Executive management skills and kids

[simpsongal]

For those w/SN kids, have you had any success developing Executive management skills?   DS has ADD and challenges but this seems to be his biggest.  And it's my greatest concern as he goes from 5th grade to 6th and 7th (our middle school starts in 7th).  His school had extra funding for an executive management small group the past couple years.  Great....not sure it's helped much.  Our school system does post homework online in middle school, so at least we can check in on his assignments and due dates.  

We tried a tutor, he was fine but said he doesn't really focus on exec' management skills until middle school.  He has a 504 and the teacher said she would remind him of homework at the end of every day (he missed 10 assignments this year).  He's absentminded and surely exec' management plays a key role.  

Looking for recs, commiseration.... are these skills just slow to develop?

[expectantsteelerfan]

My ds is 15 with ADHD, and a lot of this has improved, at least slightly, with age/maturity. This is the first year I can not check his online grades every day to see if he has missing assignments...he's been keeping up with them himself. Every once in a while I'll question something that comes from the daily update email, but he's mostly good. He hasn't been losing/forgetting things regularly.

I will say, a lot of it still depends on his own desire/stake in it. If he has an activity he wants to do after school, he can remember to take the stuff he needs for that activity. But say I tell him I won't be home when he gets home, can he please throw in his load of laundry when he gets home? He totally won't remember to do that because he doesn't care.

So if we really want him to work on something, we have to tie it to a reward still. One of the things he really struggled with was getting himself up in the morning, even with 2 alarms. We bought him a vibrating alarm that did help, but it was adding in that if he does get himself up, he gets a later bedtime, and if I have to wake him up, he goes to bed early for it to be meaningful to him.

[mommyatty]

Ooooh boy, all the commiseration. I have an AuDHDer and I have to remind myself all the time that even though he’s 10, he’s at least two years behind developmentally with these skills. He is getting better. His school is working with him individually. But his teachers finally broke down and just let him carry his backpack when they switch classes (3 teachers co-teach and the kids switch rooms) because he forgets things every time he switches classes. And not little things like a pencil. Like his Chromebook. And his school supply box. And his folder. So basically he would go in with NOTHING and have to make multiple trips to get his stuff.

He can finally get himself completely ready without anyone babysitting him. So that’s something. And if we tell him it’s time to leave for an extracurricular activity, we no longer have to remind him to oh, you know, PUT ON PANTS. So, baby steps! Lol.

[keyslover]

I have seen this chart floating around with regards to Executive Function and ADHD. It helps me with perspective. For us, we have to let her try something and see if it works. She is in therapy and they talk about processes, routines, and that has helped. But it has to be her idea, then she has the buy in and ownership.

honestlyadhd.com/adhd-executive-age/


Actual Age Executive Age
6 years 4.2 years
7 years 4.9 years
8 years 5.6 years
9 years 6.3 years
10 years 7 years
11 years 7.7 years
12 years 8.4 years
13 years 9.1 years
14 years 9.8 years
15 years 10.5 years
16 years 11.2 years
17 years 11.9 years
18 years 12.6 years
21 years 14.7 years
30 years 21 years
40 years 28 years

[waverly]

We had a tutor since most of it was school related. EF supports are also in his IEP.

Our tutor did focus on EF. For example organizing folders, missing assignments, study skills, stretching effort with work, emailing teachers about missing work, asking teachers question's. It sounds like your original tutor was not a good fit if they were not working on these areas.

DS does not have ADHD though.

[pinkdutchtulips]

She's 15 and they're still non-existent. It worries me ... ALOT!

[simpsongal]

Liking for the responses and feedback, y'all - that chart of 'actual age' is really helpful to keep in mind. We do think he's making improvements in other areas, the EF is the skill that's lagging the most. E.g., he lost a notebook (claims it was stolen....whatever). Teacher gave him a new one, which is fine b/c they're starting a new unit. But he doesn't have the initiative to take all his paperwork and organize/compile it in the new notebook.

Definitely seeing the self motivation and interest as a factor. It's incredible how well he manages his video game time on weekends vs his homework. I need to keep instilling in him that he can't trust himself to just remember, run a checklist, double check, review everything. mommyatty, I can't imagine if he had to keep changing rooms. His teacher literally said this morning he's lucky he has a "home base" at his desk b/c he gets to keep returning to it during the day.

[Roc A Bee]

My SS responds well when I keep the messaging short and simple and consistent. For example, daily he was leaving for school with the light and fan on in his room. So the messaging became “light and fan off. Let’s go.” After saying it legit every time we left the house, it stuck.

He also used a notebook for math, and one day I sat down to help him with homework. I asked to see his notes on the topic and it took him forever to find them as he would just open any page and take notes for the day. So they were in no sort of order. That day we learned how to keep a notebook organized!

[simpsongal]

Roc A Bee, [face palm] DS leaves his light and fan on everyday. I'm an enabler b/c I don't even mention it to him, I just handle it.

We have to remind him to take care of his snake in the morning too (just a water change and turning heat lamp on). He's remembering 80% of the time now, but still forgets w/some regularity.

[keyslover]

Also, this sounds silly, but every once and a while I reread the reports from their testing. It reminds me of all of the things they struggle with and I forgot some of the small things sometimes. I get many a AHA moment when I do. It helps me reset so I can help them better.

We also have a Dyscalculia Sticker I got off Etsy on our fridge, it shows all of the things it impacts, which again, is a helpful reminder. I might print out the Executive Function age chart.

[Jalapeñomel]

My new 6th grader is struggling with this transition and his executive functioning skills. They have set him up with a high school student who will work with organization skills, homework, and anything else every Tuesday.

We have a home planner and a school planner that we update together. He also attends after school extra help every day, even just to check in.


We also have signs all over the house from "Shut the door!" to " Don't Forget Your Lunch!"

[sju]

It got much better with time but my Senior still struggles with certain activities that are not part of his regular routine. Academically, all fell into place but he is very absent minded in other areas.

The latest example, club one distributes shirts. He asks for small when he is a medium. Shirt fits just right and he refuses to exchange it.
A week later, second club was going to distribute shirts. We reminded him a few times to get medium.
Of course…he comes home with not one but TWO small shirts! He was very upset and it got it got resolved but still.

[skidunks]

Oh man, I feel your pain. My 16 year old is just starting to develop some EF skills. It’s SO hard.
He works with an ADHD coach and she’s been wonderful. She helped him come up with systems to keep his backpack organized and remember what homework he has. She’s also got a list of other resources that we can tap into, like tutors and study skills/testing coaches. She’s also a wealth of knowledge about 504s.
A lot of it has come down to me checking his grades and assignments online, tbh. It’s been a lot and has created a lot of anxiety for me. I look at it daily. I check in about homework, tests, projects, due dates, etc.

[CloudBee]

Can you have a 5 minute parent "meeting" with him every night where he logs into the portal to check assignments in front of you? I really like setting the example with DS that he utilize the resource while I'm there for accountability. 

[simpsongal]

Nov 16, 2024 15:44:54 GMT -5 CloudBee said:

Can you have a 5 minute parent "meeting" with him every night where he logs into the portal to check assignments in front of you? I really like setting the example with DS that he utilize the resource while I'm there for accountability. 

that’s a good idea though the portal doesn’t start until
Middle school. It’s true though, he’s supposed to follow his practice sheet for piano. I have to run through it with him to make sure he does it. Otherwise it’s a half a job- it’s written right there, 4 bullets, follow the plan.