I just want to go back to work (long vent)

[amellis2]

Honestly, I didn't even want to take a vacation. Luis does not have available PTO until December (while I accrue 4 weeks of vacation per calendar year), so I took vacation without him. I'm told it is not healthy to not take vacations (HEAR THAT, MCDONALD'S?!?!?) This year we have to use it, lose it or put it in our extended leave bank by December 31, 2012. I had close to 60 hours already accrued, so I used 35 of them this week. The kids had a their 15 month appt on Monday, my mom wanted to see the kids, and I missed my kids (they don't stay with us during the week for childcare purposes.) So, I am in Titusville, at my mom's house.

And, predictably, I am miserable.

I really just need to spring for a weekend visit and a hotel stay.
I am so tired of being told how irresponsible and disrespectful I am. I am not irresponsible or disrespectful. I am far from perfect, but I am not those things.
I'm tired of being told that I need to leave Luis.
"Don't settle, Marissa. Go back to school and be a librarian." I'd love to, but the $1500 per class and sheer lack of time (does anyone else NEVER have a clean house? Literally, never. This is a division of labor issue in our home and it belongs on TIP. He never cleans up after himself leaving the house CONSTANTLY filthy.)

I just want to go back to work. I'll take an actual vacation somewhere else next year.

[Deleted]

When my first xH wouldn't clean (we were way young), I just started throwing shit away. Maturity was not one of our best qualities, but he got the point. Gaming shit left all over the couch, garbage. Shoes in the middle of the floor, garbage. Tools all over the garage, garbage. Snack he wanted to eat later on the coffee table, garbage. It didn't take him long to figure it out. And when I say I threw shit away, I mean the plate, the glass, the container it came in, batteries in the devices, socks in the shoes, keys, phone, whatever. Even if it was a loss to me or the household. He very quickly learned to (1) pick up after his damn self, (2) sort through garbage and (3) clean garbage off of things.

As for a vacation, if childcare is handled (wow, how do you go the whole week w/o them?!), slip away for a few days. Even if just for the majority of the day. Or take the kids back to your place for the week and have a staycation.

[amellis2]

It's terrible being without then for a week at a time. I feel like a part-time mom. I'd go into it further, but I'm afraid it would just make me look like a trainwreck instead of a person who actually needs help (I suppose I'm a 47%-er ) and cannot get the help I need.

I have considered the garbage idea, but I can only imagine that since maturity may not be a strong point him (and while I like to think of myself as more mature, I know there are times when I less than mature.) what that will be like for me.

[sara76]

How did I not know they were away the whole week? Are they in Titusville that time? You poor mama. Do "you" want to leave FI?

[amellis2]

They are either in Bowling Green/Wauchula or in Punta Gorda for the most part.
The short answer is: I don't know.
The long answer is:
I think I deserve better. I don't know if better" comes from Luis eventually. or by being on my own (and maybe from someone else down the road.) We were discussing some things a week or so ago and I said verbatim that "Cleaning up after you and never getting help from you are convincing me that I do not want to b e married to you. I am not changing my name for this life."

[moonstone523]

Hold up, Luis told you it isn't healthy to take vacations?

[amellis2]

Sept 28, 2012 11:20:23 GMT -5 moonstone523 said:

Hold up, Luis told you it isn't healthy to take vacations?

No, I'm sorry. I was inserting sentences here and there. I am told *by others* that it is NOT healthy to NOT vacation. As in, I think I would be perfectly fine without taking PTO time, but I am told that I should take vacation time. However, in this week's case it is more stressful to be on vacation than it is to be at work.

[sara76]

I will tell you that if he doesn't clean up after himself now that is just not going to change. Does he have redeeming qualities? My H doesn't pick up after himself but he does deep clean. If you think you deserve better than unfortunately your mom is probably right (I think they usually are, even if you don't get along well as is also the case with me and mine). Doesn't mean you need to hear that shit all day. You know what you need. Right now you need to get back to work.
After my dad died I was 15 and depressed and angry. My mom and sister set me up with a shrink and I played cool but deep down I was thankful. I went for maybe a year. The main thing I got from it was I have a good head on my shoulders and will do just fine ( as long as I can exercise or meditate for stress and tension) and it's important for me to mentally separate myself from my mom. She wants what's best for me but she's not good at her delivery in a way that's not good for me. So his advice to me was to love her but know I am not her. It has helped to hear that from someone who knew what they were talking about. Can you see someone? I remember the first appointment I had with my Dr and the last, and I clearly remember that those were 2 different girls who walked into that room.

[Deleted]

Ditto @ if it isn't getting better now, it never will.

The one thing that makes me swoon daily is my current sig. other would rather take a hot poker to the eye than see me carry a burden all alone. Sure we both do certain chores (him post-dinner cleanup/dishes, me cooking/laundry), but when the house is a wreck and we need a deep clean we're both scrubbing baseboards, weeding the garden and mopping the floors. I have a partner and for whom I am eternally grateful.