Share Funny "Out of the Mouths of Babes" Stories

[redheadbaker]

Mine are both about my brother.

1) When my brother was three or four, my dad took him Christmas shopping at the local mall. They were in the jewelry section of a department store, looking at a necklace for my mom. My brother says (at the top of his lungs, of course) "DAD! ARE WE GOING TO STEAL THAT?"

My dad was mortified. He was (well, still is) a police officer. He had no idea why my brother said that -- still doesn't. Of course my brother doesn't remember it. But my dad made a big show of saying, "No son, stealing is wrong." and putting the necklace on the counter where the clerk could see it and leaving.

2) When my brother was in first grade at the local Catholic elementary school, he had this nun for a teacher. She insisted that the students copy down their homework assignments from the blackboard. Of course, kids that young don't write all that well, so every night, it was a struggle to figure out what it was my brother had written down that he was supposed to do. Mid-way through the year, my dad got really frustrated and said out-loud, "I really want to strangle your teacher."

What does my brother do? Goes into school the next morning and says to his teacher, "My dad wants to strangle you."

Thankfully, this happened in 1989. I tell him he'd probably be arrested if that had happened today.

[Deleted]

Lmao.

Today I was going to the bathroom and I asked DD for some privacy. She said "but mama, I don't have any!" so I told her to go find some. Two minutes later she comes back "mama, I got you some privacy!"

[agrippa]

My kid cracks me up every single day.

When he was a very young two year old, he mispronounced "berries" as "babies". One day at the grocery store, he started yelling, clear as day, "I want eat black babies! Black babies!" at the top of his lungs.


Also a a two year old, I was PG with Dd and dragged him into the bathroom for yet another pee break, and he started announcing that I was pooping (nope) and applauding me for my success.

Today, he told everyone that he saw that I am the bestest bandaid taker offer ever. I kind of like that one.

[redheadbaker]

May 18, 2012 21:44:32 GMT -5 agrippa said:

Today, he told everyone that he saw that I am the bestest bandaid taker offer ever. I kind of like that one.

Awww! lol

[EloiseWeenie]

I've already shared how we went to vote last week, and did curbside voting (so we were sitting in the car). A tan woman (maybe hispanic?) carrying her baby daughter, and holding her son's hand come walking out of the polls and my son yells out the window at them "HEY! HEY! I WANT TO HOLD BABY DORA, PLEASE!"

My son loves his placemats and really likes his POTUS one. For some reason he calls George W. Bush "President Bush" and George H. W. Bush "President Daddy Bush." So we were reading before bed around Easter and we began talking about the meaning of Easter. He said that Easter is about Jesus and Maritime. I questioned Maritime, and he said he meant "Mary, Jesus's mommy." I asked who Jesus's daddy was, and he said "Jesus's daddy is President Daddy Bush!" I asked him if he was sure, and he said "Yes, Jesus's daddy is President Daddy Bush, just like on the POTUS placemat." I began laughing, and he yelled at me to "stop laughing at Jesus's daddy."

[Deleted]

All of these made me Lmao.

[camelblossom]

Since I have taught DD what a vagina is she has

a) inquired on more than one occasion what a vagina says. Which is fair because we're always asking her what the dog says.

b) informed me that her vagina is so cold and needs a blanket and a backrub.

[Deleted]

May 18, 2012 22:06:14 GMT -5 camelblossom said:

Since I have taught DD what a vagina is she has

a) inquired on more than one occasion what a vagina says. Which is fair because we're always asking her what the dog says.

b) informed me that her vagina is so cold and needs a blanket and a backrub.

Especially this one. I can't wait to be embarrassed in public by my kid.

[EloiseWeenie]

Oh, my son keeps calling Florida "wiener." He says "It the United States of America's wiener." In many ways he's right.

[redheadbaker]

May 18, 2012 22:06:14 GMT -5 camelblossom said:

Since I have taught DD what a vagina is she has

...

b) informed me that her vagina is so cold and needs a blanket and a backrub.

LMAO!

[humpty]

My kid sat on my lap and farted. She turned and looked at me, laughed, and said "I farted on your leg!" Then she farted again and kept on laughing.

[Deleted]

I am still laughing about the black babies one.

[druidp]

My kid's own version of the "Hey, who sings this song?" set up:

"Mom, are you singing along to the radio? Because I just want to hear the radio, instead of you singing."

Kid knows the lyrics to We Are Young and Raise Your Glass, so I let it pass.

[statlerwaldorf]

One day we were at the grocery store and DH went to use the restroom. DD was potty training at the time and super interested in bathroom habits. Plus she has a hearing disability and naturally talks very loud. So she says, "Mommy, does daddy's pee smell?" I just tried to ignore it and change the subject. She gets louder and yells, "Mommy, is daddy's pee stinky?" I didn't know what to say on the spot, so I said I don't know. That's a weird question. Some other lady overhead the whole conversation and she was dying.

[Deleted]

When I was a senior in high school my little sister was only 4 or 5. The faculty advisor for the newspaper was my favorite teacher and he came over for dinner. He had very large ears. My little sister was all "your ears are so big." I was so embarrassed.

[dearprudence]

May 18, 2012 21:44:32 GMT -5 agrippa said:

My kid cracks me up every single day.

When he was a very young two year old, he mispronounced "berries" as "babies". One day at the grocery store, he started yelling, clear as day, "I want eat black babies! Black babies!" at the top of his lungs.

This is my new favorite story of all time.

[agrippa]

From this morning (not embarrassing, just funny):

Me: Why is there masking tape on your closet?

DS: The tape keeps the animals out. It's super sticky so that it can even keep the mean ones out. The meanest ones of all are the moths. The moths push people over and eat them!