the 30-45 minutes it takes if we don't have some other schedule conflict.