Jojoandleo

[blackkitty]

I'm so confused!!!!!!!
How OLD ARE YOU??
And you are now married for the 2nd time or am I crazy?
You look about 21
DOES NOT COMPUTE

[jojoandleo]

I am 28. I was engaged to a horrible man for about 4 months until he slammed my head in a door when I was 24-25. Then I moved out and moved in with my mom and he moved in with one of his other girlfriends. Never married before. I am H's second wife, he got married before going to Iraq and she cheated on him (which is VERY common along with other horrible things. He is 32.

[blackkitty]

holy shit your ex sounds like a monster. I am glad you got away from him!

[jojoandleo]

I am pretty sure he is actually crazy. He told really random lies for no reason about mundane crap. I think he really believes the lies he tells. He had an actual double life where he went by a different name when he only slept with men. (Thank God I always used condoms!) When I first met him he was super sweet. I had a broken leg and no insurance and ended up on crutches for 4 months and he took care of me. It wasn't until I moved in with him that he changed and got mean.

I was in a really low place, unable to work (I was a bartender and you can't do that on crutches), my father was going through detox AGAIN and had actually died for about 3 minutes and was brought back, and I had graduated college with no job prospects. I am pretty sure he saw that and preyed on it. He is the one that convinced me to go to therapy, though. He told me I was an alcholic like my father and any time I didn't believe his lies he told me I was crazy and paranoid and needed help. I was in therapy when we got engaged and I lied to my therapist about him until one day she said something that made me realize "If I am lying to my therapist, something is wrong."

I am thankful that he got me to go to therapy, though. I was super codependent, and definitely the adult child of an alcholic. I still see my therapist when my anxiety spikes. She is awesome. I wish everyone could have her.

^ this is why I get so annoyed with Liubot, I have been almost exactly where she is. (Minus some crazy and a possible baby).

[blackkitty]

Wow, we actually have quite a bit in common...
I was super co-dependent too. And my XH totally preyed on that. He said that when he found me I was "like an angel with a broken wing" and he was going to save me. (I was a bartender too! but not when I met my XH)

My dad wasn't an alcoholic but he was a rageaholic, I don't know which is worse. At least with alcohol you have something to blame it on (not trying to minimize or anything).

I'm glad you are better and happy now! YAY for new beginnings!!!

[jojoandleo]

Oct 4, 2012 10:45:22 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

Wow, we actually have quite a bit in common...
I was super co-dependent too. And my XH totally preyed on that. He said that when he found me I was "like an angel with a broken wing" and he was going to save me. (I was a bartender too! but not when I met my XH)

My dad wasn't an alcoholic but he was a rageaholic, I don't know which is worse. At least with alcohol you have something to blame it on (not trying to minimize or anything).

I'm glad you are better and happy now! YAY for new beginnings!!!

Yep, sounds like XFI. My dad was never mean, I think Rage would be a lot worse. I did have to step over his body when he was passed out drunk and we stayed there over the summer. We stayed with my aunt at least one week out of our month with our dad while he detoxed. He wasn't mean, or bad, but he definitely put drinking before us. Al Anon really helped me realize he is sick and it wasn't an active choice, but man, for years I felt like my dad just didn't love me enough to quit.

And yes, yay for happy beginnings!! This is why I am so pro-therapy, it really did change my life.

[blackkitty]

Oct 4, 2012 10:52:05 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

Oct 4, 2012 10:45:22 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

Wow, we actually have quite a bit in common...
I was super co-dependent too. And my XH totally preyed on that. He said that when he found me I was "like an angel with a broken wing" and he was going to save me. (I was a bartender too! but not when I met my XH)

My dad wasn't an alcoholic but he was a rageaholic, I don't know which is worse. At least with alcohol you have something to blame it on (not trying to minimize or anything).

I'm glad you are better and happy now! YAY for new beginnings!!!

Yep, sounds like XFI. My dad was never mean, I think Rage would be a lot worse. I did have to step over his body when he was passed out drunk and we stayed there over the summer. We stayed with my aunt at least one week out of our month with our dad while he detoxed. He wasn't mean, or bad, but he definitely put drinking before us. Al Anon really helped me realize he is sick and it wasn't an active choice, but man, for years I felt like my dad just didn't love me enough to quit.

And yes, yay for happy beginnings!! This is why I am so pro-therapy, it really did change my life.

I'm glad you were able to find help through therapy and Al Anon! Alcoholism is a difficult thing to deal with.
I've always had the "daddy issues" too... therapy helped a lot!