WHY are you keeping it secret? (spinoff)

[winecheery]

Spinoff on radishes thread. If you are (or intended) to keep ttc a secret how come?

[winecheery]

ME: I don't want the pressure of well-meaning people asking me how it's going; it would stress me out beyond belief. "Oh, you mean how much sex am I having that's failing to produce fetuses??" There's no polite way to respond to such a creepy/rude question.

And if people aren't aware we're ttc and I refuse a drink at a party or something and say it's cuz I just don't want one, no one will think twice. I feel like when we do finally get our bfp, I want it to belong to me and DH for just a little bit. Something so special about that thought.

Well me, DH and...all of you...

[HoneySpider]

Hmm GBCN ate my first post.

Basically I didn't want pressure, expectations, questions, etc.

When my brother and SIL announced she ws pregnant, it was hard for me (we had been trying a few months at that point) and I kind of wish I had at least "come out" to my mom so I could go to her for support.

Pretty sure if I don't get a BFP this cycle I am going to be a little more open about it....it's hard to struggle and have everyone just think that you haven't started trying yet.

[Deleted]

Ditto Wine. It's not really anybody's business, and I think even well-meaning inquiries would only put more pressure on us than we are already puting on ourselves.

Also, getting pregnant will affect the people I work with. I'm AD Air Force, and it would mean not being able to fly training missions or deploy, so it would mean more work for everyone else, and that someone else would have to leave their family for a few months because I can't. Don't get me wrong -- I'm not trying to get pregnant so I don't have to deploy!!! I've deployed three times before, and I have no problem with going back again. But if I always said, "We'll just wait till after this next deployment" then we'd NEVER start trying. So obviously the concept of "trying" to get pregnant is kind of taboo in my world. Whereas nobody can fault me if, oops, I get pregnant. I mean, if people asked, "Were you trying?" I wouldn't lie. But I wouldn't volunteer the information either. If that makes sense.

[noodleskooze]

Honestly? I wouldn't mind telling a few people, but we are young and feel like people would tell us to wait longer. It's not their decision to make though.

[berbles]

I'm almost 30 and have been married 5 years. I already get enough questions. I don't like people all up in my business. I didn't even like that MIL told all H's aunts/cousins about my cyst surgery. I don't want the whole family thinking about my uterus! Ick!

[Cheesecake]

I really don't want any questions. Within age and health issues, I don't know if it'll ever happen. If it doesn't happen naturally, it won't happen at all as even just clomid would be really really bad for my health and anything past that would be downright dangerous for me.
I know that if we tell people, they'll ask, and keep asking, and I'll just get depressed.

And really, it's non of their business anyways.

Also, as I mentioned in the original post, my parents can't keep secrets and would undoubtedly tell just 1 person, who would tell just 1 person and within 3 days everyone I know would know. Or my mom would post on FB, addressed to me, how she's excited or whatnot, and doesn't realize that all our mutual friends can see it too.

[Deleted]

I just feel like this is something between us. We're starting our family and I feel like that's something special we only get to do once. My H is really private too and I definitely want to respect his wishes too! I know that when we have kids our family and friends will all have opinions and advice, but for now, we get to do this our way without a lot of interference.

Like I said in the other post, my sister knows we're TTC. One time she got real pushy with me about how it was going and asked me if I was timing sex at the right time. I made it very clear that I didn't want to discuss the details with her, and ever since it's been ok. I can tell her to back off without it being a huge issue, but I couldn't handle it if others were all up in my business and asking rude questions and giving unsolicited advice about our sex life and my cycle.

[mkesweetie]

I tried to keep it from my mom and younger sister because I didn't want the pressure of everybody knowing, and wondering, and thinking every time I called it was "with big news!" and being disappointed when that wasn't the case. I told my older sister because I had questions, and wanted her to be able to help me figure out the temping/charting/O schedule.

Now that it's been so long, I've told the women in my family (and assumed my mom has told my dad, which is totally fine with me) because we're close, and I'm sad (when I think about it all) and I wanted them to know why.

[Deleted]

Oct 6, 2012 13:34:33 GMT -5 berbles said:

I'm almost 30 and have been married 5 years. I already get enough questions. I don't like people all up in my business. I didn't even like that MIL told all H's aunts/cousins about my cyst surgery. I don't want the whole family thinking about my uterus! Ick!

Yuck!!

My reasons are the same. My business!

[anonnani]

Honestly there was a kinda of shame in not being able to easily do what so many other woman did. So we told no one we were doing IF treatments for allllll the years we did it. We got so amped up and thought for sure the first try would be all we needed an when the treatment failed then we settled in on it would never work even though we continued on with it for years and since we didn't think it would ever work we never wanted the added pressure of others expectations.
And when we finally stopped all the fertility treatments and naturally concieved we finally outted the fact that we had tried for years and were unsuccessful.

[thoseareradishes]

I feel kind of weird lying about it when people ask, which is why I just say that yep, we are trying. The way I see it, we're married, in our 30's, and do want kids, so lying and saying oh, we're thinking about it, maybe in the future, hehe, just seems silly. Thankfully my friends and relatives (well, most of them) just smile and say that's great. They don't ask a bunch of questions.

People are going to pester me either way, so figure I might as well be honest. I think some people bug you less if you just say you are trying, rather then putting them off with fakey excuses about not trying now.

Obviously, everyone is different with their situations and why they choose to tell or not. This is just my explanation about why I don't mind telling people.

[FastHands]

I considered telling a few more ppl, but I had a (now proven) feeling that I would take even early "failures" hard. I am kind of a loud/sarcastic/humor-deflecting person. I don't deal well with being emotional around more than a few ppl, so I don't want to have to try to keep my shit together when ppl want an update. It was hard enough to update here.

[KaraOrNot]

At first, we really wanted to surprise people w/ a BFP. When we started dealing w/ IF, I was leaning towards telling our parents and close family, to stop the questions (we have been married for close to 7 years, so we get a lot of questions). However, H is really sensitive about it (we have MFI) and would prefer not to tell people, so I am respecting his wishes and continuing to keep it a secret.

[berbles]

Oct 6, 2012 16:38:29 GMT -5 skippingstones said:

Oct 6, 2012 13:34:33 GMT -5 berbles said:

I'm almost 30 and have been married 5 years. I already get enough questions. I don't like people all up in my business. I didn't even like that MIL told all H's aunts/cousins about my cyst surgery. I don't want the whole family thinking about my uterus! Ick!

Yuck!!

My reasons are the same. My business!

Yeah. I know she meant well and probably asked for people to pray for me; it wasn't just her being gossipy. But we attended his grandmother's funeral 2 weeks after my surgery and alllll the aunts and female cousins came up and gave me sad eyes, glanced at my abdomen and asked how I was doing/feeling. Awwwwkwarrrrrd!

[countthestars]

I don't want people to think about us having sex all the time.
I don't want people to ask me if I'm pregnant yet.
I don't want "suggestions" or "what worked for us"
My BFF's wedding is next year and she has made comments that she doesn't want a pregnant bridesmaid, so I feel like I shouldn't tell people.

[winecheery]

Oct 7, 2012 10:47:58 GMT -5 countthestars said:

I don't want people to think about us having sex all the time.
I don't want people to ask me if I'm pregnant yet.
I don't want "suggestions" or "what worked for us"
My BFF's wedding is next year and she has made comments that she doesn't want a pregnant bridesmaid, so I feel like I shouldn't tell people.

Right at this moment, that comment pisses me off. How stupid of her.

[littlemisschatty]

For all the same reasons above really ...only one BFF knows, and a couple of coworkers. I usually tell my mom everything, but I don't want her to know this. She thinks I'm still on the pill actually, and wants me to "get off the pill...you could get blood clots!" haha She is so cute!

I just don't want non stop questions that could lead to stress, if we do not get pregnant soon.

[berbles]

Oct 7, 2012 11:06:33 GMT -5 winecheery said:

Oct 7, 2012 10:47:58 GMT -5 countthestars said:

I don't want people to think about us having sex all the time.
I don't want people to ask me if I'm pregnant yet.
I don't want "suggestions" or "what worked for us"
My BFF's wedding is next year and she has made comments that she doesn't want a pregnant bridesmaid, so I feel like I shouldn't tell people.

Right at this moment, that comment pisses me off. How stupid of her.

Yeah, seriously. What a bitchy thing to say. As if her wedding is more important than other people's family planning.

[countthestars]

Oct 7, 2012 14:13:05 GMT -5 berbles said:

Oct 7, 2012 11:06:33 GMT -5 winecheery said:

Right at this moment, that comment pisses me off. How stupid of her.

Yeah, seriously. What a bitchy thing to say. As if her wedding is more important than other people's family planning.

Yeah. It pisses me off too but I know that she'll be really happy for me when it happens which is why I let it go. I just don't want her to know we are TTC because I think I would feel bad about it (and I know I shouldn't).

[rt2008]

We just don't want the pressure. Especially from DH's family. His family doesn't know how to keep their mouthes shut, and I know we wouldn't here the end of it if we told them. And his twin brother accidentally got his gf pregnant, so I feel they think it's really easy to get pregnant, and we wouldn't here the end of it from them either.

[SallySparrow]

I don't want people asking me about it. I don't want to have to worry about what people think if it takes a while. I especially don't want my mother calling me every day asking if I'm pregnant yet. lol This will be her first grandchild, she is super antsy.

[magpie]

At this point, I just don't want people's expectations up and I don't want unsolicited advice. I also don't want people asking me if I'm pregnant every time I eat a big meal or refuse a drink.

[purpleme]

I just can't stand it when people ask,
" what are you waiting for"
" you're not getting any younger"
"are you at least trying?"
" what do you have against kids anyway?"
" God made doctors you should go see one"

All that shiiit makes me stabby and plus it's my ute ... my buisness!

I'm not gonna tell them I've been trying forever....that my darn reproductive system is on the fritz!

I'm kinda pissy today! AF is due any day now...ughhhh

[blindyswife]

Oct 8, 2012 21:00:05 GMT -5 purpleme said:

I just can't stand it when people ask,
" what are you waiting for"
" you're not getting any younger"
"are you at least trying?"
" what do you have against kids anyway?"
" God made doctors you should go see one"

All that shiiit makes me stabby and plus it's my ute ... my buisness!

I'm not gonna tell them I've been trying forever....that my darn reproductive system is on the fritz!

I'm kinda pissy today! AF is due any day now...ughhhh

Ugh people are so dumb. This is why I'd never bring up the subject to anyone who wasn't my BFF or my sister. You just never know what is going on. We got a 'what are you waiting for?' before we had DS. Little did that person know, we had been trying for a little while, gotten pregnant, and had just had lost that baby. I wanted to punch him.

[awick14]

I don't want the pressure certain people would put on us.

Sil has 2 kids both on the first month trying. Mil said she was the same way. I'm not expecting to get pregnant that quick, so I feel like try would side eye me a little bit.

[awick14]

Oct 9, 2012 15:56:54 GMT -5 awick14 said:

I don't want the pressure certain people would put on us.

Sil has 2 kids both on the first month trying. Mil said she was the same way. I'm not expecting to get pregnant that quick, so I feel like they would side eye me a little bit.