Moms of 15-16 year olds, please come in

[erbear]

Are your kids insane at this age or is it just mine? She's always been a little tough (ADHD, a little prickly) but jesus, she is always in a bad mood and always taking it out on me. Homework is a battle. The phone is a battle. Sleep is a battle. I'm tired of fighting.

[mainelyfoolish]

What grade is your kid in? My 16YO is a junior and is starting to become more pleasant after the last few years of being a moody, angry teenager. Note that I said “starting.” This is also a kid who yelled at me last weekend because I had the audacity to store something in an opaque container and they couldn’t find it, even though the container was in the place where they were looking, they simply hadn’t looked inside.

[erbear]

Oct 21, 2024 18:27:30 GMT -5 mainelyfoolish said:

What grade is your kid in? My 16YO is a junior and is starting to become more pleasant after the last few years of being a moody, angry teenager. Note that I said “starting.” This is also a kid who yelled at me last weekend because I had the audacity to store something in an opaque container and they couldn’t find it, even though the container was in the place where they were looking, they simply hadn’t looked inside.

10th grade

[mae0111]

I mean, my 15 year old DD1 (ADHD, NVLD) has been prickly since she was like 4. The very long meltdowns have lessened, but like you, everything is a fight.

I don’t know if part of it is the meds wearing off by pick-up time, or just her personality, it hormones, or a combination. No advice, but lots of commiseration.

[1confused1]

Yes.

I tiptoe around her in hopes I don’t set her off. Most days are good but the bad days are the worst.

She also has ADHD (unmedicated) and, if something she has planned doesn’t go her way, she will make you miserable.

Sorry we are all dealing with this.

[gretchenindisguise]

I feel like we went through it from 7-9th grade and are actually seeing some good times now. Granted we still get meltdowns and moodiness, and she hates all of the food we buy and only wants whatever her bimonthly obsession food is, but most of the time she's in a good space. Yay medication and years of therapy.

I feel like the anomaly though when I talk to friends. Two of whom are likely moving to residential treatment for their two 10th graders because they have exhausted other options.

[meganew]

I know you said 15/16, but I’m chiming in because my daughter is only 10 but OMG so mean. Every little thing is now cause for a 10/10 reaction- and what used to be tantrums when she was a toddler, are now “what will be the quickest way to hurt your feelings?” responses. She just started middle school and I know it’s a lot of change, a lot of stress with activities and new music lessons and a whole new schedule that she’s in charge of keeping track of- and she’s so good in school, kind and polite, etc. So when she gets home she lets it all out on us. But it’s just been fight after fight after fight. And if there’s nothing to fight about she’ll find something. The other morning as she was walking out the door to school she yells “I’m gonna shave my arms when I get home!!” To which I replied “that’s not a good idea, why don’t we talk about it after school” Cue hysterics and shouts of “MY BODY MY CHOICE”, big tears and insults. Like, dude- this is not a right now problem! wtf!

[gummybear]

We have two girls. 17 and 13 (medicated ADHD).
The 17 year old was a nightmare from 5-8th grade, but she was always a combative, spicy child and is actually now the most enjoyable she’s ever been. She’s improved dramatically over the past 3 years and is downright lovely 85% of the time.

My sweet little 13 year old is now a grumpy argumentative pain in the rear. Everything is a fight or a drag. The meds and the comedown def make it worse.

Having two who have completely different personalities have convinced me it’s not us, it’s them 🤣 Teenagers are moody and hormonal and it’s a tough space to grow up in with social media and general malaise and festering anger as a society. These years are hard. I promise it gets better!

[TR]

meganew - I refuse to believe it. Not my favorite GBCN offspring!

[meganew]

Oct 21, 2024 19:00:35 GMT -5 TR said:

meganew - I refuse to believe it. Not my favorite GBCN offspring!

I mean truthfully, screaming “MY BODY MY CHOICE” in my face at 7am about *shaving her arms* is hilarious.

[raleighnc]

Does she have anxiety? ADHD meds helped with the verbal impulsivity, but anti-anxiety meds, social skills classes, and therapy have helped a ton with the general prickliness. Like ages 5-10 were awful, but 10-15 have been a period of steady improvement and actually enjoying her company. But if she forgets her meds, watch out. Also, if there's something that typically causes a spike in anxiety (packing, overwhelmed with projects, etc.), we've learned to use propranolol to head that off before she boils over.

[livinitup]

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To be honest and to offer hope, 14-15 was way worse. I should make an effort to write dates down because it’s all starting to blend together + those awful Covid years.

Yes, everything was a fight. I had to stop fighting. I thought things would get worse if I stopped and it actually got better. Like, getting on the bus in the morning, I stopped telling her that her alarm is going off. And by “stopped” I mean that she broke my spirit and I gave up. (My H is nicer and helped a little quietly) Once on her own, she did it on her own. (I won’t say for spite but I think it was for spite, lol)

[ksun]

DD is 16 and a junior. I think most things are a little better than they were a few years ago, but we definitely have moments. We have her on a 504 now for her migraines and that has helped a lot in school. Around the house... she needs a LOT of reminders to do what little we ask of her

[jinkies]

I came in because I do have a 16 year old, but my 13 year old is the nightmare, and has been since 5th grade. I had a brief respite when I was badly injured but she is now back to her previous self.

She will argue over anything and everything, and goes out of her way to insult me at every possible opportunity. She is relentlessly mean and I'm her favorite target. It is virtually impossible to have even the most basic conversations with her.

In contrast, she thinks that my H hung the moon and he thinks the same about her. So I frankly just avoid engaging with her as much as possible, and am letting H take over parenting for now.

I'm hoping she comes back to me someday. But my SIL is 40 and still kind of a bitch to her mom, and DD has a similar personality to SIL, so...

[luckystar2]

Same. Also adhd and a challenge her whole life. I’d say now is better than when she was younger but it’s still a challenge at times. lol 2 days now she’s randomly wanted a hug but then she’ll lose her mind and yell at us about something. She’s got a lot of auditory sensitivity so how loud we have tv, etc is a hot button issue.

On one hand she drives me crazy on the other she is a good kid. She’s a good student and athlete. I’m sure she’s stressed and overwhelmed with school. And she always has some friend issue but omg yelling at me doesn’t make me want to be sympathetic!

[EvieEthelGarland]

My son is 16 and its been pretty good? When he's called out on his attitude he course corrects pretty easily and he is much better at knowing his audience than I ever was. Last week I told him no on something and he was pretty reasonable with the "I know you're worried about A, B & C and I have X, Y, and Z in place to prevent those."
Still didn't win me over, but 16yo me would've flipped my bitchcake lid at my mom.

My friends with seniors are heavy into the "soiling the nest" stage and I'm trying to brace myself.

[nicolewi]

I can't believe my sophomore is supposed to go to college in a couple of years. Seriously. She has SO much maturing to do. She's an excellent student, but so much in flux with friends, who she wants to be, taking action and making things happen, and just generally getting herself together.

[HRH Queen Dick I]

I'm considering military school.

[mrsukyankee]

I found that 9th and 10th graders were the hardest to work with, had the biggest fights and drove their parents the most mad. 11th grade began to become a bit better and 12th grade they finally seemed like they were looking like they might be able to make it to adulthood without someone wanting to take them out. And somehow, by the end of 12th grade, most of them actually were reasonably mature (note, most).

[mcppalmbeach]

Oh I can’t wait to read everyone else’s because misery loves company. At Homecoming pictures this weekend, I asked by show of handswho hadn’t been victimized by their child that day…no hands lol. I personally saw most of the girls there be absolute little brats to their mom, luckily I was spared that publicly 😳

I felt so lucky to have come through middle school with my son still being the absolute sweetest. My son was a late bloomer and puberty has hit with a vengeance. I am sympathetic because a lot of things just have really been a struggle for him and it’s not fair and it sucks because out “in the world” he is still the sweet boy we knew, but he is a jerk at home to us for sure.

[expectantsteelerfan]

My 15 year old ds isn't that bad anymore luckily. When I want him to do something that isn't what he wants to be doing, I often have to ask, ask, ask, then yell before he finally does it. He replies with 'ok' the first few times, but he just doesn't stop what he's doing to do the other stuff. But schoolwork has gotten better in that he's taking more responsibility for himself this year at least.

My 13 year old DD is harder right now. I get attitude from her when I'm trying to help her, asking her simple questions about scheduling, etc. and she often responds that she thinks I'm yelling at her when I'm just talking to her normally. There are lots of tears and freak outs over what seem to me to be minor things.

[bittybomb]

Well I woke my 16 year old up this morning and asked him what he wanted for breakfast. I toasted and buttered a bagel for him, even burning myself in the process, just as he asked. He came down, took one bite and asked me why I gave him a bagel. I said because you asked for one? He said oh I don’t want this so I doubt I asked for it. I said, yes you’re right, I decided for funsies to make more work for myself to make something you didn’t actually want. So that was fun.

Godspeed.

[CrazyLucky]

DS is only 14 but he is sooooo unpleasant. All the time. I think 8/10 interactions with him are not enjoyable. So those of you saying it gets better at 16 are giving me hop. DD is 12 and still generally nice. All those people who says teen girls are worse than teen boys are making me nervous, because how much worse can it get?
I guess having so many difficult times with him makes the times when he is sweet a little sweeter.

[lavenderblue]

I have been VERY fortunate with my kids that at 16 and (nearly) 18 y/o they still like me and are mostly pleasant. They of course have their moments, but overall, they've been pretty easy going. I say that realizing that I am likely an anomaly, especially with everything they've been through with their Dad, to come through on the other side as kind human beings.

[4speedy]

My DD is 18 now and she definitely had a phase like that.  I honestly can;t remember what age but roughly that timeframe.  She was the most chill, easy kid.  Then all of a sudden she wasn’t.  We had a bit of an upheaval during those years including an international move and my cancer diagnosis.  So in her case, it was kind of two tiered.  It she was pushing back on us and it was rough.  Then all of a sudden, shit hit the fan for our family and we all sort of huddled in together for about a year and a half.  But as soon as she realized it was “safe” again and I wasn’t dying, we had phase 2 of her testing us.  At that point, she was 17-18ish (spring of her senior year) and she was really trying out her independence.  I could see what was happening and it was kind of a relief, to be honest.  It sort of indicated we were out of crisis mode and things were getting back to normal.  Weird, I know, but I viewed it as “OK, we are out of crisis mode, she doesn’t think I’m going to die on her and she feels safe enough to be a bitch to me.”  (At least that’s what I told myself, I might be delusional, but it made it tolerable).  By late summer, as she approached leaving for school, she became a delight again. 

[eb777888]

David will be 16 in two weeks (OMG) and I remember the first bit of 15 being tough. There was so much pushback from him about wanting freedom, which blew my mind because I feel like we let him do so much, but it's just never enough at that age. We had so many talks and I always hear him out and really try to see his point of view and not shrug him off, but damn kid, sometimes the answer is "No."
That's all blown over and long gone, but by almost 16, they are so independent and doing their own thing. We're lucky that he still likes spending time with us so we see him quite a bit, but he has his own world of responsibilities, plans, friends, girls, etc. that that separations is definitely happening... and he definitely wants to go to UT-Austin for college so....I'm over here taking any crumbs I can get for the next 2.5 years.

[mae0111]

My 11.5 year old has been having incredible mood swings lately. Sometimes she's so incredibly sweet, and other times it's like Jurassic Park...

Yesterday I asked if she needed materials for a really fun art project that she has to do at home. Got yelled at. Then I offered to make her an early dinner since she said she was hungry... and she told me to BACK OFF.

Ma'am.

So I did. I totally "backed off". In fact, I left the house, since I received similar treatment from DD1. They're mad at me for DH's screw up, so I left them all home together to fend for themselves.

I woke the kids for school this morning and... "backed off". I didn't help with anything. I didn't prod them along. I told them when I would be leaving. DD2 got in the car and I asked if she had her soccer uniform. She snapped at me like I was SO STUPID for asking her... UGH WHY WOULD I NEED MY UNIFORM GAWD YOU'RE SO ANNOYING.

Um. For your game today, my love.

I shall continue to "back off".

[meanie]

DD is 11 and I suspect has mild ODD. Since 7 she has been really tough, she is managing it slightly better as she gets older and part of that improvement is us learning how to manage her.

A lot of her anger comes from being told to do something vs feeling like she made the decision - it's the loss of control that she reacts to. She is also very impulsive at home and will say horrible things or physically hurt someone over very small things. The reaction never matches the situation.

We can deal with eyerolling or hearing her say we are the WORST, but she will find the meanest most hurtful thing to say and then give zero shits. Luckily when she is in a good mood she is capable of being a really kind, wonderful person so we haven't rehomed her...yet.

[NewGirlNic]

My son is 15.5 (10th grade)

He isn't mean, just crabby all the time (it seems). He also knows EVERYTHING. Like any suggestion H or I make is wrong. Or if we tell him something (as a fact/something that needs to be done) his answer: "I KNOOOOW" 

Chores are a battle. He honestly doesn't have many, but you would think we work him from sun up till sun down the way he reacts. Over the weekend I asked him to walk the dog and pick up the poop in the backyard and scoop the litterbox. He finished that and about an hour later H came home from the gym and asked him to help him with some yard work (mow, clean up some leaves and dead plants/landscaping) We have a small lot, so it takes like 20-30 minutes tops when they do it together. You would have thought he was asked to do farmwork at the crack of dawn. 

I echo what some others have said about walking on eggshells. When he's in a good mood, he's such a delightful child and I truly love spending time with him. When I catch him like that I feel like I need to try and keep him that way as long as possible by not rocking the boat. 

[pinkdutchtulips]

Mine hasn't been 'normal' since age 4? Everything is a battle and she's learned how to weaponize things (oh you'll take away my phone? i'm NOT going to school and i'm NOT going to my doctor's appt.).

Fingers crossed, she starts at her therapeutic school next Monday. Hoping this takes the edge off.