Would this bother you? 4th grade behavior management

[felicity]

DS mentioned that his teacher keeps a tally of misbehavior for each student in the class. I had no idea this was going on, but they get something on their desk if they get a tally and I think it stays there all day. He said he's gotten a few, but much less than most of the boys (it's primarily the boys that get them). 

DS was kind of upset telling me about it today and really wants me to do something to make it stop. How would you handle this? I hate confrontation. I don't think DS should be talking to other kids when he should be working (his primary misbehavior) but I also don't agree with the public shaming approach and him having to be reminded of a mistake for the entire day.

This is an older teacher, and she's honestly not very friendly or approachable, so it definitely makes me a bit uncomfortable to confront her about this. I have a parent teacher conference with her in a few weeks. Would you say something? And what? Help me please! 

[meanie]

Every year from K - 4th there has some variation of this, seems like it ended in 5th though. DS is in 4th and this year the teacher writes their name in a book and there are escalated consequences each time their name is in the book - 2nd time they lose recess, 3rd time is a call home.

From what I have seen it eventually loses its shock value and the kids stop caring if their name is on the board. I doubt the teacher will change her method for one kid, but I would want to meet with her anyways to figure out why his name is up there to begin with - if she is really old school some of the offenses are probably not even a big deal.

The issue with relying heavily on a strike system as a tool for classroom management is that it can be easily influenced from day to day - teacher is having a bad day, or the class is being rowdy as a whole, all of the sudden everyone is getting their names on the board. There is definitely a need for consequences and clearly defined expectations, but I have seen this method in particular morph into an outlet for the teacher's frustration rather than a way to get students back on track.

I would also want to know how success is celebrated, is there a reward system? Up through 5th I have seen either sticker charts, tickets, prizes, and popcorn jars.

[felicity]

Sept 24, 2024 16:36:00 GMT -5 meanie said:

Every year from K - 4th there has some variation of this, seems like it ended in 5th though. DS is in 4th and this year the teacher writes their name in a book and there are escalated consequences each time their name is in the book - 2nd time they lose recess, 3rd time is a call home.

From what I have seen it eventually loses its shock value and the kids stop caring if their name is on the board. I doubt the teacher will change her method for one kid, but I would want to meet with her anyways to figure out why his name is up there to begin with - if she is really old school some of the offenses are probably not even a big deal.

The issue with relying heavily on a strike system as a tool for classroom management is that it can be easily influenced from day to day - teacher is having a bad day, or the class is being rowdy as a whole, all of the sudden everyone is getting their names on the board. There is definitely a need for consequences and clearly defined expectations, but I have seen this method in particular morph into an outlet for the teacher's frustration rather than a way to get students back on track.

I would also want to know how success is celebrated, is there a reward system? Up through 5th I have seen either sticker charts, tickets, prizes, and popcorn jars.

Oh yeah this teacher is definitely mostly just frustrated at the class and not so much just at DS. I actually got an email from her the other day about him (which is a first for me in his entire school career) and she said she’s been having a lot of problems with behavior in the class this year, and he isn’t the instigator, but he will go along with other kids so is part of the problem. Examples were talking when they should be working, getting up when she leaves the room for a minute, and just engaging in general silliness when other kids start it. I get it. This isn’t good behavior. We talked to him about it but I also think she just doesn’t know how to handle relatively normal kid behavior for this age.

[meanie]

felicity sounds pretty typical to me! I have spent a lot of time in DS's classroom and it's controlled chaos, at best 😂

[Deleted]

My H is an elementary teacher (5th) and most of the teachers he knows abandoned this years ago. He’s never used it, even when he taught younger grades. It isn’t really effective, and can negatively affect kids.

I’d probably raise concerns to the teacher and perhaps the principal.

[beerlover]

It seems like all the teachers at DS's school (ok, so far, he's only in 2nd grade) have done some version of this - a red/yellow/green system, or a clip chart, or something else. I'm pretty sure they have not been proven to be effective, so it's annoying that teachers are still using them. But I try not to put too much stock in them. Sorry you're dealing with this though- I'm not sure if I would say anything or not. It sounds like she probably won't be receptive

[twilightmv]

I hate that stuff, and our elementary schools moved away from it. DS1’s first grade teacher used something like this, mostly against neurodiverse boys. It was so stressful and demoralizing for him and in retrospect I do wish I’d pushed harder against it. In second grade, he had a much more sensory friendly teacher and hes been a joy to have in class every year since first. I’m not sure approaching her with it will change much (I took the approach of getting a 504 plan which helped a little) but I wanted to say yes, this would bother me.

[sdlaura]

Agree that it used to be more common but our school has also moved away from it. I would talk to her first and if no progress, then the principal.

[niq]

Most of the classroom management in our elementary school seems to be rewards for good behavior rather than punishment for bad behavior unless it involves trying to hurt some one or destroy/deface property.

I don't know if I would say anything to a veteran teacher. If they're not running a rewards system I don't think they'll start now.

[felicity]

Sept 24, 2024 18:11:14 GMT -5 @villainv said:

My H is an elementary teacher (5th) and most of the teachers he knows abandoned this years ago. He’s never used it, even when he taught younger grades. It isn’t really effective, and can negatively affect kids.

I’d probably raise concerns to the teacher and perhaps the principal.

Has your H mentioned what kinds of things he does that work better?

[felicity]

This is the first time we've encountered any kind of negative charting of behavior. It's interesting how some schools do this more than others. I'd only ever heard of this sort of thing from these boards and around the internet. I don't know if his school has any formal policy on it so I might ask.

I did tell DS last night that while I agree with his teacher that he shouldn't be doing the things that earn him a tally, he needs to show more self control, and save any talking/silliness for recess, but I don't really agree with this method, so just remind himself of that if/when he gets one and try not to let it get to him too much. He's a good kid even if he does this stuff sometimes. It's a long day for a 9 year old, playful, fun loving kid to behave perfectly all day. But also, if he doesn't want a tally...think about that before acting and save it for recess. DS is capable of behaving better, but there is a rigid/resistant part of him that just doesn't want to because he likes to have fun, talk to his friends, that kind of thing...so he needs to work on that.

I'm thinking of approaching it with his teacher at our conference in a few weeks by saying DS mentioned this tally system and can she tell me more about it, then asking her if it seems to be improving the class behavior, and then saying I don't think it's very effective for DS and (I'm honestly a bit shaky thinking about saying the rest of this) but it also doesn't seem in line with the school's values. They talk big about social/emotional learning, being nurturing and inclusive, all that stuff. See what she says. I'm so not good at confrontation so it's hard for me, but I also don't want to just not say anything.

[nicolewi]

Yes, this would bother me. I believe these systems have been shown to not be effective anyway. I would be bothered, but I think I would do something like you did. Or like I had to do last year with my daughter’s fifth grade teacher that I didn’t always agree with. Just told her that she’s gonna have lots of different teachers and bosses someday, and sometimes you just have to do your best to adjust to the system they are using, even if you don’t love it. Obviously as long as it is safe, legal, etc!

Sounds like the teacher is struggling with this class.

[jennistarr1]

my daughter school gives "demerits"....i feel like even that term is outdated

[hermione]

This is just a variation of those terrible color charts. Any classroom management tool that inherently embarrasses the kids is trash and, yes, I would say something. I'd start with, I'd like to talk to you about your system for marking students who have had a lapse in behavior. And then say what your concerns are. If you need talking points, just Google, "Why color charts in classrooms are bad." Some of my reasons are:

1. It's embarrassing
2. It causes the kid to continue to focus on their bad behavior.
3. It stresses out their friends.
4. It's almost always the same kids who are made to feel bad about themselves.
5. It does nothing to reward or prioritize good behavior.

[Deleted]

Sept 25, 2024 5:29:51 GMT -5 felicity said:

Sept 24, 2024 18:11:14 GMT -5 @villainv said:

My H is an elementary teacher (5th) and most of the teachers he knows abandoned this years ago. He’s never used it, even when he taught younger grades. It isn’t really effective, and can negatively affect kids.

I’d probably raise concerns to the teacher and perhaps the principal.

Has your H mentioned what kinds of things he does that work better?

He makes corrections in the moment and moves on. If someone repeatedly breaks rules or becomes a distraction he may ask them to step outside the classroom for 30-60 seconds for some deep breaths before returning. Some students who habitually struggle may be given tasks to get them up and moving like handing out papers or retrieving copies from the office. Otherwise, he uses positive reinforcement.

[redheadk]

I do not like her system and it is absolutely not one I would use myself; however, the most I would do is chat with her at the conference about your own kid's behavior and give some feedback on how the current system is affecting him only. I would absolutely not give her classroom management tips or suggestions of other options like some people are suggesting/insinuating here. As far as talking to the principal, this is only something I would consider if things seriously escalated. I would put my focus on helping my child correct his behavior in the classroom.

The fact is that some classes are much harder to manage than others, even for teachers with excellent classroom management. A tough class paired with a teacher who struggles with classroom management makes for a hard year for everyone but I tread very lightly on criticizing teachers these days given how many classrooms in my area don't have a teacher of record at all. I accept a lot of things that I wouldn't accept of myself as a teacher.

I do think this is a leap: "We talked to him about it but I also think she just doesn’t know how to handle relatively normal kid behavior for this age."
It's not the specific behaviors, it's the frequency/severity combined with kids following dominant personalities that are not positive. Every class is different. I had classes that were incredibly difficult and kids who were generally well behaved but followers by nature would really struggle with not emulating those behaviors. As a parent, I would be very concerned to learn this about my child but wouldn't dismiss it as the teacher not knowing how to handle the behaviors but as her alerting you that he is following people that he shouldn't rather than doing what he knows is right. That part is actually what would be the biggest concern for me. I don't think every kid needs to be a leader at all times but I do think all kids need to learn to make their own decisions for themselves, even when it's hard, and that's what I would choose to focus on with my child.

[felicity]

Sept 25, 2024 12:00:32 GMT -5 redheadk said:

I do not like her system and it is absolutely not one I would use myself; however, the most I would do is chat with her at the conference about your own kid's behavior and give some feedback on how the current system is affecting him only. I would absolutely not give her classroom management tips or suggestions of other options like some people are suggesting/insinuating here. As far as talking to the principal, this is only something I would consider if things seriously escalated. I would put my focus on helping my child correct his behavior in the classroom.

The fact is that some classes are much harder to manage than others, even for teachers with excellent classroom management. A tough class paired with a teacher who struggles with classroom management makes for a hard year for everyone but I tread very lightly on criticizing teachers these days given how many classrooms in my area don't have a teacher of record at all. I accept a lot of things that I wouldn't accept of myself as a teacher.

I do think this is a leap: "We talked to him about it but I also think she just doesn’t know how to handle relatively normal kid behavior for this age."
It's not the specific behaviors, it's the frequency/severity combined with kids following dominant personalities that are not positive. Every class is different. I had classes that were incredibly difficult and kids who were generally well behaved but followers by nature would really struggle with not emulating those behaviors. As a parent, I would be very concerned to learn this about my child but wouldn't dismiss it as the teacher not knowing how to handle the behaviors but as her alerting you that he is following people that he shouldn't rather than doing what he knows is right. That part is actually what would be the biggest concern for me. I don't think every kid needs to be a leader at all times but I do think all kids need to learn to make their own decisions for themselves, even when it's hard, and that's what I would choose to focus on with my child.

I don't know if you saw my latest post, but I wasn't planning to criticize her or tell her how to manage the class, and we do talk to DS about how to work on his behavior, which I mentioned. 

FWIW I volunteer at the school about twice a month and have been since 1st, and it's been a lot of the same kids in DS's class for all these years. Most of them I've seen past through at least one of his classes. They are hard, but other teachers in the school handle them better. I'm not dismissing that DS needs to stop going along with misbehavior, but he definitely doesn't blindly follow everything, and he mostly makes good choices. Occasionally engaging in minor silliness and talking when they are working is a problem, and I talk to him about it at times, but I just won't agree that it'a a HUGE DEAL in 4th grade the way that he does it. 

I can still think this teacher doesn't know how to handle normal 4th grade behavior AND think my kid has some work to do AND address it with him, all at the same time. It's not a leap.  

[sandandsea]

Our teachers always have some kind of behavior mechanisms in every class. But generally it’s to reinforce positive behavior publicly with rewards and corrections done privately “come see me at my desk, this is your warning” and after two warnings in a day or several through the week there is “parent contact” where the teacher emails the parents to let them know of the behavior.

My kids know “parent contact” will not be good for them and have worked really hard to avoid it.

Oh one tool that their teachers have implemented are resetting options (go to the sitting chair and take 10 big breaths, go run a lap, step outside and sing/dance for one minute, do 10 jumping jacks, etc). If a teacher sees a kid really struggling they get a chance to get some of the wiggles out and reset before getting a warning. It’s like a pre warning and seems to be pretty effective.

[cmeon]

felicity , I'm not trying to make you feel bad (it actually sounds like your son might be one of the kids influenced by the more challenging kids- and you are working on his behavior)- but disruptive behavior has some incredibly ugly impacts on the disruptive student's peers (one of them being an increase in behavior issues).

www.nber.org/system/files/working_papers/w22042/w22042.pdf

IMHO, we are simply putting teachers like this into impassible situations. An experienced teacher can handle one or two frequently disruptive students with creative/thoughtful behavior management methods, but when you hit 5 or 7 or 12 or more in a single classroom- we're just asking the impossible. You can't have half the class dancing in the hallway all day.

And the villain that's largely responsible for this situation in our schools- is congress. When IDEA became law, they promised to fund 40% of states' excess costs when it came to educating students with special needs. They have never once (not even in years the dems had total control) actually done that. Or even an amount particularly close to what they agreed to. As special needs are responsible for a fair share of disruptive behavior in elementary+, we should all be screaming mad about this. We need special education funded fully- and at modern levels.

[livinitup]

It could be a Color Card system. It sounds like a behavior modification system for the class. Every student starts with a green card on their desk at the beginning of every day. Then there is a misbehavior and the teacher changes it to a yellow card. Then you get 1, 2, or 3 ‘marks’ on the yellow card. Your fourth misbehavior earns you a red card. Get it?

Some behaviors earn the student an automatic red card (like throwing something or hitting). Three marks on a red card gets you sent to the principals office.

It’s not great. It’s supposed to set clear expectations for behavior for the students in the class (because these kids are still learning how to act/what’s expected), reinforce teaching what the expectations are, and give a visual cue to yellow/red behaviors. It’s feedback that is non-confrontational, not physically putative, etc.

When my DD was about that age, the teacher used an app. It wasn’t a color card system but the same general idea. I could see in the app when she got a yellow card (or whatever they used), and sometimes I would look, and every once in a while she would get one. That was enough for my DD to be mortified and not do it again. I think once or twice she said getting a yellow card “was worth it”. lol. I once asked her if she ever got a red card and she was highly insulted “Mom! I nevvvvvvver got a red card!”

It seems like a “boys in the classroom modification system”. There was one student who was on red several times a week and it upset DD that he didn’t behave. We had some long talks about how kids are different, some need more support than others, etc. Once, while talking about this in the car, I had a little “mom moment/advice” when she was upset/angry at the child with several red cards a week. I broke it to her “He’s doing the best he can, honey.” That seemed unbelievable to DD. She was mad that he want trying hard enough, getting in trouble, distracting her/the class. “Imagine what it must be like for him.” Then she had a little break-through moment. I don’t know, it seemed like she grew up a little with that realization.

At the parent-teacher conference, you can ask the teacher what behavior system she uses in class. Then listen. If it isn’t a good fit for your kid, ask for him to be moved to another class/teacher. Or let him deal with it not being that great. There might be other reasons that the teacher is a good fit for him.

[redheadk]

Sept 25, 2024 12:29:31 GMT -5 felicity said:

Sept 25, 2024 12:00:32 GMT -5 redheadk said:

I do not like her system and it is absolutely not one I would use myself; however, the most I would do is chat with her at the conference about your own kid's behavior and give some feedback on how the current system is affecting him only. I would absolutely not give her classroom management tips or suggestions of other options like some people are suggesting/insinuating here. As far as talking to the principal, this is only something I would consider if things seriously escalated. I would put my focus on helping my child correct his behavior in the classroom.

The fact is that some classes are much harder to manage than others, even for teachers with excellent classroom management. A tough class paired with a teacher who struggles with classroom management makes for a hard year for everyone but I tread very lightly on criticizing teachers these days given how many classrooms in my area don't have a teacher of record at all. I accept a lot of things that I wouldn't accept of myself as a teacher.

I do think this is a leap: "We talked to him about it but I also think she just doesn’t know how to handle relatively normal kid behavior for this age."
It's not the specific behaviors, it's the frequency/severity combined with kids following dominant personalities that are not positive. Every class is different. I had classes that were incredibly difficult and kids who were generally well behaved but followers by nature would really struggle with not emulating those behaviors. As a parent, I would be very concerned to learn this about my child but wouldn't dismiss it as the teacher not knowing how to handle the behaviors but as her alerting you that he is following people that he shouldn't rather than doing what he knows is right. That part is actually what would be the biggest concern for me. I don't think every kid needs to be a leader at all times but I do think all kids need to learn to make their own decisions for themselves, even when it's hard, and that's what I would choose to focus on with my child.

I don't know if you saw my latest post, but I wasn't planning to criticize her or tell her how to manage the class, and we do talk to DS about how to work on his behavior, which I mentioned. 

FWIW I volunteer at the school about twice a month and have been since 1st, and it's been a lot of the same kids in DS's class for all these years. Most of them I've seen past through at least one of his classes. They are hard, but other teachers in the school handle them better. I'm not dismissing that DS needs to stop going along with misbehavior, but he definitely doesn't blindly follow everything, and he mostly makes good choices. Occasionally engaging in minor silliness and talking when they are working is a problem, and I talk to him about it at times, but I just won't agree that it'a a HUGE DEAL in 4th grade the way that he does it. 

I can still think this teacher doesn't know how to handle normal 4th grade behavior AND think my kid has some work to do AND address it with him, all at the same time. It's not a leap.  

Ok, good luck.

[erbear]

This is not something I would be that upset about. It sounds like the teacher has a tough class and she’s managing it how she can. I’m sure your son is involved, and I’m equally sure this isn’t going to scar him for life. My concern would be that he changed his behavior — that’s all you can control — if he’s getting marks, it’s because he’s misbehaving. He can make it stop — he can stop misbehaving. He’s old enough to understand that.

I would be rather annoyed if a parent came into a conference and complained about a system I was using without even considering that the child was, in fact, misbehaving. This is a teacher pet peeve.

[felicity]

Sept 26, 2024 17:49:47 GMT -5 erbear said:

This is not something I would be that upset about. It sounds like the teacher has a tough class and she’s managing it how she can. I’m sure your son is involved, and I’m equally sure this isn’t going to scar him for life. My concern would be that he changed his behavior — that’s all you can control — if he’s getting marks, it’s because he’s misbehaving. He can make it stop — he can stop misbehaving. He’s old enough to understand that.

I would be rather annoyed if a parent came into a conference and complained about a system I was using without even considering that the child was, in fact, misbehaving. This is a teacher pet peeve.

Of course I’m considering that he is misbehaving and having many many talks with him about it. I mentioned that in all of my posts in this thread.

Whether or not me bringing up concerns about an outdated behavior management system annoys her isn’t really my top concern. I’m not going to come on guns blazing or criticize her. I’m bringing up a valid issue.

[jobae1234]

Sept 25, 2024 12:29:31 GMT -5 felicity said:

Sept 25, 2024 12:00:32 GMT -5 redheadk said:

I do not like her system and it is absolutely not one I would use myself; however, the most I would do is chat with her at the conference about your own kid's behavior and give some feedback on how the current system is affecting him only. I would absolutely not give her classroom management tips or suggestions of other options like some people are suggesting/insinuating here. As far as talking to the principal, this is only something I would consider if things seriously escalated. I would put my focus on helping my child correct his behavior in the classroom.

The fact is that some classes are much harder to manage than others, even for teachers with excellent classroom management. A tough class paired with a teacher who struggles with classroom management makes for a hard year for everyone but I tread very lightly on criticizing teachers these days given how many classrooms in my area don't have a teacher of record at all. I accept a lot of things that I wouldn't accept of myself as a teacher.

I do think this is a leap: "We talked to him about it but I also think she just doesn’t know how to handle relatively normal kid behavior for this age."
It's not the specific behaviors, it's the frequency/severity combined with kids following dominant personalities that are not positive. Every class is different. I had classes that were incredibly difficult and kids who were generally well behaved but followers by nature would really struggle with not emulating those behaviors. As a parent, I would be very concerned to learn this about my child but wouldn't dismiss it as the teacher not knowing how to handle the behaviors but as her alerting you that he is following people that he shouldn't rather than doing what he knows is right. That part is actually what would be the biggest concern for me. I don't think every kid needs to be a leader at all times but I do think all kids need to learn to make their own decisions for themselves, even when it's hard, and that's what I would choose to focus on with my child.

I don't know if you saw my latest post, but I wasn't planning to criticize her or tell her how to manage the class, and we do talk to DS about how to work on his behavior, which I mentioned. 

FWIW I volunteer at the school about twice a month and have been since 1st, and it's been a lot of the same kids in DS's class for all these years. Most of them I've seen past through at least one of his classes. They are hard, but other teachers in the school handle them better. I'm not dismissing that DS needs to stop going along with misbehavior, but he definitely doesn't blindly follow everything, and he mostly makes good choices. Occasionally engaging in minor silliness and talking when they are working is a problem, and I talk to him about it at times, but I just won't agree that it'a a HUGE DEAL in 4th grade the way that he does it. 

I can still think this teacher doesn't know how to handle normal 4th grade behavior AND think my kid has some work to do AND address it with him, all at the same time. It's not a leap.  

Just so you know, because you have said you struggle with confrontation, telling the teacher that you don’t think her disciple system is effective for your child or consistent with the school’s values is MAJOR criticism. Especially the latter part, but both in combination is basically telling her she doesn’t know how to do her job. You can expect a large and negative response from saying that. And I have zero confidence that it will have a positive impact on anyone, including your son and how she sees and treats him.

I agree that her system is outdated and ineffective. However, I believe your job as a parent is to help your kid learn how to deal with the difficult parts of life. He’s acting out in class and he’s hanging out with disruptive kids. Peers are a huge influence as kids move into teen years, so I’d be scheduling play dates with better behaved kids and trying to guide him to see through his friends’ behavior.

[rooster222]

My school mo longer allows these methods.

Years ago, when my dd was in 2nd grade, her teacher did the clip chart. It was awful and the absolute worst year for my kid who never misbehaved. She had to move her clip down because she put her homework in the wrong basket. My DH, who is very calm and chill, went in and told the teacher no more! He said if there was an actual behavior problem to let us know. My kid legit thought no one would be her friend if she moved her clip down. Coincidentally (?) she went on anxiety meds that year.

I 100% support consequences for misbehavior but public shaming isn't the way to go.

[waverly]

I don't see how you can say much about a discipline method used for the entire class. All you can do is mention your own child and how they feel. I have a parent friend who is against clip up clip down types of class management. Her daughter has a 504, and so through that vehicle she discusses with the school the best teacher placement and classroom management with her child. This is all done before classroom placement. Once they are placed, there isn't much you can do.

I would work with your DS on his talking during classroom work time, which you said you were planning to do. Role play might be helpful here, both in how to act in the classroom, but also how to manage it when the teacher puts a tally mark on his desk.

[sugarbear1]

First of all, a kid should never, ever lose recess for disciplinary reasons. Period, end of story, I will die on this MF hill. I have been teaching for 20 years and have somehow managed to maintain order in my classes without withholding recess. When my kid lost his recess, I lost my sh*t.

That said, this is her system and I am guessing, if she's old, it's worked for her. I think it's ok to address with her via email how it affects your kid, but the first conversation I would be having is with my kid, about how he's going to keep his name off her tally list.

[wanderingback]

I would talk to your kid about his behavior. Then, I would talk to the teacher to understand your kid’s behavior to understand why he’s getting in trouble. Assuming that she’s not "abusing" him I would not mention the classroom system. I’m not a teacher so I have no clue what is "the best" for classroom management and don’t have a huge problem with her system as something that is going to be traumatic for my child. I would focus on helping my kid stay on task.

[twilightmv]

Sept 26, 2024 17:49:47 GMT -5 erbear said:

This is not something I would be that upset about. It sounds like the teacher has a tough class and she’s managing it how she can. I’m sure your son is involved, and I’m equally sure this isn’t going to scar him for life. My concern would be that he changed his behavior — that’s all you can control — if he’s getting marks, it’s because he’s misbehaving. He can make it stop — he can stop misbehaving. He’s old enough to understand that.

I would be rather annoyed if a parent came into a conference and complained about a system I was using without even considering that the child was, in fact, misbehaving. This is a teacher pet peeve.

My child (and another on this thread who went on anxiety meds) were actually damaged by this, so I wouldn’t downplay it. He also rarely understood why he was in trouble. He just internalized that he couldn’t do anything right. Which was verifiably not the case due to the evidence of every class year since.

[erbear]

Oct 2, 2024 14:20:04 GMT -5 twilightmv said:

Sept 26, 2024 17:49:47 GMT -5 erbear said:

This is not something I would be that upset about. It sounds like the teacher has a tough class and she’s managing it how she can. I’m sure your son is involved, and I’m equally sure this isn’t going to scar him for life. My concern would be that he changed his behavior — that’s all you can control — if he’s getting marks, it’s because he’s misbehaving. He can make it stop — he can stop misbehaving. He’s old enough to understand that.

I would be rather annoyed if a parent came into a conference and complained about a system I was using without even considering that the child was, in fact, misbehaving. This is a teacher pet peeve.

My child (and another on this thread who went on anxiety meds) were actually damaged by this, so I wouldn’t downplay it. He also rarely understood why he was in trouble. He just internalized that he couldn’t do anything right. Which was verifiably not the case due to the evidence of every class year since.

Sorry if I wasn’t clear. I would not have given this advice for a kid with anxiety. That doesn’t seem to be the case with the OP.