Moms of 15-16 year olds, please come in

[DotAndBuzz]

16 and 13 year olds, checking in.

for my older one, 13 was awful, and then 14.5-16 and change was pure hell. We found out she has a chronic health condition, along with a big resurgence of her OCD, and there were a number of other health things that happened because of those things that really took a toll on her. She was physically and mentally miserable, and therefore, so was I.

What helped was getting her medications figured out, and getting the right therapist. Those two things were game changers, and now I feel like I have a "normal" 16 year old high school junior. We butt heads about how long she plays her video games, when she has to get off the phone with her "not boyfriend" boyfriend (who lives like 3.5 hours away, so she doesn't ever see him), how messy her room is, if she's done her laundry, clearing her shit off the table, etc. It's kind of delightful, compared to last year, lol.

New approach now that we aren't dealing with the extra weight of last year is to set *clear* expectations, and if she doesn't meet them, she doesn't get to do the thing she wanted to do (go to the corn maze with her friends, play her video game, etc). And by clear, I mean objectively defined goals, with plenty of notice for her to meet them. Not "clean your room" in the next hour or you can't go do XYZ. Specify WHAT you want cleaned, and give plenty of notice. Desk, laundry, and closet? Bare minimum of being able to run the vacuum? Sometimes my expectations change because of the OTHER thing that has helped me deal with the teen years: LETTING GO. Channel Elsa. Let it go. Not saying you should fully lower expectations through the floor, but I have to pick my battles. If she's eyerolling and sighing *while also doing what I ask*....let it go.

[DotAndBuzz]

oh - Dr. Lisa Damour's podcast is truly my weekly reality check. If you haven't already, def check it out. It's called "Ask Lisa."

[pinkdutchtulips]

Oct 21, 2024 18:44:36 GMT -5 1confused1 said:

Yes.

I tiptoe around her in hopes I don’t set her off. Most days are good but the bad days are the worst.

She also has ADHD (unmedicated) and, if something she has planned doesn’t go her way, she will make you miserable.

Sorry we are all dealing with this.

+1 w a like for solidarity. I have one of those too .... 

[ProfessorArtNerd]

My 16 year old Lucy hasn't been easy a day in her life. I love her with my whole heart, but between her anxiety, autism and just personality, it's just not always easy. This year, shes had some trouble with friends in the last few months, so she's being nicer to me. But yeah, I wish there was an attitude detox program pretty often

[eddy]

My son is pretty pleasant with his attitude,but 16 was a BIG year for pushing boundaries. Even if he was doing it with a smile on his face it was pretty constant. We would be reasonable, have a conversation about say curfew and decide on time. Then the text messages as the evening progress would start coming in asking for more and more. It is pretty exhausting. Nothing seems to be settled law with teens. And now he has a girlfriend, so we are at square one of him trying to push for more freedom. Also we literally never see him. Between all of his activities, the girlfriend, friends etc he is just in and out. I guess this is how I prepare for him to leave the nest.


Also it drives me insane how black and white his thinking is. No room for nuance. Everything is either the best thing ever or worst thing ever. Everything is either too much or not enough. It is so dramatic lol. 

[somersault72]

My 16 year old son low key hates me. He hates my husband. He's not nice to his little sister. He moved in with his dad over the summer (his dad has VERY little to no parenting in a decade). I keep hoping I'll get him back (the delightful version of himself I used to know) at some point.

[AdaraMarie]

Mine is only 14 but she's in 9th grade and torturing me most days. Today I took her to school and she refused to get out of the car. So she's back here while I work from home claiming to be sick. It's the second day back from fall break and she refused school one of the days before fall break too. I don't care if "it's boring" go to school.
She's only got 30 minutes per day of phone time, and that has been the case for most of the month, because "do your chores and be respectful to your family" is too much to ask of her. I would take it away completely but she does legitimately need it for a couple things.

[devonpow]

13-15 was awful for DS1. He just radiated hostility towards us (more me than DH) and thought we were the stupidest people alive. He’s now 17 and I’m back to enjoying hanging out with him He still has his moments but they aren’t as common . He definitely still thinks we don’t know anything but is nicer about it lol.

[abs]

Compared to last year things are much better this year with my almost 14 year old. Therapy was so helpful for her depression and she willingly spends a lot more time with us now. However I can’t remember the last time she hugged either DH or me and I miss it so much;

[jeaniebueller]

My sophomore is great, a little mouthy and moody at times, but generally fine. My 5ht grader, on the other hand...

[waverly]

I have a 14 year old boy. Right now, he seems to be mostly OK. Definitely some muttering under his breath and overall annoyance with his entire family, mostly aimed at his sister, but plenty left over for us. He is pretty laid back personality wise at least compared to DH and DD, so he seems pretty compliant. I actually had to push him more out of the house and be more social which he is doing.