Losing hope a little

[Cheesecake]

So temp was lower today at 11DPO and my luteal phase is 13 days so I'm afraid I'm out for this month yet again.
I'm slowly but surely starting to lose hope. This is my 6th cycle charting and timing sex and having sex at the exact right moments. I know the chance of getting pregnant isn't that big each month, but slowly I'm losing hope. I'm starting to wonder if we'll ever be able to get me pregnant.
Last month was likely a chemical pregnancy, but I don't know for sure. If it was it at least suggests that DH's sperm is capable of fertilizing my eggs, but what if that's it. What if I just can't get pregnant.

I know I should just go to my doctor and get things checked out, but I'm scared. I know being checked out doesn't change anything in what's possible or not, but I also know that I won't be able to handle it if I get told that it's going to be impossible - or difficult at least.

I know I'm not out for this month yet, it's just a slight dip in temperature, but my cycles all have been so similar that it almost scares me. Maybe I should just stop charting after a confirmed O. The 2WW is bad enough without reading into every little thing.

Sorry for the depressing post. Just needed to vent a little.

[winecheery]

Oct 7, 2012 9:18:16 GMT -5 Cheesecake said:

So temp was lower today at 11DPO and my luteal phase is 13 days so I'm afraid I'm out for this month yet again.
I'm slowly but surely starting to lose hope. This is my 6th cycle charting and timing sex and having sex at the exact right moments. I know the chance of getting pregnant isn't that big each month, but slowly I'm losing hope. I'm starting to wonder if we'll ever be able to get me pregnant.
Last month was likely a chemical pregnancy, but I don't know for sure. If it was it at least suggests that DH's sperm is capable of fertilizing my eggs, but what if that's it. What if I just can't get pregnant.

I know I should just go to my doctor and get things checked out, but I'm scared. I know being checked out doesn't change anything in what's possible or not, but I also know that I won't be able to handle it if I get told that it's going to be impossible - or difficult at least.

I know I'm not out for this month yet, it's just a slight dip in temperature, but my cycles all have been so similar that it almost scares me. Maybe I should just stop charting after a confirmed O. The 2WW is bad enough without reading into every little thing.

Sorry for the depressing post. Just needed to vent a little.

I'm sorry NL. I can understand your worries and fears. I'm always of the mindset that I'd rather know what's going on, so I'd be on the way to doctor if I was really starting to get concerned, demanding answers and tests...but I can totally appreciate you feeling deflated and scared, and not up for that kind of thing.

The 2ww is total crap, and I'm sorry it's stressing you out so much.

[HoneySpider]

Sorry you're feeling this way. I can totally relate I am in cycle 10 now and I kept thinking that it was going to happen, it just takes time. Well this cycle I decided it was finally time to make an appt with my ob/gyn to start exploring what the issue(s) may be. It was really hard to make that phone call - I had thought about doing it earlier but again, just kept thinking "oh it will happen, it takes some people a little bit longer that's all." I was afraid to find out what's going on incase it's something serious. I was also partially embarrassed, like it was my fault or something (obviously I know it's not, but who's thinking rationally by cycle 10?!)

Anyway, I finally called for the appt and they couldn't get me in for over a month anyway. I'm going Oct 31 which means this current cycle is my last shot at doing it on my own and after that we'll see what the doc says. I'm actually relieved I made the appt, plus I got a little bit of time to accept the fact that I have to go in for an "infertility consultation" as they call it. I'm looking forward to it now, to be honest. I think it's the right time to seek help and to move forward in figuring out what's going on.

Anyway, just want to say don't be afraid to reach out to your doctor. I totally get that it can be scary, but once I did it, I was glad I did.

(Of course, my opinion might change after I actually go to the appt)

[countthestars]

((hugs))

[SKP82]

I'm sorry you're feeling down. *hugs*

[thoseareradishes]

Sorry you are having a tough time NL. I can relate a bit, we are on our 5th cycle and seeing it not work is such a bummer.

Have you thought about getting your H in for a SA? I also agree about not temping during the 2ww, it just adds stress and doesn't really give you any additional info.

[Cheesecake]

Thanks ladies.
The reason I'm a little apprehensive about going to the doctor is that the only thing that could come out of it is that I can stop temping, charting, trying or anything, or not. There won't be any treatment plans made. If the result of SA or a workup on me is IF-issues, the answer will be, okay, sucks, this means we'll never have children.

I have a kidney disorder which means that I won't be able to get ANY IF-treatment. DH's age means that according to Dutch law, we won't be able to adopt. So an IF diagnosis is a 'never ever becoming a parent' diagnosis. I'm just not ready for that yet. It also explains why this all stresses me out so much.

What really sucks is that except for 1 person who I'm not very close to, every single person I know got pregnant super quick and easy. The 1 person who didn't get pregnant fast was someone who's husband was the problem, so got ICSI/IVF done and was pregnant and not even high risk or anything immediately. She froze the remaining embryos and got 1 more placed back and again, first try was a hit. So even the infertile couple got pregnant without any problem. Here I am, we've been trying for 7 cycles, charting for 6, knowing for sure that we timed sex just right and it's just not happening.

Anyways, after this cycle is finished I'll stop temping during the 2WW and I'm going to make an appointment with my doctor to at least talk about whether I should be testing or not as soon as AF arrives.

Thanks for all your support though, that really does help!

[berbles]

This is pretty much exactly why I don't temp. I'm sorry you're having a rough time, NL.

[Cheesecake]

We've tried both every day and every other day. Oh well

Sent from my phone, please disregard typos

[thatgirl2478]

I'm sorry.

FWIW we're on cycle 8, cycle 6 of well timed sex. If it doesn't happen this month, we'll be going to the twice a week model regardless of what the OPKs say and I'll be contacting my OB/GYN. DH is 41 - which means it could be him, but I'm 34 and slightly overweight so it could be me.

[tarheels]

May I ask how old your husband is? That Dutch law forbidding your husband to adopt makes me want to scream for you. I have a 51 yo friend adopting a 6 yo boy - she'll be 62 when he finishes high school. So what that she won't be around forever? Nothing guarantees that any of us will be around! The boy will have an incredible, loving home, and doesn't that matter so much more than age?

Is there any way around it? International adoption? Long-term fostering? Immigrating to somewhere that's not so ageist?

ETA - just checked the intro thread. He's 42?! That law is OUTRAGEOUS. I'm furious for you! How many people become first time parents in their 40s, and yet you want to do a wonderful thing for a child in need of a loving home and you aren't allowed to!? Furious, here, furious.

[Deleted]

:: NL :: I have no advice for you, but I have a shoulder for you if you need to vent anything out.

Or, H offers this gem:

Go to a high school party, get drunk and have sex in a closet.

I rolled my eyes at him for you in advance.

[winecheery]

Oct 7, 2012 18:29:48 GMT -5 skippingstones said:

:: NL :: I have no advice for you, but I have a shoulder for you if you need to vent anything out.

Or, H offers this gem:

Go to a high school party, get drunk and have sex in a closet.

I rolled my eyes at him for you in advance.

I might try this.

[KaraOrNot]

I know how scary and frustrating the unknown is. Hugs.

[thatgirl2478]

Those adoption laws are crazy . I'm sorry you have to go through this.

[Cheesecake]

I lol-ed for real at skips' H's advice. Uhm, yeah, it's probably worked that way for a bunch of my cousins, but I'm pretty sure the secret ingredient is having extra room in your body since it's not occupied by brain cells - not the bushes

The adoption thing is what it is. the Dutch government will not allow the adoption (international or national) if one of the parents is over 42 at the time of adoption. It can be extended to 43 as a max age IF the child that's being adopted is 6 or older. With the time it takes to figure out IF that's what we want, get a home study, figure out which country, go there twice, get a referral etcetera, DH will surely be too old.

International adoption would be the only way, because there just isn't any national adoption here. (NL is very laid back about birth control for young people, selling the morning after pill and getting abortions AND sex ed starts really early. Due to this, the teen pregnancy rates are extremely, extremely low. The few teen pregnancies we have are usually within a few very specific immigrant groups who actually choose to have children as a teen and would never give up their babies. Sounds racist, but it's true.)

Only about 2 to 6 children each year are placed for adoption in NL and usually they actually get adopted by grandparents, aunts uncles or someone like that. Between the countries that don't want me for my health and who don't want DH for his age and the Dutch law, it just isn't an option. Foster care would be, but honestly, being a foster parent in NL isn not something I want. You'll never be able to adopt the child, and you'll have to keep arranging visitation with the parents until the child is 18. It truly fucks up families like crazy. Parents in NL basically never lose their full parental rights. If they do, you can be sure that those kids are so severely F-ed up that I know we wouldn't be able or willing to handle that.

That said.
I just called my doctor, wanted to make an appointment for Wednesday, but the assistant said I could come in this afternoon. So I'm going at 2.40 today. Yikes!
(I'll need to see my GP for a referral to a gyno, it's the way insurance works here), so I said yes as that way I can't talk myself out of it anymore plus I haven't got enough time to drive myself crazy yet. I'll go for a pap smear (it's due anyways, and GPs do that here) and a referral to check out my uterus and such.)

Wish me luck!

[potatopie]

Good luck! T&Ps that it all goes well for you!

[sunflower22]

Good luck at the Dr!! I hope you get some good news ({) (})

[tarheels]

Good luck! And I still say their law sucks.

[winecheery]

Good luck! And agree that law sucks! International adoption too?? Seriously?

[Cheesecake]

Yep, it's really the Dutch court that needs to approve the adoption/make the child a legal part of your family, and they can't do that for "older" people.
I don't know if we'd want to adopt anyways, even if it'd be the only option. It's something that DH is less comfortable with (some bad adoption stories within his extended family, nature-nurture didn't match up kinda things). But the fact that we don't even need to discuss it is a bit bullshitty...

[HoneySpider]

Good luck!!

[Deleted]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Just remember it is completely normal for it to take up to a year to get pregnant. Hopefully it will happen for you soon.

The adoption thing is beyond nuts. If you are a US citizen, there are plenty of agencies here who would work with you, but it sounds like that would cause immigration issues and all kinds of problems with your country not recognizing the adoption. That is so stupid.