*lurker* What did you think when..

[mayflowers22]

One of your closest high school friends isn't supportive of LGBT, when you're questioning your sexuality? I feel like if I ever stopped questioning, and came out, I'd be losing one of my good friends. Probably a lot of them, since most of them are anti-LGBT.

Sorry for coming over here, just thought I'd get more answers here.

[ElsaVonM]

I lost a couple of friends, but it was really my choice. They would have been happy to keep talking to me, but I wasn't interested in hearing about what Jesus thinks about me being a lesbian, and I wasn't interested in being friends with someone who was not supportive of my wife. She's FANTASTIC, and if you are too wrapped up in the concept of sin to see that, you don't deserve to be friends with either of us. Making the choice to break away did hurt, but I have never regretted it. I took my couple years off and then contacted each of them and made my peace, and thankfully they were graceful about it. I didn't want things to be awkward at reunions or if we ever ran into each other when I'm visiting my hometown, and now they won't be.

That was a long-winded way of saying that sometimes who you need in high school is not who you need as an adult, and if it's important to you, time will heal the wounds.

[rikkiandjulie]

I lost friends too, but I'm much happier being honest with myself than losing a friend. I also think its eye opening for friends, and you may bebsurprised at how many people you don't lose.

[2brides]

Miraculously, I didn't lose any friends (high school or college or otherwise.) One of my best friends from high school is very right wing Republican and while I am quite sure she was shocked when I came out (about 7y post high school) she rallied and even attended my wedding. We just don't talk politics/religion - and it helps that I only see her 1x/year. But honestly, our lives have grown so far apart in the 20y since I graduated high school (not due to my coming out, but the distance apart, our career paths, our families, etc) that it wouldn't be a huge loss. When I was in high school or just out, I would have never thought I would say that, but it is very difficult to maintain the close bond and friendships that are made in high school as everyone grows, matures, and chooses different paths in life. You have a whole life ahead of you to make awesome friends who celebrate you and your relationships.

The key is to make yourself happy and choose a path that makes you happy. And if coming out is that path, go for it.

[hlke]

Don't apologize for coming over - most of us have been through this same thing, and it's good to reach out for support.

I think fear of losing friends or the support of family members keeps a lot of people in the closet. It can be really scary to not know what is going to happen in relationships that mean a lot to you. I will tell you that more often than not, both my wife and I were pleasantly surprised by people who rose to the occasion and decided it was more important to be our friends no matter what. My extremely conservative Christian cousins have been awesome, but their Mom (my aunt) basically hasn't spoken to me since I came out to her.

What you need to remember is the important people are the people who stick with you. It is difficult to lose friendships, but it is incredibly rewarding to become closer to the people who really support you.

[clickerish]

It's scary to think about losing people so it's okay to hesitate. I lost basically my entire family when I came out (except for a few cousins who are fringe-elements and don't care one way or the other). For a while I worked hard to convince my parents/family/others that Jesus was okay with me believing that eventually they would want my happiness over their beliefs. Except it didn't happen. It hurt to lose them, but the life I get to live now without crying endlessly because of the continuing rejection and fruitless arguments is worth it.

You never really know how people are going to react. My equally religious roommate and her entire family (a VERY Christian family I might add), stood by me the entire time I went through the pain with my family, held me while I cried and her family has welcomed me and my partner into their lives whenever we wish to be there.

My wife is beautiful and intelligent. She makes me incredibly happy. She's my family now and losing those other people doesn't even compare to the happiness that I found with her. If it is any consolation, you can survive losing friends if it means being able to be yourself for the rest of your life. I've done it. I have friends who've done it--and thus far I have yet to meet one who wished to go back into that closet and erase it.

[theaterfreak]

I get it. I left my ex h for my GF-realizing at 34 that I was gay.

I live in a liberal area-but it's still a little behind regarding LGBT ....I waited lonnnnngggg to tell my close friends who were a little ignorant. Honestly we went out the other night and they asked some stupid ass questions. Like offesnsive.

I don't think I'd "lose" them-but I just can't see myself being around them a lot now. KWIM? My parents also reacted poorly, very poorly, but have come around some.

HOnestly? FUck em. That's how I feel. I don't need to really be around anyone who can't accept me. I have gotten plenty of support-so i am not worried.