I grew up going to cash bars. They are normal in my family and my family's circle. I don't really care. They are annoying, but for a lot of people, the choices aren't, "plate chargers or free booze," they are, "basic package or no wedding." I'd rather celebrate with family and friends and pay for my drink, then have them not have a wedding at all.
I was criticized by my family because I put my foot down on the invite list and reigned it in for budget reasons, but we didn't do a cash bar (we had a wine and beer only reception, and we provided it) .
So, I get why people choose more people over alcohol. It's kind of shitty being seen as the snobby relative who is too good for the family.
When you ask people to be your guest at a reception, the expectation is that as guests they won't pay for anything that the host normally provides. That includes beverages. It's not different than say, proviing crudite, cheese and crackers for free, but then having a station with hot hors douvres, an asking guests to pay cash for them.
Honestly I would never think to bring a lot of cash to wedding just in case I had to purcahse something.
But in some areas, "anything that the host normally provides" does not include an open bar. And in those areas, you would think to bring a lot of cash because you'd expect to be purchasing your drinks.
Also, I am also fine with cash bars with no free booze if ppl are trying to be MM. I can respect that. But don't wear a $7k dress and have super nice stationary and flowers and then cheap out on food and drinks. That's what bugs me.
Agreed. A cash bar (or wine and beer bar) that matches the tone of the wedding is fine, especially if it matches other weddings in the social circle. A wedding where no expense is spared OTHER than cash bar? Ehhhh, I'm more likely to judge.
I'd rather they save money on the wine and have Grey Goose if I'm drinking for free as a guest.
Good wine is pricey and doesn't serve a lot of people. I don't blame places with open bar trying to steer people away from it.
So you think that serving wine that tastes like turpentine is their way of trying to keep people from drinking it? I figured it was just their way of cutting corners (or a sign of bad taste or low attention to detail, since there are plenty of inexpensive good wines out there). I'd prefer that they serve good wine *and* good liquor (particularly because not everyone wants to drink a particular type of liquor, and a lot of people like to drink wine with their dinner).
It is the worst when the champagne for the toasts is nasty, because you're essentially forced to drink some of that. And it often really is nasty.
honestly? I hate champagne, and I dont think I've ever had wine at a wedding. So really its not an issue for me.
Of course, at NJ prices, I'd rather they serve only good stuff.
It is the worst when the champagne for the toasts is nasty, because you're essentially forced to drink some of that. And it often really is nasty.
My BFF's husband was not impressed with the champagne that their reception site provided for their first toast, and you can totally hear him hissing "E, don't drink this shit--just fake it" on their wedding video while smiling and posing with their glasses in hand. It is hysterical!
Has anyone here attended a fun dry wedding reception? Honest question!
I once attended a really fancy Mormon wedding reception that was dry and it was almost fun--mostly because the food and reception site was really, really incredible.
This must not be the norm everywhere, but for our wedding, the cost we were charged for a glass of wine was the same as a cocktail. The liquors used in the cocktails were of middle range in quality and I was able to select a decent mix of wines. So it wouldn't have made sense to offer beer and wine and not cocktails, because it would have generally worked out to be the same cost in the end.
I also remember doing a really intricate spreadsheet as to whether it would cost more to pay by the drink or by the person per hour.
How do people feel about the couple not offering alcohol for religious reasons? Not that they don't want to pay necessarily, but they don't drink so they don't offer it to guests. I don't know if I have seen much discussion here on that particular topic.
Post by kittycatlove on Oct 5, 2012 15:31:21 GMT -5
Open bars are the norm in our area, but I wouldn't be offended at the OP's wedding and glad that there would be options even if we had to pay for them.
I don't get the no booze is better than paying for booze either.
honestly? I hate champagne, and I dont think I've ever had wine at a wedding. So really its not an issue for me.
Of course, at NJ prices, I'd rather they serve only good stuff.
But just because it isn't an issue for you doesn't mean that it isn't something that a lot of other guests would enjoy. That would be like me saying that I don't care if they serve Popov instead of Grey Goose because I'd prefer wine anyway. That may not impact me, but I bet you wouldn't be happy.
And they kind of do encourage guests to drink wine at these things, which is why there are wine glasses on the tables and the waiters come around asking if you want red or white with your meal. They wouldn't do that if they thought no-one was going to drink wine.
I think actually that NY/NJ reception halls go for quantity over quality too many times, which is why I tend to not be wowed by weddings around here.
Has anyone here attended a fun dry wedding reception? Honest question!
1, when I was 13. And they had a string quartet for their music. Even though I was obviously way too young to drink at it anyway, I remember it being a realllllly long boring party.
The bride and groom met in AA though, so that explains it.
I attended a dry wedding. It was in the basement of a very strict Catholic Church. I would have been perfectly fine with it except the wedding was at 2 on a Friday and they didn't serve anything--food, drink, nada until 9:20 when the bride and groom decided to grace us with their presence.
I attended a dry wedding. It was in the basement of a very strict Catholic Church. I would have been perfectly fine with it except the wedding was at 2 on a Friday and they didn't serve anything--food, drink, nada until 9:20 when the bride and groom decided to grace us with their presence.
That is surprising. The catholics I know all really enjoy drinking. Maybe for baptists I'd expect this, but not catholics.
When you ask people to be your guest at a reception, the expectation is that as guests they won't pay for anything that the host normally provides. That includes beverages. It's not different than say, proviing crudite, cheese and crackers for free, but then having a station with hot hors douvres, an asking guests to pay cash for them.
Honestly I would never think to bring a lot of cash to wedding just in case I had to purcahse something.
But in some areas, "anything that the host normally provides" does not include an open bar. And in those areas, you would think to bring a lot of cash because you'd expect to be purchasing your drinks.
And as long as *all* your guests are from that area and know what to expect I suppose that's fine. In this day and age those types of weddings are very rare though. I still don't quite buy it though b/c it's not like you charge people when you host them for any other function. Why is a wedding different?
LOL. I'm glad I did not find TN before our wedding. We had a cheap wedding/reception. We only had ~15 guests at a restaurant and they had to pay for their alcohol. ;D
I grew up going to dry weddings, so having a full bar is weird to me. Most of the weddings I've gone to as an adult are damp (beer/wine, no hard alcohol). Presence or absence of alcohol at a wedding doesn't bother me.
I think I may have attended a dry wedding, I can't remember. It was a very casual reception in a church basement. I was 18 and had just started dating MH and we were there with his parents, so I couldn't really check out the booze selection even if I'd wanted to. It was "fun" in the sense that we were still in the giddy new relationship phase, lol.
The most fun weddings have been the ones where our friends are there with us - we've been to some REALLY nice weddings that spared no expense, but they weren't as much fun because we didn't really know anyone there. The last friend in our group got married earlier this year so that's probably the last super-fun wedding we'll attend until someone's kid gets married in 25 years.
LOL. I'm glad I did not find TN before our wedding. We had a cheap wedding/reception. We only had ~15 guests at a restaurant and they had to pay for their alcohol. ;D
The knot definitely led me to believe I'd be an awful human being if I didn't have a full premium bar.
I totally did, but I was too sick with bronchitis to drink anything :-(
But in some areas, "anything that the host normally provides" does not include an open bar. And in those areas, you would think to bring a lot of cash because you'd expect to be purchasing your drinks.
And as long as *all* your guests are from that area and know what to expect I suppose that's fine. In this day and age those types of weddings are very rare though. I still don't quite buy it though b/c it's not like you charge people when you host them for any other function. Why is a wedding different?
Because it is at an outside venue, and not your home.
When my friends have birthday parties at bars, I expect to pay for my own drinks even though someone else is hosting. A wedding isn't all that different.
Has anyone here attended a fun dry wedding reception? Honest question!
My sister had a dry wedding and we all took flasks an proceeded to drink more at their wedding than a wedding that had alcohol. We had a blast, but those who didn't know it would be a dry wedding were a little put out, and were glad we were sharing our vodka. They did it because of problem drinkers on both sides of the family.
Ours was mid day and I was only paying for beer/wine package. Water, soda, coffee, and tea were free as well for the guests. Open bar was an extra 4k onto the budget. You do what you can afford, nothing more. Your wedding seems fine, not everyone is going to be happy no matter what you do. People were complaining about my wedding since it was too early apparently, then don't come..it is what it is. Do what you can do, dont go broke.
I attended a dry wedding. It was in the basement of a very strict Catholic Church. I would have been perfectly fine with it except the wedding was at 2 on a Friday and they didn't serve anything--food, drink, nada until 9:20 when the bride and groom decided to grace us with their presence.
That is surprising. The catholics I know all really enjoy drinking. Maybe for baptists I'd expect this, but not catholics.
I agree. All the Catholic weddings I have been to have been total booze fests, including weddings hosted by hardcare "we don't use BC and have 9 kids" Catholics.
I think serving wine and beer and having people pay for anything else is fine. Cash bars were standard when my parents and their friends got married. My dad get way too excited now when he hears it is an open bar, even though they are fairly standard in their area. It cracks me up.
When you ask people to be your guest at a reception, the expectation is that as guests they won't pay for anything that the host normally provides. That includes beverages. It's not different than say, proviing crudite, cheese and crackers for free, but then having a station with hot hors douvres, an asking guests to pay cash for them.
Honestly I would never think to bring a lot of cash to wedding just in case I had to purcahse something.
But you didn't HAVE to purchase anything. I had a selection of good wine and domestic/imported beer as well as soft drinks and coffee.
But if Uncle Harlan really needed an Irish coffee that night, he could buy one. At my house at a party, I'd just say, sorry, I don't have Bailey's. Isn't it better that he could get it if he really wanted it?
But he could only get it if he had money. Maybe he didn't know to bring money. Maybe he doesn't get paid until next week an is low on cash. Maybe his date is less than considerate and he is spening the money he did bring on her drinks. do you see where I'm going with this?