Someone tell me this is normal

[meltoine]

I brought DS to FCC for the third day in a row today. Our movers have been here packing the last two days and they are loading today.

The first time I dropped him off, he cried, but he always cries a little when I take him to drop-in, so I figured it was ok. Second day, same thing.

Today, he started crying when he saw me grab his diaper bag at home. Before we even left the house. In the car he was ok, but as soon as we got to the woman's house he started screaming. She had to take her kids to the bus, so I sat with him in her living room for a while and he just crawled into my lap and did that little kid sobbing thing. I damn near broke my heart to get up and leave when she came back.

I thought this would get better as the days went on, but it's getting worse. Granted today is the last day I'll be taking him for a few weeks, but I want him to be okay going to DC once in a while.

[kcd0531]

Separation anxiety, it's a bitch.

I say normal if he settles down after you've left. Ask the DC provider how he does after you've gone, even if she could send a cell phone photo of him happily playing.

[meltoine]

She says he's fine after about 20 minutes. But that seems like a long time, no?

[NomadicMama]

I can understand your concern. I'd be upset, too.

Is this FCC your/the only option for hourly care? If you have other options, I might consider trying them out, leaving him just for an hour or two, to gage his reaction.

The reason I say this is my recent experience with my LO. I took him to hourly care on post regularly since DH deployed. After three months of going two to three times a week, he still got upset when I left. I chalked it up to separation anxiety. I will say that the main care provider in the hourly room was not the most warm and cuddly of women. She was rather straight forward and matter of fact (and, being in the hourly room has got to be tough, it's nearly always someone's first day. . . ). I know the my LO would be fine shortly after I left.

As I may have mentioned ;D , LO has recently started attending a German kindergarten. When I left him for the first time, he cried and got upset. But since then, here have been no tears when I leave. (He may cry after I am out of his sight, but that was not how he reacted at day care.). Granted, it is still early days, but I see a difference. It makes me wonder if LO did not feel cared for and supported at day care.

I share this with you not to upset you. My experiences in babysitting and early childhood education go back farther than some ladies here have been alive. Children often cry at drop-off. Separation anxiety is real. But your DS's reaction seems more severe. Since he is too young to tell you what is wrong, I would consider "testing" things out. I would try another child care drop in situation if one is available. I would also try a babysitter or two. One concern I would be aware of is his generalization of all child care making him upset. I would try to help him work through this. Does that make sense?

One thing, and you might already be doing it, that seems to help my LO is statement I say repeatedly as we prepare for being apart. "Mama always comes back." He even told other kids at day care that "Mama always comes back" when they were upset. When he was little, his version was "Mama back back". He finds comfort in knowing that I will come back.

In all likelihood, your LO is going through some separation anxiety, especially given that you are prepping for a move. Tears are normal. But, you know your LO best.

[NomadicMama]

Sept 28, 2012 9:02:04 GMT -5 meltoine said:

She says he's fine after about 20 minutes. But that seems like a long time, no?

Does your LO get really worked up? Twenty minutes would be a long time for my son, but it can take some kids a bit longer to settle down.

[meltoine]

Normally he goes to the DC center behind our house, and he's always cried there too for 10-15 minutes after drop off. I took him to the FCC this time because the Airmen and Family Readiness Center pays for 20 hours of childcare through the FCC during a PCS. I will try out some other options once were settled at our new station.

I really appreciate your perspective, especially since you're a professional, not to mention and experienced mom. He doesn't get super worked up, like to the point of making himself sick, but he does scream and cry.

[YellowRose]

In addition to the separation anxiety, I would offer that it could be to the stress of having the movers packing. He's watching all of the stuff he knows and loves be put into boxes. He might be worried that you're going with the boxes, and not coming back to him. So it's a bit sep. anxiety, and a bit stree from the move.

I agree with NomadicMama, too, that you should investigate whether it's a comfort (or lack of) with his DCP. It's not unheard of for my kids to scram for 45 minutes at drop off. It's not every day, but sometimes they get it in their little heads to be mad.