Talk to me about infant daycare

[kershnic]

Just what every infertile woman needs to do at work when there's a ton of work to be done.... research daycare.

Tell me what you find important in infant daycare. How do you start your search.

Talk me down from the ledge about the fact I don't think we can afford the fancy college prep daycare. Local mediocre daycare turns out to cost significantly less than I have budgeted. Fancy pancy daycare costs more than double, which is significantly more than I have budgeted. Havent yet found anything in between... And no, I'm not pregnant.

[kershnic]

Did I mention that fancy pancy daycare specifically mentions being welcoming to same sex families on their website and the forms say parent and parent?

Lottery winnings please?

[2brides]

I can't speak to infant daycare (it was the same price to have a nanny for 2 infants) - but once they went to preschool/daycare at 3y, we went middle of the road, no bells and whistles, first same sex parents they'd ever had, in a lower middle class neighborhood and you know what? They loved it. They had a blast playing with the other kids, with the plastic toys, the mediocre playground, and teachers that loved and doted on them.

Would we have loved the Montessori preschool with a killer playground, amazing curriculum, ridiculously low kid:teacher ratio who targets same sex couples? Sure. Would they have loved it there too? Probably. But they were happy were they were and we saved $$$$$$ a month.

it'll work out. (and you could always apply and see if they do financial aid!)

[kershnic]

Thanks 2brides, good testimony. Keep it coming people.

I am fairly confident that if we have twins one of us (probably me) will SAH while we work on relocating to an area with a lower cost of living. Paying for nanny or daycare x 2 and working full time and only coming out a few thousand dollars ahead is just not worth it. With one baby we'll go forward with plans for two working parents until I quit my job and go to school full time, both of which require daycare. My hope is that either way by the time we hit preschool we'll move somewhere else.

Most days I feel totally confident in our choice to live in the northeast, but when I think too much I really wish we felt happier about making the move to Madison or Minneapolis.

[ct]

Are you just looking for infant? If that's the case, I'd look for:
- clean, friendly, comfortable space
- kind, calm, loving teachers who have been there for a while (I really appreciate an older infant room teacher who has lots of experience, but wont tell me how to raise my own child). Little turn-over is important to me for infants since I'd want a consistent caregiver. Staff scheduling would be important here too.
- experience/knowledge/comfort with breastfeeding (if that's a goal of yours)
- no set scheduling. I love that our daycare will follow a schedule if asked, but they would never impose one on a baby unless requested (this was important to me since we were fully baby-led with scheduling)
- no letting babies cry intentionally

things like accredidation and curriculum would matter less to me at the infant stage than older. As long as they are played with, loved on, and needs attended to, I'm good. Emphasis on the loved on part.

Have you considered a nanny? It may be less expensive in your area, esp if you'd be open to a nannyshare or the nanny bringing her own child/ren.

[twotrue]

What do you consider "mediocre?" Is the place clean, safe, comfortable? Do the teachers so understanding of infant needs, key developmental stages, etc?

Some things others didn't mention:
- hours of operation
- close to home/work
- security policy
- health policy - does the kid get sent home with a fever of 99.9 or 101?
- do they provide the food (once the baby is eating solids) or do you? If they provide, what kind?
- what holidays are they closed
- if you are going to CD, what is their policy about that?

[thiswillbe]

I think I'm just feeling sensitive because I read some sad stuff this morning, but I'd also add to what others have said:
-- where are the sleeping areas relative to the play areas? how frequently are they checked while sleeping? what is their policy on sleep positions, blankets, etc.?
-- what is their drop-in policy? you should always be welcome to come check on your kid(s)
-- check licensing
-- google, get references/talk to current parents

[kershnic]

Agh, I got caught up in work all day and couldn't get online. Thanks for all the advice.... I will get back to respond when i can!

[kershnic]

CT - I'm focused on infant daycare because by the time we hit preschool years my hope is that we'll live somewhere with a lower cost of living and have some further choices. But I guess I'm really looking for somewhere we could be happy with from 5-6 months up until 2-2.5ish. But your list makes sense to me, particularly for the baby stage. I've thought about the nanny thing, but from the little research I've done a legal nanny arrangement would be very expensive considering the hours we'd need (at the very least 8:30am - 6pm) - the people I've heard of who have done nannies cheaply paid under the table and often employed undocumented immigrants. We're not willing to do that. The whole nanny-share thing is something I haven't really explored at all.... We're majorly not connected to our community so we know almost no one on the NJ side of the river, which would seem to be a bit of a barrier.

TT - Honestly, I'm being a bit melodramatic when I call the place mediocre. The truth is I haven't seen the inside, which I know very well means I know nothing about the place. But it's attached to a church building, doesn't look fancy, outdoor playspace is small (though that's going to be the case anywhere in this area), etc.

TWB - Funny that you mention the drop-in policy issue! One of my coworkers was looking for daycare and one place she looked at forbid the parents from coming inside. I was HORRIFIED by the idea - the idea that every daycare wouldn't have a free drop-in policy had never occurred to me!! Also, in the process of researching daycares yesterday I found an article about a recent incident in one of the cities we'd possibly want daycare in where a daycare worker broke a baby's leg. It's heartbreaking to even have to worry about things like that.

I grew up in an area with a lot of large chain daycare type places. I worked in high school at one of those chains and it was a really nice place - I would be happy to send my child there. Though of course I know these can vary a lot depending on the teachers/management/chain/etc., it's difficult for me that these places don't seem to exist where I live now.

Also, upon further reflection, I am clearly channeling a lot of my anxiety about IVF into this process.

[twotrue]

At you looking on the ny or nj ? What ever you do I suggest you. Check the stayed website for violation and don't be afraid to make admit place clarify them.

posted from phone

[kershnic]

TT - Looking in NJ. Our feeling is that daycare closer to home is better, because that way the baby will be at daycare having fun for those 2 hours instead of in the car or on public transportation, and also because it's the only way that 100% of the daycare picks up and drop offs won't fall on one parent. (We both work in NYC but in completely different places.)