Trying not to judge - at what age....

[Deleted]

The kid probably isn't fabulously coordinated and is sick. Why judge?

This is weird.

[dirtyred]

Sick plus special needs; possible helicopter parent? With that little bit of information, I give the kid a pass, even though it would annoy me.

[ohiowan]

When I was younger a friend of the family's 7 year old still had his mom wipe his butt...he had no special needs.

[sake]

When we have adults on this board shitting themselves almost daily, why are you questioning a sick, special needs 9 year old?

[Deleted]

Oct 3, 2012 7:18:42 GMT -5 @sparkles17 said:

Oct 3, 2012 7:17:01 GMT -5 @stellasmom said:

The kid probably isn't fabulously coordinated and is sick. Why judge?

This is weird.

He's plenty coordinated, I watched him play Wii Sports for an hour last night.

Ok, this response makes it even weirder.

Why are you analyzing this? Why does it matter if your so has to wipe his kid's ass semiannually?

If this minor of a parenting difference is freaking you out, I'd be looking for a childless boyfriend.

[franciepants]

Oct 3, 2012 7:17:01 GMT -5 @stellasmom said:

The kid probably isn't fabulously coordinated and is sick. Why judge?

This is weird.[/quote]

I'm on this train.

What is there to judge about? Yeah, maybe the kid is old enough to take care of it himself. However, if I was his dad and wasn't 100% sure he could clean himself properly, I probably would have done the same.

[onesweetworld]

You are being mean.
I am positive my mom helped me in grade 3 (9yrs old) if I had the shits. That stuff gets everywhere.

[sunflower22]

I'd cut him some slack since the kid is sick. Maybe he just wants to make sure he gets it ALL cleaned up, kids might not be so good at getting the entire mess cleaned.

[idoinjuly]

:Y:

Oct 3, 2012 7:19:59 GMT -5 sake said:

When we have adults on this board shitting themselves almost daily, why are you questioning a sick, special needs 9 year old?

[eddy]

Maybe he woke up all disoriented and confused. As a parent it is the kind thing to do when your child well has pooped himself. Maybe he asked his dad to help. What are you going to say "No sorry buddy. I know you are embarassed and sick, but yeah you are 9. Buck up buttercup."

I am looking down my nose at you right now.

[idoinjuly]

Oct 3, 2012 8:02:30 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

diarrhea? I'd say the kid probably needed some help to keep from making a mess in the bathroom.

I don't think you should be with this person. Parenting differences between families trying to blend is a huge, huge stressor and if you can't get past this kid and how the so parents him, you and everyone in that house are going to be really, really unhappy.

I agree. You need to really think long and hard about this relationship and if you are up to being with this man. The last thing this kid or his dad need is your judgement.

[eddy]

Oct 3, 2012 7:58:56 GMT -5 @sparkles17 said:

I already said that I was wrong and acknowledged my asshole-ish behavior. I get it. It's hard for me sometimes because I have two healthy children and I don't always understand the needs of SO's son.

Dude this has nothing to do with him having ADHD or whatever. I do not think it is inappropriate at all to help a healthy 9 year old clean himself after getting sick. I think it is so odd you think this is helicopter parenting. It is a sick child for cripes sake.

[jerseygrl]

Your H helping his sick kid wipe his ass does not make him a helicopter parent. I would do that in a blink for my kid if she was sick and she's 6.

I vote not weird. At all

[liveintheville]

My oldest is almost 5 and there are definitely times he needs assistance. I'd much rather help him than have to scrub and disinfect the entire bathroom afterwards.

Oh and my husband dealt with so much vomit during my second pregnancy. If he had once said, "you're an adult take care of it yourself" he wouldn't be here.

[clickerish]

ETA: What they said!

I get sick of people judging kids for behaviour their parents inculcated in them.

[marissa]

You say social issues? Could he be on the spectrum? My kids can play wii sports wonderfully but one of my boys is very uncoordinated. I have 3 kids with autism and you bet I'd be ass wiping if that we're my kid. Two of my 3 that have autism have motor issues. One of my boys doesn't wipe well. He just started wiping since he has sensory issues. Have you considered any sensory issues?

[laptopvixen]

Oct 3, 2012 7:58:56 GMT -5 @sparkles17 said:

I already said that I was wrong and acknowledged my asshole-ish behavior. I get it. It's hard for me sometimes because I have two healthy children and I don't always understand the needs of SO's son.

I don't have ANY children and I can still wrap my head around having to help a 9 year old kid with special needs out with this. If he threw up in bed would you leave him in the filthy sheets?

Maybe your SO is a helicopter parent because he can see the writing on the wall that he's the only one in this picture who will go to bat for him.

[Deleted]

Oct 3, 2012 8:00:59 GMT -5 @astrid said:

I will say this as politely as I can, so I'll channel my mother.

"You are being an ick. Evaluate yourself."

this is completely awesome and i'm totally stealing it.

i now picture your mother as every mother character in every wes anderson movie made.


to the OP: it sounds to me like you don't have much respect for your SO. that's a bigger problem than a sick child who needs help in the bathroom.

[TrickyBob]

I'm glad someone else "flamed" this.

Because this all annoys me.

It annoys me how his child keeps being put out there as "SO's kid" vs her perfectly healthy kids. As though there's something wrong with this child because he isn't like her children.

I feel like you define this child by his special needs instead of him as a child. I also feel like you need to make it a point, to point out, that this child is NOT yours.

Maybe I'm way off base, but the attitude towards the child keeps bugging me every time I read this.

[dcannie]

this is gross. you have something against the kid and/or SO. get over it or get out of the relationship.

and i don't believe you don't help your 4 y.o. when they are sick. i don't have kids, so maybe i'm talking out of my ass, but it would seem like a very ill 4 y.o. could sometimes use some assistance.

[kellbell191]

You have been posting a lot of negative things about the SO recently. Didn't you all just move in together? I think you might need to re-evaluate this relationship especially as you've combined households and there are kids involved.

[cbwm1]

I'm really fucking disgusted at your attitude about this, particularly as the mother of a special needs kid who will likely need help wiping his ass for a long time.

If you can't handle the way your SO parents this child, you probably really need to get a grip on reality and evaluate your relationship.

[Deleted]

I have kids with ADD & one with low tone. I'll admit my low tone kid has been slower to do stuff like PT, self-care...pretty much all motor skills. I think your SO probably does helicopter if he did feel the need to help with that but it's not the kids fault. Or maybe it was just a mess that needed another person. Its not something I would waste my time worrying about.

[partiallysunny]

I'm glad that you see you are in the wrong, but I think you really need to evaluate if you have a future with your SO. You obviously don't respect him as a parent.

[zitiqueen]

Oct 3, 2012 8:03:39 GMT -5 chilerellanos said:

Also, if SO hasn't been there, would you have been willing to help out his son in the bathroom?

Because it needs to be answered. Although I think we all know what the true answer is.

[emjacobs]

Sometimes when I'm sick I wish that I had someone to help me out with things like this and I am certainly over 9.

Also just because his child has special needs that does not mean that he isn't "perfectly healthy" as you so kindly pointed out that your kids are. Every kid gets a tummy ache and diarrhea. Being special needs isn't a disease or a virus that makes him unhealthy, it is something that makes him unique and different from other kids. He is going to have children and, unfortunately, grown adults judging him for his entire life, if you are going to judge him as well then you don't deserve to be part of his family. No child deserves to be judged on a daily / weekly / whatever basis by a family member.

[HiC]

I hope you don't exude this judgey vibe at home. That can be very damaging. Be nice.

[olives]

Oct 3, 2012 7:19:59 GMT -5 sake said:

When we have adults on this board shitting themselves almost daily, why are you questioning a sick, special needs 9 year old?

:Y: I love this.

[papie]

That is really shitty, but everyone already said that. You sound like the evil stepmother in this post "I can't believe he went to help his sick child, the child should have not only cleaned his own bum, he should have also desinfected the toilet and mopped the floor! I'll lock him in a donjon now"

[saraandmichael]

You're an asshole.

I have a 14 year old son and if he were sick and shitting himself and needed me to help him out, you bet your ass I would.

Hell, if I were sick and shitting myself I'd probably ask my husband for help.

Also, my 5 year-old doesn't always wipe his own ass. You know why? Because he's 5 and sometimes isn't very good at it. So I am calling total bullshit on your 4 year-old being super self sufficient in the bathroom.

Finally, fuck you for the healthy children comment. That was so utterly superior of you to say and has no real weight in your reasoning to judge the shit out of your boyfriend. You should do him and his son a favor and leave.