Monday

[mommyatty]

We had a nice, low key weekend. I made DH take DS to urgent care on Saturday. He had strep a few weeks ago, and right after he finished his antibiotics, he developed this terrible hacking cough. The doctor said it’s just bad allergies, but that his throat looks like cobblestones. So Claritin and cough medicine are all we got.

I have an 8:00 meeting today. I hate early meetings on Mondays. But it’s a chance to maybe pick up some billable work that would take up about half my time. That would be really nice. It’s as an advisor to a very large new client, which I would love.

[mae0111]

We had a pretty good weekend. DD2 was off on Friday and her school BFF had her birthday party 30 mins away, so I spent 2+ hours in the car just transporting her and her friends to/from the party. In between I worked, got my hair colored, then picked up DD1, ran a few more errands, and went home. By the time I finally got home I decided I didn't want to drive another 2 hrs in traffic to our beach house, so I ended up staying home. The weather was great all weekend, so I took a lot of walks, spent some time at the soccer fields, and tried to be outside as much as I could.

This week is up in the air. DD2 has 4 practices and a game for school. 2 practices and 2 games for club, and a practice and a game for town rec (so 7 practices and 4 games) between now and Sunday. But she took a hard hit to the face yesterday and I think the trainer is putting her into concussion protocol. I don't think it's a concussion, but I'd so much rather she be safe than sorry. A defender was trying to launch the ball for their forwards and DD2 took it right in the face from about 6 ft away. Like getting hit with a line drive. Nothing seems to be broken, but she's swollen for sure. So... we might be at all the soccer things, none of the soccer things, or somewhere in between.

[twinmomma]

Our weekend was nice. Brunch with my college friends was great because I got to see them all for the first time in at least six months. But not so great because one friend brought her girlfriend to introduce us all and the girlfriend was A LOT. She just kept dominating the conversation and was a very big personality, which made it tough for us to all really catch up the way we wanted to. This friend is also always dating new people, so I don't think she is a contender for a long term partner by any means, so that added to the annoyance.

Yesterday the kids and I had a quintessential New England fall day with a corn maze, farm animals, and pumpkin carving. It was beautiful weather and we hung out in the yard for most of the day. DH had to work so he was mopey when he got home that he missed all the fun. But the kids and I had a great day!

I posted in the randoms that I was annoyed with DH about his comments about DD2's show this week. He double booked himself and his response was basically "I don't need to see her play, do I? It's not like she's the lead." Very much the wrong answer, buddy. This was a play she had to prep and audition for and not everyone got a part. So it's a big deal that she's in it! Plus, it's Shakespeare, so not easy! He readjusted his schedule after I told him he had to and will now be attending like we had originally all agreed on. I put it in the randoms, but he's always super dismissive of all three kids and their theater stuff because they're usually a small part/chorus member. Meanwhile, DS plays full soccer games and volleyball games without touching the ball and DH attends every single one and cheers him on. I don't understand how he doesn't see the hypocrisy. I keep trying to explain to him that the kids, especially DD2, gets just as much out of being in a play as a kid on a sports team. It's all the same skills that they're learning - teamwork, empathy, practice and perseverance, etc. It's just in a theater setting vs. a sports field. He doesn't agree. I'm going to just keep hammering it home until he gets it since all three kids love the school plays and DD2 will likely be doing even more of these extra shows through a local theater.

[mae0111]

twinmomma, I meant to respond to your post last night and fell asleep. I would be 100% annoyed as well. It's funny - DH is all in with sports and music, but not drama. We are trying to sneak away for a weekend for our anniversary, and once soccer ends, we go almost right into 2 weekends of plays. He's a little annoyed that we can't go away because DD2 is in the ensemble cast for the fall musical... but she has worked SO HARD and it's SUCH a big deal for such an anxious kid to get up on stage like that... we are NOT missing it! All that to say that I'm glad he rearranged his schedule - it will mean so much to your DD that he will be there!

[librarychica]

We had a mostly nice weekend. Did some yardwork, caught up on laundry.

Mom and I enjoyed our pedicure. I have to say, the place I took her was kind of meh. I hadn’t had a pedi in years. I’m going to try and find something more spa-like for next time. She is going through the process of having a bunch of skin cancer removed. It’s the kind that doesn’t typically spread but since one of them grew so fast it’s going in for genetic testing. Her aunt died of melanoma and she’s very fair-skinned but has lived in sunny climates (Hawaii, Florida, etc) her whole life so she’s has a lot of risk factors. We should know in a month what the level of risk that it spread is.

Of course she drops this on me while I’m driving, along with “and of course if I go like your great aunt you’ll need to keep an eye on your brother and father. They won’t handle it well.”

I suppose it’s assumed I’ll handle my mother’s hypothetical death well? Oldest daughter syndrome, amiright? I know I have a partner and much closer bonds outside of family than my brother, and most of my dad’s old friends have passed and his sisters live in other states, but sheesh mom. Can’t you at least wait until I’ve parked the car before dumping responsibility for the two most stubborn men I know on me?

Florida has been really getting on my nerves lately. They may just need to pack up and come with if they want to be hypothetically taken care of after mom’s hypothetical death.

Anyway keep my mom in your thoughts, send some “not spreading” vibes down south for her.

[waverly]

We had a nice weekend. My mom came to visit. She can be a lot, but she was mostly OK ish. She did start in on me about DS's hair and MIL said the same thing. I am so tired of hearing about it. DS prefers his bangs long to his eyebrows so even though he does get regular haircuts it takes about 1 week for them to be too long and then everyone complains. So I did snap at mom about that, and another thing. It was morning and everyone should know not to bring up petty greivances to me in the morning because morning Waverly doesn't have time for that crap. I'll be working with my therapist on setting boundaries. I've decided I am in the era of setting boundaries. DD requires a lot of boundaries because she is constantly boundary pushing even if trying to be playful. For example, we have a family joke that we do use the word weird, but I don't need her to tell me that I am weird 3 times in a row, so just constantly setting those behavioral boundaries with her. It's a lot.

By this first paragraph, you might think my weekend sucked, but that is just morning Waverly ha ha. Anyway, no, the weather was gorgous. We had 2 soccer games, my mom and I went to see the local scarecrow contest and went for a walk. We did a walk while DS was playing soccer, so we missed about 20 minutes of the 90 minute game. We took DD to the mall where she found some jeans (hallalujah) because she is in between kid and adult sizes so it is really hard to find anything. Oh and the 4 of us went to play tennis, and that went well also.

[waverly]

librarychica, yes my mom was debating with me about what year my late grandma had a stroke while I was driving. This was a polite and properly applied boundary where I told her, hey let me concentrate on driving since I've only been to this mall once. And she shut up. But I do not understand why so much talk about grandma this weekend. I did not bring her up at all, but my mom was on the topic 3 times this weekend, and 2 of them about a negative health situation topic. She died in 2009, so I am not sure why she was bringing this up 15 years later. This is my dad's mom.

[librarychica]

waverly, I know what you mean about kids and boundaries. My oldest can be like this. She and her father joke around a lot (honestly an amount that I sometimes find annoying — can we be serious for half a minute? — but it’s their thing) but sometimes when she “jokes” at me it seems a lot more mean-spirited and I call her on it.

Also the parents ambushing you while you’re driving. My mom has always been like this with things she’s uncomfortable talking about — her health being a primary one but also sex and strong emotions. I learned the basics of reproduction in a car. I think it’s because she doesn’t have to look at me while I talk.

Also, grandparents and hair, OMG. Mom was badgering DD1 about her hair too! It was like, mom, there’s nothing wrong with it. Yes when she wears it this long it’s less curly but she likes it so who cares?

[mommyatty]

twinmomma, whatever the f your kids do, you SHOW UP. Theater, sports, arts night where they have a drawing on the wall, dance, cheer, band, orchestra, science fair, D&D tournaments. Whatever.

There’s a sweet YA book called The Mozart Season about a girl who is a violin player. She ends softball season and then learns she’s been chosen to compete in a big Mozart competition. In it, she talks about her two best friends. They come to her orchestra performances, she and the other friend go watch the friend who is in ballet, and they promise the third friend who wants to be an architect that someday they will go stand in front of her buildings and applaud for her. Because when you love people, you show up and celebrate them, no matter what they do.

[twinmomma]

mommyatty, That is my feeling exactly! He's trying to tell me that it can't be the standard that we show up to all the things all the time because there are varying levels. Nope. Not when it's our kids. I've sat in a stinky gym for over an hour to hear DS play one song on recorder!

[waverly]

librarychica, that is just one example, she needs a lot of boundaries regarding sass and respect. She has been getting better, but also it is a lot and tiring. I'm probably around 10 interventions per day depending on the day. Some are more, some are less. Luckily, not a ton of temper tantrums. We did have 1 this weekend, and she took herself off to her room.

[rere]

Nice weekend overall. We had a great time at the barbecue but got home late for us.

Sunday I was at an event with mom. I did not bite her head off and had some restraint, but when she wasn't around, her boyfriend said you kids need to talk to her she won't listen to me. She hung up on me and SIL Friday be because we both told her we were not participating in her ridiculous schemes. I'm just bidding my time for the next call when I tell her to knock it off or don't call me or my family for a while.

On top of this I find out my niece is joining the airforce after college and getting married before she goes. So now I'm supposed to be in the DC area for a wedding, the week before Christmas. On a Tuesday. Plus Ds is supposed to be home on leave. DD has finals, Dh will be out of vacation. And we are supposed to be home baking cookies and looking at my Christmas tree. Plus SIL is threatening to ban mom if she doesn't get her behavior together. And I'm going to make my travel arrangements however I need to to avoid traveling with her and booking a hotel for me and probably only ds. So $1500 unexpected trip before Christmas.

[waverly]

rere, that is not a lot of notice for an out of state wedding. Could you not go? It sounds like you have to for you sister/ niece, but that is a lot.

[mustardseed2007]

Man, my son does theatre exclusively, unless you count the dance that he does simply to get better parts in theatre. It IS his sport. He is in 6 hours of theater each week plus an hour of dance. That's if you don't count his theater elective in school plus audition prep, plus learning lines and practicing. And sometimes his part is big and sometimes it's not. He's actually doing less right now because he traded voice lessons in for piano lessons just to change it up.

Also, whether it's a big part or not has to do with his talent SOMETIMES, but it's so much out of his control. Like if it would look better for the tall kid to play the lead male roll with a tall girl as his love interest, or in school if they are trying to feature the talented 8th grade girls who will be graduating from the school this year, so they pick a play where females are primarily featured. Or if a new kid comes in for one show only and is FANTASTIC.

He gets so much out of it and puts so much into it, whether it's a big roll or not. oooooh that makes me mad!!!

[mommyatty]

twinmomma- do you think this is more “sports are more important than arts” or more “I show up for my special snowflake but your girls are fine and don’t need my full attention”? Because honestly, to me, it reads more like the second than the first. Especially since theater has always been a big part of your girls’ lives because Ex-H.

[sdlaura]

I'm not a big theater person, and can't say I'm sad that my kids aren't into it (though of course I would support them in whatever they choose to do), but I think it's got to teach kids a ton of great life skills. It takes a lot of preparation and guts to go get on a stage with everyone watching you. I played the violin growing up and think a lot of what I learned doing that has served me well long-term. I think as long as kids are into something where they have a community and have to put themselves out there and make an effort, it's worth supporting.

Our weekend was good. Saturday morning was soccer games for the two middle boys, and then DH left with them to head to Death Valley National Park for their camping trip. All went well so far and they seem to be having fun. Tonight will be their last night in the tent, and then they'll move to the lodge with a pool. DH says his back is looking forward to a real bed. DD and DS3 and I took DS3 to preschool gymnastics open gym midday Saturday, and then we went to a big mall to go shopping Saturday afternoon/evening. DD had a great time and got some Sephora stuff and some Hoka shoes, now that she's getting more into running. She thought she wanted Ugg Tasman shoes but didn't like how they fit when she tried them on. DS3 enjoyed the play structures at the mall, his balloon from Nordstrom, and a new pair of pants after he got too close to one of the mall fountains.

Yesterday DD guest played for another softball team in 3 games at 8 am, 10 am, and noon. Luckily a nearby family was willing to drive her down at 6:15 am, so I didn't have to wake DS3 up really early. Then he and I went for games 2 and 3. DD loved it. DD has been playing up in age groups for her normal team and the one she was on last spring, and the team she played with yesterday was her age/slightly younger. Playing up has been great for her skills, but she really loved both the play level and social side of the team she played with yesterday. Afterward she went to a pool party at one of the girls' houses while I took DS3 to a bday party for one of his preschool friends. So we were gone 9 am-4 pm and the softball field was super dusty, so we were dirtballs by the time we got home yesterday evening. DD and I are also doing fun movies together with DH and the brothers gone, so last night we watched 10 Things I Hate About You together.

[rere]

Oct 21, 2024 11:13:11 GMT -5 waverly said:

rere, that is not a lot of notice for an out of state wedding. Could you not go? It sounds like you have to for you sister/ niece, but that is a lot.

It's tempting. But my brother has shown up for Ds's graduations and his kids lived at my house in the summer. And Ds says he's nit missing it, so I'd hate to miss out on any of his Christmas leave, so I'm stuck. But it's a really busy time to travel.

[186momx]

Lets see my mom was a jerk and asked DD how her special dieting was going. Then told DD she is refusing to change how she cooks for the holidays and DD just will have to sit still and not exercise during the holidays. After we left I told DD my plan was to get our flu and covid booster that week as she is off for fall break. The flu and covid shots both make DD and I extremely sick (fever/chills/sweats/achy body/swollen lymph nodes for at least 48hrs so maybe we would be too under the weather to go have Thanksgiving). I was pissed at my mom but didn't want to rock the boat since we are still not on the best of terms from the huge blow up at DD's b-day. Then we got home and DD switched out of her leggings for sweats she as she is so bloated with PMS. DH tells me away from DD that see she is getting fat following the diet as she is eating too much.
Other than all of that which happened Saturday morning we had a very quiet weekend doing outside house projects.

We see the dietician on Tuesday and I'm going to email ahead of time the backlash we are getting from family so she knows. Plus adding all the protein isn't helping DD's energy level. She is still exhausted by Friday and barely functional. No practice and the kid is bouncing off the wall but practice days she makes it 2 hours in and just has a crash and it gets worse as the week goes on.

twinmomma, DH hasn't come to 1 of DD's gymnastics meet. He will volunteer to set up and clean up if we host a meet and will work the BBQs but can't sit through a meet. School stuff is hit or miss and he tends to stand next to the door and waltz in at the last second and then leave as soon as her part is over. Funny part is his parents still went to his sports stuff as an adult.

[k3am]

186momx, I don't know if I'm remembering correctly... the special diet is because exercise is causing a rash (or was it asthma? something else?) Is that right or am I way off base? And if yes, is the special diet helping?

[twinmomma]

Oct 21, 2024 12:16:17 GMT -5 mommyatty said:

twinmomma - do you think this is more “sports are more important than arts” or more “I show up for my special snowflake but your girls are fine and don’t need my full attention”? Because honestly, to me, it reads more like the second than the first. Especially since theater has always been a big part of your girls’ lives because Ex-H.

I'd say the latter if DS wasn't also involved in the drama club at his school. He's been in a couple performances so far and is also currently rehearsing! DH claims it's because he "just doesn't know the theater world like I do" which I think is a stupid excuse. We've had a lot of conversations before about theater/arts vs. sports because he grew up doing team sports and got a lot out of it, including friends he still has today. He wanted to force all three kids to play a team sport this year so they could get that experience. DS is the only one even remotely interested (barely) and the only one DH could really force into it. I've explained that the kids get the same benefits from theater, band, color guard, etc. I think he just sees it as fluffy and has no concept of the work going into it behind the scenes. I think the connection to theater that the girls and I have doesn't help the cause - I think there's some "arts are for girls" ideas in the back of his mind too. For such an overall liberal guy, he's still got some macho man complexes buried in his brain. 

[supertrooper1]

Both Beau (who went to all of his sons' sports games) and my parents (who supported me in my sports) have quickly realized that DS will be our theater kid and not a sports kid. They support him just as if he were playing sports, even if this is new since no one was in theater in either family.

Our weekend went well, even if it didn't turn out like we planned. Friday, we stayed at the hotel of our local casino so we didn't have to worry about getting home after a couple drinks. We left from there on Saturday for our road trip, scouting out new places to ride. We were about three hours from home and starting to look for a hotel and a place for dinner when Beau's brother texted, inviting us to breakfast the next morning. I could tell that Beau wanted to go to spend time with his family, even though I was ready to be done driving. We made the trip home instead of staying in a hotel. I was annoyed at the time that it changed our plans entirely, but I have to remember that Beau never scoffs when I want to see my family or help them with something on their farm. Sunday turned into a lazy day of football.

[librarychica]

Unpopular opinion: H and I support our kids in their hobbies and will definitely attend when we can — and id never schedule an optional work event over a known performance, that’s shitty — but we are definitely not both at every game, performance, etc and I have no guilt over this.

My parents certainly weren’t, though they attended many, and it was fine! Especially once kids starting getting older.

[mustardseed2007]

Oh yeah, librarychica , I will say my son has multiple of the same shows - like as many as 4-5 shows. I do not want to attend Tiny Tim's Christmas Carol 4 times if I can help it, but I do make sure that he has someone in the audience for each show be it me, DH, or another relative or friend. (ETA at least 2x prob but not 4 if I can help it!)

[mae0111]

librarychica - there are TOO MANY events for both DH and I to attend everything - I agree with that.

I’d like opinions on this one…

DD2 is in the ensemble cast of the musical. She has rehearsed 4x a week since school started in Sept and the show is in a few weeks. She’ll have a couple of long tech rehearsals coming up as well. DD1 decided to do set design with her friends this fall for the high school play. She may or may not do stage crew. This commitment has been once a week for 3 hours since early Sept She has skipped a few, and has left early every week. DD1 is expecting us to attend the high school play because we are attending DD2’s middle school play… because she participated in building the sets.

Do you think these situations are “equal” and we should attend both??

[186momx]

k3am, Allergist wants us to cut wheat/cow dairy completely we have been cutting it 6hrs before planned exercise which is by 10am daily. Basically, DD was crashing and couldn't function and was eating less than 1K calories a day. On Mondays her energy level was maybe at a 5 after resting all weekend and by Friday she was at a 1/0 and just going through the motions like a zombie. Dietician has us increasing her protein to 70+grams and eating 6 small meals a day which does seem to be helping. Monday her energy level is back to 8/9 but by Friday she is crashed and coping at a 2/3. I'll update tomorrow what the dietician has to say.

All that to say is that my mom doesn't have to adjust her menu or cooking for Thanksgiving as DD won't be having a 3-hour practice that day. She was just being a PITA to be a PITA.

mae0111, no those situations are not equal. If DD1 does stage crew than yes I would attempt to attend to support the program.

[waverly]

mae0111 , I do not think the situations are equal. Ensemble is different from set design etc. The time spent is different like you mentioned.

However, I do think if schedule allows that you should attend both. I would want to see the set that she worked on.

[mommyatty]

mae0111, I do not think the situations are equal but I think you should attend both anyway. But only the high school play one time, to see the sets. The middle school play as many times as you would regularly attend. If that’s once, fine. If that’s every performance, fine.

[twinmomma]

Oct 21, 2024 15:07:54 GMT -5 mommyatty said:

mae0111 , I do not think the situations are equal but I think you should attend both anyway. But only the high school play one time, to see the sets. The middle school play as many times as you would regularly attend. If that’s once, fine. If that’s every performance, fine.

This is my thought too. I actually used that exact example with DH today. I said "If DD1 painted a background, I'd still be there to see the show and see the work she put in." Would I be there every night with flowers? No. But I'd want to recognize her efforts and see it once. 

[mae0111]

Ugh I guess I will go to both. For me, it’s also the level of effort. Dd2 hasn’t missed a rehearsal. Set design feels more like something DD1 does because her friends are there and she attends if she feels like it and has nothing better to do.

If DD1 came home every week super excited about what she created, I would be there for sure. But she doesn’t seem to care, and her want for us to attend feels more like a “well you went to hers so now you have to go to mine” if that makes sense.

[twinmomma]

Oh ya, and this weekend poor DD2 got her period for the first time! I feel so bad that it coincides with her show but she doesn't seem too phased by it. I honestly thought it would be a dramatic situation given her ADHD, OCD, etc. She's been very matter of fact about it. Meanwhile, DD1 is just grilling her about every detail because she feels left out. When I texted my best friend to tell her she responded with a photo of her newly walking one year old. How are we at such different points in parenthood?!