s/o Cash Bars

[Redpoppy]

We wanted to do beer and wine only but the venue allowed only open bar with optional limit or cash bar. We set a limit and they told us when we were getting close. It was near the end of the night and FIL said he'd throw in whatever it went over our limit. Ended up being $14 over. We didn't take his money.

[winnied]

I'd rather have no booze than non-free booze offered because:

1. I feel like it manages everyone's expectations. If you have zero free alcoholic beverages, I think it's understood you won't have an epic dance party at your wedding and that it's not weird if a guest leaves after a dance songs.
2. I'm an idiot and don't carry cash so cash bars that only accept actual cash make me sad.

What you did is totally fine.

[Deleted]

Oct 5, 2012 15:47:44 GMT -5 fakejew said:

Oct 5, 2012 15:17:58 GMT -5 ejpint said:

But you didn't HAVE to purchase anything. I had a selection of good wine and domestic/imported beer as well as soft drinks and coffee.

But if Uncle Harlan really needed an Irish coffee that night, he could buy one. At my house at a party, I'd just say, sorry, I don't have Bailey's. Isn't it better that he could get it if he really wanted it?

But he could only get it if he had money. Maybe he didn't know to bring money. Maybe he doesn't get paid until next week an is low on cash. Maybe his date is less than considerate and he is spening the money he did bring on her drinks. do you see where I'm going with this?

Then maybe he can get by with wine? Does pretend Uncle Harlan have a pretend special illness which will make him die if he doesn't get his pretend Irish coffee?

[hubes]

Oct 5, 2012 15:51:14 GMT -5 v said:

Oct 5, 2012 15:47:44 GMT -5 fakejew said:

But he could only get it if he had money. Maybe he didn't know to bring money. Maybe he doesn't get paid until next week an is low on cash. Maybe his date is less than considerate and he is spening the money he did bring on her drinks. do you see where I'm going with this?

Then maybe he can get by with wine? Does pretend Uncle Harlan have a pretend special illness which will make him die if he doesn't get his pretend Irish coffee?

I just want to say that picky drinkers know to bring money. I never expect that my mixed drinks will be free, where my beer-guzzling DH can and does.

[fakejew]

Oct 5, 2012 15:51:14 GMT -5 v said:

Oct 5, 2012 15:47:44 GMT -5 fakejew said:

But he could only get it if he had money. Maybe he didn't know to bring money. Maybe he doesn't get paid until next week an is low on cash. Maybe his date is less than considerate and he is spening the money he did bring on her drinks. do you see where I'm going with this?

Then maybe he can get by with wine? Does pretend Uncle Harlan have a pretend special illness which will make him die if he doesn't get his pretend Irish coffee?

Exactly! So just offer what you can afford and if your guests don't like it they can go fuck themselves! Nobody died from going a night w/o premium spirits or whatever.

[geneg]

Oct 5, 2012 15:22:14 GMT -5 @missy1 said:

Has anyone here attended a fun dry wedding reception? Honest question!

Sure! I didn't go to a wedding that served booze until after college. Dry weddings were very common where I lived. And I have friends/family that are recovering alcoholics. Which is why I can take/leave alcohol at a wedding. I actually feel weird at weddings with a full bar because I see so many drunk people (falling down, not just tipsy).

[Deleted]

Oct 5, 2012 15:53:55 GMT -5 fakejew said:

Oct 5, 2012 15:51:14 GMT -5 v said:

Then maybe he can get by with wine? Does pretend Uncle Harlan have a pretend special illness which will make him die if he doesn't get his pretend Irish coffee?

Exactly! So just offer what you can afford and if your guests don't like it they can go fuck themselves! Nobody died from going a night w/o premium spirits or whatever.

I did not see where you were going with that

But agreed. If you can't make do with wine and beer, the problem isn't the wedding -- the problem is you.

[ESF]

Oct 5, 2012 15:51:14 GMT -5 v said:

Oct 5, 2012 15:47:44 GMT -5 fakejew said:

But he could only get it if he had money. Maybe he didn't know to bring money. Maybe he doesn't get paid until next week an is low on cash. Maybe his date is less than considerate and he is spening the money he did bring on her drinks. do you see where I'm going with this?

Then maybe he can get by with wine? Does pretend Uncle Harlan have a pretend special illness which will make him die if he doesn't get his pretend Irish coffee?

Seriously. What does Uncle Harlan do when his beef filet arrives well done instead of medium rare?

You don't need to accommodate every single tiny little preference.

Besides, where on earth is there not an ATM or a bar that accepts debit/credit cards?

[gt7301b]

Oct 5, 2012 15:22:14 GMT -5 @missy1 said:

Has anyone here attended a fun dry wedding reception? Honest question!

No, the only dry wedding I have attended also was an afternoon wedding without dancing and there wasn't enough food to feed all the guests. Every time they brought our more food people stormed the food table like vultures.

I am a BM in a wedding where beer and wine are the only options next year. I take full credit for the lack of liquor because the bride's brothers got trashed at our wedding.

[Nonny]

Oct 5, 2012 15:22:14 GMT -5 @missy1 said:

Has anyone here attended a fun dry wedding reception? Honest question!

Yes, several.

The first was my BFF's. She got married when they were 18 and 19 and the reception was in a church basement with an awesome DJ. Everyone was have a great time.

The second was my own and anyone not having fun wouldn't have had fun even with alcohol. I provided plenty of non-alcoholic options, and we skimped on everything -- all the decorations and linens were provided by the (cheap) venue; I had bouquets and boutonnieres but no other flowers; my mom, sister, and SIL did all the food (heavy apps); and I ::gasp:: wore a dress from David's Bridal. We did splurge a bit on the cake because I hate tiny slivers of cake, I want big slices! So we got a cake that fed 160 even though we only had 85 people. LOL! I regret not paying more for a better photographer, but I don't regret not paying for alcohol.

I've also been to some un-fun dry weddings, but those weddings weren't fun for many reasons that had nothing to do with the lack of booze.

[hubes]

Oct 5, 2012 15:53:55 GMT -5 fakejew said:

Oct 5, 2012 15:51:14 GMT -5 v said:

Then maybe he can get by with wine? Does pretend Uncle Harlan have a pretend special illness which will make him die if he doesn't get his pretend Irish coffee?

Exactly! So just offer what you can afford and if your guests don't like it they can go fuck themselves! Nobody died from going a night w/o premium spirits or whatever.

WAIT. So its more important for the couple not to look "tacky" than it is for the guest to be able to break out a 20 and buy a drink?

[fakejew]

Oct 5, 2012 15:57:19 GMT -5 ESF said:

Besides, where on earth is there not an ATM or a bar that accepts debit/credit cards?

You have a point. I've never been to a weddng with a cash bar so I take the term literally. If they take cc or whatever that would be better. I don't "do" ranom ATMs though. I'm too cheap to pay the fees. Very MM. :-)

I guess that's the thing though. I don't "need" alcohol to attend a wedding reception so I don't see the big deal about a dry wedding.

I have attened one dry wedding and no it wasn't much fun but I assure you it was b/c of the guests, not the lack of alcohol.

[fakejew]

Oct 5, 2012 16:03:06 GMT -5 hubes said:

Oct 5, 2012 15:53:55 GMT -5 fakejew said:

Exactly! So just offer what you can afford and if your guests don't like it they can go fuck themselves! Nobody died from going a night w/o premium spirits or whatever.

WAIT. So its more important for the couple not to look "tacky" than it is for the guest to be able to break out a 20 and buy a drink?

I don't think you're following. My hypothetical uncle harry doesn't have a 20 to break out.

But I think it's *most* important for the hosts to have the wedding they can afford. As long as they're doing that I don't personally care much.

[Deleted]

Oct 5, 2012 16:08:54 GMT -5 fakejew said:

I guess that's the thing though. I don't "need" alcohol to attend a wedding reception so I don't see the big deal about a dry wedding.

I would strongly prefer to have alcohol at a party of any sort, and I need alcohol if I'm going to be expected to dance (but put enough alcohol in me, and I turn into a dancing machine, for better or worse). But I'm okay with the idea of having to pay for that choice. Free is better, but I can pay. I mean, I pay for my own drinks pretty much every other time I drink so I don't see the big deal if I have to pay for my drinks that particular Saturday night.

[hubes]

Oct 5, 2012 16:12:29 GMT -5 fakejew said:

Oct 5, 2012 16:03:06 GMT -5 hubes said:

WAIT. So its more important for the couple not to look "tacky" than it is for the guest to be able to break out a 20 and buy a drink?

I don't think you're following. My hypothetical uncle harry doesn't have a 20 to break out.

But I think it's *most* important for the hosts to have the wedding they can afford. As long as they're doing that I don't personally care much.

I was following, but I got confused over that comment. I thought that meant that either Uncle Harry drank beer or wine or fuck him.

I agree with you. Pay for what you can, and I'll pay for the rest if I want it bad enough.

[ejpint]

Oct 5, 2012 16:12:29 GMT -5 fakejew said:

Oct 5, 2012 16:03:06 GMT -5 hubes said:

WAIT. So its more important for the couple not to look "tacky" than it is for the guest to be able to break out a 20 and buy a drink?

I don't think you're following. My hypothetical uncle harry doesn't have a 20 to break out.

But I think it's *most* important for the hosts to have the wedding they can afford. As long as they're doing that I don't personally care much.

But your hypothetical Uncle Larry can drink free wine and beer. If Uncle Larry wants something different, is it not better to have the cash option available than for Uncle Larry to go to the local packie for a bottle (which may indicate a deeper underlying problem, but that's beside the point)? I'm still confused as to how this is an affront to good manners.

[auberge]

Order of preference:

Hosted Full Bar
Hosted Wine and Beer, Cash Bar for the rest
Hosted Wine and Beer, No Cash Bar
Full Cash Bar

WTF to Dry Bar

[fakejew]

Oct 5, 2012 16:14:52 GMT -5 v said:

Oct 5, 2012 16:08:54 GMT -5 fakejew said:

I guess that's the thing though. I don't "need" alcohol to attend a wedding reception so I don't see the big deal about a dry wedding.

I would strongly prefer to have alcohol at a party of any sort, and I need alcohol if I'm going to be expected to dance (but put enough alcohol in me, and I turn into a dancing machine, for better or worse). But I'm okay with the idea of having to pay for that choice. Free is better, but I can pay. I mean, I pay for my own drinks pretty much every other time I drink so I don't see the big deal if I have to pay for my drinks that particular Saturday night.

I think it's all in how you do it.

If I couldn't or didn't want to afford alcohol at all, I would have a morning wedding so people wouln't miss it as much.

But I think people earlier made an excellent point. How many people people have the money but instead go with a cash bar so they can then spring for chargers or an ice sculpture or whatever? Guests primarily care about two things: food and beverages. Everything else is kind of unimportant.

[fakejew]

*sigh*

I give up.

books.google.com/books?id=gSggUrFCgNsC&pg=PA266&lpg=PA266&dq=Miss+Manners+on+cash+bars&source=bl&ots=pWF3iMTkLG&sig=Rcl_6EPBTz4y2gGA89UPRGr-KnI&hl=en&sa=X&ei=alJvUK_JB8qDjAKChIGABw&ved=0CCsQ6AEwAjgK#v=onepage&q=Miss%20Manners%20on%20cash%20bars&f=false


ETA:
another

littlehelpplease.wordpress.com/category/miss-manners/page/2/

An one more:

news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1350&dat=19890924&id=VEdPAAAAIBAJ&sjid=HwMEAAAAIBAJ&pg=3270,4191623

[bronxgirl]

Oct 5, 2012 16:21:11 GMT -5 ejpint said:

Oct 5, 2012 16:12:29 GMT -5 fakejew said:

I don't think you're following. My hypothetical uncle harry doesn't have a 20 to break out.

But I think it's *most* important for the hosts to have the wedding they can afford. As long as they're doing that I don't personally care much.

But your hypothetical Uncle Larry can drink free wine and beer. If Uncle Larry wants something different, is it not better to have the cash option available than for Uncle Larry to go to the local packie for a bottle (which may indicate a deeper underlying problem, but that's beside the point)? I'm still confused as to how this is an affront to good manners.

I think it's funny that this hypothetical uncle started out as Harlan, then became Harry and now he is Larry. Personally I have never been to a wedding with a cash bar of any type. I'm not okay with it, but I'm biased b/c it's not something I'm famil. With that said, clearly this topic does not relate to my every day life so I don't care what other people do.

[Willis Jackson]

I've been to fun dry weddings. I love me some mormons.

[CloudBee]

Oct 5, 2012 16:56:24 GMT -5 Willis Jackson said:

I've been to fun dry weddings. I love me some mormons.

I don't drink, and always have a difficult time grasping why alcohol is so important at social events.

We had a full bar and neither of us had more than water or diet coke, lol. We just don't care for alcohol.

[jennipea382]

Delurking because I mostly post on TK right now and this whole cash bar thing bugs the crap out of me! Cash bars are totally normal here. I've only been to one wedding that was an open bar, and that was a super nice wedding out in Maryland.

We are providing some beer and wine at our wedding in March. It's not too much for us to get a couple of kegs and some wine. Everything else is cash. I always say I'd rather have the option to buy a drink than not have one at all. To be totally honest (maybe I sound like an alcoholic), a wedding with no booze would be boring (assuming there's dinner and dancing, not just cake and punch or something). And I'm not going to cut friends and family from the guest list just so everyone can get drunk for free. That's the way I see it and people on TK are ridiculous about this. I don't really post my opinions on the matter over there because it's not worth the drama!

One of my favorite arguments is this one: Would you serve chicken, then offer lobster for an additional charge? What kind of argument is that? Food is necessary, alcohol is not.

ETA - I should also mention that I agree that a cash bar when the bride has a $10k dress or something is tacky. My dress was around $500, we are doing things in the off season to save money, and doing a lot of things ourselves. An open bar isn't in our budget, as much as I'd love for it to be.

[cjeanette]

I have never seen a cash bar at a wedding and don't bring any cash so that would annoy me. Offering beer and wine and charging for other probably wouldn't bother me. I just would have only offered that.

[ondaflipside]

If I have to choose, I'd take the cash bar over the dry bar anytime.

[Deleted]

Oct 5, 2012 16:23:47 GMT -5 auberge said:

Order of preference:

Hosted Full Bar
Hosted Wine and Beer, Cash Bar for the rest
Hosted Wine and Beer, No Cash Bar
Full Cash Bar

WTF to Dry Bar

x10000

[Deleted]

Oct 5, 2012 15:27:30 GMT -5 otowngirl said:

Oct 5, 2012 15:23:20 GMT -5 Kore said:

I've never attended a dry reception.

The first wedding I brought D to was dry. (RBP you know the one I'm talking about.) He still gets pissy when we talk about it. LOL.

Aww man. That is one of a handful of dry weddings we've been to. The others were for coworkers, which were by definition unfun (with a few exceptions).

You should have brought him to our wedding two weeks later, instead! Booze flowing like water.

[jinnifah]

I've only been to one reception with an open bar, and that's because it was a small wedding and the groom's parents paid for it as a wedding gift.

Having free wine bottles at the tables for the toast is pretty normal, but otherwise cash bar is what people do here.

[Deleted]

Oct 5, 2012 18:26:38 GMT -5 @88mangoes said:

Oct 5, 2012 15:23:20 GMT -5 Kore said:

I've never attended a dry reception.

Wha?? You live in the South. I think about 1/2 of the weddings in our circle are dry. The other half are cash bar-- with the exception of a champagne toast.

Sheesh. I live in the South, and <10% of the weddings I have attended have been dry. Even the Southern Baptist wing of my family drinks like fish.

[h]

Oct 5, 2012 18:28:09 GMT -5 @redbellpeppers said:

Oct 5, 2012 18:26:38 GMT -5 @88mangoes said:

Wha?? You live in the South. I think about 1/2 of the weddings in our circle are dry. The other half are cash bar-- with the exception of a champagne toast.

Sheesh. I live in the South, and <10% of the weddings I have attended have been dry. Even the Southern Baptist wing of my family drinks like fish.

I live in the South, and I have only been to two dry weddings--neither of which were in the South (the aforementioned Mormon reception was in DC; the other was in a church basement in Kansas). Every Southern wedding I have been to had had an open bar.