Teen Driving- driving with others

[eb777888]

David has started meeting up with a friend after school for ice cream/hanging out. She has her license and told David she can drive him herself. He's still 15 and won't be driving for a bit. He has his permit and turns 16 next month but is taking his time with the course. I'm guessing she's a fairly new driver since she's also in 10th grade. 

By law, it's fine. It should be fine, right? I'm pretty confident as a parent but second guess myself with the driving thing because it makes me so anxious. What are your rules?

[penelope]

We followed the states rules of no more than 1 underage passenger in the car at a time and no driving after 9:00 pm unless going to/from a work or school related event. I don't recall how long that goes for, maybe the first year?

One time, my oldest wanted to go about an hour from here on the 4th of July with a friend. I said no to that one, too many people drinking and driving on the road on a holiday like that. But otherwise, we just followed the rules as they made sense to us.

[Patsy Baloney]

I would be ok with this.

Passenger laws have changed a lot since myyy day, but one kid as a passenger with daytime driving doesn’t make me flinch.

[fn2187]

I know some people are against this but can you use Life360 on your phones, primarily for when he drives you have extra security, but also you can see her driving conditions? I don’t trust it 100% and try not to check much but it does give me peace of mind when I check when kid is driving with other kids.

[Leeham Rimes]

I’m on the less breezy side of things, due to my job (private investigator for auto accidents), we have a “no friends allowed in car while driving” rule for at least the first year, so that a new driver can get experience under their belt. This would also go for my son being a passenger with a friend driving. The level of distraction is nothing like I experienced when I was a new driver in 1996. Also, our area is—-ooof pretty bad as far as traffic/accident statistics go, so my comfort level with friends and cars is absolutely zero.

It would perhaps depend on each individual driver but seeing my son and his friends, the maturity is absolutely not there for me to be comfortable that good decisions would be made with friends in the car.

[mcppalmbeach]

I was listening to my teen son do his drivers Ed class and the statistic of how much more likely you are to get in an accident with another teen in the car is truly sobering:

I feel like this is one of those things that people say absolutely no to until they have a teen in the age range (me included). We had school off yesterday and I had plans with younger two and ds1 wanted to play golf with friends, one of whom drives and the third friend regularly drives with him. The golf place is a little far so ds actually didn’t really want to drive on the highway with him so I arranged for my dad to take him. So my dad takes him, drops him off and there was an issue and the other kids decided to leave for another course…and ds has to leave with them or get stuck waiting for my dad or not go at all. It’s a little different one on one, but once one kid drives and others can go too they are bing banging all around.

[InBetweenDays]

Oct 4, 2024 19:32:54 GMT -5 mcppalmbeach said:

I feel like this is one of those things that people say absolutely no to until they have a teen in the age range (me included).

I totally agree. When they reach the age where they start driving it is hard to be a hard and fast no.

DS is almost 16 and just reaching this stage. And DD went through it a few years ago.

We live in an urban neighborhood where you can drive to most places on roads with a max speed limit of 25-35 mph. We are ok with him riding with friends if they are staying within our or the next neighborhood. And no randomly driving around - they need to be going somewhere specific And we have Life360 so we can track him and get some details on how safe or risky the drive was.

And of course normal rules apply - always wear a seatbelt, NEVER get in the car with someone who has had anything to drink or smoke, etc.

So yes, i would be ok with the situation the OP describes.

[fn2187]

FYI something I saw today and talked to my kid about. After school I saw a student driver cram approx 15 kids in a mid size SUV. I believe there was 4-6 in the trunk area, no seatbelts and kinda in fetal position to fit. It was disturbing. When the vehicle took off, it was almost dragging from all the weight.

It brought back memories from when I was young and it wasn’t uncommon to add more than the car fits, but I never saw that many packed in a vehicle. Had a long talk with my kid about how she is never to go in someone’s car who doesn’t have enough seating for all,

[livinitup]

I have the teenager who got her drivers license before her friends (early birthday & motivated). 11th grade over here. She is allowed to drive her boyfriend during legal driving hours and his parents allow him to be a passenger. They don’t go far. Mostly to/from their houses and up a few miles to Target and Kohls. A few weeks ago, she drove about 35 minutes away to a popular fish place on the water when school let out at 3 pm. It was easy roads on a nice day. It all seems very reasonable and age appropriate to us.

[fn2187]

Oct 4, 2024 20:18:30 GMT -5 livinitup said:

I have the teenager who got her drivers license before her friends (early birthday & motivated). 11th grade over here. She is allowed to drive her boyfriend during legal driving hours and his parents allow him to be a passenger. They don’t go far. Mostly to/from their houses and up a few miles to Target and Kohls. A few weeks ago, she drove about 35 minutes away to a popular fish place on the water when school let out at 3 pm. It was easy roads on a nice day. It all seems very reasonable and age appropriate to us.

Question- do you trust the boyfriend to ask his parents and relay the answer back? Or did you require hearing from the parents directly that they’re ok with it?

[cjcouple]

I'd say no but I was strict with following our states guidelines which I am 100% in favor of

16 permit
16y4mo license with drivers ed. Must drive solo for 6 months or with adults.
16y6m license without drivers ed. Same 6 month rule
6 months post license you can drive with siblings.
1 year post license you can drive with peers. (so they are at least 17y4mo old.)

curfew of 11pm until 18yo

I was strict about following these guidelines. My oldest is 18. my youngest is 15 and will follow these guidelines.

Other parents bend the rules but after 2 of my oldest sons classmates were in fatal accidents, I don't bend these rules.

ETA: To be clear, I'm not judging anyone for making different choices. I was just explaining why I was so strict.

[jinkies]

Agree with the post above that I had intended to be much stricter until we actually reached this stage and I realized that it just isn't possible to control it all the time. Like I dropped him off at 15 to go to a hockey game with another non driving friend, and only found out later that they were driven by the kid's 17 yo sister, not his parents.

He has accepted rides between his tech school and home high school with friends I've never met-- it's really not something I can control.

He gets his driver's license in a couple weeks, and he will follow the law that he can't have more than one non-family passenger for at least 6 months. But beyond that, we haven't been able to control the teen driving situation as much as we had planned, and I have come to terms with that.

[laurack]

Oct 4, 2024 20:16:44 GMT -5 fn2187 said:

FYI something I saw today and talked to my kid about. After school I saw a student driver cram approx 15 kids in a mid size SUV. I believe there was 4-6 in the trunk area, no seatbelts and kinda in fetal position to fit. It was disturbing. When the vehicle took off, it was almost dragging from all the weight.

It brought back memories from when I was young and it wasn’t uncommon to add more than the car fits, but I never saw that many packed in a vehicle. Had a long talk with my kid about how she is never to go in someone’s car who doesn’t have enough seating for all,

Oh, stop.

[maudefindlay]

In our state the law is 16 yr 9 months before you can drive non- immediate family, so we will follow that. If that's not the law in your state I'd allow him to ride with her.

[SusanBAnthony]

My 17 year old is a new driver and we have graduated licensing so he can only have one non family passenger, etc.

We never ran into it with him, but i am finding is DD (younger). DS has driven DD and a friend to numerous things on Yet Another No School Day when H and i are at work. Yesterday he drove them to girl scouts. All the parents are at work and when i have a driver in the house I'm not co torting myself to get home and drive a kid. DD has also ridden with this friend's older brother. I do limit it to local, not across the metro at rush hour. But im confident I'll lose control of that boundary soon too!

[thebreakfastclub]

Ignoring the persistent troll with her phony story of 20 people in a car, a coworker of mine did lose her 15yo in a car accident.

There were 6 kids in the car one afternoon, they took a turn too fast, and her son was ejected in the crash. He did not have a seat belt on as they were over capacity.

The Life 360 app helped another coworker realize his son was a passenger in a friend's car going 100mph on the beltway, which is a local route for us

[expectantsteelerfan]

Oct 4, 2024 19:42:42 GMT -5 InBetweenDays said:

Oct 4, 2024 19:32:54 GMT -5 mcppalmbeach said:

I feel like this is one of those things that people say absolutely no to until they have a teen in the age range (me included).

I totally agree. When they reach the age where they start driving it is hard to be a hard and fast no.

I agree with this.  I would have said no hypothetically, but last year when ds was a freshman, we found ourselves dropping him off for marching band section dinners before the game, and realized the convenience of letting him get a ride from that dinner to the school when they were done.  I didn't know the kids he was riding with or how long they'd had their licenses.  I did stress that he should only get in a car if there are enough seats though and that I COULD come back and drive him and others if needed.  

My ds is also one of the youngest in his grade, so I'm guessing a lot of his friends will have their license before he is able to (he plans to get his ASAP).  So I think as long as it is 'allowed' by whatever type of license they have, it's ok.  

[raleighnc]

I grew up in NJ, where we didn't get a license until 17 at the time, so my 14.5yo daughter taking driver's ed in NC and getting her permit at 15 seems crazy to me. Regardless, she's not driving or riding with other teens until she's out of high school. I'm sure it will be inconvenient for me, but it was inconvenient when they were in car seats and boosters too. I HATED that my mom wouldn't let me drive other teens (this was before any kind of graduated licensing), but it was a responsible parenting move.

But 1) I don't want DDs liable for anything that happens with someone else's kid in the car, and 2) I drive carpool with five high schoolers and the poor choices I witness and hear about every day around the high school are a hell no. Luckily, her main activities are all centered around Girl Scouts, which doesn't allow drivers under 21. I'm sure she'll still hate me, but unless she has her own car and insurance, she won't be able to do too much.

The reckless driving statistics post-2019 are crazy. As are the anecdotes I witness all the time - I see someone running a solid red (my side is already green) at least a couple of times a week, and I don't even drive that much.

insurancenewsnet.com/innarticle/new-data-reveal-reckless-driving-has-increased-post-pandemic

[penguingrrl]

For us, we have always said that our teen has to adhere to state laws as far as driving, whether they're the one driving or they're a passenger in another teen's car. We also haven't let them drive/ride on highways with friends or solo quite yet (they've had their license just over a month). We do allow them to have one passenger at a time, especially because they have a friend who's in a lot of the same activities who we have always driven home because the kid's parents have circumstances that make picking them up hard, so we've been their default ride for years. My kid won't break the rules because I believe the probationary period is extended if you do. Also, a lot of their driving is to/from school activities and we know police routinely check for probationary violations as kids are leaving the school lot.

I'm glad that NJ, which was always a strict state for driving, has gotten even stricter since I was a kid. When I was a kid you had to be 17 to get a drivers license and they just handed you a full license and that was it. Now students have a 1 year probationary period when they get their license (unless they're 21+ as a first time driver), which is still at 17, so they have to be 18 before they can get a full license, and that's if they start the permitting process basically on their 16th birthday (earliest allowed). I feel like that extra time for maturity is very noticeable.

In NJ 1st year drivers under the age of 21 have to:
Have no more than one passenger. It's unclear whether there's an allowance for siblings who live in the same household, which I think was originally allowed but no longer is.

Not drive between 11 pm and 5 am unless it's from a school or work event. If you're at a school or work event that late you need to have a letter on letterhead from the school/employer that's dated that day or the letter isn't acceptable and you will still get a ticket.

They're supposed to put red stickers on front and back license plates alerting police and other drivers that someone on a probationary license is driving the vehicle. I'll admit, that one makes me uncomfortable from a safety perspective so we don't do it. Since my kid has to borrow one of our cars they plan to just say they forgot to put the sticker back on because a parent used the car last. The police in our area have stated that they don't enforce that provision and wouldn't allow their own kids to use the stickers due to safety concerns.

[eb777888]

Thanks for the input. We'll let him do the ten minute drive after school, through the suburbs to the hang out spots. Definitely no crossing the metroplex! One step at a time, starting with a short drive to ice cream after school. :-)

[DotAndBuzz]

For me, it's a no.

My daughter turned 16 in feb, got her license in June, and had been driving with her permit for 15 months (literally since she was 14). She's now a junior, but I still wouldn't let her have other kids in the car for 4 months or so. Meaning, I JUST NOW let her take other kids in the car with her. And by other kids, I mean one kid max, as permitted by law. It's not that I didn't trust her, or thought she was a bad/unsafe driver, it's just that she was a BRAND new solo driver. I wanted her to get more comfortable with the roads solo before I let her have anyone else in the car.

Ditto for her riding with new drivers as they got their licenses. Her friends are a great, responsible bunch. Still didn't let her ride with them for about 5-6 months after they got their licenses.

***The sticking point of this though, is you/I don't get to bitch/complain about taking them somewhere if you're also refusing to allow them to get a ride with someone. You take them willingly, without complaint.

[sadlebred]

Oct 4, 2024 22:09:19 GMT -5 laurack said:

Oct 4, 2024 20:16:44 GMT -5 fn2187 said:

FYI something I saw today and talked to my kid about. After school I saw a student driver cram approx 15 kids in a mid size SUV. I believe there was 4-6 in the trunk area, no seatbelts and kinda in fetal position to fit. It was disturbing. When the vehicle took off, it was almost dragging from all the weight.

It brought back memories from when I was young and it wasn’t uncommon to add more than the car fits, but I never saw that many packed in a vehicle. Had a long talk with my kid about how she is never to go in someone’s car who doesn’t have enough seating for all,

Oh, stop.

At least 9 people can fit into a Ford Escort......

[laurack]

Oct 6, 2024 19:45:19 GMT -5 sadlebred said:

Oct 4, 2024 22:09:19 GMT -5 laurack said:

Oh, stop.

At least 9 people can fit into a Ford Escort......

If you don’t have at least 4 in the trunk do you even truly deserve to be in the carpool lane?

[sent]

One of the rules my super strict parents had was "no teen drivers." They wouldn't let me get rides from friends with cars in high school and instead drove me everywhere I needed to be. That also meant I had zero social life which was fine with them. It felt like the worst back then.

Now as an adult, this is one of their crazy rules that I do agree with. I won't let my kids get in the car with inexperienced drivers. Driving here in the most densely populated state is not for the faint of heart.