10-year old uncomfortable with our Harris-Walz Sign

[Deleted]

Yesterday we got a Harris Walz sign for our yard. This is the first election in decades where we have lived somewhere we felt comfortable putting out a yard sign. Our HOA only allows them within 45 days of an election, so they’ve only just started popping up in our neighborhood.

Today our 10-year-old has said a few times that the sign makes him uncomfortable. He doesn’t like us openly supporting a candidate, and just wants us to “keep it in our heads.” He says he also wants Harris to win, but doesn’t like political talk. We asked if his friends said something about it and he said no. As far as we know, there’s no political talk at school (H is a teacher in the same grade), but we happen to know that at least his close friends also come from families who are supporting Harris Walz (though none have signs that we know of).

How would you handle this? I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable, and it’s his home too. But I don’t necessarily want to capitulate either.

[rachers]

Eeeh this is tough. I would maybe try to dive deeper into why he feels uncomfortable.

We are very open in conversations in our household that I did have to rein it in because it was stressing our DD (7) out a little. But I think it’s incredibly important for her to know the ins and outs and whatnot. We did stop keeping the news on because the whole eating the cats thing really got her worked up.

A sign is pretty low key in that regard. Maybe just keep having conversations about why it’s important to yall to show your support and go from there.

[Velar Fricative]

Oof, that’s tough. I’d be inclined to remove the sign. I can’t put signs up because DH is very uncomfortable with it, which I get. I feel like anyone in the house should have veto power on a sign regardless of age. But, it wouldn’t hurt to dig deeper and see if he eventually is okay with it after some conversations.

Do you think he’s concerned about safety? MAGAs are intense with their hate and I wouldn’t be shocked if he thinks the house might get vandalized or something.

[jinkies]

This may be an unpopular opinion, but I think I'd take it down.

Idk. If my H had the same objections, I definitely would. I know we are talking about a child here, but it's a really small ask.

This is a volatile political environment, and I can understand a 10 year old not feeling equipped to defend a political position to peers, even if he knows his close friends agree with him.

[niq]

Has he had to write an "Opinion piece" for school yet? You could write an "opinion piece" on (1) why you are voting for Harris, and (2) why you think it's important to put out a yard sign.

You can also say that it's a big country with all kinds of people, that it's almost guaranteed someone in his class has parents who will vote for Trump, and you should still treat your neighbors and schoolmates with respect even if they voted for somebody else.

[thebreakfastclub]

I'd say, I'm sorry you feel that way, but the sign is staying up.

[Deleted]

Oct 3, 2024 18:16:51 GMT -5 Velar Fricative said:

Do you think he’s concerned about safety? MAGAs are intense with their hate and I wouldn’t be shocked if he thinks the house might get vandalized or something.

I don’t think he’s concerned about safety, but I guess I could ask him specifically as we dig deeper. We know we have some neighbors who will likely vote for Trump, but our current neighborhood has far more signs for Kamala, rainbow flags, etc. In fact I haven’t seen any Trump signs or flags go up yet.

[beerlover]

Ugh, I don't know the right answer but my 8 year old said the same thing when we put our sign up. Our area is very Trumpy though and he hears about Trump all the time, so unfortunately he thinks Trump is cool because other kids talk about him (of course we've set the record straight on that, but its still hard for a kid that young when you hear about how great he is from everyone else), and part of him probably didn't want his neighbor friends to see it. We left the sign up, but he hasn't said anything more about it thankfully.

[shopgirl07]

I’d say too bad kid. This election is too important. His future is too important. Eventually he’ll realize the significance of standing up for your beliefs and what’s right and he’ll get it.

[wanderingback]

I know kids aren’t rationale but the fact that he could articulate that he doesn’t like political talk and wants you to keep it all in your head would make me 100% explore further what’s going on.

I think it’s the perfect opportunity to discuss in a child friendly manner that many people (women, people of color, people with disabilities, lgbtq persons) don’t have the privilege of "ignoring politics" because our lives are on the line. It’s a bit like "I don’t see color" to me.

I’m actually not a huge sign person (maybe cause I don’t have a yard?) so I don’t think that’s a huge deal but today I wore an abortion shirt and free Palestine earrings and I absolutely have already started explaining to my almost 2 year old about why I openly discuss certain political things/wear certain things.

[fryjack2]

I don't know your 10 year old, but being 10, it makes me think he heard something that is making him say the things he had said. Especially the "keep it in your head" part. Sounds kind of like he overheard someone saying, or someone said to him, "never discuss money, religion, or politics."

I'd want to know why it makes him uncomfortable and would require more information from him.

If you were wearing a Harris shirt, would he ask you to take it off?

[ilikedonuts]

I’d keep the sign up. If this was my child, I’d personally talk about standing up for what we believe and how with the world today we can’t censor ourselves and keep it to ourselves just to avoid something like a potentially uncomfortable conversation. I only have daughters so I’m very open with them about how important all of this is for them as women.

I’ve got one kid that is super outspoken (she was calling kids out on lies in 2nd grade that were repeating all the MAGA crap they heard from their parents🙊) and one kid that is definitely not as outspoken about it, but will absolutely tell people our views if someone asks her.

[expectantsteelerfan]

Oct 3, 2024 20:16:39 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

I know kids aren’t rationale but the fact that he could articulate that he doesn’t like political talk and wants you to keep it all in your head would make me 100% explore further what’s going on.

I think it’s the perfect opportunity to discuss in a child friendly manner that many people (women, people of color, people with disabilities, lgbtq persons) don’t have the privilege of "ignoring politics" because our lives are on the line. It’s a bit like "I don’t see color" to me.

I’m actually not a huge sign person (maybe cause I don’t have a yard?) so I don’t think that’s a huge deal but today I wore an abortion shirt and free Palestine earrings and I absolutely have already started explaining to my almost 2 year old about why I openly discuss certain political things/wear certain things.

I agree with this.  I think talking about politics is important, and though it can be uncomfortable, it doesn't have to be.  It is a very privileged position to prefer to just ignore politics (my dh's aunt recently posted on FB about how everything will be ok either way and can we please just all stop talking about politics? and as much as I hate engaging with political talk on FB, I couldn't just not say something because then I'd be doing what I'm advocating not to do).  

So I would dig deeper as to why he's feeling uncomfortable, but keep the focus on how it's important to have these discussions and be aware, and having the sign in your yard is a tool to do that.  

[lilac05]

This is tough. I’m not sure what I’d do. I think I’d try to dig a little deeper and figure out where it’s coming from, but on the other hand, there’s value in teaching a kid that “I’m not comfortable with it” can be a full statement that doesn’t always require supporting information.

If you decide not to keep it up, maybe you could brainstorm as a family where it would be more beneficial. I don’t put signs in my yard because the same 4 people drive by every day, and they know. However, I DO help people who are in more visible areas get signs for their yards.

I also think it’s important to talk about WHY it’s important to talk about politics, now more than ever. But maybe you can come up with other effective ways to do it.

[wanderingback]

Also I’m prob stubborn/too independent but even if my partner told me to take a sign down I’d give him a side eye and not do it. But maybe that’s why he’s my partner cause he would never tell me to do something like that lol.

[Susie]

I would probably keep it up, but I'd talk about the difference between positive and negative campaigning.

Putting out a Harris - Walz sign?  100% fine, we're publicly stating our support.  This is not antagonistic, it is not disrespectful, and we are within our rights as homeowners to express our support for our preferred candidate.

Some of the snarkier signs?  Funny to those who agree, but potentially antagonistic to those who don't.  There are plenty of examples of such signs on both sides.  These are kind of in the middle.

Signs outright trashing the other candidate?  Again, funny to those who agree, but definitely antagonistic to those who don't.  

We're pretty low key in terms of signs.  I think the "sometimes you've gotta flush twice" signs are hilarious but personally I'm too tame to put something like that out.  A Harris-Walz campaign sign is my speed.

I might also talk about some of the dangers of keeping silent, and groupthink.  Parallels with Nazi Germany are probably a little dark for age 10, but the idea of speaking up for what you believe in, and courage to own your beliefs might be appropriate.

[twinmomma]

We have 2 Harris signs in our yard. My DH has expressed concern about it since we live in a more red town. We've had several people drive by and scream obscenities at us because of the signs. But I still won't take them down. I've explained to DH that taking the signs down feels like "letting the bad guys win" and I don't want to do that. I also want to show solidarity with the other few signs around town and the people who may be too afraid to put them up.

All that said... I wouldn't take the sign down if my kids asked. I'd want to have a bigger conversation around why they feel that way and if something happened to make them nervous about having a sign up. My kids haven't been home when people have yelled at us, but I would imagine it would make my DS very nervous if he had witnessed it and his immediate reaction would be to remove it.

[waverly]

We are not sign people, at least at the presidential level. I did have a sign for local election. I was wondering do signs make an electoral difference and found this article, thehill.com/homenews/nexstar_media_wire/4876783-do-campaign-yard-signs-even-make-a-difference/. Basically what I was thinking, influencial at a local level but not so much for the presidential elections.

According to the article (sorry to go academic on you), the sign is for self expression. If self expression is important to you, then keep the sign up. But then the 10 year olds self expression is no sign, so who wins? You can make a case for either person, the adult pays the bills and is in charge of the house/ culture versus a child's comfortability level. Definitely further discussion.

You might decide a certain age is more appropriate for child's comfort, is 10 that age maybe?

But in the next election at age 14, I would say leave the sign up.  They are old enough to deal with it then.  

[nicolewi]

I am not a sign person, so I understand where your son is coming from. But if you are sign people, and this is an important thing to you, then I think you need to have a sensitive discussion with him about why you believe in putting up a yard sign. And I would try to keep it positive and not about demonizing anyone who has the opposite signs. I drive down neighborhoods with opposite signs on opposite side of the street and I can’t help but think it must get tense between the families and I know that trickles down to kids in a way that I never dealt with growing up.

[sent]

I'm fresh off rewatching Inside Out 2. This sounds like the making of "core memory" and "sense of self" moments for your kid no matter which way you go. Anecdote - From a young age, I quickly adopted a "don't mention politics, religion and money" facade when out in public. As an adult, my career has shaped up to be where I deal with people daily ALLLL across the political, religious and financial spectrums. I think this happened because of this wishy-washy neutral "trying to fit in" persona I set for myself when I was younger. My parents didn't care to teach us much about taking a side when it comes to politics or even anything in the community since it was visibly obvious we are minorities. We would have to play by whatever rules the white people wanted to set so they figured why waste your energy trying to change anything, the white people always win anyways.

All this to say that your decision and discussion will probably impact how he thinks about politics, community and government in his lifetime. Personally I am not a political sign person. I think I would take it down if my kid asked because school can be a hard place. This would also be a very good opportunity to discuss what each candidate stands for and how government works at all levels for the candidates to implement those policies and beliefs - local to president. I wish I had learned these things from a younger age.

[hermione]

I'd say, "I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable but it is important for others to know that it's ok to support the democratic ticket. Not talking about politics only benefits people like Trump."

[circa1978]

We actually went through this with a Black Lives Matters sign when DS was around the same age. His reasoning was a lot the same as your son's - he supported the ideas but felt like we didn't need to make it public. I explained about why I felt it was very important that we did let our neighbors know where we stood and continued discussions on allyship, which goes far beyond a yard sign. Ultimately after a day or so of it being out, he was more comfortable and didn't even mention our Harris sign this year, even though we're one of only two in the neighborhood. He does not attend a public neighborhood school so that was not a consideration but even if he did I don't think I would have taken it down.

[stemmie]

twinmomma, kudos to you for your sign in an uneasy setting. Last cycle DS and DH insisted the Harris-Biden sign come down as we live in a very contentious area-- swing county in a swing state in a very purple area. Two against one-- I made sure they voted even though DS was a Bernie Bro to his core. It's important for some folks on the other side to understand that a preponderance of swag doesn't equal the will of the majority.

[jobae1234]

I would tell my child that I respect their opinion. I would also explain why I choose to have the sign out. I’d explain about racial and class privilege and avoiding politics, and how it seems like the easier answer sometimes but that’s why advocacy is brave. Putting yourself out there can make you feel vulnerable, but in your opinion the pros of standing up for what you believe in outweigh the cons of the discomfort. Like basically it’s ok that it makes him uncomfortable, that makes sense.

Also it’s 100% developmentally normal for a preteen to want to blend in completely, and not stand out in any way both individually and as a family. Peer acceptance is the name of the game right now. In a few years he will start to feel safe to individuate from his peers. So you can ask him why he feels this way, but you might not get a satisfactory answer. The answer is that it’s a normal phase of identity development!

[jaycee]

It has worked well for me to listen/listen/listen, then say "thank you for sharing that with me. If it is still bothering you tomorrow, let me know, we will have a more in depth conversation about it then." It rarely gets brought up again.

In this case, if he brought it up again, his reasons would be important to me to listen to but depending on what they are, I'd most likely keep the sign up.

[Deleted]

Oct 6, 2024 9:15:32 GMT -5 jaycee said:

It has worked well for me to listen/listen/listen, then say "thank you for sharing that with me. If it is still bothering you tomorrow, let me know, we will have a more in depth conversation about it then." It rarely gets brought up again.

In this case, if he brought it up again, his reasons would be important to me to listen to but depending on what they are, I'd most likely keep the sign up.

This is kind of what I did. I thanks him for telling me that it bothered him, but that I wanted to hear more so we could decide. He couldn’t really articulate any more. And he hasn’t brought it up since.