When to know it’s time - pets

[fernweh]

We have an older dog who is about 15 years old. We adopted her at 6 years old and she was rescued for a really bad situation so we have tried to give her the comfy/most spoiled life we can.

I do think she is coming to the end but it’s hard to know when to make that call. We have had dogs in the past that in retrospect I think we waited too long and I feel bad about that.

She still gets (very short) bursts of energy but is overall pretty happy to just loaf. She does still want to go when we walk the younger dogs but she loses steam quickly and we have to take her home before continuing with the other dogs.

She is becoming incontinent. She will pee inside if you don’t watch her like a hawk constantly. We have started crating her when we leave and she doesn’t go in her crate but she will pee within an hour of coming inside if you don’t pay attention to her and she no longer indicates when she has to go, she just goes.

She has lumps/bumps growing everywhere. She had a few removed when she was younger but within the last few months she has grown dozens. The vet said they could be removed and biopsied but at her age putting her under is risky and also even if the biopsy comes back for cancer H and I have already decided not to treat her given the fact that she is so old and already outlived the life expectancy for her breed.


She doesn’t seem to be in discomfort though just old and tired. She still eats and still wants to be part of the family. It kills me to make the decision because I don’t want it to be too soon but I also don’t want to be selfish and make the decision to late either.

How do you decide when is the right time?

[mrsukyankee]

When they stop being capable of walking, aren't interested in food at all, can't hold it at all (pee/poo), is in pain all the time. There's no one thing but it will be a mix of things. Basically if the dog seems like they aren't really having a life and aren't interested in having a life, that's a big sign that it's time.

For my dog, knowing that he's already having issues with joints means that we'll be putting him on pain meds in the next few years. Once that doesn't seem to help him any longer, it's likely that will be his time to go.

[Jalapeñomel]

There is no right answer.

For both of my dogs, they were super sick at the end, and they had trouble breathing and just living. And we didn't want to do exploratory surgery on such an old dog.


I'm so sorry. It's so hard.

[orangello]

We just went through this in July. Within a week he went from exactly as you described to not being able to walk, and we knew it was time (probably past time, actually). I’m so sorry - it’s so hard. Give your sweet pup a big kiss, sounds like she lucked out having you as her family ❤️

[osulori]

With one of our dogs, she gradually declined with mobility but stopped eating and drinking (even her favorite human foods) and basic bloodwork found no overt and easily treated causes plus she was 15 so we knew it was time then.

For the other, his peeing and pooping in the house increased in frequency to the point where he had to wear belly band diapers every time we left the house (poop was usually firm so easier to clean up) but what made the decision for us was that his doggy dementia (vet called it canine cognitive dysfunction) got to the point where he was whining and trying to pace much of the day and overnight despite a growing cocktail of meds to settle him. He'd sleep for a few hours at a time then go right back to it. He didn't appear to be in pain beyond his usual joint issues and like our other dog the basic bloodwork and exam didn't turn up anything. He was 14.5 at that point and we just couldn't put him through throwing meds and supplements at the cognitive decline knowing it was going to continue to worsen.

There's no right answer here but for my husband and I, we had agreed before either dog really started declining that if they started losing the things they enjoyed we would need to have the talk. For Dog #1, that was food. She was a beagle mix and loved alllll the food so when she lost her appetite and there was no cause we could easily find we knew it was time. For #2, it was food and being near us-he never lost his appetite but could not be settled and would continue to whine and get up/move around even when snuggling with me.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. No matter what you decide, you've given her an amazing life!

[Susie]

Indicia for me that it's the right time, are when the pet is no longer enjoying things they once did, are no longer eating or drinking, or are scared by their own limitations.

Based on your description I wouldn't be ready yet for your old girl.  She sounds like she's still enjoying the things she always has, her physical capacity has just diminished.  I might look into some incontinence products to save your sanity.  

We decided it was time for our first dog when his lymph nodes swelled to the point that they were physically interfering with his breathing and he was scared by it.  He had been dx'ed with lymphoma a few months prior.  

We lost our second dog last week.  She went on her own 12 hours after the first meal she refused.  She also had a number of lumps and bumps.  The ones she had removed earlier in life were mostly cysts, so we assumed the ones she died with probably were also.  Either way, like you were weren't going to do anything about them as she was almost 12 and they didn't seem to be bothering her.

[midwestmama]

I'm sorry you are at this point. It is such a hard decision to make. I still cry thinking (I am as I type this) about the experience of having to make this decision.

We had to make this decision with our last dog when she was 13.5 years old. The last 6 months of her life she had some trouble walking (wobbly back legs/hips) and she would need to go outside at least once in the middle of the night to go potty (although she did have some accidents inside) the last year of her life. When taking her outside, for sure the last 6 months or so, we would pick her up and carry her down the couple of stairs from the porch to the sidewalk. (Not the easiest thing for me, as she was a 75 lb. German Shepherd, but you bet that I dead-lifted her at 2 am when she needed to potty.)

Around Christmas 2019/New Years 2020, she started to decline rapidly in terms of mobility (also slept all the time and didn't have much of an apetite). The weekend of Jan. 11/12, 2020, she pretty much became unable to walk/use her back legs. At that point, DH and I knew we had to call the pet hospice to come to our house for euthanasia. (Our dog would get anxiety going to the vet, so we thought it would be much more peaceful for her to pass at home.) The night of Jan 12/13, she was very restless and confused, and would try to get up to walk around. I ended up sleeping on the floor next to her so that she would feel some comfort. The pet hospice vet came on Jan. 13, and while it was one of the hardest decisions we've ever had to make, we knew it was the right one so that she didn't have to suffer. Honestly, I feel that we may have waited too long, and maybe should have made the decision a week sooner so that she wasn't in so much pain and discomfort.

Before and during the procedure, we held our dog's paw and kissed her and told her she was the best dog and we loved her so much.

I hope you are able to find some peace, knowing you gave your dog the best years of her life.

[mrspez07]

The quality of life assessments and scale helped us some this spring. There's a bunch of websites that include it, here's one:
www.petmd.com/dog/care/when-to-put-dog-down

Our guy was 17+/- and was still excited for walks, eating well, doing ok with getting outside for the bathroom that we joked he would live forever. But, he slipped some on his back end and sometimes struggled with stairs, and slept most of the day. I think he was very tied to us and loyal and was probably masking his symptoms a lot. In hindsight, I think others saw him struggling more than we did, as it had been a gradual thing and a new normal for us. I kinda wish we had asked others about their thoughts. I also think YOUR quality of life needs to be part of the equation. Are you planning around their care (daily, vacations and such)? Not sleeping as much because of their schedule? Etc.
Hindsight on this decision is always clearer than during though. I also tried to remember what someone on here said years ago, you would rather have them have a last best day than linger too long and suffer. I will say doing it sooner than later allowed us to spoil the heck out of him in the last days, steak dinner, family walks, extra treats, people food, etc.

[bittybomb]

Oh I’m so sorry.

I’m a first time dog owner to my guy, who is 7, and when his time comes it’s going to hit me hard. I can’t even imagine.

Obviously I don’t have any personal experience, but I do represent veterinarians as part of my practice and whenever euthanasia is the subject, they have all consistently said our furry family members are so good at hiding pain and discomfort. It always made me feel like when our time comes, I would almost rather let my pooch go too soon rather than wait for him to make it clear he was struggling.

Thinking of you and your family.

[liverandonions]

My dog was 15.5 and my signs were when she fell and couldn't get up (she would slip on our hard wood floors often, but we put rugs everywhere for her) and when she lost control of her bowels.

We came home from a lunch and she was on a rug and had pooped and she couldn't get up - it was the surest sign i needed.

I took the day off work and took her out in the car (her fav) with the windows rolled down so she could smell the wind. We went to McDonalds and got her a cheeseburger, and came home and ate it, cuddled on the couch, and then i took her in. I sobbed and sobbed for the 2 days leading up to it, and not once after, because I knew in my heart I made the right decision.

Always better a day too early than a day too late, and it's a kindness you can do for them. Sending you lots of hugs, it's such a hard decision <3

[cuadrado]

Our vet told us to think of the top 5 things that had made our dog happiest in life, and when she couldn't do 3 out of those 5 then it meant that it was time.

This is such a hard decision. We decided on the earlier side of things and I still think about her 6 years later.

In what you described, I would be concerned about her being uncomfortable holding it in the crate if she really needs to go to the bathroom about every hour. This might be something I'd ask the vet about to help guide the decision. I'm sorry you're having to think about this.

[sdlaura]

I agree with you that I think most people wait too long, including me in the past. I think it’s a really tough quality of life judgement call. One thing our vet told us when we were making these decisions with our old dog was - dogs are so tough/resilient, that you won’t know they’re in pain for a long time. So when you notice signs of decline, they must really be not feeling well at all.

[pinkdutchtulips]

I let my 14yo JRT go gracefully, with us at home. She had been declining the last 6-8months and it wasn't worth the cost to figure out what was wrong bc of her age. We just watched her and made her as comfortable as possible until the end. It was hard on me (and Miss R) bc that JRT was my 'first' baby but at 14 she had lived a very long and happy life. Some might say that we let her go on too long but I just couldn't. I'd research it and then she'd perk up like she KNEW what I was doing and was saying, 'nope, not yet'. 

By the time she passed, she was incontinent, could barely walk, wasn't interested in eating or drinking ... she let us know it was her time. 

[Scout'sHonor]

It's also ok to say it's time when your quality of life is greatly impacted. Ours was starting to have doggy dementia in the night and would wake me up barking 2-3 times each night. She didn't have to go out, she was just getting confused. The vet mentioned a med could help, but she was already on 4 seizure meds, 1 incontinence med and steroids for an eyelid tumor. She probably could have gone another 6 months, but I was losing it caring for her. Last June we said we'd give her an amazing month of love and then said goodbye the beginning of July. I don't regret it one bit.

[livinitup]

I think age + inconsistence is really the start of thinking it’s time. I got so used to the daily set-up and clean-up of pee in the house that I was just kidding myself. It doesn’t get better, it only means a rapid decline is coming. Last time, we waited for paralysis and that was too late. Gosh, I was even wondering THEN when we were in the vet office. The decision is just so hard on your heart. But realistically, once a loved pet is very old, has daily inconsistent, and other health issues creep in, it’s time. It’s okay to make an appointment.

[mofongo]

For me, inability to walk/stand and incontinence. My dogs still loved food up until the bitter end, that was hard:/

ALSO, your quality of life matters! My first dog was unable to walk/incontinent for a year, but it was covid, so I was home and was able to express his bladder which decreased accidents. I didn’t mind the poop, it was easy to clean, just put him on towels all the time.

They both had other medical issues, but not imminently fatal, so it was the above for us. Also one did die in his sleep, so that helped too.

[mala]

As soon as regular incontinence (or even just inappropriate relieving of themselves) comes into play it's time to really assess quality of life. Our dog was 13 with a bunch of health issues and I finally put my foot down about it being time when she was in too much pain to get up by herself. The accidents had become daily at that point, and she couldn't go more than 4 hours, even overnight, without peeing. With our cat we were well on the way to making the call when she started peeing random places. Even if it was a physical issue, she was 18 and already in kidney failure, treating whatever was causing it was at best going to buy us months if not weeks, so it was time. It's ok to just be done cleaning up after them if there's no hope of recovery/getting better.

[marie]

My vet told me a day too early is so much better than a day too late. It is such a hard decision in the moment, but once it is done you will never look back and regret it.

[notsopicky]

Somebody posted here once that when you are asking that question, it's probably time. I know for me, the incontinence is the tipping point. And 100000% what marie said--a day too early is "better" (IMO more humane) than a day too late.

I'm sorry.

[vasc]

I’ll echo what everyone else said and only add one point that I haven’t seen mentioned…

If you don’t know what the lumps/bumps are, I’d be concerned for a potential tumor rupture that could turn into a scary and painful emergency very quickly. The end might not be a continued slow progression of decline but rather a middle-of-the-night emergency that could be traumatic for everyone.

[simpsongal]

Susie I’m so sorry, I know how your dogs mean to you.

Agree with others, it doesn’t sound like you’re there yet but getting close. Could you get the cytology back on the lumps to find out if it’s lymphoma? If so you could be treating with prednisone.

[rosiebear]

I’ll echo the others, and say that the incontinence and pooping inside the house generally means the decline is underway. Our dog had a host of issues, but still loved food to the end, didn’t appear to be struggling with walking, but the vet said she noticed significant arthritis in her back legs. Dogs really hide these things well.

Our dog was developing dementia too, and stopped giving a care about where she peed or pooped. Speaking of which, she had daily diarrhea, and it was very gross and very difficult to clean up. So yes, our quality of life factored into things too.

When I asked my vet if it was time, she told me that she wouldn’t say it was time, but if we decided it was time would not be an unreasonable choice. Soon after that conversation, we decided it was.

We ultimately had a vet come to our home and help us with the process, which I highly recommend if you can swing it financially.

I’m sorry, this is so very difficult.

[marie]

Oct 18, 2024 17:39:44 GMT -5 marie said:

My vet told me a day too early is so much better than a day too late. It is such a hard decision in the moment, but once it is done you will never look back and regret it.

I wanted to add on this… we scheduled her time to be put down a week out thinking we would spoil her and give the the best week of her life. I broke down in tears after day one and told DH we couldn’t wait that long. We were doing it for us, not for her. Hugs, it is so hard.

[melmel4854]

I agree that I would rather too early than too late. As pet parents, we love them so much it hurts to make the decision. I had to not be selfish each time and make the best decision for them, as much as I wanted to keep them. I am sorry you are in this situation. You will make the right decision. Thinking of you.